People: Yeah Being Outed Can Be Really Dangerous And No One Should Ever Be Outed Against Their Will

On statements like “kill all men”…

I remember once while I was still taking college classes, the professor (a cis man who liked having open discussions, teaching a very small class that was mostly cis women with I think one cis man and me, the openly trans man) decided to ask us a question that was definitely not an original idea but the point was to see what we’d say.

If we found a way to reproduce without sperm and decided to sterilize all people with penises and testicles and let them slowly die out to form an all-woman society, what would we lose?

Now, if you’re like me, you’re probably going to lose sight of the actual point of the question itself and get lost in the flaws built into it. If you’re not like me and you’re capable of disregarding the problems inherent within the question and engaging with it as intended, I’m going to ask you to not do that because that isn’t really the point of me sharing this story.

Probably much to the professor’s annoyance, I could not resist my urge to call attention to what I saw as glaring issues with this premise. I also, naively I guess, felt the ethical concerns of wiping out an entire group of people was obvious. So the first thing I said was

“This wouldn’t even actually wipe out all men, since trans men would still exist.”

Yes, there’s more issues. I didn’t get to say them all. This was the one I managed to get out and I wasn’t willing to cause a scene over this. I, definitely naively, thought that since I was the one trans person in the group, there would be some awareness that I had experienced and perspectives that the others hadn’t heard and they would be willing to listen. A cis woman was very quick to dispel that thought:

“No, they wouldn’t cause there would be no point [to being a trans man].”

And if that doesn’t say a metric fuck ton about how cis people view trans men, then the way absolutely nobody but me was willing to argue with her on this and the fact that cis people since then, especially cis women, have found ways to communicate the same sentiment in various other ways over and over again certainly fucking does. And it’s the blatant refusal to acknowledge how trans men are seen as “women trying to be men because misogyny/patriarchy” and not as actual trans people or as actual men (with us sometimes fitting into one category but not the other depending on who’s talking and what’s convenient for them in the moment) because the very people writing about trans men as non-trans-men are thinking of us in exactly the same way as well that leaves me finding every single thing talking about trans men that wasn’t written by a trans man as deeply lacking and ignorant of the realities of being trans men.

It’s been years since that day. I’m still frustrated. Not just by that moment alone but by how often it’s never directly said, heavily implied exactly once, but still made clear repeatedly in every other way that I’m not viewed as actually trans by some, not viewed as actually a man by others, not viewed as actually either by most, and at no point am I allowed to argue against it without someone, especially cis women, being quick to shoot me down with their willfully ignorant idea of a correction.

Now, this post was supposed to be about statements like “kill all men”.

“Kill all men - not you, though!” Yes, because you think I’m a woman playing dress up to escape misogyny and in your female supremacist fantasy utopia I’ll just detransition. After all, there’s no longer a point to all this that you can see. Can’t be that I have an internal sense of identity that happens to be best described as manhood and that being forced to be a woman is effectively erasing my actual identity in favor of some version of me you happen to like the idea of better, thinking I could ever be that when that version of me is nothing more than an idea and not actually me.

“Kill all men - including trans men cause I’m inclusive!” I guess KAM is technically shorter than “get back in the closet”. Because that’s the impact this has. You’re telling trans men to stay in the closet or get back in there if they’ve left. You’ve established that it’s not safe to be trans around you. As if it’s safe for any trans person to be anywhere. Look, we can agree that a trans man in the early stages of transitioning can, for short periods of time, pretend to be a girl for survival, and we can agree that a passing stealth trans man will likely be treated like a cis man as long as he stays stealth, but 1) this is not evidence of trans male privilege and you are a clown for thinking “having to closet yourself for safety” is anything other than proof of oppression, 2) trans men do not just look like butch cis women until their first T injection and then suddenly a beard shoots out of his face and his muscles instantly double in size, there is an in between point where you cannot pass as a cis woman or a cis man. There is no safety in being a trans man. Statements like KAM are going to impact us differently because in saying this you’ve made it clear that even in trans friendly spaces we’re not safe or welcome. We can either be trans and born-female but not real men and therefore okay or we can be men and gender traitors who know nothing about the magic sisterhood shared by all womyn and must be eradicated with all the cis men (ooh, maybe start with the trans men so we can give any lost egg trans sisters time to come out - we know trans men are men, but some of these “cis men” might not be!). The fact that you decided trans women are women and trans men are men (but not actually trans like trans women are) doesn’t make this better. It’s even worse if you’re not trans yourself and pulling this, cause you’re putting on a masquerade of acceptance and using it for violence, which I’m sure you won’t hesitate to wield against any trans women or possible-trans-men who step out of line.

And no, I don’t care that in this moment you’re not literally killing us. Cis women with these beliefs can use what social power they have over trans people as a whole to their advantage and take their man trauma out on us as they please and we have to walk on eggshells and expect nothing from them in response. We may not be dead but we’re sure as hell not being treated well.

“It’s just a joke, we’re just venting! Calm down!” There’s a time and a place for this, you know. A cis woman who just got sexually harassed by an older man and angrily telling her friend “I wish men would just die” is not really my enemy here. A trans man venting about an experience with a cis man being creepy, rude, transphobic, or all three is not a good time to say “men are gross and should die”. You’re using KAM jokes to distance yourself from your cis status (cis women are also guilty of being creepy, rude, and transphobic to trans people, including trans men) while also establishing the literal victim of a cis man’s behavior as being equal to the cis man in terms of how bad they are. You can put “kill all men” on your blog and say it’s a joke but if I put “die cis scum” or “I’m a cismisogynist” on my blog as a joke about the negative experiences I’ve had with cis people but especially cis women*, I know some of you will be up in arms about that.

* (keep in mind it’s not just casually transphobic comments, it was a cis woman who sexually assaulted me, it was a cis woman who manipulated me into a toxic relationship, it was a cis woman who outed me as trans at work by screaming about my genitals the second I told her I wasn’t planning on ever getting pregnant cause I’m a man and I’m not comfortable with the idea of getting pregnant, and there’s been too many cis women who see nothing wrong with weighing in on trans issues just to show how much they hate trans men because we’re men… or did they mean gender traitors)

RB to give prev a fresh and warm loaf of challah

deeply frustrating that 1. my poorly worded vent post about peoples' attitude towards forced pregnancy is the one being reblogged 2. people are comparing being forcibly impregnated with being forced to impregnate someone

those two things are utterly violating in different ways and i think comparing them undermines the unique ways in which both of them are violating and horrific because they are not the same

Looking at tumblr makes me anxious lately so sorry for not really replying to anything for a while. Just popping on cause I was thinking about early 00's culture, specifically how gender was marketed to children back then. If you were a girl, you were better than boys. If you were a boy, girls were worse than you. I don't think that was a healthy mindset to teach to children. I wonder how much it's affected the modern culture now that those children are adults?

I can't post this photo legally without permission but please...please......look at this precious jumping spider. I'm going to weep about it for three full days https://www.inaturalist.org/observations/37473927

I used to push against the idea and I still do to an extent but the anti-transmasculine crowd has gotten to the point where I really do feel like it's beginning to get on par with how prevelant and awful the aphobic crowd was back in the mid-late 2010s

not the same anon but here's a post with screenshots of a blatantly transmisogynistic ask that genderqueerdykes completely agreed with. pretty certain the original post was deleted after backlash

https://www.tumblr.com/coremilk/774757128066957312/pretend-you-didnt-see-that-this-is-a-level-of?source=share

Yeesh, thank you. I will unfollow them now. Thanks y'all for keeping us on our toes.

man, the transcourse out there is getting real exhausting. yes, transmisogyny is real. but also yes, transandrophobia is real. everyone go to bed.

So you hate pancakes ass moment fr

The average woman working in the healthcare industry cannot comprehend a transgender man existing.