Latest Posts by yumesanosuke - Page 8

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I'M DESPERATE ABOUT UR RENTAL AU CAN U GIVE US CRUMBS?? (not forcing btw)

My original idea was that the reader only became a rental partner because they were inlove with a host that influenced them to join the industry. But I wanted it to be more open so people can self project on the reader, so I scrapped that.

I'll spoil you some of the asks I got:

Luca is one of Andrew's friends, he got too suspicious and went through Andrew's cellphone and found out that reader is from a rental service. He thinks it's funniest thing ever, in his humble opinion. He kinda figured you were out of his league. So as a joke he decided to rent reader out but now he can understand why Andrew is always bringing you up in every conversation and creepily mumbling your name under his breath.

Ithaqua is one of your very first clients, he only rented you out because a fancy indoor rock climbing place offered a couples only get in free event, and he really wanted to go. But then he found himself enjoying your company, so he keeps renting you out. You guys had more a friend relationship that formed out of the rental service, he gained a crush on you and had a close relationship with you, but soon his jealousy catches up with him and he realizes he wants more and doesn't want you to a be rental anymore.

Joseph is also one of your longterm clients and also formed a relationship with you out of the rental service. It's more of a sugar daddy situation. He's one of the few yandere's of the harem that *isn't* delusional.

Eli just got out of a longterm relationship, and Norton cheers him up by letting him use his rental date with you, and quickly Eli finds himself booking you time and time again where the the lines are blurred between what's real and what's not. He actively believes your into him just as much as he is into you.

Stare.

I FORGOT I HAD THIS ACCOUNT

nikolaaaiaiiiiii 💞💞💞💞

TRASH SUGAR MAGIC

➛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 3: ʙᴀꜱᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪʟʟᴏᴡ

➛ nikolai gogol x fem!reader

➛ cw: explicit content, dark content, very suggestive, manhandling, mild fluff, mean!nikolai | words: 6.6k

➛ ao3 | spotify | main menu

“Get out, get out.”

Nikolai pulls you out of the car, still keeping his grip on your arm. He tugs you closer to him as he leads both of you to a diner located just not too far from his apartment building. The diner is lacking people, only a good handful of customers. He chooses the table at the corner, isolated from the rest.

“Sit here.” He says, shoving you to sit at the inside part, so you are sandwiched between the wall and him because he decides to sit beside you instead of across you. Since the diner is toasty warm, thanks to their heater, Nikolai unzips his jacket, taking it off. He drapes it on the chair before he sits beside you. You are about to take off your coat as well, but you remember you just have your loose baby blue dress on. It feels a little inappropriate since a lot of your skin is exposed. So you keep your hands to yourself.

A waitress comes to your table, giving menus. She seems to be middle-aged, with her grey hair sticking out. She wears a bun and a red and white polka dot apron. The waitress smiles at Nikolai, waiting patiently. But he spares no time to choose as he immediately orders without even opening the menu books. “Uh, give us two iced tea and two sets of lamb—”

Your tight grip on his arm halts his word. Nikolai’s head turns quickly to you, and his eyes leer down to his arm—his tattoos are peeking out from his sleeve. Your fingers are wrapped around him, squeezing. You say nothing other than pointing at one dish on the menu. Nikolai looks at it and it is just an image of chicken and mushroom pie.

“You little...”

“Please, Nikolai?”

Nikolai stares at you in disbelief before he sighs and looks at the waitress. “Yeah, two iced teas, one lamb pelmeni, and... this.”

“Anything else?”

“Nope, thank you.” Nikolai gives back the menus to the server and she suddenly chuckles playfully. She collects the menus and looks at Nikolai with amusement.

“You finally got a girlfriend, Kolya? She looks young.” She asks. Nikolai just waves at her dismissively, shooing her away. You only watch their interaction, revelling the fact that Nikolai and the waitress know each other.

“Do you know her?” You ask out of curiosity. Nikolai is silent, seeming to ignore you for a moment as he reaches for his phone in his pocket. You wait for your answer as your eyes are carefully examining him. You tuck his arm again, shaking it lightly to get his attention. Nikolai sighs.

“Yes... I’m a regular here. Her name is Olga. She is a gossip collector.” Nikolai replies. “You are a touchy one, aren’t you? Or is this a habit from your workplace? Do you touch those old men like this too?” He asks with a small smirk, glancing at your fingers fidgeting on his arm. He just realises that your nails are polished with a baby blue shade. It must be one of your ‘uniform’ or ‘style’ for your job yesterday.

“You are old too.”

“The fuck? Hey, being in your thirties is not old.” Nikolai huffs. He takes out a box of cigarettes and bites one out, lighting it up with his lighter. He takes a long inhale of it before he blows it slowly to the opposite side, away from you.

How considerate. How sweet.

Nikolai notices your sudden quietness and he glances at you, seeing you are just staring at him—with the same gaze you have been giving since last night. You seem to be in your own thoughts as your irises are roaming over his figure—from his body, to his legs, to his arms, to his face, finally meeting his eyes.

“You know, it’s already weird that you are warming up to...” he lowers the volume of his voice. “... your kidnapper. But you are certainly looking at me so so bizarrely. There’s no fear in your eyes, even though I just forced you to be here. It is something... Hmm...” Nikolai suddenly holds your jaw, tilting your head to the left and right as he glares directly into your eyes. “I can’t put my finger on it.”

“Adoration?”

Oh, that’s the word. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

“Yes, yes. Adoration. Why do you look at me so adorably? Your cute fucking eyes... You are attempting the impossible if you want to riddle with someone like me. After all, tricks could only bring you so far if you want to play with me.” He says before he lets go of your face. You yelp a little, touching your face, especially on the spot he just grabbed.

“I’m not trying to trick you...”

“Uh-huh. And elephants can fly, tigers can bark—”

“Some tigers could bark....”

“So you did go to school!”

“I graduated high school a few years ago....”

Nikolai blows a wave of cigarette smoke right in front of your face, causing you to whimper, coughing as you try to fan your hand rapidly. He laughs, enjoying his torment and your reaction. “I don’t care whether or not you graduated. Clearly, you’re not intelligent enough to be all buddy-buddy with your kidnapper, idiot.”

“Hey, hey, Kolya! What are you bullying your girlfriend for?” Olga appears with a tray of food and drinks, serving them the ordered dish. Nikolai groans, irritated when she teases him.

“She’s not my girlfriend, Olga. Stop feeding your own delusions and get yourself a husband. Goodness, at your own age...” Olga gasps in disbelief and she hits Nikolai’s shoulder—not too hard, but not too light either.

“I’m just trying to be happy for you! Especially when you just disappear for years!” She exclaims loudly, receiving a curious look from another customer several feet away. Nikolai grumbles. Noticing his irritation, Olga chuckles. “Okay, okay, enjoy your meal.”

As she leaves, Nikolai gives you your meal, but your attention is still on her and then Nikolai. Olga does look much older, evident by her faint wrinkles. Nikolai presses the cigarette butt in the ashtray on the table before he starts eating. His expression is boring. It seems like he is already sick with the taste of this diner's lamb pelmeni.

“Stop looking around like a fool and eat your food. You said you're hungry.” Nikolai nudges your shoulder. You nod, giving him a smile that goes unseen. You pull the chicken and mushroom pie closer to you and reach a fork. It is a bit uncomfortable to eat because you are quite hot—you still have the puffer coat on and the diner is already warm and only getting warmer.

You are sweaty and you feel bad that you are basically dirtying his puffer coat—it must be difficult to wash too. You wonder if Nikolai even has a washing machine in his house. Furthermore, you did not even see one in the bathroom and you have yet to explore his kitchen.

It is fine—you have more time to spend with him.

You enjoy your meal, sometimes taking a peek at the man beside you. He is still fixated on his phone, browsing a site you could not manage to focus on. You lean closer—almost resting your head on his shoulder—trying to steal a view of the screen, and you see some images of trains.

“Oi,” Nikolai turns to you and you only smile at him cheekily.

“What's that on your screen?”

“Eat your food.” He taps your plate with his fork, dismissing your question. You do as he tells, taking another bite from the pie—it is probably one of the most delicious pies you have ever tasted. But you are still eager to talk to him.

“Why haven't you seen Ms. Olga for years? Aren't you from here?” You ask curiously. Nikolai blinks profusely at your question. He hesitates and you are patient. Nikolai wants to ignore you again, but your subtle shake on his arm halts him.

“I'm from Ukraine. It's just... I have lived here for years.” Nikolai says slowly. His adam's apple throbs and he looks away. “I got into prison, that's all. That's why she didn't see me for a while.”

“Oh! Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why were you in prison?”

Nikolai turns to you, glaring deeply into your eyes, seeking any sign of trickery. He sighs, drinking his iced tea awkwardly. He is constructing words in his head, filtering what should not be said to you. But he does not really want to tell you things about him—besides, you are practically a stranger.

“Got convicted because I murdered a girl in a baby blue dress who worked in a bar.” He attempts to tease with a threatening tone, to evade the whole topic at once. You squint confusedly before chuckling.

“Does that mean you will keep me alive? I mean, you don't want to go back to prison, right?”

Nikolai grunts—how the hell do you get to that conclusion, he does not even know. You seem to enjoy his reaction though, by the way you giggle. Annoyed, Nikolai seizes your jaw, pushing your cheeks together—puffing your lips. He turns your head so you would face your plate again.

“Please shut up.”

— ♡

After lunch, Nikolai, obviously, paid for the meal and once again, he drags you to another location—a hypermarket as he really needs some groceries. Nikolai wants to limit his appearance in public, and he wants to stay inside the house as much as possible. Besides, dining outside is much more expensive and he needs to save some money for his ultimate goal.

“You stay close. And don't make a scene.” He commands, stern and strict. You nod obediently and Nikolai steps into the hypermarket, followed by you. He reaches for a basket, holding it with his left hand while his right hand is resting in the pocket of his jacket.

Nikolai looks around the market, striding casually as he is making mental notes on what to buy for his house. He also needs to buy extra things for you during this short period of time you are staying with him. He has not properly counted the cash notes Viktor gave to him yet but it probably has been spent on the lunch earlier.

“Hm?” Nikolai feels something slither into the crook of his right arm and he looks to his side, seeing your hand is clutching his arm and you are scooting closely against him. He frowns—he does not mind a woman being this close to him but he literally just kidnapped you last night, no more than a complete day. And yet the glint in your eyes shows little to no defiance, even when he has been rough to you all day.

“You told me to stay close.”

Witty. I don't know if I like it.

“If you're trying to get into my pants as your grand plan to escape, I'd say rethink again.” He says nonchalantly. You jerk your head at him, flustered.

“N-No! No, I won't do such things...”

Nikolai cackles. “Yeah, sure, you won't. Bet you wanna try the same tactics you did to your customers in the bar, huh?” He scoffs and you immediately shake your head, tugging his arm harder.

“I have never done that. I don't have... tactics...”

Nikolai glances at you, eyebrow raised. He looks at your body up and down—and his stare feels piercing. Despite the puffer coat still covering your body, it feels like he is seeing through you.

“Okay... Okay, I get it.” He mumbles before he looks straight ahead and keeps walking. You hold strong onto his arm as you try to match his pace, turning to him.

“You get what? What do you mean?”

He continues to say nothing as he walks to the dry food section. You follow him closely, avoiding people who sometimes bump into you. You pout—Why don't they bump into Nikolai instead? Does he look too intimidating? Is he too noticeable with that white fluffy hair?

Nikolai stops in front of a shelf of canned foods. He takes some of them, after checking the expiration date of course. You also look around and you see a row of chicken and mushroom soup. You gasp happily, taking two of them and putting them into the basket.

“What the... I don't say you could take anything. I am the one spending my own shit.” Nikolai protests, taking back the cans and putting them on the shelf. You scrunch your nose, dissatisfied. But you make no move of trying to take the soup again.

However, when Nikolai is about to leave the section, you quickly snatch a can of chicken and mushroom soups and put it into the basket. He certainly hears the clanking noise of the cans in the basket as he looks at you and sighs.

“Just this one.” He says. You nod and link your hand to his arm again, following his steps. Nikolai tries to focus back on his task while also keeping you close to him. He knows he needs some more hygiene products, so he decides to go to that section. And for some reason, the section is crowded with people.

“Geez, is it World Cleaning Day or something? Why is everyone here?” He grumbles to himself, frowning when his basket keeps bumping with people. He tilts his body left and right, avoiding people to reach for a bottle of dish soap on the shelf. He manages to grab one—which is the cheapest option. He does not bother to spend his time choosing between brands or anything.

“Okay, done. Let's...”

His word trails off when he finally realises the lack of a human touch on his arm. Nikolai's face turns pale. He turns around, hoping you are just behind him, but instead, he just sees some random people choosing products. He turns to the left, to the right—and he cannot see you. He wishes he could detect you by your baby blue dress, but he remembers he has lent his puffer coat to you—the similar coat that seventy percent of the customers in this hypermarket wear.

Well, fuck.

— ♡

“Fucking hell, where the heck is she...” Nikolai is hasty. He has been scouring the food section and the hygiene section twice now. But he still has not found you. He is already tired of walking around this establishment like a fool. And he does not want to look obviously anxious. He is aware that he is already in the hypermarket's security camera footage by now.

Nikolai huffs, eyes scanning every person that comes into his view. But neither of them are you. He is about to give up and call Viktor to report his situation—but he then sees a staircase just beside a lift, hidden behind a big shelf of seasonings and spices. He approaches it, noticing a signboard that has an arrow pointing up with the phrase 'Clothes, House Appliances, Electronics'.

He does not think you could have ventured upstairs but he needs to take a chance—if you want to escape, wouldn't you just go straight to the exit? There is no exit on the second level, but you might have been hiding and waiting for him to leave or something before you make your move.

“This little...” Nikolai takes a deep breath, swallowing his anger and frustration before he steps onto the stairs, slowly making his way up. The second level is quieter. He could only see some customers and some workers, but all of them were far apart from each other.

That means he would either find you or confirm that you are not up here.

Nikolai gets tired of carrying his fuckass basket, so he puts it on one of the closed counters. The worker does not even bother giving him a glance or a warning—they are more busy calculating things from invoices.

He walks around, eyes sharp and precise as he scans the area. He checks the electronics and house appliances sections but his effort is futile. It lacks people and the shelves are quite far apart from each other. Nikolai thinks—he would not try to hide here at all since it is obvious.

He moves to the clothes sections. Sometimes the employees greet him, trying to promote their sales but he is not interested at all. Nikolai does however stop for a bit in the male outerwear section, skimming the jackets and coats on display.

“This one is on discount, sir.”

A staff member suddenly says to him, out of nowhere, flinching Nikolai. Nikolai finds his words stuck and he just smiles stiffly. “O-Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just... looking around.” He says and he walks again in between the shelves of coats and jackets.

However, the staff could not stop following him, with her kind faux smile—Drop it, lady. I know you're tired of working in this shit.

He mentally curses the staff—he could not find you if the staff keeps following him. Nikolai walks away from the male clothes section and the staff finally leaves him—she perhaps works in that section only. He ventures his way to female clothes, eyeing the dresses and the blouses.

Nikolai is almost distracted—that is bad. He sighs at his carelessness, tapping his own head lightly as he looks around the female section. He feels awkward by the judging glances of some customers when he walks around the section—he does not blame them though.

He grumbles under his breath, still not seeing you.

But suddenly, his body is jerked forward slightly, by a strange weight bumping against his back. A pair of arms wrap around his body, hugging him close.

“Nikolai..! I thought I lost you!”

He freezes.

Nikolai turns around. His eyes are wide when he sees you. You look relieved but Nikolai is just too annoyed. He yanks your arms away from him and grips you by your neck—and fortunately, you two are covered by the racks of clothes.

“The fuck are you thinking? I told you to fucking stay close to me, didn't I? You stubborn brat.”

“I-I am sorry... I was trying to find you as well...”

“And you ended up stranded up here? Bullshit. You're trying to save your ass.”

“I swear..! I was trying to hold you but there were a lot of people and... and I accidentally let you go... and then you were gone!” You urgently explain yourself. Nikolai clicks his tongue and shakes his head. He lets go of your neck and looks around. Fortunately, no one is looking.

“Please, trust me... I never intend to leave you...” Your arms are itching to hug him again by how they crawl back on his body. Nikolai glances at you and exhales loudly. He takes your arm and pulls you along with him.

“We're leaving now. I'm so tired of dealing with you. Do something funny and I'll use my gun.” He threatens as he practically drags you to the closed counter to take back his basket. However, he sees that there are additional things added to his cart now.

Some dresses and underwear.

Nikolai scoffs in disbelief—more things to pay? Fuck no. He takes one of the panties—red—hanging it on his finger, smirking. “This yours?”

You shriek in embarrassment as you take the panties and put them back in the basket. “Don't...” You mumble. Nikolai snorts scornfully. “I-I... Uh... I saw the basket first before I saw you...” You say sheepishly.

“So you came up here to get new clothes? Oh, you spoiled little doll. You are smart enough to take advantage to get yourself new crap but not smart enough to escape when I'm not looking. Do you not even think about your freedom for once? People like you disgust me.” Nikolai scowls and he takes out the dresses and the underwear from the basket, putting them on the counter.

“W-Wait...! I need those—”

“You don't fucking need these overpriced dresses.”

“Please! Just... Just the underwear.” You grip his hand, stopping him. Nikolai looks at you and you cannot bear to face him as well. Your other hand clutches your coat as you look away, face flushed with embarrassment. “I really need them, please...”

But instead of sympathising, Nikolai bursts out a short laugh, mocking. “Oh yeah, you haven't showered since yesterday. What? Is your panties getting soaked or something now? Have I ever told you that that isn't my problem?”

“W-Why are you being mean?” You protest, lips pouty.

“Because you just pulled whatever stunt you did just now, shopping for shits you thought I'd gladly pay,” Nikolai replies harshly before he fully takes out your stuff. He takes the basket as if he is about to leave, but you are stubborn enough to block his path and firmly clutches his jacket.

“Just the underwear. Please, Nikolai... Please. I really need them. After that, I won't ask for anything else.” Your pretty lips are begging him as you lean closer to him while clutching his jacket. He stares at you—Nikolai could not deny it any longer and he is practically screaming into the void in his head right now. Your doe fucking eyes are his weakness—and he hates it. He hates you for being able to sway his heart, turning the heartbeat that is supposed to be synchronous into discordant.

He gets it now. He knows why you are working as an escort. If he was a manager, he would hire you right there and then.

Or perhaps you are just attracted. —His heart suggests.

“Nikolai?”

Your voice snaps him out of his short-term silence. That sweet voice, those pretty eyes, those adorable lips—Nikolai hates them.

“Fine.”

You giggle happily and Nikolai once again defeatedly sighs. He watches you putting back the underwear into the basket and when you are about to put in one of the dresses, he immediately grabs your wrist. “Not that.”

“Okay, okay.” You put away the dress and as you are done, Nikolai takes the basket and motions his head at you, silently telling you to stay close. You once again link your hand on his arm and both of you finally get downstairs to pay for the stuff.

As the cashier is scanning the items, Nikolai notices that there is another strange addition to his cart—a very small bottle of baby blue nail polish. He is about to lash out when he turns to you—only for you to quickly look away, pretend fool.

And so, Nikolai could only watch bitterly as the cashier put the nail polish into the plastic bag.

— ♡

“Hello, baby boy! How are you doing now? Gah... it's been eight hours since I left you and I'm already worried!”

“Viktor... stop talking like that.” Nikolai cringes as he peeks at the clock—indeed it has been eight hours since Viktor left and Nikolai is already fatigued by what happened today. It has just been one night since you were kidnapped and you have created so many plights. Right now, you are showering and coincidentally, Viktor calls him.

“Ugh, as cold as usual, but not that usual! I know you are still salty that you got arrested but that's like a year ago! What has passed is past! Or something like that. Anyway! Don't be sad anymore, yeah? I have a job for you now.” Viktor says before he quickly proceeds to explain the job to Nikolai. Nikolai only listens intently as his other hand is jotting notes.

“And... yeah, that's all. I'll look into important stuff and send it to you before tomorrow morning, as usual.”

“Alright. Thanks.” Nikolai says but before he ends the call, Viktor asks another question again. However, his voice is a whisper.

“Is the girl good?”

You. He's asking about you.

“She's a bit troublesome in a way... Please, just get the loan sharks to act quickly before I lose my sanity.” Nikolai complains, biting the pen as he remembers what happened today in the hypermarket. He would not tell that to Viktor.

“I contacted them just a few hours ago. No response. Probably there will be tomorrow. Just be patient.” Viktor replies. Then his voice drops a few octaves. “By the way, I also got news from the hacker you told me to find.”

“What does he say?”

“He agreed to help with the security camera thing. I don't know... But he does want to discuss further about it and I just give him your number. He's kinda sad that we aren't in St. Petersburg though because he's based there.”

“It's fine. I'll talk to him... Thanks for your help. I'll treat you something someday.” Nikolai replies with a satisfied smile. His progress is going well now.

“No problem, dude. But why do you want access to the security camera program in St. Petersburg? I thought you just wanted to move there for... I don't know, better life I guess.” Viktor asks casually. Nikolai purses his lips. He never tells Viktor about Fyodor but Viktor does know about Nikolai wanting to go to St. Petersburg, which is the sole reason he is always eager to do more dirty jobs.

“Long story, Vik.” Nikolai just says that.

“Well, you better spill me the tea! I want— Whoops, Nastasya is calling for me. Alright, I'll go now. Bye-bye!”

“Bye...”

Nikolai tosses his phone on the bed—he is in his bedroom now, sitting on the edge of the bed. As his attention is no longer on the phone, he is finally aware of a foreign weight on his bed, as if something is behind him. He turns around and he jumps slightly in surprise when he sees you kneeling on the mattress, with nothing but a towel wrapped around your naked body.

“What the hell! Why are you sneaking up on me like that? And why are you like this?” Nikolai scolds you, clutching his chest—and his heart is fast. So fast. And it is not even because you are sneaking up on him. It is mostly because of something else.

“I need a sleepwear.”

He swallows hard, eyes wandering naughtily over your exposed soft skin. They look soft, and you look inviting. Nikolai swears something flips in his stomach, thousands of butterflies crawl out from their cocoons. You smell fresh and fragrant, almost similar to his own whenever he is out of the shower too. He glances down at your exposed thighs—and they are just as cute as they are in a pair of white stockings.

“Nikolai?”

Stop saying my name with that voice.

“Sleepwear, yeah. Right, you incompetent dolly brat. You just can't sleep in the same dress for a second night, can you?” His sarcasm does not sound quite right—his throat is breathy and his voice turns out a little shaky. He gets to his closet, pulling out a baggy old t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He throws them in your direction and once again, he just has to look away at the sight of you kneeling on the bed.

“There. Go change in the bathroom.”

You quietly get off the bed with the shirt and shorts in your hands. As you walk past him, Nikolai is still turned away, not wanting to look at you. He notices from the corner of his eyes that you pause at the entrance, silently observing him.

“Why won't you look at me?”

He swears you are now doing this on purpose—are you attempting to seduce him? To tease him? To anger him? To annoy him? He does not understand what are you trying to do—and it has not even been a complete day since he kidnapped you.

What's your plan? What are you trying to do? What game are you playing?

“Don't bother me. Go get change and then wait on the couch.”

“Yes, sir.” You blithely say before you disappear into the bathroom again, not aware of how havoc Nikolai is now internally.

He palms his face, fighting the urge to screech. He rests his head against the closet door as his hand slowly trails to his crotch.

Hard.

Harder.

— ♡

Nikolai made a mistake.

He should have looked better at the garment he gave you. He knew he gave you a baggy old tee but he did not expect that the shirt would be the thin one. You are just sitting in front of him, eating the cheap meal he prepared but he does not know why you look so alluring right now.

Perhaps because he can see the visible outline of your breasts beneath that thin t-shirt.

Nikolai knows from his previous relationship that some—or perhaps most—people prefer to not wear bras especially when at night and at home, but now he wishes you are one of the minorities.

His lust is tickled. He tries his best to fixate his eyes on your face but somehow they keep trailing down to take a peek through the collar—he could already see your soft plump skin from this angel, and he desires to see more.

Unfortunately, Nikolai does have a thing for having someone else wearing his clothes.

“Nikolai,”

“Huh? What?” Nikolai coughs, rubbing his lips before he averts his gaze elsewhere. He does not want to look at you and he certainly does not notice the frown you are giving him.

“Hmm... Why won't you look at me? I wanna ask a question.”

“Just fuckin' ask.”

“But it's more respectful to have a conversation if we focus on one another.”

“What the hell are you trying to sound smart for? You're such an attention-seeking brat.” Nikolai grumbles, still not looking at you as he feeds himself another spoonful of his food.

“I do like attention, actually...” You grin. “I mean... I don't really have friends or someone to talk to at home... So I like it when people pay attention to me...” You say sweetly—your voice is just like a ray of eternal sunshine, sometimes annoying, sometimes soothing.

“Can you please pay attention to me, Nikolai? Please, please? Pretty please?”

Nikolai takes a deep breath. The way you are begging him—well, not really begging—has his heart doing a whole spin and twist. He reluctantly looks at you and you squeal in delight, giggling. Nikolai purses his lips quickly as he swears he almost smiles at your reaction, especially with the warm fuzzies in his stomach upon hearing your giggle.

“What?” Nikolai asks and you clasp your hands.

“Have you met the loan sharks my father is indebted to? Honestly, I have never seen or met them. I just know he got a lot of money at some point.” You ask. Nikolai rests his face on his hand, propped on the table.

“Actually I am not in direct contact with them. Naturally, I also never see them. Viktor probably has though.” He replies. “I only know some important details.”

“Ooh...” You nod before you lean forward. “Do you know how much money my father owes them?”

Nikolai smirks playfully. “Five.”

You tilt your head, confused. “Five... Five what? Five... hundreds?” Nikolai says nothing other than a shrug of his shoulder, gesturing to you to take a guess. “Five hundred dollars?”

“Rubles.”

“Five hundred rubles?”

Nikolai clicks his tongue. “Who the fuck owe five hundred rubles to loan sharks? Come on, be logical! We are talking about loan sharks here.” He says, nudging your temple. You whine at his hard nudge, rubbing the spot on your skin as you pout slightly.

“Well, how would I know? I never owe people money!”

“You think a group of people would hunt your dad if he owes them five hundred rubles?” Nikolai scorns, shaking his head in disappointment—though it does look more like a teasing gesture.

“Okay... five hundred thousand maybe..?”

“Five million.”

Your jaw hangs wide open, shocked. Your eyes waver all over his face, seeking any trace of trickiness. But Nikolai looks too serious when he says that and you wonder if he is just a good actor or he is telling you the truth. “Uhm, five million... rubles?”

“Yes, dolly. Five million rubles.”

“Really? You aren't lying to me?” You ask again—five million rubles are just a lot. One million could perhaps buy you a nice apartment in a busy city like Moscow, perhaps a car—a used car, much cheaper. You need to work for about five hundred months just to get that amount if you only depend on your base salary in the bar. That does not include the constant stealing from your father though. You would take much longer than five hundred months if your father steals five months' worth of your own money for his selfish self.

“Well, actually he just borrowed two million and five hundred thousand from them and then he ran away for about eight years, right?” Nikolai looks at you for confirmation, to which you nod hesitantly. “So, yeah, the amount increased over the years and currently ended up over five million.”

“But that doesn't make sense? Why would they increase it?” You ask. Nikolai stares at you, eyes squinted. For a short five seconds, his eyes leer down to your body before they travel up again.

“These particular loan sharks have their interest rate at fifteen percent per year. So, the money your father borrowed will increase by fifteen percent every year when he doesn't pay back.” He explains as he crosses his arms. “Fifteen percent out of two and a half million is like... err... three... uh, three hundred seventy five thousand..? You do the math, doll. Times that amount by eight years and well, you got five million. To be exact, five million and a half.”

You blink, no words leave your mouth. You are not speechless because of how much money your father owed and how high the stake actually is between him and the loan sharks. No, you are more amazed by this man, your kidnapper.

“Nikolai, you are so smart!” You say, amazed. You lean forward, eyes glimmering in awe, which makes Nikolai turn baffled. “How do you know all that stuff? Have you worked in a bank before? Did you go to college? Which college? I'm— Well... I couldn't afford to go to one, but I would really love to if—”

“Why is that the thing that you catch on? Did you even listen to what I just explained?” Nikolai asks, jarred. “And I know I am smart. I'm not dumb like you.”

“I don't think I'm dumb though. It's just... I'm educationally restricted.” You grin as Nikolai snorts at your response.

“Well, you basically said you're dumb. Though, I admit that is a smart phrase.” Nikolai smiles as he finishes his food completely before reaching for a bottle of vodka sitting on the table and pouring it into his cup. You try to reach for the vodka as well but he quickly drags it close to him, practically hugging the bottle for himself. He even smacks your hand mildly strong, enough for you to retract your hand.

“Stop calling me dumb... I went to school!” You say, sulky. Nikolai bursts a short cackle, kicking your leg beneath the table. You wince in pain, bringing your legs away from his small kicks.

“Yeah, no. You're dumb because you're not even thinking of your freedom and survival right now. A smart fucking person won't sit nicely with their kidnapper, dumb doll.” He says harshly before he chugs another shot of vodka. You look at him—eyes vacant.

“I... I am thinking of my freedom right now, no? I'm free from my father. That's why I p-prefer it here... Isn't that enough?”

Nikolai pauses. He says nothing other than gazing at you. Your lips part, as if you want to say something but you quickly close them tightly. The air of awkwardness is radiating through the deafening silence.

“Get up. Playtime is over.” He says strictly before he gets up and walks to you. He takes your arm and practically drags you away from the small dining table—it could just fit three people since one side is against the wall. You follow Nikolai quietly.

He pushes you to the bed and takes out a rope from beneath the bed. He kneels right in front of you and proceeds to tie your ankle before he ties the other end to the bed's leg.

“Nikolai, can I ask something? Please?”

“What?”

“How long am I going to stay here?” You ask as your hand gently touches his shoulder. Nikolai swallows nervously before he takes your hand off his shoulder, but he holds it firmly in his grip.

“Until the loan sharks find your dad and retrieve you for their agenda.”

“Do I have to do anything while I'm here with you?” Your voice sounds kind but it bothers Nikolai somehow. He expects his prey for this job to be hard to deal with and would rebel the fuck out of their heart, but no. No, you are just too nice and tender, even for your kidnapper.

He does find it interesting, but he does not want to indulge himself any further in trying to figure you out.

No time to waste for another person. He needs to satisfy his own anger that has been dormant for years, ever since he was thrown into prison.

“Nikolai?” Your voice shakes him out and shakes him thunder when he feels your hand on his hair. His breath hitches and he can physically feel his heart being gripped just the same way your fingers are entwined between the strands of his hair.

“D-Don't. Don't touch me.”

You pull your hand away before you hold your hands together. “Sorry... They just look... so soft and fluffy...”

Fuck, Nikolai wonders if his face is red now because unfortunately—again—he does have a thing for having his hair touched and played with.

“Nikolai, do I have anything—”

“I heard you. Don't repeat. Well, uh... You don't have anything to do. Sleep and wake up whenever you like. Preferably sleep until you skip breakfast and lunch so I don't have to feed you.” He says and the syllables are being thrown so fast that he wonders if you even understand him.

But you nod.

“One more selfish request... Do you have anything I can use to entertain myself with...? Maybe like... books or something? Or magazines?”

He clicks his tongue—oh, now you demand a lot. Nikolai stands up straight and pushes you to lie down on the mattress by your neck. His action, however, causes the collar of the baggy old shirt you are wearing to slip to the side, almost revealing a good amount of skin of your cleavage.

“Goodness, you are so...” Nikolai could not finish his words. He just rakes his hair back and sighs. “Fucking go to sleep. I'm not gonna deal with you anymore. Don't demand shit like I'm a sugar daddy you met in the bar.” He says before he turns to leave.

“O-Okay, my apologies...”, You say softly as he walks off. A sense of relief seeps into his heart when his babysitting job has come to an end—at least for today. But his steps stop when you say,

“Good night, Nikolai. Thank you s-so much... for today.”

Nikolai says nothing. He turns off the light and leaves the room. The clock is still ticking approaching late night. He needs to clean the dishes before going to the bathroom to prepare for bed. But he finds himself squatting by a big storage box right beside the television cabinet. He opens the box, rummaging through it.

Only to take out several books and magazines that have not seen the light since forever.

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

my matthias just had been running with bear toy pet and detective plushie and I thought it is quit suitable

and why stories of many characters in idv somehow connected with fire

You know those illustrations from the old times where people predict what inventions will be made in the future? Like when people think we would have flying cars?

Imagine the survivors/hunters questioning you things like "is there a robot broom? A self making coffee machine?" All the other shenanigans

(just search and you'll see)

i took way too long to answer your ask Seth oooh my bad 😭😭 I think you're talking about retrofuturism, or maybe just the instinct that humans have of thinking about the future.

I think that player would be bombed with questions, there is at least 10 fucking dm's on their game, now if they get into the game? Oh, the most organized way to answer all of their questions would be to arrange a meeting where they take turns to ask you questions. Some of them have high expectations, while others are subtly interested, it's a subject that everyone has thought about and so that brings a lot of the residents to chat with you. Expect a few disappointed sighs when you tell them that no, flying cars do not exist but at least we do have coffee machines.

—

You don't know how you got into this situation, answering 101 questions in the main hall while you were supposed to be asleep, while everyone else is in their 5th sleep but you are stuck with the rambling Luca Balsa that runs his mouth like you're a celebrity and he is the interviewer with 5 minutes to have all his questions answered. And as much as you should be annoyed by him keeping you awake for so long, you can't. He is shining, reveling on the million possibilities and ideas, eyes gleaming with the newfound knowledge and a smile that just seems to remind you of how charming he could be if he wanted.

He has been sitting on the opposite sofa until now, crossed leg dangling back and forth as he glances at you to ensure that you're listening. You blink once, twice, and there is additional weight on your right side. Although in a safe distance, he remains with you, his voice clearly overfilled with enthusiasm yet so calm. He interrupts himself with a small "oh," before you hear his next words.

"My apologies, perhaps I talked too much! Mind if I walk you back to your room? You can get lost. Please, I insist. Under this prisoner uniform I'm still a gentleman."

is this how you write for luca balsa cuz im clueless as fuck

Can you make a 'Jealous of their mini version' with Jack, h!Melly and fools gold? (if they had one) will be so glad to read them :)

Of course!! I’ve been busy being consumed by Baldur’s Gate III so this is late by a long shot.

Jack, Hunter Melly, Hunter Norton being jealous of their mini pet version

Warnings: slight jealousy

Jack

He’s amused, to say the least. You can’t get enough of him, so much so that you’ve decided to purchase a little version of him to follow you around when he’s not there. Unlike others, he won’t be too jealous, and is willing to pamper it alongside you, treating it like a child.

‘Oh my sweet robin, it looks like you’ve been missing me. Well, don’t you worry; there’s enough of me to go around. This little darling can’t be much of a replacement, hm?’

Of course, if he finds you spending more time with little Jack than with him, jealousy settles in. He’ll court you, all gentlemanly and saccharine. Expect flowers, poems, being treated better in matches, and maybe even a painting. Holding the door open for you, kissing your hand… you get the picture.

‘You did so well in that match… Sure, I wasn’t there, but I’m certain you did well, dove. Would you like to enjoy this wine with me as celebration? If not, may I interest you in some of my cooking?’ (You’ll have to supervise his cooking, though)

There isn’t much pettiness, as he understands why you’d buy a mini Jack, and that it’s more available to you than him, being a hunter and all. He does have a photo of you that he carries with him at all times, after all, but he might get jealous over the fact you actively spend time with mini Jack than him. Sure, it’s a pet you need to take care of, but he’d prefer it if you invite him over a bit more frequently.

Hunter Melly

She’s a bit more possessive of you than her survivor counterpart, and is a bit ruthless. She doesn’t mind locking away little Melly so she could have the entire day alone with you, nor does she mind resorting to threatening the little pet. However, she’s not a total savage, and is willing to raise it like a child.

‘Honey, as much as I enjoy your company evermore when we’re alone, perhaps this little pet you have isn’t so bad. We should give it a proper name, not just Little Melly.’

Bitter jealousy still settles in her ribcage like acid reflux, though, and she’ll find any excuse to get you to have greenhouse dates, as the mini pet would get lost, it’s little legs and short perspective unable to find its parents in the maze. She’ll pick flowers and tell you their meanings all the while ignoring that nagging sense of guilt.

However, she finds that little Melly has its uses, such as observing small details on her insects, and finding new species within the greenhouse. She’ll treat the pet a bit better, and there are some times when you find her giving all her attention to it.

‘This little sweetheart has done wonders to my research. It was a good choice to purchase it. You have my gratitude.’

Hunter Norton

He understands that you’re not all his, and that he should be nice and respectful of his lover, but he just has the instinct to hold things dear to him so tightly that his ribcage wraps around them. There’s an ill feeling in his throat and he can’t swallow and his rock fingers twist knobs into the table.

‘What’s going on, darling? Oh… that little thing. I see. Suppose I should leave you to it, then, since it’s obviously better company that me.’

Unlike the other two, he’s never going to accept the mini him into his life. He hates children, and having another mouth to feed is quite the annoyance.

‘When are you gonna throw that thing aside? It’s just a toy, right? Come to your rightful place in my arms.’

He simply doesn’t understand why you’d rather the substitute than the real thing. After all, as much as he doesn’t want to admit, you could always seek out survivor Norton.

Hellooooooooo I love your Matthias headcanons <3

I think about this man way too often, but I wanted to share my random thoughts with you.

When I look at him, I want to pepper his face with kisses and leave him covered with lipstick marks. I wish I could hold his hands and help him bandage them up, kissing his fingertips and telling him he's perfect.

My hopeless romantic self wish nothing more than to hold him close in the dead of the night, sway beneath the moonlight with only us and a hummed melody as our witness.

Thank you for reading and take care mwah <3

oh !!! I GET IT ANON...... I GET ITTTTTT KISSES UR BRAIN 😖♡ WE LOVE A MAN IN RUIN

His moments with you are as tender as they are foreign to him-- sometimes he's sure he'll wake up the next day only to discover he dreamed it all up

You're too good to me, he thinks, musing about the way you barged into his heart head-on, too good for me. Your love reminds him again and again that he can let his eyes close and fall into you without worrying that any of it might slip away. But that voice in the back of his head is stubborn in keeping him wary of it.

Imagine those long, slow embraces together . . 🥴🥴💓 in his arms you can feel the weight of all those years of grieving for someone's touch

i love this so much I'm gonna die

Hi there!! Can I req a Matthias x reader where the reader is very nice yet shy, and Matthias fell for their kindness but is afraid to confess cause he might lose them(who's the first and only person to show him genuine care)?

(But he's also bad at hiding his feelings)

Or maybe a scenario where he has a difficult time sleeping and finds himself impulsively knocking on your door— regretful of his actions but he can't back out now that you're standing in front of the open door, curious from the unexpected visit.

He's a new char so I hardly find any fics about him and I'm desperate💔 you can change the scenario!! I'm really just desperate uehdhsishd(⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

hi anon i LOVED these ideas! i tried to combine both of them into one, i hope it satisfies what you wanted!! ♡

falling slowly 🪡

Matthias isn’t one to act on impulse.

He’ll let his thoughts fester aimlessly inside him, hoping the darker among them someday fizzle out. He’ll watch precious chances fly past him, fearing the consequences of a risk taken too rashly. A missed opportunity is better than another tragedy. A guarded mind is better than a broken heart. But some restless nights drive him to desperation, and tonight that leads him to you.

He stands outside your bedroom door, arms stiff against his sides. He’s passed by this room countless times before, as the two of you occasionally walk each other back to your rooms. But never has he come here on his own, never without explicit permission.

He gingerly raises his hand, letting it hover above your doorframe. All of a sudden, he loses his words. What would he say? I can’t sleep, I need you to check for monsters under my bed? I need you to stay with me until I fall asleep? I need you to tuck me in? What a baby. He can already picture the look you’d send him: a smile that’s trying too hard to be polite, a shabby effort at concealing the judgment within. You wouldn’t turn him down directly, even though he knows you’d want to. Kindhearted people love to dance in circles before saying anything that might offend. He’s all too familiar with this game. Normally, your kindness is something he loves about you, but all he can do now is curse it under his breath. If only you were crueler to him, like most people are, then he wouldn’t have let his hopes inflate his head. He would’ve known never to even consider stopping by your room. He would’ve known to avoid this situation altogether.

His fingers close into a fist, and it’s then he realizes he’s quivering slightly. Louis wouldn’t have a problem in this scenario. That thought piques Matthias most. His “factory defect” has locked him in place yet again, and all he can do is swallow down the reminder of his incompetence. It’s just a door, for God’s sake.

He flexes his fingers one last time, glancing around as if worried someone might catch him. Then he strikes his fist. It’s a clumsy motion, rattling your door on its hinges, and his heart leaps to his throat. A courteous knock would have three raps or so, not the jarring thud! he made — nobody in their right mind would imagine that’s a welcome visitor, right? Especially not at this snake’s pit of a manor. He prays desperately for you to ignore that ever happened. In your position, he’d pretend to be asleep, maybe double-check that the door is properly locked. Surely you’d do the same.

Surely...?

“It’s open!” greets your voice from inside, entirely unconcerned.

Matthias holds his breath. Why are you leaving your door unlocked at this hour? But he tucks that thought away while he stares down at the doorknob. This is it — he’s trapped. If he turns around now, you’ll be left with unresolved fears of someone lurking around your room at night. Nothing could entice him to do that to you. And if you ever found out it was him? It’d be too late for apologies, and definitely not forgiveness. Right, so he has to answer.

Slowly, he cracks it open a fraction, afraid of peering anywhere but the ground.

“You can come in,” you urge. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t want to. Footsteps shuffle around inside, then the door fully swings open. “Oh, hi Matthias! What’s up?”

He only meets your face briefly, at your bright and curious eyes, before his gaze flicks back downward.

“Uh… sorry to bother you, I just…” He awkwardly grasps at his elbows, struggling to string together his intentions. “…I need you.”

. . . . .

There it is. His secret is out. He didn’t mean to let it slip, but that single phrase had been bouncing endlessly around his mind, as if they were the only words he knew. It’s the one thing he can confidently admit: he needs you. He doesn’t expect you to reciprocate. In fact, he’s certain you don’t. Nobody in their right mind would. That’s why he never ventured to say these words before. So when you respond to him with patient silence, as if waiting for him to continue, the entirety of his body freezes over. Maybe only a few seconds pass in reality, but that’s more than enough time for Matthias to fill the gaps. It’s a no — he knows it’s a no.

Your head tips slightly. “Sure, what do you need?”

The whirlwind in his mind slows to a halt. He remembers how he used to cough up excuses on the spot when trying to avoid you—sometimes you’d invite him for a meal or game of cards together, and he had convinced himself those were pity invites so he tended to reject them upfront. It stings less to avoid someone altogether than to endure feeling ‘tolerated’ instead of ‘wanted.’ But now he’s wracking his brain for an excuse to stay.

“I—I just wanted to see you.” It’s not a lie, but for some reason it feels like one.

“Me?” A look of surprise flashes on your face, warmth blooming across your chest. That might be the most forward thing you’ve ever heard from him. Stepping closer, you reach for his forearm, peering up into his face to better examine his strained features. Your free hand reaches up to brush aside the limp strands of hair shrouding his face. “Did something happen? It’s almost midnight—I mean, I don’t mind, it’s just so unexpected…”

The strength falls from Matthias’ shoulders. Out of relief, maybe. Or maybe it’s to brace himself for one last leap of faith.

“Can I stay with you…?” His voice is barely audible. You search his lone eye, staring back at you in its perfect hollowness. At some point, that blank stare has become a comforting sight for you. Your hand trails from his arm to spread across his shoulder. He remains motionless.

“Okay,” you say, softly. “Always.”

As you move to wrap both arms around his neck, you notice his body tense, and his brows furrow, subtly, in a clear attempt not to let you notice. The strain on his face catches you off-guard.

“Wh-What? What’s wrong?” Immediately, you pull back to search his expression.

“N-No, nothing—keep going.”

This time, it’s Matthias who draws you close. His arms weave their way around your waist, pulling you tightly against him. His face burrows into your shoulder, and it’s then you understand the weight of his visit, of his need for you. All you can do is lift a tender hand to ruffle his hair, feeling his pounding heart ease in your arms.

would've stalker! nikolai been more gentle with his darling if she wasn't feisty? like not scare her with knives or guns if she was really afraid of it and not secretly turned on.

honestly yeah! he would be gentler if you're being sweet as well to him—not that he won't take the chance to manipulate you tho... maybe introducing you to not be afraid of his knife so he can do 'things' with it. he does enjoy corruption kink to a certain degree ;]

YESYESYESYES

TRASH SUGAR MAGIC

➛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 2: ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴅᴏᴡɴ

➛ nikolai gogol x fem!reader

➛ cw: mature content, dark content, suggestive, kidnapping, daddy issues, manhandling | words: 5.5k

➛ ao3 | spotify | main menu

It was the most comfortable sleep you have ever got.

When you wake up, you find yourself on a stranger's bed, with your ankles bound to the footboard and your hands tied together. You squirm but it only gets you so far—the man who tied you up did it so tightly that you find it hurt to even move your arms.

You give up and you return to lie down on the bed. The mattress feels a bit rough—probably because it has been used for a very long time. The pillow feels nice though—the owner must have regularly puffed it so it will not sag or pressed down. You roll your head to the side and your nose catches a sweet musky scent on the pillow.

Masculine.

You look around the room. There is no door. The place is worn out but well-kept at the very least. Your house is better looking than this. But this place feels more secure and peaceful than what you call a home.

You wonder if your father is concerned about your whereabouts. You remember leaving the house in the evening to get to work and it has been over twelve hours since you are home. Does he care? Does he think about you as well?

Deep down, you know that thinking about your father caring about you is just a mere cheap fantasy. It has always been that way.

Your mother passed away when you were younger, and you were left with your deadbeat dad. Both of you were and are still struggling with money. You have been working low-paid jobs to support mainly yourself because your father is only selfish to himself.

You remember the moment he got some loan from weird people to build a business. Time is rough and luck is not on his side—his business was better dead than keeping it going. The debt he got himself into was for nothing—because he made more debt to himself when he left that business.

He spiralled down—becoming an avid alcoholic gambler. His worth as a father went down the drain the moment he stole your money from your old piggy bank. You never mention it to him though, pretending that you lost your money in the street.

You do not want to get hit. Bottling up enough makes you spiral down too—becoming less of a daughter, just a servant, another piece of money-bringer for him to leech off.

So you know he would be less concerned about you—especially when you are aware very much of the fact that you are one of his burdens.

You sit up on the bed. You wince, the rope and the ribbon are threatening to tear your skin. You adjust your sitting position as you are currently wearing a dress—it already rides up your thighs which are covered with white stockings. These clothes are rented from the bar—since you can barely afford such cute clothes for yourself.

“Oh, shit!”

You look to the entrance, not realizing a man is standing there, flinching at your sight. You narrow your eyes, remembering his figure and face.

The last thing you see is a sight of tall pale man, with his hair as white as the snow falling from the night winter sky.

Never have you seen such a beautiful man—he is wearing a white shirt beneath a black leather jacket. His pants fit his long legs. His dishevelled hair is braided with a small red pompom. His eyes are mismatched—one emerald and another pale lilac. His figure is tall and toned—he looks strong. You are not surprised since you remember how easily he dragged you to go with him last night.

“Hello...” you say awkwardly and you notice how baffled he is. It is almost endearing—you are sure that this man is much older than you but he looks like he is still in his prime. Perhaps this is his prime.

You know you are being kidnapped right now—but for some reason, the fear you had last night already dissipated when the sleep you got was just too comfortable. You have been living in this area for a few years already. It is a small community, so you thought you had met every possible man in this suburban town. But he is a rare face.

“Do you realize the situation you are in right now?” He asks as he grabs your seized wrists. You flinch at his roughness but you do not pull away. Your arms are already straining and your hands are going numb.

“I asked you a question, girl.” He says. You glance at him. Your name is not just 'girl'. You have a name. Does he not know?

“M-My name is—”

“I already know your name.”

“Oh...”

Well, what were you thinking? He kidnapped you. Of course he already knows about you. You feel a flutter in your heart—knowing that someone takes the effort to get to know you. You wonder what else does he know about you—it feels a bit exciting to play such riddles.

“Hey, if you're trying to play nice just to get on my good side, drop it. I know how to detect a liar, alright? Drop it.” The man says before he nudges your head harshly with his index finger. You almost let out a small whimper as you bring your hands to cover yourself from his finger.

“I-I didn't mean it...” You weakly say, closing your eyes as he keeps poking you.

“Hey, hey, don't look away,” He grabs your jaw and you hiss when he turns your face roughly towards him. Your eyes meet his. Breath hitches when you realize how close he is to you now. “You're in my house now, so we have to establish some rules until you get out of here.”

Get out of here?

You blink confusedly. Did he kidnap you... because of other people? Did he not kidnap you for himself? Did he not take you here because he wants you to stay with him?

“O-Oh, I'm not staying...?” Your lips mutter. You really do think that he kidnapped you because he wanted you—in that way. You feel the glass of hope slowly cracking apart when you learn that this is not the case.

Suddenly he shakes your head, causing you to whimper at his rough handling. “Of course you're not staying. Who the fuck you think you are?”

“I-I thought—”

I thought you wanted to be with me.

“Well, clearly you don't think smart enough.”

When he shoves you away, you whine. You rub your face with the back of your hands, feeling how warm your skin feels. The trace of his touches on your face is still lingering—and it only feeds to your longing.

But it makes you think again. If he kidnapped you, not because he likes you or anything of the sort, what could it be? Does he have a dispute with you? Or people you know? Your senior in the bar? Your manager? Your customers?

“Is it... because of my father?”

“Smart girl! So you can think after all!” He claps his hand, and although there is clear mockery in his voice, you feel a heavy tug in your stomach when he calls you a smart girl. Is that a genuine praise? If so, you want to hear that again.

“Why, yes, that's exactly why. I think you can catch what's up with your dad already, right? If you want to blame anyone, blame him. I'm just a courier.”

You look at him—oh, poor dude. Seeing how he is confident that he will get what he wants from your father makes you pity him. Your father is far from being caring about you.

“I don't think this... will work to get to my father though...”

“Okay? And I don't care. You'll be given to the loansharks very soon and that's it for me.”

Your lips part open when you finally connect the dots. You stare at him—so he is working with the loan sharks your father is indebted to. They must have wanted to use you as a hostage to get your father to pay his mountain of debt. If they go as far as to kidnap you, then your father must have angered them—well, you do expect that he will get in trouble. After all, both of you moved to this suburban area so he would not get tracked easily. He wanted to run away from his problem, and now you have to pay the price for being a hostage.

Huh, that is sad.

You observe your kidnapper—his skin is porcelain smooth, despite the dark circle under his eyes and the scar slit through his left eye. His flaws make him look flawless. You do not really want to leave this place just yet and return to your father shall he ever get his sympathy back and pay his debt for your sake.

You shift uncomfortably, your thighs are clenching. It has been a while since you are in this condition. “Can I go to the toilet?” You ask softly.

“What a good girl, huh? Asking permission to go shit.”

“D-Don't say nasty things like that.” You pout—feeling a bit embarrassed at his vulgarity.

“And who the fuck do you think you are to police my tone, huh?” He grunts before he unties the rope around your ankles. You move your foot but then he grips your ankle, hard. “Don't think of kicking or attacking me. You're not that strong, girlie.” You swallow nervously and nod. You actually do not plan to fight him—you know you will lose either way. You look at your legs and then him and then your wrists.

You bring your wrists close to him, wanting him to untie it. You realize the familiar ribbon around your wrists—no wonder you feel like something is missing from your hair. The man silently untie your wrists and you let out a quiet breath of relief. Your hands are indeed numb and strained. You want to stretch your arms but before you have the chance to do so, he already yanks you to get up from the bed.

Your footings are unstable, especially when you were just freed. You keep stumbling upon your pace, constantly bumping against his chest as he drags you out of the room. He is too rough—too stern. Yet you wish to stay longer in his embrace. He looks messy but he feels nice and warm.

“Make it quick.” He says before he pushes you into the bathroom. You look around the bathroom. It is a small space. It is enough to accommodate a sink with a cabinet full of personal hygiene things, a toilet bowl with a bidet right beside it and a curtain separating the shower area.

You hear the door creaking close and you remember you need to say something to him. You quickly hold the door before he closes it. Your eyes meet his again—his eyes are just mesmerising to gaze at and you know you would never tire of looking at them.

Shyly, you say, “T-Thank you for... letting me sleep on your bed... It was the most comfortable sleep I've ever had.”

You close the door before your embarrassment makes itself more obvious. You lock the door and take off your cardigan. You face the mirror, eyes wandering over your figure. The neckline of your dress is getting lower, you realize. It shows half of your cleavage already. There is a small tear on the dress too.

“You're too rough, sir...” you whisper to yourself.

— ♡

As soon as you got out of the bathroom, your kidnapper once again tied your wrists together with a rope—this time it was not too tight that it hurt you. He brought you to the living room and sat you on the couch before he tied the other end of the rope to the couch leg.

“Don't you dare turn around. Just stare ahead. Or else...” He threatened you, tugging down the skin right under your eye. After you nodded, he left you alone in the living room and you obediently stared straight ahead.

It has been fifteen minutes now and you can hear the sound of water rushing coming from the bathroom. You figure he is getting a shower now. You sit silently, just as you are told. There is a television but you see how old it is—it is most likely not functioning.

You look around the house—eyeing every spot possible. The couch is far from comfortable and you feel slightly bad that the man has to sleep here a whole night.

You still do not know his name...

The sound of the door creaking surprises you. You instinctively turn around and your eyes widen when you see your kidnapper stepping out of the bathroom with a piece of towel hanging around his waist. His body is toned and some parts are covered with tattoos of abstract wings and birds. His hair is wet and unexpectedly longer than you thought.

“I told you to not turn around, didn't I?” He says, monotonously. You immediately turn ahead, but you hear his footsteps approaching. Your heart is beating faster when you can smell his fresh-out-of-shower scent—so nice. His heat is looming right beside you and your head is still stubborn enough to twist slightly.

But not before he grabs your jaw again, holding your head straight.

“Naughty girl. What's so hard about listening to me? You are an escort. Have you never seen a half-naked man or something?” He says, once again his tone is clearly belittling you. You glance to your side, only manage to have a peek at his tattooed ribs. He snorts and lets go of your face. “Sit there nice. If someone's knocking on the door, ignore it.” He says before he turns around to leave.

However, you quickly grab his arm and you feel the fluster increasing, crawling up to your chest when you get a good look at his figure. He grunts, rolling his eyes but he does not say anything or mock you.

He nudges his head as if he is giving you permission to say what you want to him.

You purse your lips, nervous. “I... What's your name?”

“Stop being an idiot. I won't tell you.”

“Please?”

You see him taking a deep breath, rubbing his face with his palm. The droplets of water are dripping from his wet hair onto his body. He is silent for a moment, but his eyes are wandering at you—as if he is trying to find something behind your eyes.

“Please?” you repeat again, sweetly, softly.

He sighs loudly. “Nikolai.”

Nikolai.

Nikolai...

“Nikolai... Okay, okay.” You mutter his name—the way the syllables of his name roll out your tongue feels pleasant.

“Now let go of my arm.”

You blink profusely and look at your bound hands clutching his arm—he could very well yank his arm away from you, but he is asking nicely. You hold back a smile and let go of him. You turn around and your hands are rubbing against your warm face.

He is so nice...

You stay in your position for ten more minutes before Nikolai leaves the room. He sits next to you, fiddling with his phone, texting someone. You only sit there quietly, stealing glances at him. He is wearing a pair of navy blue jeans with a black shirt. A towel is draped over his shoulder, layering beneath his wet hair so it will not dampen his shirt.

You look down at yourself—you have not showered yet. There are no clothes for you and you certainly need a pair of new underwear. You want to bring it up to Nikolai, but seeing his serious face, you swallow your questions away.

The door is suddenly knocked, with an excited voice calling “Kolyushka, Kolyushka! Open the door! I have come, my friend!”

Nikolai does not say anything. He stands and gets to the door, opening it. You turn to look and you see a man with slightly long dark brown hair and a thin moustache and chin beard entering the house. He is wearing a worn-out puffer jacket and he waddles excitedly towards you.

“Oho, she's cute!” He says before he crouches right next to you. “Hi! I'm Viktor. What's your name?”

You anxiously answer him, finding your voice to be hoarse somewhat. Viktor coos in adoration and pinches your cheek, causing you to whine at his rough touch.

“Vik, Vik. Don't do that. She's valuable.” Nikolai says, tugging Viktor's shirt. Viktor grins and lets go of you before he plops himself onto the floor, sitting cross-legged. Nikolai sits back next to you.

“So?” He asks Viktor.

“So what?”

“This girl. What should we do?”

You are not sure if you should even listen to this conversation, but guess you are. Their laid-back attitude towards secrecy seems to indicate that they do not really have a bigger role in your abduction other than abducting you.

“Yeah, so... So I got in contact with the loan sharks and they actually did not expect that the job would be done so quickly. They thought you would take time to get the girl, so they also take time to find her father.” Viktor says before he looks at you. “Your father is a man of hiding, sweetheart.”

“You're saying they don't even prepare to find her dad before they commission us to kidnap her?” Nikolai sighs. “Why commit crimes when you are not that efficient? What the hell do they think when they want to threaten a man that they don't even bother to seek first?” He rolls his eyes, leaning back to the uncomfortable couch.

“Beats me, dude. That's what they said. I guess her father is one of their rarest victims who actually managed to get away from them for years, which is why they're struggling a bit. Besides, this country is fucking huge.” Viktor replies. “You are not originally from this place either, are you? You moved here.” He says to you and you nod slowly. Nikolai hums and suddenly sits straight. He holds your arm, grabbing your attention.

“Hey, tell us where's your dad.”

Both you and Viktor blink confusedly.

“If you tell us your father's whereabouts—his workplace or house, Viktor can tell that to the loan sharks so they can find him immediately. The faster they find him, the faster you'll be free. You wanna go home, yea?”

“Oh, yeah! You're right, dude! How did I not think of that?”

“Because you're equally stupid like those loan sharks.”

“Hey!”

Your throat feels dry. Tell them your father's whereabouts? You do not really care about the deal between your father and the loan sharks—it is all his fault for borrowing money from obviously bad people. Not only that, even after he borrowed the money, he stole yours.

Greed brings the worst out of anyone.

You are not sure if you want to go home. Is it even a home in the first place? A home should make you feel safer. Comfortable. However, when your mother passed away, she also took home with her to death.

You are left with two options now—if you tell them your father's whereabouts, you will leave this place sooner. The loan sharks will get your father and they will also take you away from Nikolai.

But if I don't tell them...

“Oi, tell us. Where's your dad?” Nikolai asks, shaking your arm. But you only stare at him, pressing your lips tightly shut.

“Not gonna tell, huh? You want us to force it out from you?” Viktor says with a grin. “Why? Do you not want to go home with your dear old dad? Are you afraid they're gonna hurt him? Well, if that isn't the consequences of his own actions.” He laughs, looking at you with amusement.

“I... I think kidnapping me is a mistake.”

“Haha! What the fuck?” Viktor's laugh is even louder, he even slaps his thigh. Nikolai, however, is only looking at you silently. You frown—disliking Viktor's loud attitude, so you turn to Nikolai, reaching for his hand. Why can't this Viktor guy be as calm as Nikolai?

“Can you listen to me, please? Alone?” You ask, voice sweet. Nikolai looks surprised when you touch him—evident by how his eyes are wavering from your face to his hand. He seems to be taken aback by your suggestion.

“You're begging at the wrong person, girl.”

“Please.”

Nikolai sighs and he pulls away his hand from you, causing your touch to drop onto his thigh instead. He swallows nervously before he gestures to Viktor to go away, to get to the kitchen or to wait outside. Viktor giggles before he gets up and taps Nikolai's back, leaving both of you alone. He gets to Nikolai's room and you hear a creak before a faint scent of tobacco tickles your nose.

“Hey, look here,” Nikolai says and you turn to him. “You've been weird for a while now. You know, you aren't the first person I kidnapped for money, but...” Nikolai rubs his lips, gazing at your face.

“Why are you so calm about this? Do you realize that you are in danger?”

His question somehow tugs a curiosity in you as well—Come to think of it, you have been calm for a long while now. You were scared and terrified for your life, sure, when you were dragged into his car last night. But now, you find it easier to breathe.

It is approaching noon, and usually, at this time, you are forced to cook something for your father—while he is lazying around the house, basking in alcohol and garbage. Your life is not yours during the day—only when you go to work, you can feel that you are at least living for yourself. Though, your work does require you to tend to others' needs—so is your life even yours during the night?

Have you ever lived for yourself?

“My father is a horrible man.”

“M'kay?”

“He... Uhm... How do I say this...” You fiddle with your fingers—your hands are still resting on his thigh. “We moved here, across the country, because he wanted to run away from the loan sharks... He keeps telling me that... I'm the sole reason he's in debt and it would be better if I'm gone, like my mother.”

“I-I mean, he's not wrong... I have needs and wants and... that's why I work. But he occasionally steals my money too...” You take a deep breath before looking up at him. “I have a feeling that once he knows he is being hunted again, he will just leave me here and run away again by himself.”

“You're saying that you being a hostage won't work because he won't demand you back?” Nikolai asks and you nod fast.

“I-If he cares that I'm gone... there would be a police report, right?”

Nikolai snorts, poking your head again. “Dummy, such reports about missing people can be done at least after twenty-four hours of disappearance. You still have more than twelve hours with us.”

“Does that mean I'm staying?” You are too quick to ask that. Nikolai suddenly brings his face close to you. His irises are wildly searching for yours and you almost yelp on how close he is. Your face is heating up and your heart is thumping so fast—you fear you cannot breathe properly.

“You don't want to go home, do ya?”

“Uhm...”

“Well, too bad I'm not that nice.” Nikolai snorts scornfully before he gets up, turning in the direction of his room as if he wants to see Viktor. Before he could walk away, you scramble towards him, clawing at his shirt.

“C-Can't you—”

“No, I can't. Unfortunately, little doll, I'm not a babysitter and you are only going to be my liability the longer you are in my fucking house.” Nikolai grabs your hands and pulls them away from his shirt. “I have a more important agenda than taking care of you. Now, sit there quietly and let adults talk.”

“I'm an adult.”

“Then be mature.”

He leaves you alone and your lips quiver—for once after a while, heaviness clouds your chest.

— ♡

“That's what she said...”

Nikolai says to Viktor, with a slow voice as he does not want you to listen. He told Viktor about how your father would probably not demand you back, but he did omit the part where he asked you about you not wanting to go home. Viktor should only know the necessary.

“So, her daddy doesn't want her back, huh?” Viktor sighs as he takes a long inhale of his cigarette before huffing the smoke out. “I'm gonna tell that to the loan sharks. You keep her here—”

“Fuck no. I did my job. I only have to kidnap her, no? Let's just give her to them and we are done.” Nikolai protests, almost pouting as he waves away the smoke hazing his face.

“The loan sharks are not going to retrieve her in one day, Kolyushka. The girl told you that she moved here, didn't she? The place where the debt happened was not here, but rather somewhere she had lived before... And I figured it might be somewhere so far away—Since her daddy ran away to hide. You won't go to the nearby region if you really want to run away from your potential murderers, right?” Viktor says with a smirk before he presses the cigarette butt onto the railing and tosses it outside.

“Why me, though? Why not you and Nastasya?” Nikolai asks, referring to Viktor's girlfriend. Viktor cringes and shakes his head quickly.

“You know how jealous my dear Nastyushka is...” Viktor grumbles.

“Who told you to stick your dick in crazy?”

“Well, if I didn't stick my dick in crazy, I would've been the babysitter now, wouldn't I?” Viktor retorts back with a teasing laugh. He once again taps Nikolai's shoulder. “I don't want this work to prolong any longer, but what can we do? So for now, you take care of her while I'm dealing stuff with the loan sharks, alright? Here, here.”

Viktor takes out several crumpled cash notes before he forces them into Nikolai's hand. He grins. “Treat yourself. And I know you want to negotiate our ratio for the payment for this job... Err... I take thirty, you take seventy. Yeah? Good, good?”

“No. Eighty.”

“A'right, fair enough.” Viktor throws his hands in the air, defeated. He turns to leave but halts his steps and looks back at Nikolai with a smile.

“I think she likes you.”

“Bullshit.”

“Nah, you know I'm not bullshitting. That gaze she has on you is the same one as Nastyushka's when she's between my legs.”

Nikolai huffs, shoving Viktor. “Get out.”

“Geez, you are getting colder and rougher after prison, huh? Kinda miss my old chaotic Kolyushka.” Viktor cackles before he walks out. Nikolai sees him waving at you and you kindly return his wave with your tied hands. He hears Viktor saying something to you but he cannot catch it. Nikolai huffs and stares out the window. He cannot believe he is stuck with his victim, just because of his clients' carelessness.

He closes his eyes, brushing his hair back. Well, at least Viktor promised to give him a bigger ratio for the payment later. That fact alone is enough to solace him.

A creak suddenly surprises him. Nikolai turns to the entrance of his room and immediately walks out, only to see that you are already standing with the rope connecting your wrists and the couch leg stretched apart—as if you are trying to move away.

Without a second thought, Nikolai rushes to you, wrapping his arm around your fragile body, and tightening his hold around you. One arm around your torso and his other hand grips your jaw. You gasp but do not struggle against him. In fact, you look surprised.

“What are you trying to do, huh? You're not going anywhere, ya hear me?” He says harshly. You try to move your head, to look at him as he completely engulfs you in his embrace, but he holds you so tightly that you are only squirming against his body.

“Hey.”

“N-Nikolai...”

Your sweet voice once again halts his tendency to cruelty. Nikolai purses his lips, breath hitching. He looks at you, gazing into your eyes. You open your mouth, trying to speak amidst his rough hold on you. His thumb accidentally slips downward, brushing lightly against your lower lip.

“I'm hungry.”

“Wha—?”

“I haven't eaten since yesterday.”

Nikolai is taken aback—this girl made such a fuss only to complain that she's hungry. He already dislikes that he has to take care of you and he knows he could not let you die and rot yet, as the payment is still not given to him. Your value is still there as long as the loan sharks are actively seeking your father.

“Fine.” Nikolai pushes you to sit back on the couch and leaves to the kitchen. He checks the cabinet and the fridge but he only has bottles and cans of alcohol and carbonated sodas, some biscuits and chips. It is certainly not going to be fulfilling for both of you, because he also has not eaten any breakfast yet.

He has not done grocery shopping in forever. Usually, that is not his concern—but now he has another guest in his house for however long Viktor wants. He wonders if he should even go out with you, as he does not want you to leave his sight, in fear that there is a hidden rebellion in you.

He cannot trust people anymore.

“Hey,” Nikolai calls you and he slips out a knife from his pocket. He cuts the rope to release you and you instinctively wiggle your wrists, attempting to get rid of the strain on your hands. You look at him, confused. And he already figures out what you want to ask. “We are going out. I have nothing to feed both of us. But you ain't leaving my side. I know where and how to find you.”

“I won't leave you.”

“Well... Thanks..? Idiot.”

He drags you to his room and opens his old wooden closet. He takes out a black puffer coat. It is his size, so it certainly looks bigger on you.

“Are we sharing clothes?” You ask, your lips are curving asmile. Nikolai taps your temple with his knuckle, silently calling you an 'idiot' again.

“You are borrowing my thing. The weather is colder today and I'm not letting you freeze to death until I get my money.” He says. “Take off your cardigan.” You obey quietly, taking off your white cardigan. The baby blue dress is already looking loose and Nikolai has been noticing how you keep pulling back your neckline so it would not droop too low.

His desire gets the best of him for a short moment when his eyes trail down on your skin, leering longer on your chest. He takes a deep breath and averts his gaze when you almost notice him staring. “For fuck's sake.” He says as he puts the puffer coat on you. He zips it up until the collar covers half of your lower face. It is indeed bigger on you, as the end of the coat reaches your knees.

“It's very warm and comfy...” You say softly, hugging yourself as you smile at him—though it is hidden behind the collar. “I like it.”

“Your cheapskate daddy never buys you a coat?” Nikolai asks, snarkily as he gets his own jacket to wear.

“Never.”

His hand stops and he glances at you. You seem to not mind about the fact nor do you realize his curiousity. You proceed to say, “When it's cold, I layer my mother's clothes and mine. And... And the bar has heaters, so I sometimes sleep there.”

“Your manager is nice,” Nikolai replies, nonchalantly.

“Mmm... Not really. He is sting with bills, so I work overtime unpaid if I want to sleep there for heat.” You reply as your body sways side to side and Nikolai would admit that you do look adorable being enveloped by a big coat—like a penguin.

“Why are you telling me this stuff? It's been less than twenty-four hours and I already know a lot of unnecessary info about you.” Nikolai grunts as he reaches for a hair tie and starts braiding his hair nimbly. There is only one mirror in the house and that is in the bathroom. But braiding hair has been his primordial skill—he can do it with his eyes closed.

“I thought you wanted to know more about me.” You reply “I like talking to you. I like talking about myself.” You beam.

“That happens when you have to listen to old people's fuckery every night.” He says before he grabs a gun from his folded white overcoat in the bottom drawer. He hears your small gasp of shock when you see the weapon. Nikolai smirks and presses the gun right on your chest.

“I hope you are aware that I'm just tolerating you. Once you're gone, you're nothing more to me.”

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

soul catcher fool's gold concept

Oh! So you are also too shy and scared to show your face, right?

...

Right? •-•

Nikolai's actually devastating. He can say the deepest, more intense things, and you can tell he's being serious and genuine about them. (but then, the next moment, he goes and denies everything, putting on a crazy smile and the goofy ass laugh) I wonder what happened to him to make him realise this kind of thinking. What is it that he's been through and believing humankind as caged and wishing for freedom like birds...

your life is an empty box from sweets that no one needs

congrats

You know how identity v had a line friends crossover well how would naib react to having to wear his line friends skin that sounds like the perfect revenge for being mean

oh he would be damn pissed 😭 watch him refuse to move in a match bc of that bear suit...it's comfortable to sleep with though.

How do you do, you like me and and I like you 🎶😼

Psycho Cuties brainrot. Plz take it with caution 🙇

TRASH SUGAR MAGIC

➛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 1: ᴇᴍʙʀᴀᴄᴇ

➛ nikolai gogol x fem!reader

➛ cw: mature content, dark content, kidnapping, age gap, manhandling | words: 3.9k

➛ ao3 | spotify | main menu

Your lips are muttering numbers.

It is hard to count the cash in your hands while they are covered with worn-out gloves. Slowly but surely, you total up all the notes, smiling to yourself that you have surpassed a personal goal for tonight. You stuff the cash notes into your small baby blue pouch, zipping it up before you focus on your route again.

The pavement is covered with a sheer layer of snow, which is piling up as more snowflakes are pouring from the cold night sky. Your boots clack onto the cement. Tap, tap, tap—they go.

You just finished your shift for the night, which is considerably later than usual. You are an escort in a local bar that is quite infamous in the town. You entertain guests—usually lonely old men who seek faux comfort from a pair of gentle hands of a young woman. Sometimes you make a small performance in the local bar like tap-dancing or singing. Sometimes you are just sitting with a customer, listening to their problems, swallowing their drunken confessions.

But nothing sexual has ever happened to you. Sure, you do get invitations to sleep with your customers, but you always refuse it—it is just a personal choice, really. And you do not like to kiss and make out with a drunkard anyway. The furthest that has ever happened was when a middle-aged man slept on your lap after dunking three bottles of beer into his system and you had to let him suckle on your hand. Old people do have the wildest fetishes, sometimes.

Besides, the other senior escorts advised you to not get too sexual with the customers either—so you can keep selling the idea of how unapproachable you are. So, they can keep coming and coming, just to see you and to indulge in their fantasy of having a chance to dip into your pants.

You are not opposed to the idea of sex—the feeling of being desired has long been brewing in you. But you are already fine with the attention these customers give you, no matter how perverted and dark the true nature of their intentions.

Attention feels nice.

But too much attention makes one feel like killing themselves.

You walk at a slow pace. The snow is piling up, covering the pavement and the road with a thin blanket of white particles on the earth's surface. The wind feels drier as ever, colder. But it is not so strong that it blocks your sight. It is dark. The sky is covered with a veil of navy blue, with dots of faint sparkles scattered over it. The road lacks any sight of humans, though it is not even late. But the emptiness is purely because of how dull it is for a small town—well, what is to be expected from a suburban area?

You are too used to loneliness. It is the back of your hand. You are accustomed to such environments—where your personal space is never barged, never wanted. Which is why, you are too aware of the asynchronous slow footsteps behind you.

You glance at the reflection of the windows on each car you pass by. It is hard to see properly, but there is indeed a dark figure—taller, bigger—five feet away from your back.

Must be going in the same direction...

That's what you want to think.

You keep walking and keep your calm. Panic will only get you to nowhere. Best to not provoke anyone—especially in this suburban area. The bus stop is just fifty metres ahead. The road lights are flickering. You are almost there. Your blue heels clack on the pavement as you fasten your steps.

However,

Your body is swooped back harshly and you are about to scream before a strong arm wraps around your body and a big hand covers your mouth with a weird-smelling white cloth. Your scream is muffled beneath the napkin as you struggle against the man.

But his hold on you is obviously stronger.

“Shut your mouth.” He says as he drags you to the other side of the road, forcing your feet to follow his wide strides. You harden your legs, to make it harder for him to drag you but the substance you have been inhaling makes your vision worse. The orange lights are spiralling, the sky is falling, and the stars are crumbling.

“Mmmh!” You groan one last time as loud as you can as your head is dizzying away into a maze of incoherent thoughts. You grip your kidnapper's arm tightly as your eyes are threatening to close. And once your consciousness gives up on staying with you, you only feel your weak body being tossed onto a rough surface.

The last thing you see is a sight of tall pale man, with his hair as white as the snow falling from the night winter sky.

— ♡

“What?! So soon?”

“Quit screaming in my ear, you dipshit.” Nikolai sighs as he leans back to his car seat. He taps the ashes of his cigarette out of the window before placing it between his lips again. He glances at the young woman who is unconscious right beside him—you.

"Dude, I gave that work last night and you got the girl... not even 24 hours later!”

Nikolai snorts. “Well, what can I say? I'm too good at this.” He says before he huffs the smoke from his cigarette. “Besides, this girl lives in a small town. It's not hard to figure out where she is and what she does.” Nikolai adds before he throws the cigarette out.

“Alright, no need for cockiness. But you hafta keep the girl with you for a while.”

Nikolai's jaw hangs. “What? Why? I got the girl. Why can't we just give her to those loan sharks and move on? I need money.” He protests. He hears his friend sigh loudly and Nikolai could practically see the rolling eyes of annoyance.

“I'm not saying that you'd keep her for a long fucking while. I need to consult with the loansharks again so we can arrange a meeting to give the girl to them and get our payment.”

“You’re so horrible at managing, I swear to God,” Nikolai grunts. His friend laughs and it irks Nikolai for some reason—he knows a mockery when he hears one. “Stop laughing, Viktor Pavlovsky. I'll kick your ass for forcing me to take care of a child.”

“Oh, heavens, my brother Kolyushka! She's not even a child! Just make sure she doesn't die!”

“I am not a babysitter, Viktor...”

“Alright, bye, lovely! I'm gonna do my part to satisfy our clients too, m'kay?”

Nikolai does not even get a chance to curse out Viktor before the man ends the call. Irritated, he tosses the phone to the cup holder in front of him. Nikolai glances at his side—you are still sleeping, or passed out, so quietly, so peacefully.

He seizes your jaw roughly, shaking your head—but you remain asleep, limp. Nikolai sighs. The substance must be too strong for you and he does admit that he did press the napkin too hard on your mouth and nose. Well, it's better to have you unconscious instead. Who knows if you dare enough to put up a fight? He does not mind killing you if you are being such a big problem, but you are the starshine of this whole ordeal.

Yesterday, Nikolai received word from Viktor about a new job. He had to kidnap a girl, needed as a hostage for a group of dangerous loan sharks. Apparently, your father is too deep in debt with those loansharks and he is having a very hard time paying back. The man keeps evading and running away, dragging you along with him.

Nikolai already knows some stuff about you. You are working in a bar as an escort, which explains your current clothes right now—a baby blue dress, white stockings, blue heels and a white cardigan. You do look adorable—Nikolai knows that many men in the bar you worked at would really love to have you on their bed.

Hells, if you are not a target, perhaps Nikolai would flirt with you as well.

But now you are asleep soundly in his car and he has to keep you with him because he is just too good at his job.

Nikolai sighs again before he leans towards you, taking the seatbelt to buckle you up. Then he yanks one of the ribbons on your hair, causing your head to tilt as well. He uses the ribbon to tie your wrists together, as tight as possible that the ribbon practically digs into your skin.

“Now, how do I 'take care' of this girl...” He murmurs as he holds the steering wheel, beginning to drive off the place. Nikolai is thinking hard. Should he get you to his humble apartment? Should he just drop you at Viktor's place? Should he ditch you somewhere he only knows and he will come and take you shall his clients finally need you?

But since this is a kidnapping, he should not let you be in the public's eyes. Especially your father. The whole point of kidnapping you is to keep you as a hostage, not a guest.

Nikolai is about to turn his car in the direction going to Viktor's place, but he remembers that Viktor lives with his girlfriend. He knows how possessive can Viktor's girlfriend be—Nikolai has heard enough stories from Viktor about how his girlfriend hit other people just because of her own jealousy.

And the last thing Nikolai wants is to have you tainted with bruises or dirt. You must remain flawless for the loansharks once they retrieve you in the future. He aims to get the most money out of this job—he is already desperate for them.

Reluctantly, Nikolai drives his way to his apartment complex—a worn-out building containing house units. It is an old building that constantly gets renovations and repairments just to keep it functioning for people to live. It is basically for the lower class to live.

He parks his car by the building and gets out. He gets to your side and unbuckles your seatbelt. Nikolai sighs, scratching his neck as he contemplates how to get you inside without raising suspicion. He knows that there are security cameras planted in the corridor for each floor. He doubts the owner of the building pays that much attention though since Nikolai had gone back home with a bloody shirt before and nothing was reported.

But at least he needs to be careful.

Nikolai takes off his jacket and drapes it over your body—or to be exact, your tied wrists. He then gently carries your body in his arms, kicking the car door close. He brings you inside the building and gets to his designated floor by the stairs—the elevator is barely functioning well anyway.

Nikolai gets to the sixth floor and walks to his unit quickly. He realizes he needs to get his keys from his pocket. Grunting in dissatisfaction, Nikolai lets down your legs, so you are leaning against his body instead. That way, he could hold your limp body while opening the door with one hand.

He wraps his arm around your body, pressing your body closer to him while he unlocks the door to his unit. Once he gets it, Nikolai practically drags you easily into the house, slamming the door close before unlocking it. He drags your limp body before tossing you onto the old couch.

“Fucking wake up already... Why do I need to babysit this girl?” He sighs loudly before he gets to you, taking off your heels and taking away his jacket from your body. He stares at your unconscious figure for a moment—leering his darkened gaze over your curves.

Nikolai swallows nervously—something stirs in his chest but he decides to ignore it. He proceeds to carry you again to his unkempt bed and once again tosses you onto the uncomfortable mattress. He takes a rope beneath the bed and ties your legs together before making a tight knot to the footboard railing, just so you cannot escape easily once you wake up.

“Alright, now what?” He asks himself as he looks at you again—tied and asleep, on his bed. He does not want to stay close to you, let alone sleep in the same space. Knowing he has little to no choice, Nikolai pathetically walks out—there is no door to his bedroom and he actually does not know where the fuck it is because it has always been that way since he lived here.

So he settles himself on the sagging couch. Nikolai places his arm over his eyes, shutting them close. The clock is ticking, approaching the deadest of the night. And after the trouble he went through today, Nikolai succumbs to his exhaustion—sleep.

But it is hard to fall asleep in this horrible condition he has to live with.

Nikolai stares at the ceiling—the dried paint is peeling off. The ceiling fan is creaking whenever it finishes a circle. Some unknown wires are hanging from the lamp. The fabric of the cushion beneath him is no longer soft and aromatic. He is basically lying on a piece of future garbage.

Despite the miserable fate that has fallen upon him, Nikolai feels quite nostalgic about it. Somehow, this poor condition reminds him of his childhood—or the oldest memories of his past. He was lucky to have a taste of luxury and comfort when he reached the age of twenty—but it was not for long.

After the incident in that prison, he decided to disappear—his mind wandered into a whole tangled mess of confusion and lost. His best friend was just killed. He was supposed to feel liberated, happy, relieved—but instead, he found himself cornered into the dark, again.

You wanted to kill him, didn't you?

Yes, I did.

Err... I didn't...

No... I did.

Remembering that piece of the past feels as if God mocks him.

When he was finally so far away from the scene of the crime—after two years, he almost threw up when the truth was dispensed right in front of his eyes. The sight of his friend being alive and well standing right in front of him after he lamented over that friend's horrible death and his horrible freedom.

You tried to kill me. I'd like to return the favour.

Lovely.

Nikolai should have expected that the Fyodor Dostoyevsky would not be direct when it comes to tormenting.

He did not expect that a whole squadron would besiege him, in an attempt to arrest him. Nikolai knew he could have run away but perhaps the shock of seeing Fyodor got into his head. He felt like he was not real—as if he was watching his body living by itself, without his own mind controlling himself.

For a long while he felt unreal—and he snapped out of it during his second day in prison.

And that was when he realized—he was too doomed.

For six years, he spent his days in prison with whack-ass jackasses. It was fun. Prisoners feared him somehow. But when he almost entered his seventh year in prison, he was released from prison—no parole, no bail. It was weird—as if something, someone, had interfered with the laws in order to get them to be on his side.

Nikolai still does not know who and how, but once again, he became a free man.

Except, he was bombarded with countless misfortunes.

His house, his documents, his treasures, money, relationships, people—everything.

He was arrested with his overcoat, and he got out with it. That is the only thing he still keeps—the only piece of himself that stays since years and years ago.

Nikolai was already on the verge of giving his life up, but he kept going anyway—another determination was brewing and is still going. He wants to find Dostoyevsky and return the favour to him—after all, that man caused Nikolai to get arrested and lose everything.

After all I did for your plans...

Bit by bit, Nikolai is attempting to climb again—he committed paid crimes. He admires those who are in the light of justice, but he is more intrigued with those who are lurking in the shadow of evil—so that is the path he decided to walk on. He knows his way to find people who want to commit injustice but do not have the balls to do so. The pay is always good—he manages to get a humble house for himself and a car within three months. But money is not always static. The money he gets from his crimes is always shared with Viktor, bills, rent and himself.

He needs to be strategic with finance. One wrong move, Fyodor could get him into the deepest hell of poverty. He is already saving money for his trip to St. Petersburg—the first place he wants to go as he believes Fyodor might be there. Nikolai's passport is also seized and Viktor has confirmed to him that he is blacklisted from even applying for one.

But Nikolai believes he can still go through with this vengeance. After this kidnapping is done and you are finally taken by the loansharks, he will get to other jobs and the cycle will repeat, until he can get to St. Petersburg comfortably.

And once he sees Fyodor again, no amount of guilt shall cage his heart—he hopes.

— ♡

Nikolai squirms and groans hoarsely. The couch is hella uncomfortable and it feels like his back was stomped by a crowd of people. He gets up and stretches, yawning while he is at it. He looks at the clock—it is already ten in the morning. He takes out his phone, checking whether there is a new message from Viktor regarding the job. There is one—Viktor just said he will come to Nikolai's place and figure things out together. Somehow he also mentioned that he was excited to meet the kidnapped girl.

And it concerns Nikolai. He does not want Viktor to have his hands on you. Viktor is trustworthy... but only that much. He is not a nice guy to be around—but well, when Nikolai thinks again, he is not a good person to be around too.

Nikolai replies shortly to the message before he gets to his bedroom. He is nervous for some reason but he swallows it as he approaches the room. He enters.

“Oh, shit!”

Nikolai flinches when he sees you are already awake and sitting up straight on the bed, hugging your knees together. Your baby blue appearance made you look like a ghost in this dull house—like a white flower in the middle of an abandoned building.

“Hello...”

What?

Nikolai blinks confusedly. Why are you not thrashing around and struggling and spouting curses at him? He was pretty sure that you saw him when he kidnapped you last night. He frowns—is this a trick? Well, if that is the case, Nikolai is the wrong person you are trying to trick for sure.

“Do you realize the situation you are in right now?” Nikolai interrogates you as he approaches you, grabbing your tied wrists. You flinch at his roughness and yet you are not backing away. Your wrists already have a thin line of bruise due to the tight ribbon. One wrong twist and it makes you wince in pain.

“I asked you a question, girl.”

“M-My name is—”

“I already know your name.”

“Oh...”

Nikolai sighs. “Hey, if you're trying to play nice just to get on my good side, drop it. I know how to detect a liar, alright? Drop it.” He says harshly as he points his finger at you, nudging your head hard. You turn away, using your hands to shield yourself from his assaulting finger on your head.

“I-I didn't mean it...” You say slowly.

“Hey, hey, don't look away,” Nikolai says before he grabs your jaw, turning your head to face him roughly. “You're in my house now, so we have to establish some rules until you get out of here.”

“O-Oh, I'm not staying...?” You ask, almost like a whisper. Nikolai raises his eyebrow—this girl is weird. He shakes your head roughly again.

“Of course you're not staying. Who the fuck you think you are?”

“I-I thought—”

“Well, clearly you don't think smart enough.” He shoves your head away before he stands straight. You whine, rubbing your jaw with the back of your hands—it is hard to move when your ankles and wrists are being tied like this.

“Is it... because of my father?”

“Smart girl! So you can think after all!” Nikolai claps his hands with his mocking voice echoing in the room. “Why, yes, that's exactly why. I think you can catch what's up with your dad already, right? If you want to blame anyone, blame him. I'm just a courier.”

“I don't think this... will work to get to my father though...”

Nikolai shrugs his shoulder. “Okay? And I don't care. You'll be given to the loansharks very soon and that's it for me.” He says. He looks at you, noticing the strange stare you are giving him. Nikolai narrows his eyes, baffled by the calmness you are projecting—he wants to think that you are just trying to be brave, but this silence, this obedience, this calmness... They throw him off.

“Can I go to the toilet?” You suddenly ask.

“What a good girl, huh? Asking permission to go shit.”

“D-Don't say nasty things like that.”

“And who the fuck do you think you are to police my tone, huh?” Nikolai grunts before he unties the rope around your ankles. Then he grabs one of your ankles, gripping it hard. “Don't think of kicking or attacking me. You're not that strong, girlie.” He says. You nod slowly before your eyes waver to your legs, to him and then your tied wrists.

You bring your tied wrists towards him, quietly asking him to untie them. Nikolai looks at you and then your wrists. He internally sighs before he unties the ribbon that is binding you. You wince when you are finally free. Your hands have a ring of darker shade and it stings when you rub it—your hands feel numb and your joints are straining as you try to move your arms.

Before you could even make a stretch to warm up your body, Nikolai yanks your arm, pulling you out of the bed. His grip is strong and hard and he easily drags you out of the bedroom and to the small bathroom located just by the kitchen.

He pushes the door open and then shoves you into the bathroom—small and just enough for one person to occupy it comfortably. Nikolai knows you won't escape easily—his unit is on the sixth floor and even if you could make your body small enough to slip out from the window in the bathroom, you would not know your way out.

“Make it quick.” He says before he pulls the door to close it. However, your hand holds it right before the door connects to the frame. Nikolai turns to you, seeing your adorable eyes staring back at him between the gap.

“T-Thank you for... letting me sleep on your bed... It was the most comfortable sleep I've ever had.”

And you close the door yourself, locking it.

Nikolai is stunned.

Did you just thank him? For letting you sleep on his bed?

He leans right beside the bathroom door, gazing at the worn-out ceiling. Nikolai pinches the bridge of his nose, pursing his lips. He knows something is wrong with this girl he just kidnapped.

He feels like something is going to happen to him too. Nikolai huffs and gets his phone quickly, messaging Viktor so he will come and figure out what to do with you. Especially when you just said that 'this' would not work with your father—whatever that means.

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

new floormaster?

𝐖𝐎𝐍’𝐓 𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐄 !

𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 @/𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘬𝘰𝘭𝘺𝘢 ’𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘈𝘜 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘕𝘪𝘬𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘪 !! 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳 <3 

@doukeshi-kun

cw : no smut just yet , MDNI still , slight implications of future dark content , reader is an adult in early 20s while nikolai is older , fem reader

A young rising star actress, gaining more and more popularity within each film you star in.

That was you.

And unfortunately for you, you had a very big director with his eyes glued to every move you make. Nikolai Gogol was a very prominent actor and director, he’s been in the business for a long time and he’s good at it. Almost too good.

There’s a lot of mysteries, rumors, more surrounding the man in general despite him being there for so long. Not much is known about his personal life or how he started to rise up. Most of the public just knew that he started off as a child actor.

There’s almost an aura of weariness that people get around him, but his charismatic and mischievous nature keeps pulling them back in for more despite their gut. When he walks, the people shifts and the mood becomes a tide dependent on him due to the air he brings. He knows how to perform and then perform, even when he’s not on the job.

It was only natural that he gained interest in a new star, he was a director after all. That was what most people told you. But there was just something off about him to you, though you never had an actual full conversation with the man besides…

-

“Haha, isn’t it my lucky day! An amazing actress with more amazing work, lovely meeting you.” The man stood before you, giving a small grin before shaking your hand. You’d smile back at him, shaking his hand too.

“Pleasure to meet you Gogol.” You said, your voice firm but sounding polite and friendly. He was a very attractive man, that you couldn’t deny. He was tall, he had pale skin, and pretty white, fluffy hair that was tied in its usual braid. His eyes were something that were easy to get lost into, a green that’s rich like emerald and a shade of a blue that paints the sky. 

Not to mention, the scar that sits on top with a nicely put together outfit. The red tint of his lips made a nice contrast and you couldn’t help but feel a slight dread to hear him speak again for some reason.

“Oh please dear, do call me Nikolai. No need for last names.” He reassures, the smile on his face grew wider, letting out a small chuckle. You felt your chest tighten. Did everyone feel so off when talking to him? 

“Director!”

“Ah, I have to get going. I’ll see you around yeah darl?”

“Of course.”

-

And that was the last you’ve talked to him. It was a while ago, back at an event for god knows what. You’d been to too many for your liking. You still remember the moments where he was glancing at you ever so subtly. 

But now your team came to you with an opportunity, an opportunity to act with him.

-

“It’s a really good chance for you to really get out there. Gogol is one of the best, he’s directing and acting and! He’ll be a great guidance.” Your manager told you, you nodded your head but pursed your lips into a thin line in thought. 

“I don’t know…” You sighed, bouncing your knee while you sat. 

“You’re already gaining a lot of popularity, a boost wouldn’t hurt. You’ve got great skills and a good mindset. You mind if I ask why you’re hesitating?” 

‘Because he’s off! There’s something off about him!’

“Guess I’m just… a little intimidated is all. Don’t get me wrong, I know this is pretty rare for newbies to get invited into such a huge project by someone like him. But I just—”

“He’s been one of your supporters since the start, it’s a good thing he’s interested in you. I get it, it might be overwhelming but that’s just how the industry is. —With that being said, it’s still ultimately your choice.”

You bit your inner cheek. It would be rude to decline an offer from a big shot like him, especially when he’s been supporting your work you figured. And it doesn’t hurt to be curious about him too, only way to figure out more about him is…

“Let him know I accept then.”

‘We’ll see how this goes.’

-

The past few days working with Nikolai, your co-stars, and staff have all went well so far. Your manager was right, so far at least. You were still somewhat skeptical. He was great at guiding people in the right direction. Not only was he easy to talk to but he was friendly, very friendly. 

Almost a little too friendly to you, but you shrugged it off. It must because you’re still somewhat new to the acting scene. You still weren’t sure how to feel.

“Hey darl, how’s my favorite star holding up?” Nikolai’s cheery voice snapped you out of your thoughts, his hand placed on the low of your back. You didn’t think much of it and you smiled at him politely.

“A bit tired but nothing I can’t handle. I’m excited to run upcoming scenes.” You told him, eating a strawberry that they had out on the food table for lunch. You managed to grab a few before they ran out. Your manager always told you it wasn’t good to act with completely empty stomach. He let out a small chuckled, nodding his head.

“Yes, yes! I’m glad you’re having fun dear.” He grinned, but then his eyes trailed to your lips. “Are the strawberries sweet?” He asked, keeping the cheerful expression on his face.

“Yeah, they’re sweeter than I expected. I really like these.” You responded genuinely, grabbing another one. 

“Let me have a taste.” He said, leaning down and eating the strawberry from your hand to his mouth. You were surprised, not expecting him to do something like that so casually. 

‘He smells sweet.’

‘….And his hands are really nice.’

You looked at him still with a surprised expression, letting out a small laugh when you saw his focused face on tasting the the strawberry. You were aware he was probably doing this to make you feel more comfortable and light hearted. At least that’s what you thought to make of his actions.

‘Wait, did I just say he smells sweet? In my head?’

“Yes—”

“Huh?” You cut him off, snapping out of your head. Worried that you had said your thoughts out loud, you turn your face to his more directly. He raises a brow at you, an amused look on his face.

“I was about to say, yes you are right. They are pretty sweet but it looks like you have something on your mind honey.” He tells you, nothing ever goes unnoticed by him.

“O-Oh! It’s nothing, sorry I was just thinking about something random.” You try to explain, there’s no way you’re going to explain what you thought about him to him. That was weird. He’s weird… okay but maybe you’re weird too for thinking that of him-

“You always look so tense around me darling, you always have something on your mind don’t you?” He chuckles. “Dim your worried thoughts pretty thing. I’m not gonna bite you.” 

…Okay yeah he is weird.

But for some reason, your cheeks feel like they were growing warmer. 

“Unless you want me too.”

You didn’t quite catch what he said that moment, so now it was your turn to look at him a little amused snd confused. 

“What was that?”

“Oh nothing nothing dear!” He rubs the inner of your wrist quickly with his thumb, standing back up straight and patting you on the back. He let out a small light hearted laugh. “Oh you’re so cute. Relax okay? This is your first time working with a huge director isn’t it? —Ah maybe that sounds too arrogant of me. I’m just rather familiar with the position is all.” 

“Y-Yeah it is, you know just wanna do my best.” You stammer a bit, nodding your head in agreement.

“You’re already doing so good for me sweetheart, you’re gonna be just fine.” He reassures you, he was a little too good at eye contact. “Actually, you know what? Say, are you free after the shoot?”

You blink.

Where did this come from? What did he plan to do? Why was he asking? You had to come up with an answer. Quick. There wasn’t any time to think-

“Uh, you know I think I am? I don’t usually have anything planned after shoots.”

‘Fuck. What was that?’ 

You internally started cursing at yourself. You initially planned to deny, a thing your gut was screaming at you to do. But you couldn’t think right when he looked at you. It almost seemed sly in the way he smirked.

“How about this? After this shoot is done, go home and get dressed. Come over to my place for dinner yeah darl? I’ll give you some advice, I would just tell you now but we have to run the next scene in about 30? And I don’t wanna stay at the studio much longer after. What do you say?” He asks, tilting his head ever so slightly.

‘There’s no backing out now..’

“Sure, that sounds good to me.” You gave him a sheepish smile. A grin was too swift to grow on his face before relaxing into a casual smile. He reached for his phone, it was different from the usual phone he uses. It must’ve been a personal phone. You figured you should grab your own too.

“Here you go.” He says, handing you his phone and swapping with you. You both take a few moments to put in your numbers and for some reason, you feel as if you’ve greatly messed up. You both swapped the phones back. “There’s my number, give me a call before you’re on your way dear.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you.” You told him, now somewhat nervous to look up at him again.

“Gogol! Makeup touch ups!” A staff called out for him, your makeup artist was also probably looking for you.

“I’ll be seeing you later.” He winks at you, walking away. You let out a small laugh, nervous. You finished the strawberry off quickly, tossing it into the trash before walking off to find your makeup artist.

This is too weird.

dividers : @/cafekitsune

Wacky little thought, but what if this movie had an actual impact on 'Hikaru's feelings for Yoshiki and how he acts towards him?

He's so upset at the plight of this woman who gets treated by her husband as if she's completely replacable, and he goes on to fully dedicate himself to Yoshiki, shaping himself, learning human morals and mannerisms, making extreme sacrifices for and letting himself be hurt by him both mentally and physically. Choosing Yoshiki time and time again. The complete opposite of the man in the movie.

This idea first came to me because of the "you're a demon in the flesh" line. It seems just a bit too pointed to be meaningless.

Ily Nikolai you're our pookie wookie baby girl pls become real

it's a crime that nikolai isn't real smh smh

Fool’s gold

nikolai and the pursuit of freedom

wowzers wouldja look at that !! welcome to: nyx gets better at essay structure

quick little thing abt how nikolai views freedom altho its not super in depth sorry nikolai fans :ppp

anyway pls enjoy! (i dont think any trigger warnings apply but please let me know if there are and i will tag them/gen)

It’s time for a quiz! How does one become free?

It’s a question that Nikolai has contemplated for, seemingly, years. Nikolai works in strange ways in a desperate attempt to liberate himself from all emotions, permanently.

The conclusion that Nikolai has drawn is that being alive is a cage. Being human is a cage. Wishing for freedom like that of a bird’s, Nikolai rejects his emotions in all ways possible.

This is because Nikolai believes that freedom is found in defiance, just as birds must defy gravity in order to fly. And so, Nikolai contradicts his very nature. He displays a clownish persona, not to hide his true, contemplative self, but to lose it completely. Nikolai doesn’t kill because he cares not for human life, but it’s precisely because he does that he feels the need to contradict his aversion to cruelty by harming others. In order to be free, by Nikolai’s definition, he must completely forget his original self to become something free.

In a sense, this alienates him. Very few acknowledge the restrictive nature of following one’s emotions, and very few understand why he would conduct himself how he does. There is only one individual who Nikolai truly believed understood him, and that would be the heavily intelligent Fyodor.

Acknowledging Nikolai’s desire to lose sight of his original personality and contradict his thoughts at every turn was Fyodor Dostoevsky. And Nikolai is moved, he feels his essence to be understood by Fyodor in a way that is so alien to him to the point that it almost hurts. Nikolai truly loves how it feels to be understood by someone. It appears that, in being understood, he only drifts further from his goal. 

Experiencing adoration like never before towards Fyodor, Nikolai resolves to kill him. To wipe from the face of the earth the one who understands him so that Nikolai can go back to complete incomprehensibility in the eyes of others because Nikolai does not wish for understanding. He wishes for freedom, and being understood does not have a place in Nikolai’s definition.

If there are specific events which have led to Nikolai’s resolve at all is still unknown. However, a reader can only hope to see where exactly Nikolai’s pursuit to freedom will take him. How far he can go before he twists into a monster, trapped by his own definition of freedom.

Bro switched teams

HELLO?????? THE FORESHADOWING???.

a fragile-hearted monster & a warm beautiful soul