A Lot Of You Aren't Interested In Identities As Avenues For Meaningful Self-understanding, Or For Organization

Elaine Castillo, America Is Not The Heart Jeanette Winterson, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit Ijeoma Umebinyuo, ‘Confessions’, Questions for Ada Mohamad Hafez, Baggage series Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead Revisited Anne Carson, ‘The Glass Essay’, Glass, Irony, and God Margaret Atwood, ‘November’, You Are Happy Richard Siken, ‘Boot Theory’, Crush

everybodys a tough guy until 16 old draws a sword

hey. don't cry. I went to Mad At You island and none of your friends were there :)

Post cards 💕

was on the phone with my oldest sister two days ago, after a long long day. on the floor of my bedroom, full face of makeup and sweat on my forehead. she said 'you know our mother is a bit cruel right? more than others' and. she's right. that also wasn't the right moment to be saying that. how could i tell her 'you haven't lived with her in six years. i've seen her nearly every single day. she's crueler and sadder and more pitiful than ever. you're right. she's cruel. how could u say that so easily though. she's made me cry nearly every day for over a month. you've been her daughter ten years longer than i have. how could you call her cruel. have you forgotten what its like to be her daughter? now that you're a mother. now that motherhood holds more meaning to you. now that motherhood isnt only the way our mother gave her all to give us the healthiest, strongest bodies but forgot to give us healthy minds. do you just remember her as cruel? though its been years since you were subjected to it?"

i didnt say all that though. just. 'yea, wouldnt i know it'

i don’t know how to say these things in a nice way because my nerves have been fried for quite some time and i’m basically running on empty right now but i wanted to write about anti-asian sentiment, and more specifically, how people can address it.

there are a lot of posts with a lot of notes going around coming from very well-meaning people about how we can combat anti-asian sentiment by fighting cultural appropriation or stopping insults about food and whatnot, and i understand the impulse, but the fact is this: anti-asian sentiment is rooted in white supremacy, in colonialism, and in imperialism, and those things cannot be stopped by simply teaching people to say our names correctly.

if you want to end anti-asian sentiment, we must end white supremacy and imperialism. if you want to end white supremacy and imperialism, you must learn about the histories of white supremacy and imperialism— not only in asia, but across the world. it is crucial that we, as asians, unite ourselves with other colonized people to fight these systems. i invite others to move past the badge of allyship and truly learn what it means to commit yourself to the fight against white supremacy and imperialism, and then do it. 

now, more specifically: when we think about the 8 people who were killed in atlanta this week, we understand that they were targeted because of their asianness, yes, even knowing that all who died were not asian— but they were targeted also because of their class, the line of work they were in, their migration status, their gender. the women who were murdered were at particular risk because they were working-class migrant women who worked in a massage parlor, and who may have been s*x w*rk*rs. this is absolutely crucial to understand! you cannot understand their deaths as being separate from war crimes committed by the united states in vietnam, or from the sex tourism industry in southeast asia.

even when we think about the spate of attacks on asians on the street, or at the train station, or on public transit, who is being targeted? the majority of these attacks are on working-class, low-income migrant elders. there are other attacks, still, that i have heard that have targeted asian women specifically. these, too, are acts of violence tied to white supremacy and imperialism. so understanding this– if a white man approaches me, or my sister, or my migrant neighbors with intent to harm us, what good does it do if he is educated about how to pronounce my name, or if he knows how to use chopsticks respectfully? 

these are just some thoughts i am having that i think are missing from the conversation, at least on this website. thank you for reading if you have gotten this far. i hope this makes sense. i truly pray for the downfall of imperialism every single day.

if you are looking for places to learn more, or to donate, please check out the following organizations. i am in new york, so some of these orgs will be local to me, but i have tried to include national orgs i know of that are doing good work. thank you.

Nodutdol – donation link for NYC-based community organization of Koreans in the US against war and militarism

Desis Rising Up and Moving (DRUM) – donation link for NYC-based org of South Asian and Indo-Caribbean working class people fighting for economic justice

BAYAN USA – USA-based alliance of grassroots organizations working towards national democracy in the Philippines. there is a donation link on their website. this is the overseas chapter– the main organization is in the Philippines. 

Red Canary Song – donation link for US-based grassroots collective of Asian migrant s/x w/rk/rs 

Butterfly – donation link for Toronto-based Asian and migrant s/x w/rk/rs network

Atlanta-area spa shootings fundraisers – GoFundMe donation links for families affected by the Mar 16 murders 

Some warm poetry, for cold evenings:

Molly Fisk, “Winter Sun” (We can make do with so little / just the hint of warmth, the slanted light.)

Pat Schneider, “The Patience of Ordinary Things” (It is a kind of love, is it not? / how the cup holds the tea.)

Barbara Ras, “Bite Every Sorrow” (You can speak a foreign language, sometimes / and it can mean something.)

Jack Gilbert, “Failing and Flying” (Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.)

Lisel Mueller, “Things” (Even what was beyond us / was recast in our image; / we gave the country a heart, / the storm an eye)

Rabindranath Tagore, “On the Seashore” (The sea plays with children, and pale gleams the smile of the sea-beach / On the seashore of endless worlds children meet)

John O’Donohue, “Matins” (May I live this day / Compassionate of heart / Gentle in word / Courageous in thought)

Wallace Stevens, “The House Was Quiet and The World Was Calm” (The summer night is like a perfection of thought. / The house was quiet because it had to be)

Brian Patten, “Inessential Things” (Cats remember what is essential of days)

Emily Dickinson, “Simplicity” (How happy is the little stone / that rambles in the road, alone)

Yi Lu, “Valley’s Green” (flowers like tiny saucers — little bowls — little cups / filled to the brim with their own colors)

Jacques Prévert, “How to Paint a Bird’s Portrait” (When the bird comes / if it comes / observe the most profound silence)

Archibald MacLeish, “Eleven” (Happy as though he had no name, as though
 / He had been no one: like a leaf, a stem,
 / Like a root growing…)

Denise Levertov, “A Woman Alone” (Then / self-pity dries up, a joy / untainted by guilt lifts her. / She has fears, but not about loneliness)

Richard Brautigan, “Your Catfish Friend” (I’d love you and be your catfish / friend and drive such lonely / thoughts from your mind)

Linda Gregg, “The Letter” (I’m not feeling strong yet, but I am taking
 / good care of myself)

Andrew Lang, “Ballade of True Wisdom” (And I’d leave all the hurry, the noise, and the fray, / For a house full of books, and a garden of flowers)

Ada Limón, “The Raincoat” (my whole life I’ve been under her / raincoat thinking it was somehow a marvel / that I never got wet.)

Jorge Luis Borges, “The Just” (These people, unaware, are saving the world)

Wendell Berry, “The Peace of Wild Things” (I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.)

tips for future and current psych majors from a psych major

know that psychology isn’t just having someone sit on a couch and talk about their feelings. there’s research, psychiatry (the more chemistry side of psych), music therapy, clinical psychology, counseling psychology, and so. much. more.

figure out your final goal. there are literally hundreds (ok i may be exaggerating) of different fields within psychology, so work backwards

do some research and determine a couple fields of psych that you may want to get a job in after you graduate. there’s research, therapy, clinical psychology, school psychology, etc. it doesn’t have to be one final choice, it could be more than one, but it’s good to narrow it down to a few and have an idea for your top choice.

take classes related to the fields you’ve chosen to help you get a better understanding of what your future career would be like, and from there figure out which class’ material you liked the best (material. not the best teacher). this will help you narrow down to your top choices and help you feel more confident in your goals.

know that you don’t really have to choose until maybe your 3rd or even 4th year of college. and even then, you don’t really have to choose until after you graduate and are looking for a job, but having a field in mind will help you feel more prepared for life after college

know that there is a lot of memorization. parts of the brain, different emotions, diseases, ground breaking studies; you will need to memorize all of these things. flash cards will become your best friend when memorizing this stuff.

brain diagrams are everywhere. a lot of psychology crosses over into neurology, and you’ll have to learn what specific parts of the brain are responsible for different functions. it helps to draw out these diagrams and color code them for each section of the brain. they don’t have to look pretty. an oval with a vertical line going down the middle is good enough to get the general idea of a brain.

expect big class sizes. 100 and 200 level psychology courses are common electives among non-psych majors, so know that a lot of your classes in your first year or two will most likely be lecture classes, meaning you’ll have to do the majority of the learning on your own. this is when it’s very important to hold yourself accountable for your learning and to study on a regular schedule.

take part in experiments if you can. pretty much every college has student-run research experiments that you can be a subject in (and sometimes they’ll pay you to participate). be a participant in as many as you can. not only are they fun and interesting, but they’ll give you a better understanding of what to expect in higher level courses.

know that your professors are there for you. most psych professors are the nicest people you’ll ever meet. and since they’re experts in psychology, they understand the stress you are under and they are typically more than happy to answer questions or even just be an ear to listen while you vent.

if you can, get ahead in your classes. look ahead in your text books, get notes from people who have already taken the class before, or just watch psych videos like Crash Course to familiarize yourself with stuff you’ll probably need to learn at some point. and this goes for every class/major. it’s a very easy way to not feel like you’re drowning when you have a difficult class. (i’m more than happy to share some of my psych notes with anyone! message me and i can send you some of my notes if you want!)

use yourself as a reference. a big part of psychology is personality and behavior, and you yourself are a prime example of a personality. take personality quizzes and find out more about yourself the help you learn why you are the way you are. it will give you a better understanding of how the brain works and it may help you make connections in some topics. (click here for one of my new favorite personality tests app)

if you have any questions, feel free to message me and ask! i’m an educational psycholgy (major) and special education (minor) student, and i’m going to start taking graduate level classes in a year to get a masters in educational psych, so hopefully i’ll be able to answer your questions to the best of my ability. and if not, hopefully i’ll at least be able to point you in the right direction! love you guys! - sam xx