2016 - Blog Posts
The Oscars & La La Land
Many passionate people were worried this year that Damian Chazelle’s La La Land would steal the award of Best Picture from the daring project, titled Moonlight. To their great avail, it did not happen but I was rather confused by the arguments they presented as ground for Moonlight to win. Surprisingly it never came up that it would be simply a quality film, worthy in its own right to win. The main reason was its theme.
While I myself am decidedly left-leaning, for me the Academy Awards are about excellence in film. Yet, I see a multitude of people, sharing my convictions, being completely biased toward or against certain artistic creations based on said convictions. For example, a loud outlet of ideas and opinions, Vox, made a video, which highlighted that the current voting system of the Oscars favors the films that have the highest general esteem, as opposed to other ones, which may be polarizing but have the most individual votes. While either way would be legitimate and fine, the preferential voting system might be a bit more precisely geared toward rightly selecting victors. The basic concept is key: we are looking for the best film of the year. If we get a polarizing winner, there will be a powerful minority--even more, since we’re not having a choice of 2 pieces but of multiple, so probably a majority that opposes the winning movie. Thus this system of selection can prove completely erroneous, since the largest minority deems a movie good, while the majority may say it is actually a product of poor filmmaking.
Now I am happy for Moonlight to have won the award but it has to be absolutely clear what its victory means: it is the best picture of the year from an artistic-commercial standpoint. As trivial as it sounds, most advocates of this film called it worthy and important for political, or human rights reasons. It seems progressive to award movies with politically progressive themes but Moonlight’s excellence cannot lie in the skin color of its actors. It can win awards for that but not by the Academy but by organizations or political agents.
In fact I posit a film’s political merits are unimportant details, when it comes to the Oscars. And if for many more decades we wouldn’t see black crews getting the award for best picture, it wouldn’t matter from the perspective of the legitimacy of the Academy or the prestige of the prize. It would and should mean that there are no good enough films made about this subject matter. Moonlight was this year’s best picture, according to the Academy, for its cinematic merits. Even so, were the case different, had they won because of the theme of the lives of people of color, their achievement would be nullified--their Oscar would become meaningless.
In my opinion La La Land was a rightful contender. The fact that it dealt with life in Hollywood was not a red flag of being Oscar bait. The truth of the matter is, most mainstream directors are actually passionate about the industry and the place, they wake up with it on their minds and go to bed with it--it permeates their everyday, they get their joy from it, even their bread from it.
Damian Chazelle is well-known for his love of films akin to his own creation, so its his genuine love-child. It, in a way, goes against Hollywood shallowness by depleting the idea of easy living presented by classic musicals and generic rom-coms in a witty, satirical way. It is an achievement. But that is just one facet of the movie, designed for people who breathe that in daily. On a deeper level there is a very unique, yet old idea explained to us in great fashion: the dreams and passions define people’s personalities.
Its truth can be argued but it hit a chord with many a viewers. The general expectation toward any musical is that it should be light and alleviating from the pains of the real world. In La La Land we get just the opposite: we have to face our internal conflicts and routine compromises that corrupt us and make our lives mediocre. Of course, there is a great narrative balance: we get something to learn and we get a little escapade. The profound idea and conflict is our lesson and the shimmering sets, combined with the ghastly beauty of the music is our break from reality.
La La Land reverberates the old American way of grand gestures and grandiose ambitions. It slowly died out from the everydays in the ‘60s but they are surfacing again in the works of this writer-director.
Finally, I cannot end without praising La La Land’s ending. There are almost as many interpretations as there were audience members. One can easily find convincing and intelligent opinions, which certainly seem to coincide with the creator’s vision. However, returning to the underlying concept of the film I think the strongest side of it is how it shows the characters’ humanity, idealized but torn down to the ruins.
The most obvious thought about the final sequence is that “it should have been” their story. At the end of the movie we have a lot of sympathy toward the protagonists and we are greatly saddened by the failure of their relationship. However, we should try to step outside from our perspectives, after all, that is what immersion is all about... From the characters’ point of view we find the same summary of “it should have been”, but it means more than from the mouth of someone sitting in a movie theater. It means “I have erred, I should have done it differently.” I think this is a great addition to the already intriguing basic concept.
The main characters have cultivated their dreams and passions and thus their personalities have become the amazing thing they always wanted--it is inspirational, yet not unrealistic. It is actually a viable route in life to develop ourselves in fields we are passionate about, people do not lose their fortunes because of their dreams or passions but because of external hardships or internal flaws. But this inspiring journey is contrasted with a personal failure. Love is undeniably an important part of life--it is argued against only by the cynics. On the forefront of human happiness we find both personal growth and love. These both determine our happiness and it is not a zero sum game, where we must choose one of the two. But it is true that we can be successful at one and lose tragically on the other.
Amy Purdy's 2016 photoshoot for Strong Fitness Magazine.
I am haunted by the photograph of Amber Heard sobbing in her car after leaving the courtroom where she was granted a restraining order against Johnny Depp. I see her hand in front of her open mouth, eyes squinted shut, cheeks shiny. She appears to be gasping. In the past week, the vision of Heard’s face has accompanied me through everything I have done. The photo hurts. I have cried those same tears.
I believe Heard. Her story is too familiar for me not to. I was not married to a celebrity, nor was I a supermodel. My abuser and I were decidedly average. Still, like Depp, my abuser was beloved by nearly everyone who knew him. My abuser was a man who was regarded as kind and gentle, who was always willing to help those in need, who listened more than he talked, who offered hugs freely, and who knew how to make everyone around him feel special.
None of those characteristics kept him from hitting me, but they did keep other people from believing me.
In many ways, my abuser was more likable than I was, so when he was arrested for domestic battery, it was a shock to those who knew us both. I had carefully protected him—not out of some kind of ulterior motive, but out of love. Hope was a drug that kept me tethered to the man who hurt me. Hope was a drug that was hard to kick. I imagined that the moment that Heard was granted that restraining order, she had to give up hope that she could be with the man she loved.
This is why it is so difficult for me to observe the way the media and the American public are talking about Heard. Many of the things that have been said about her were also said about me. I am part of a community of survivors, and we are hurting. The things we are hearing—that she is manipulative and opportunistic, that she didn’t get along with his family, that she was the abusive one—hurt us because we have already heard it. We heard the same stuff when we left our own abusers. The narrative remains unchanged.
Time passes, wounds heal, and people move on, but some things never stop hurting. For me, and so many other survivors, being blamed for our abuse will never stop hurting.
I could list the other ways that my story resembles Heard’s. That, although my abuser was arrested, I did not want to press charges. That I was more interested in protecting him and our privacy than I was in protecting myself. That the police did not look for injuries when they first arrived at my home. That the police failed to recognize the extent of my suffering. That, although the police did eventually discover my injuries and had to arrest him, I never felt that they had any protective motivations. That there were far more incidents in the history of my marriage where the injuries were not visible. That bruises, so often, do not materialize until the next day. That the moment I left my abuser was not triumphant; rather, it was a moment of face contorting tears. That I, too, smiled in the days after I left, but not because I was happy. I smiled because, by then, I knew how to smile through suffering.
There are many other resemblances that I could list, but I am no longer interested in asserting my legitimacy as a victim. Instead, I am interested in asserting my value as a human who deserves to believed, in asserting the value of all of us—the quarter of all women in the United States—who have experienced domestic violence.
There is a scene in the movie Room where the grandfather keeps his head turned away from his grandson. The grandfather cannot bear to look; he squints his eyes shut, so that he does not have to be a witness to that pain. The grandfather’s refusal to look is an act of cowardice. In order to bear witness, we must look. Bearing witness means acknowledging what has happened, that it is unequivocally wrong, and that it was not the victim’s fault. Bearing witness hurts, but is necessary. It is necessary for Heard, it is necessary for me, and it is necessary for the millions of other survivors of domestic violence in our country. We need you to open your eyes. We need you to look at us. I tell myself that, when you see us, things will change. I tell myself that, when you see us, you’ll finally believe us.
I’ve been looking sad in all the nicest places
Taylor Swift at the St Pancras Renaissance Hotel in the “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever” music video.
Watch Lady Gaga - Marry The Night (Official Audio) on YouTube Music
"How Time Heals"
Time heals everything they say
From seconds to minutes into hours
Life begins a new day
What the real question is,
Is where do these fragments of time go?
The days turn to weeks that start months
Then years and so forth.
The past isn't always forgotten
But the present is always current.
While the future can't be promised,
But always longed for.
The longing for what's to come is
Where the healing takes place.
You tend to no longer feel the pain
If you allow yourself not to dwell.
Even if you stay stuck in the past,
Eventually you must accept the future,
Which can allow enjoyment for the present.
To learn to let go, leave it be
And happiness you shall see..
Poem written on: August 22nd 2016.
Halsey - Vision *Unreleased*
Pinky's Brain
As I bump my head the pain lingers,
I slowly feel my scalp with my fingers
The touch of hair and skin
But what I want to feel, is the brain within
I try to imagine the texture under skull
Shall I grab a knife not sharpened but dull?
To make the incision more difficult
Nothing easy, more complex like my mind
I want this task to take time.
Get down to each section, starting left
Then right. Cut it through the center
Of my crown that has surrendered.
Giving up a piece of myself to fully
Understand myself I am my own..
Experiment. I am the rat.
Written on: August, 21st 2016.
Jar of Human
Written on: November 9th, 2016..
Tears are for losers who can't fight it
Those who have only lost sight of it
Forgotten their guard must stay up
Eyes locked on the other's play by play
Not really a game but a way of living
Crying would just be giving
They don't deserve the salt.
So, I'll keep it bottled up inside
All of these emotions I'll hide
Bottle of emotions, jar of human
Pieces that make me, fragments that create
Keep it tucked away, hidden deep within
Let them keep searching for what they'll
Never Reach.
Once someone gets close enough to see
Block their visions and take the key
Lock them out, change your code
Made to forget, what was shown
Their brain reprogrammed, wash away
A new four digit to punch that day
Keep them guessing, it's fun that way.
Written at Age: 29.
Pictures shown, age: 36.
Noted: Adding filter to the phone's camera for effect but once back into print.. all by the book then.
Collector / 2016
Ive been off of the scene working hard, and gearing up for #NYC. I'm on the #FugginRoad2TeamBackPack, where ill go up against other MCees from all around the world for a chance in the #ultimate #rap #cypher. Stay Tuned... Shot by @slytheclever #FR2TBP #JohnFugginDough #IAmFugginAmazin #HardWork #2016 #TakeOver
Why my face looks like the lemonade was too sour? #Testify ft @biggfatts http://ow.ly/3zsGvQ #StudyGroup Available for #purchase and streaming now #SupportTheUnderground #IAmFugginAmazin #johnfuggindough #LetsGetIt #2016 #Support #GrindPayz #BoxGAWD
When a dope video Grapher like @directedbypep calls it dope....it's dope...#Testify ft. @biggfatts and shot by @visually_dex http://ow.ly/3zsGvQ #StudyGroup Available for purchase and streaming now #SupportTheUnderground #IAmFugginAmazin #johnfuggindough #LetsGetIt #2016 #Support #GrindPayz #BoxGAWD
Getting close to the top... #Tune in to my interview in 10 minutes with @thcrewhouston www.texas101jams.com to listen, 713-575-9607 to call in #THCrewHouston #texas #Texas101Jams #IAmFugginAmazin #JohnFugginDough #StudyGroup #Testify #Tandem #AintShit2It #2016
You guys never got Nerve it was such a vibe and a relic of its time.
ALSO THE OVERARCHING MESSAGE?
happy pretty close to 8 year anniversary to my first tumblr post i am so glad i never get rid of anything because these photos from pinterest totally helped shape my brain back when i was 13 and even though i dont really have this vibe anymore and i totally forgot about it there is this not-quite-nostalgia feeling associated with them that literally nothing else but a very specific mixture of wattpad/the first fantastic beasts and where to find them movie/haikyuu fanfic set during high school/and white converse can achieve
This year's YouTube rewind is just gonna be 5 minutes of everyone screaming while killer clowns, presidential candidates, and bad memes dance in the background.
Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection
Baby trying to eat hard food for the first time. Listen to his determination!!
I have a feeling this will become iconic in due time.
how can lawyers argue without crying