4n4r3x1c - Blog Posts
Back on board
After 2 months of binging I’ve gained 7kg and I’m back on board to start working it all off mainly because I desperately want to kill myself and I’ve seen a few recent photos of me and I’m pretty sure that if I continue I’m never going to stop
I’m back at the starting weight of 75kg
I know I’ve gained a lot in two months an you probably think it will be easier to just kill myself but I am willing to try and actually not be such a fuxking fat ass
I’m going to kill myself
I’ve got the pills and this time it will kill me
I am so sick of this fucking pain, being at the weight, the voices, the thoughts. I’m fucking over it all
I’m sick of uni, sick of people and relationships and sick of never getting the help I need
Bye everyone and I apologise for every being in your life
Was feeling really hungry today to I waited for dinner and had some squid + veggies with long grain rice (picked most of it off) + beetroot (max of 400 cals)
Also had some fruit salad which was max of (150 cals)
So I’m total I had 550 cals
Not a good day today not a good day at all!
And to top that off I relapsed on self harm after being 3 weeks clean
I’m not usually scared of liquid calories but today I had 2 McDonald’s coffee frappe (no whipped cream and no chocolate drizzle) but I’m still fuxking scared of how many calories I had today even tho I only ate 200 calories.
I’m not usually this scared of liquid cals, I avoid them where I can but I’ve got my safe drinks which is caramel latte (120 cals wit milk) and McDonald’s coffee frappe (no cream or chocolate) (400 cals) which usually make me happy and not give me a panic attack like they did today. I’ve had so many calories today it’s not funny and I’m positive I’m gonna gain weight!
I just want to throw myself of a bridge for letting myself have this many calories, it’s like I want to stay fat at this point.
I’m so over myself and I just want this to end
how many calories do you eat a day?
I fast most of the time but when I eat it’s always under 500 cals + 100 cals for my morning coffee. 🤗
I don’t recommend this as I keep losing my sight and hearing due to malnourishment which is scary but I just can’t eat.
Stay safe x
HELLO EVERYONE, I HIT MY NEXT GOAL WEIGHT OF 68kg WEIGHING IN AT 67.90kg
In 12 weeks I’ve managed to lose 9.10kg (20lbs) and 17.10kg (37.6lbs) since my high weight.
Current BMI 25.2
Next gw
65kg/143lbs
Egh I’ve hit a plateau and keep jumping around the 72kg mark and it’s making me want to kms