Actually Obsessive - Blog Posts

If you are with me, only me, giving me all your attention, its like a sun in my head.

The shadows disappear. You make them disappear easily. You are my sun. I would do everything for you. I mirror you to be perfect for you.

But the sun is hot as fire and fire burns everything down.

If you go, the sun goes. The shadows are back, worser. Because you aren't there.

And suddenly i am alone. You hate me. You will leave me. You play with me. You will replace me.

Then you text me a simple "Hey, can you help me later?"

And even though the shadows stay, i feel useful. I look forward to help you.

But then there are other people to help you too. And i am useless again. Replaceable.

But I help you. My body hurts and feels heavy, but I am here to help you.

And once you don't need my help anymore, once i get into the safe place of my own four walls, i collapse. It hurts, really much.

Is that what dying feels like? Its probably more peaceful.

The flames that 'save' me are also the flames that easily 'kill' me. I wonder if my shadows ever hurt you?

No split was ever strong enough to break my attachment to you. You say "come here" and i run. Because i have a task. I am useful.

I don't love you romantically. You are like a older sibling.

I am sorry. I know I am unhealthy obsessive. Also i don't know how to stop it. I just try & fight to keep the chaos inside of me.

You are my favorite person.

I hate you, but my love for you will always return. Even if i kill you in the back of my mind, one single nice word of yours revives you.

My inner child can sleep trough the whole night if i am at your place.

You showed me how to live.

You will always be the most Important person for me. Even if you do replace me one day. As long as I live, i am here for you.

I mean it. With two broken legs i would get up for you. Only you.

This is exactly what I need! I'm so disgustingly codependent but most guys don't seem to like that. I just need a father figure who will do everything for me and do disgusting things to my body. I don't think that's asking for much 😞

I want you as you are, my love. if you're codependent, you can depend on me. if you're clingy then ill never let you leave my hip. if you're angry, ill stroke your skin until your mind calms. if you're anxious, ill soothe your fears by staying. if you're scared ill keep you safe in my arms.

you'll never even have to ask, just give me your all.

Nahhh I don't got a problem y'all i swear-

(it's up to 230 now-)

I hate feeling judged for being overly obsessive. Like sure you don’t like the way I like but you don’t have to shame me for it. You make me seem like an alien