Batboys - Blog Posts
I hate canon Bruce Wayne hitting his kids so how does he discipline them WITHOUT abuse?
(where's that post about how anything can be a punishment if you frame it as one)
———————
Dick: *breaks the chandelier while swinging from it*
Bruce: *hands him a broom*
Dick: Yeah that's fair.
Bruce: Also you have to use the Batman plate at dinner.
Dick: Please no, I hate that plate.
Bruce: You should've thought about that before.
———————
Tim: *logs into the Batcomputer without permission*
Bruce: And what do you think you're doing?
Tim: I know I've been benched but I just need to—
Bruce: Sit.
Tim: *sits down*
Bruce: *puts on The Bee Movie*
Bruce: If you insist on being down here while injured, then you're gonna watch this in its entirety.
———————
Cass: *blinks*
Bruce: And you think that's an excuse?
Cass: *blinks*
Bruce: We're going for a drive and I'm picking the music.
Cass: *blinks*
Bruce: Maybe you'll take this as a lesson.
———————
Jason: *causes a crime scene*
Jason: Go ahead, punish me. I'll still be right.
Bruce: *takes out a marker*
Bruce: *draws a mustache on Jason's helmet*
Bruce: It'll wash off in three weeks.
Jason: WHAT?!
Bruce: Actions have consequences.
———————
Steph: *breaks protocol*
Bruce: Go change your cape in the car.
Steph: That's not fair!
Bruce: That's the rule.
Steph: *grumbles and puts on a cape that's a slightly different shade of purple from the rest of her suit*
———————
Duke: *sneaks in after curfew*
Bruce: *flicks the light on*
Bruce: Do you know what time it is?
Duke: I can explain—
Bruce: Yogurt. Now.
Duke: But I don't want yogurt.
Bruce: I don't care. Go eat a cup of yogurt and think about what you did.
———————
Damian: *drops his fork at dinner*
Damian: Fuck.
Bruce: *pulls out a straw*
Damian: You wouldn't.
Bruce: *takes a sip of Damian's drink*
Damian: I hate this family.
Dick, eating off the Bat-plate: You and me both.
I might use this. Oh my god. I’m going to use this for my Damian and Tim time travel thing.
Red Hood comes back and everything's the same except Bruce doesn't realise that while Jason's still pissed at him, it's more of a familial feud than it is a genuine casting himself away from the family forever. Jason's under the impression that what's going on between him and B is just normal teenage rebellion- after all, Dick basically did the same shit when they were younger, he remembers sitting on top of the stairs and listening to the arguments, hell he remembers eating popcorn while stood in the middle of a couple of them. they're a family of fucked up vigilantes, it makes sense to him that their father-son brawls are just as dramatic as the rest of their lives.
after the rooftop showdown where Bruce saves the Joker he gets into the batmobile, slightly depressed that he has to go back home and tell Alfred that he failed oh so spectacularly at convincing Jason to come home and probably actually made things a 100% worse and oh god when he finds out about the batarang-
Red Hood opens the passenger door and gets into the car
Jason: jesus christ B are you THAT fucking stubborn? YOU ALMOST DECAPITATED ME WITH THAT THING
Bruce:
Jason: whatever. actually, don't fucking talk to me. I'm not continuing this until next patrol where trust me I WILL be shooting you in the neck.
Bruce: ...w-
Jason: CAN YOU HURRY UP AND FUCKING DRIVE ALREADY? Jesus it's fucking freezing out and the heater isn't even on!
Bruce has absolutely no fucking clue what's going on. He continues to stare in the very rare Batman Bafflement that only his kids have ever managed to get out of him.
Is Jason... coming home with him?
He's so shocked at the sudden turn of events, so scared of flinching slightly in the wrong direction and ruining whatever the fuck convinced his son to actually get in the car with him, that he decides in a moment of pure panic to not question it. He turns the car on, silently turns on the heater, and proceeds to white knuckle the steering wheel and stiffly drive back to the manor, terrified that even breathing too loud will disrupt the way the Red Hood is spitefully messing with the radio station until it's playing Bruce's least favourite station at a way-too-loud volume.
when they get home Jason flips Bruce off and goes straight to the kitchen, dishing himself up some food from the dinner table with a couple of casual greeting grunts as if everyone isn't staring at him in shock and awe. Bruce comes in behind him and shrugs helplessly. Dick's face has gone white, and he's clutching his glass so hard it's started to splinter in his hands. Tim's the only person who manages to get past it all, blinking up at Jason's massive hulking frame.
Tim: I thought you hated us now
Jason: *eating, gives a questioning hum*
Tim: you keep fighting with Batman
Jason: yeah, fuck batman. I'm so pissed at him right now
Bruce: h-
Jason: Shut the fuck up I'm still mad at you.
Jason, to Tim: it's family tradition to hate Bruce and strike out on your own. Doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed Alfie's impeccable cooking.
Tim:
Tim: ...you also tried to kill me
Jason: you replaced me as Robin. an attempt on your life is also family tradition. Dick tried to kill me a month after I took up the mantle
Tim:
Dick, so exasperated it breaks him out of his shock: oh come on, it was not a murder attempt-
Jason, slamming his fist on the table: I HAVE A PEANUT ALLERGY AND YOU TRIED TO FEED ME A SNICKERS BAR!
Dick: FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T KNOW-
Bruce, desperate: boys-
Jason, whirling around: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TALKING TO ME?
Bruce:
Jason: oh that reminds me. hey Alfred? guess what B did like twenty minutes ago.
Alfred: ..?
Bruce: Jaylad please-
Jason: he threw a batarang at my neck.
Alfred:
Bruce:
Alfred: master Bruce-
Bruce quite honestly would have preferred it if Jason was a villain instead of a rebellious teen.
My personal order:
Dick- the Heir, the First
Jason- The Lost Son, The Returned
Tim- The Favored, The Savior(because Tim saved B from himself)
Damian- The Blood Son, The Baby
If chaos was personified I think it would be Damian. Tiny child filled with rage and equipped with far too many weapons.
They look SO CUTE altogether!!
I love this au so much. Bats on thrones makes me so happy.
Happy Birthday, Jason Todd!