Bucky - Blog Posts
10 hrs well spent 🦾🩶 cant stop wont stop ✨
What if the winter soldier was in the dragon ball universe and instead of hydra it was the red ribbon army 🤔❤️
The winter soldier is such a snack ⭐️🦾
I ship Bucky with myself ✨️❤️🦾
The Winter Soldier is love and life✨❤️
Oh no here we go 🥰✨ I like Bucky
My liege, no one has!
Be so for real rn
But particularly this one again
And again
In this house we only loosely acknowledge current MCU canon. In my mind it's still around 2014-15. Winter Soldier just came out. We have such high hopes for the in-depth character arcs of our main babes, not to be turned into cash cows milked dry of any soul. The Avengers still all have their own floors in the tower and Bucky is coming to live in as Steeb's emo plus-one.
This shit has me in the strongest chock hold
First Date
Pairing: tfatws Bucky Barnes x Single Mom! Reader
Ch. 2 of Blue is For Ben series | Masterlist | Ch. 1 | Ch. 3
Word count: 6.0k
Summary: Bucky wants to ask you out on a real first date, but what does that look like when you don’t have anyone to watch your son?
Warnings: mild language, mentions of previous assholes reader has dated, more kide related media and games, I think that’s all it’s pretty cute
AN: Okay… I know this took forever to get out, but I started writing one idea that takes place after this and had a hard time transitioning, so I started over and wrote this chapter instead 😂 If you’re waiting for something a little spicier, stay tuned, I promise it’s coming 😉 Thanks @deceiverofgodss for helping me through this, ily 💙
“NO! It’s gonna fall!” Your son screeched from the living room. And as you continued to chop up your taco meat in the pan, you heard a heavy thump on the ground and an excited giggle from the four-year-old.
Sometimes it was hard to believe that there was a hundred-year difference between the two of them. Ben’s developing motor skills and small size gave him a slight disadvantage as he played his favorite Bluey game, and Bucky was far too invested in how high he could get their high score. Keepy Uppy experts, they called themselves, smacking a balloon this way and that trying to keep it off of the floor.
You weren’t sure your downstairs neighbors would be as excited about it as they were. But it was beyond adorable, and you didn’t have the heart to make them stop.
It hadn’t taken long for Bucky Barnes to find a place for himself in your lives, and it had been far easier to get him through your door since that first night he came over for dinner. It started with dinners here and there until he was almost expected at the table each night. Ben wanting to show off his school projects had turned into after-school play dates, which then became a demanding four-year-old and a super soldier on call, ready to be at your doorstep in a moment's notice.
One of those first few afternoons you had half a mind to apologize, to tell him he was allowed to tell Ben ‘no’ and do his own thing. But he walked in with a sweet smile and soft touches, greeting Ben with equal enthusiasm. Before you could even get it out, Bucky made sure you knew that he was exactly where he wanted to be.
When it was just the two of you, Ben would often tell you that Bucky was his best friend. And after you put him to bed, you felt like a schoolgirl with a crush when Bucky’s nightly text messages came in. “Bedtime went okay?” translated to it’s my turn to talk to you, which never failed to bring a giddy smile to your face.
“MAMA!” You snapped your head up in Ben’s direction, seeing the blue balloon floating across the counter that divided your kitchen and your living room. Glancing at Bucky, he gave you a wink as his eyes danced between you and the balloon.
With both boys looking at you with anticipation, how could you deny them?
Resting your spatula against the pan, you scurried to the counter and got up on your toes, leaning across it to smack the balloon back into the living room where Ben bounced over to it. You watched them for a few moments, smiling to yourself as you watched the brick wall of a man play so sweetly with Ben, complete with goofy faces and exaggerated movements just to make him laugh.
That shouldn’t have been all it took to make you absolutely head over heels for him. And yet you had to physically make yourself look away and focus on cooking dinner to avoid watching him with heart eyes. Logically, watching a man play well with your four-year-old shouldn’t have been the root of your affections… but it was kind of hard for it to be anything else when Ben was always with you.
“Hey, we kept it up twenty-four times, that’s pretty good!” Bucky reasoned from the living room, alerting you to the fact that their game of Keepy Uppy had ended.
“Let’s do it again! We’ll really beat the high score this time,” Ben said enthusiastically, and Bucky gave a deep chuckle.
“How about you start this round without me? See how far you can get by yourself, okay? I’ll be back in a sec,” he reasoned, leaving the four-year-old to count to himself.
Before you could process that he was coming to see you, one of Bucky’s large hands smoothed over the middle of your back. Your body instinctively leaned into his touch, and you tried to cover it up by turning to meet his gaze, finding him leaning against the counter beside you with a cocked brow.
“Hey sugar, come here often?” He teased, but it still brought a sheepish smile to your face as his deep voice lilted in all the right places.
“Only every day of my life,” you retorted, a boyish grin appearing on his face.
“Can I help you with anything?” He asked gently.
“I mean… you could stir the beans if you want. I thought you were playing with Ben?”
“And now I’m talking to you,” he winked at you, removing his hand from your back so he could tend to the other pot simmering on the stove. You tried to ignore how much you missed the feeling. “He’ll be fine, I’ll go back out there in a few minutes.”
“Mmm, okay… so what do you want?” You shot playfully, and he gave you a confused look. “I’m smarter than that, James. You have a question you want me to answer.” He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
“I- well, not because I don’t want to spend time with you,” he quickly defended himself, and you couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of you. “It’s- c’mon, we were playing keepy uppy, you can’t expect me to turn that down,” he argued, now laughing with you.
“But you do have a question for me?” He nodded in defeat.
“I was just wondering… Do you have someone you trust to watch Ben?”
Oh.
That question.
The one that, with men you had entertained in the past, had meant they were done playing family man, that they wanted Ben to be someone else’s problem so they could get you alone. It was always pitched to you like it was some kind of fantasy of yours, like they were doing you this big favor by giving you a reason not to be Mom. As if that was ever something you wanted to escape.
It usually meant the end of whatever short-lived flirtationship you had allowed. They would show their true colors, turning into ugly versions of themselves when denied what they were really after. Your walls would go back up, you would keep your baby close to your chest, and you would never hear from them again.
But Bucky was nothing like any of those men. He couldn’t be farther from them.
“I uh… No, I don’t,” you started shyly, not very good at hiding how his question had caught you off guard. But when you watched his expression shift, it was soft, and there was no leap to a defense. He was different. “I’ve been working from home since Ben was born, and I only went back to the office because he started going to school. Other than friends here and there…” You shrugged and gave a quiet shake of your head. “Why do you ask?”
“Well…” he started, taking a deep breath before he looked back at you, still effortlessly reducing you to a puddle with one look despite his evident nerves. “I was thinking of asking you out on a date.”
It was annoying what that one sentence did to you.
“Figured I’d do this right, take you out to dinner and make it a real first date. Just for one night.”
Just for one night… you’d never heard that one before.
“I can.” What were you saying? “I can find someone. Just for a few hours, right? I’m sure there are a few sitters in the building. I can make it work.”
What were you saying?
It burned coming up out of your throat. Sure, Ben was four years old, he was plenty old enough to be left under someone else’s supervision. But he was all you had. And it’s not like you required much from a potential sitter, keeping him safe and happy was all you really cared about. But it was so hard to let go of him, and far easier to just reschedule things for another time. Now you were agreeing to hand your baby away because a pair of pretty blue eyes said he wanted to treat you to a night out.
And you wanted it.
Before you could take it back, even before the rush of mom guilt started to flood in, Bucky was already swooping in to rescue you from your spiraling thoughts.
“Hang on, don’t go pawning him off on someone you don’t trust, you’re gonna stress me out,” he assured you, his hands coming up to rub the sides of your arms soothingly, his face completely serious. “I just wanted to know if you already had someone, not for you to go find one.”
The relief that flooded your body was more satisfying than you could have ever imagined. And somehow there was still room to be disappointed in what you lost. The idea of sitting at a table in a nice restaurant and being able to talk, really talk without the fear of what little ears could hear…
With Bucky, it sounded wonderful.
“I still want to take you out on a date,” he told you, bringing you out of your thoughts as if he could read them. You smiled sheepishly and shook your head.
“And how do you think that’s gonna work, Buck?” You laughed, amused by the image of you and Bucky in a fancy dining room joined by a booster seat and a plate of chicken nuggets. “Just give me a little time to conduct interviews like a neurotic mom, I’ll find someone he’ll be okay with.”
“Nah, we’ll take him with us,” He grinned, patting your arms before he pushed off of the counter to peek out into the living room. “Psst…. Ben… c’mere.” You watched in intrigue as your son quickly abandoned the balloon he was tossing into the air to toddle over to the super soldier, launching himself into Bucky’s arms as the tall man kneeled down.
“What do you think about me taking you and your mom to the park on Saturday?” he offered, and your son immediately lit up.
“Is today Saturday?” You and Bucky shared a look.
“No buddy, today is Thursday. Saturday is on the weekend when you don’t go to school.” Ben contemplated this for a moment before he replied.
“Why?” He asked, his arms still wrapped around Bucky’s shoulders. You couldn’t help but giggle, watching Bucky try not to laugh as he recalibrated, Ben’s responses clearly not having matched the idea in his head.
“Well… so we can all spend some time together. We’ll go get hot dogs, and I’ll take you guys to the park. And maybe I’ll treat you guys to…” Bucky hesitated, taking a quick glance at you as he considered his next words. “Maybe I’ll get us a treat afterward. How’s that sound?”
“Good!” Ben said enthusiastically, already starting to climb around the super soldier like a jungle gym. “Bucky?”
“Yeah, buddy?”
“Can tomorrow be Saturday?” Bucky’s face softened as he helped Ben climb up around his back. Seeing Ben so excited, you couldn’t help your own heart melting a little bit. You could compromise.
“Ben, honey,” you started, and Ben’s face appeared under Bucky’s bicep as he hung off of the outstretched vibranium arm like a monkey. “Why don’t you ask Bucky if he wants to go tomorrow after school?”
You watched him struggle to climb around Bucky’s arm, the human playground as patient as ever while he watched – and helped – in amusement. And he scrunched his nose when Ben put his mouth to Bucky’s ear, much better at keeping himself from flinching away from Ben’s ticklish whispers than you were.
And then Bucky effortlessly grabbed the child and twisted him around, giggling the whole way, to whisper his response in Ben’s ear. When he backed away, the two boys shared a look, nodding in agreement. Thick as thieves… Bucky nodded his head towards you, getting Ben to finally loop you into the plan.
“Bucky sayed yes! He sayed it’s a date,” he relayed excitedly, and then did his best to wink with only one of his eyes. He almost had it, too.
“Then tomorrow it is,” you said sweetly, and this time Bucky was the one shooting you a wink as he got up from his knees.
“Keepy Uppy! Come on, let’s go!” Ben pleaded, no longer interested in dragging on these grown-up details, and pulling on Bucky’s hand with all his strength. Which, of course, didn’t make a difference.
“Hold on, kiddo, let me finish talking to your Mama,” he laughed, and Ben groaned as he returned to the living room to play by himself. You kept yourself propped up against the counter as Bucky approached you, confident that your weakened knees needed another moment to be able to support you.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to rush you into anything,” you smiled, and he shook his head.
“I’ve been trying to figure out how to ask you out for an embarrassingly long amount of time, tomorrow is perfect” he offered, and you felt heat rush to your cheeks. “I’m just glad he’s so excited.”
“Me too,” you sighed, glancing back out into the living room to see your son laid out on the edge of the couch as he tossed his balloon into the air. “So, what treat did you change your mind about?” You asked with a grin.
“It wasn’t so much that I changed my mind? I just didn’t think promising him ice cream ahead of time would end up working in our favor,” he explained with an exasperated expression, pulling a belly laugh out of you.
He was different.
…
“Alright I’ve got one,” Bucky offered from his spot on the wooden bench next to you, the two of you sitting on the perimeter of the park taking turns scooping bites from the rest of Ben’s cup of chocolate ice cream, which he’d ditched to play cafe with the other children and bring you the occasional fake ice cream.
“Oh this should be good,” you teased, handing him the small cup as you finished your bite. After having gotten hot dogs and walked around the city, you had already crossed off the usual first date topics and found yourselves in this sort of game of twenty questions. The main difference is that you were trying to take advantage of your time without little ears. Well, not being in an enclosed space with little ears.
“What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?” he asked, and you contemplated your answer as you watched him scoop out his last bite – he could finish it off in one spoonful easily, but he only took half before he handed it back to you.
“Okay, this one wasn’t exactly terrible, but just weird,” you started, and Bucky chuckled as you finished off the sweet treat and prepared to tell the story. “This guy took me out to eat at a hole-in-the-wall pizza place. Literally, it was just a window on the side of the tiniest building I’ve ever seen.
“We end up sitting to eat it in a park close by, and I start to think that the date can finally start. But then I look over and see him picking all his toppings off.” Bucky scrunched his nose, making you laugh as you kept explaining. “After he’d polished those off, he started peeling the cheese off too, just eating it in chunks.”
“And then he just ate the whole soggy crust by itself?” he asked incredulously. When you nodded, he closed his eyes and dropped his head into one of his hands, rubbing his face in what could only be described as despair.
“I lasted about halfway through the crust before I threw etiquette out the window, and asked him what the hell he was doing to that poor piece of pizza. He just laughed and told me he’d been eating it that way since he was a kid.”
“Please tell me you got up and left immediately,” he groaned, pulling a deep belly laugh from you as you watched him struggle to process your story.
You could have said that. That would be the normal thing to answer with, especially when talking about a different man on a first date.
“That uh… that was actually Ben’s dad.”
Or just put it all out there. That’s… that’s what you did. Way to make it awkward.
You weren’t sure what kind of response you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for him to look at you with his brows raised as if he’d just come to some profound discovery rather than irritation, or even surprise.
“So that’s why Ben eats pizza like that…”
“Like a weirdo? Apparently,” you finished, and Bucky chuckled to himself as he looked back out at the playground to check on the boy in question, and you admired his features as he did. “He’s never met that man in his life, but I guess pizza preferences are genetic. He just came out of the womb ready to confuse anyone who has to see him tear into a pepperoni pizza.”
“I’ve told you I’m from Brooklyn, right? New York?” He piped up, and you scrunched your face up in sympathy.
“I’m so sorry,” you laughed, an amused grin dancing on his face. “It probably drives you crazy, doesn’t it?”
“A little bit of me dies inside each time I watch him do it,” he deadpanned, only encouraging more of your laughter. “You should let me teach him how to eat it like a New Yorker.”
“Oh yeah? And which way is that?”
“You fold it! Down at the crust, that way you can eat it with one hand and keep walking,” he explained very passionately. Part of you wondered if he was exaggerating a little bit – his New York was a few decades behind the trends – but that was exactly how you’d seen him manhandle his slices last week.
“His hands are too small for that!” You reminded him, giggling when he looked offended.
“So we teach him now. Fix it before it’s too late, and then when he’s older we won’t have to worry about him eating pizza like a psychopath.”
The second the words left his lips, you felt realization hit him.
There was still an amused grin on his face, but the implication behind his words still hung in the air, and you could tell he was weighing his options as he watched your face for any trace of a response to how many times he had said we, not to mention talk of still being around when Ben was a little older.
“I- sorry, I know I just broke a lot of first date rules in a row,” he settled on, attempting to be humorous, so you played along.
“Well, you fed my kid hot dogs and ice cream, and didn’t bat an eye when I brought up the baby daddy, so I think we can throw those rules out the window.” Bucky’s nose scrunched up as he let out a boyish giggle, his cheeks turning pink at your reminder, and you hoped that he couldn’t hear the way your heart sped up because of it.
“Yeah? Just how many of those rules are we throwing out?” He asked smoothly, raising an eyebrow at you as he adjusted his spot on the bench, ending up just a little bit closer to you.
“That depends on what you’re planning,” you retorted, unable to stop from giggling when he gave you a smug expression.
Your innocent laughter was quick to fade when his tongue peeked out to lick his lips in a way that should not have had as much of an effect on you as it did, finding his baby blues darting down to your lips before returning your gaze.
“You’ve got something, right here…” he husked, the arm that had been resting against the back of the park bench moving slyly to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against the corner of your lips.
“Hmmm really? Did I get ice cream on my face?” you managed as his face inched closer to yours, scanning your expression for any sign of rebuttal. Lucky for him, you were so giddy with anticipation that you may as well have had a green light on your forehead.
“Mhm, you did,” he chuckled deeply, the gravel of his voice sending a shiver down your spine. “Let me get that for you…”
“How kind of you,” you whispered, earning you a bright smile as the tip of his nose brushed against yours, your eyelids fluttering shut as you anticipated his next move.
The moment Bucky’s lips met yours, you could have been easily convinced that the world around you had fallen away. You could count on one hand the number of times you’d been kissed like this in the last four years, but none of them even stood close.
It was pure. Fucking. Bliss.
His mouth molded onto yours like a puzzle piece, filling something inside of you that you hadn’t realized was empty, curing some secret ache in your soul. The hand cupping your cheek slipped to the back of your neck to hold you just that much closer, angling his face to kiss you again, keeping you close to him. He touched you as if you were a delicate thing to be treasured while he kissed you like you were the very thing keeping him alive.
Bucky parted the kiss and held his lips away from yours by mere centimeters, an immediate wave of disappointment washing over you, wanting nothing more than for him to do it again. And again. And again.
“What do you think, is this one of those rules we can ignore?” he murmured, a playful grin on his face as you caught your breath.
“I think I’ll let it slide,” you teased right back, delighted by the huff of amusement you got from the muscular man in front of you, more than eager to let him lean back in to keep kissing you…
“MAMA!”
Honestly, you should have seen it coming.
Bucky’s lips had only just touched yours when Ben called for you from across the playground, and you could feel the super-soldier's wide grin spreading across his face as you scrunched your nose.
You put on your best attentive mother face as you turned to look at your son, finding him attempting to run up to you through the wood chips of the playground, his eyes trained on the handful of leaves in his hands.
“Yes baby?” you asked as he arrived right at your feet, finally looking up at you and Bucky.
“I buyed you more ice cream!” Ben shoved his cupped hands up to your chin, waiting expectantly for you to relieve him of his delivery.
“That was very sweet of you, Ben, thank you,” you sighed, doing your very best to keep the exasperation from your voice – Bucky’s chuckle telling you that you may not have succeeded – as you pretended to nibble on the leaves you’d been gifted. This was probably the fourth time you’d gone through his game of ice cream delivery, your date having received the other three.
When you emptied his “bowl” by tossing his leaves to the side, just as you and Bucky had alternated doing for the past six handfuls, you assumed he would return back to the game of cafe so his new friends could “wash the dishes.” That was the pattern, that’s how the game was supposed to go.
But if being a mom had taught you anything, it was that any assumption about your son’s next move would prove to be wrong.
So of course, possibly the only time where you might have wanted him to keep playing his game and leave you to find your own entertainment on the park bench, he patted his hands on his pants and began climbing into your lap. Pushing limbs to the side, almost kicking Bucky in the abdomen, actually headbutting you in the abdomen… the whole nine yards.
“What uh… what are you doin, bud?” you asked once he’d settled himself in the pocket of your crossed legs, grabbing for your arms as he wrapped them around him.
“I jus’ wanted to snuggle you,” he shrugged, wiggling impossibly closer to you as he looked back out at the playground, perfectly content to watch the other children play as he sat with the two of you. You rolled your eyes for only Bucky to see, getting another laugh out of him as you squeezed your son tight.
“Thank you, sweetheart, you know I love your cuddles,” you cooed, pressing a kiss into his soft hair. “You have awesome timing, did you know that? The absolute best.” Ben hummed in agreement to your not-so-subtle sarcasm, happy as could be while Bucky continued laughing.
While you definitely would have enjoyed getting to kiss him just a little bit longer, getting cuddled by your son while Bucky tucked in close and wrapped an arm around your shoulders was a very close second.
…
You shut the door to Ben’s room gently behind you, tip-toeing out into the living room where Bucky was waiting for you, leaning up against the arm of the couch with his hands resting gently in his lap. He raised his brows expectantly, silently asking how it went.
You waved a hand across your face. “He’s out,” you whispered, making Bucky smile.
“I thought he would be,” he said softly, nodding slowly. “I could tell he was so tired there at the end, he was getting goofy.” You laughed as you remembered Ben’s antics, climbing all over Bucky as he sat on the couch, doing anything he could to fight sleep, and laughing at just about anything that the super-soldier said to him whether it was meant to be comical or not.
“You wore him out!” you reminded, moving closer to him as you recounted the evening. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that boy run as fast as when you joined the kids’ game of chase.” He giggled as you stepped into the space between his legs, his hands instinctively lifting off of his lap to rest comfortably on your hips. “Earned yourself a couple points with the moms out there tonight.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked sweetly, tilting his head in intrigue as you ran your hands up and down his muscular arms. Very muscular arms… You bit your lips and nodded to answer, earning a deep hum. “Did it earn me any points with Ben’s mom?”
Your eyes found the chain of his dog tags hanging around his neck, tucked into the soft sweater that stretched over his chest. Buying yourself time to find the right words to answer his flirtatious question, you trailed your hands up his shoulders until they found the beaded chain. Slowly you pulled them out and kept them hooked in two of your fingers, the chain taught against his neck as you finally met his gaze.
The blue of his eyes was slowly being overtaken by his pupils as he watched you. Not completely, but just enough to be noticeable, and it gave you a surge of confidence. You still had it.
“You earned enough points to be able to kiss me again,” you bartered, and a single dark brow arched up his forehead as you leaned closer, pressing your body up against his.
“How soon can I cash it in?” The gravel of his voice rumbled through his body, and you felt it go directly to your core. You gave a slight tug on the chain in your hands, clueing him into your answer.
He didn’t need telling twice. Bucky followed the pull of his dog tags and leaned in to reconnect his lips with yours, and the second they hit home you melted into his grasp. You dropped the chain and wrapped your arms around his neck, putting most of your weight in his arms as his hands slid to wrap around your hips, holding you tight.
It was hot, full of fire and hunger. He moved against you like it was second nature, tuned into every little sign and indicator your body was giving him, rendering you practically boneless. He nipped at your bottom lip, and teased your tongue with his own as you let him in, no thoughts in your head save from letting him keep kissing you like his life depended on it.
Before you could wrap your brain around needing to stop for air, Bucky broke the kiss. His lips were so close, and yet so far, hovering inches away from yours. You spared a glance to see why he was torturing you like this, leaning back slightly to find his eyebrows furrowed as he stood completely still, peering out of his peripheral vision to follow… whatever it was he heard.
After a few moments of silence, he relaxed again, turning his focus back to you and donning a sheepish grin when you raised your brows in question. “Sorry, I thought I heard Ben.”
Ben… Ben, your son, sleeping in the other room.
You didn’t even have the brain power to remember where you were, let alone keep your motherly instincts intact. Usually, it was you who had the all-hearing ears, being able to pick up on any slight out-of-place movement your son may have made.
This time you didn’t. But Bucky did. While making out with you.
“Are you even real?” You gushed, earning you a deep chuckle that rumbled through him, his nose scrunched up in amusement. “I mean, it’s enough of a task trying to find a man even willing to give a single mom the time of day. But here you are, buying him ice cream on our first date and listening for him mid-makeout.” His cheeks were turning a cute shade of pink as you rattled on with your praise, shaking his head through his amusement.
“Well, I’m glad I’m doing something right, but that’s… I don’t feel like I deserve praise for that,” he admitted modestly, his tumb rubbing a soothing circle into you back as he continued to hold you close. “I actually feel like I should be apologizing for what I said earlier, when I went on about future things, and saying ‘we’ so many times… I- I hope I didn’t freak you out.”
The longer he kept talking, the more you were convinced you were dreaming. At any moment you would wake up, and this wonderful wonderful man would be ripped away from you.
But when the dream didn’t end, you were quick to ease his worries. “Please don’t apologize for that, it was- okay, I don’t want to freak you out, but it was actually really refreshing.”
Bucky tilted his head in question, gesturing for you to keep talking, and you took a moment to find the right words to explain what you were trying to tell him. Words that didn’t make it sound quite as pathetic as you always thought it did.
“The guys I’ve dated in the past… well, I’ll just say that they were less concerned about finding a sitter specifically for the first date, and more interested in finding a way to get Ben out of the equation completely.” You had more to say, but for a moment all you could do was watch him. His face changed as soon as the words left your lips, and you were momentarily fascinated by the thinly veiled discomfort that took over his expression.
Bucky was angry.
Was it weird that it made your knees weak? His intense care for the both of you – as a complete unit – was making your insides do somersaults, and he wasn’t even seeking a reward for it. This wasn’t a show, he wasn’t trying to get on your good side. No, he was trying to hide it, play it off as something else.
“I’d way rather hear you talk about a possible future, about teaching him things as he gets older… it’s a nice change from having to explain why Ben’s dad hasn’t come to take him away for the weekend,” you finished earnestly, watching the internal battle dance behind his eyes. “I like having you around all the time, watching you play together. You’re really good with him, Buck.”
That last statement seemed to ease enough of his fiery emotions to give you a shy smile. “I try,” he shrugged. “He’s a sweet boy, it’s hard to tell him no.”
“I know,” you groaned, earning you another laugh that rumbled through his large frame. “Y’know, he likes you a lot. He tells me all the time that you’re his best friend.” Bucky’s face melted into a soft smile, and it made you gooey.
“As much as I like to hear that, I want better for him,” he started, sparing a glance towards Ben’s room, as if he was watching him through the walls. Only a mother wouldn’t think that was crazy. “He deserves a best friend his age, not a 107-year-old war veteran.” The bluntness of his statement made you laugh, the mental image of the two of them – and all their many differences – making for a comical image in your head. “Don’t get me wrong, he is my best friend, and I have no shame admitting it.”
“Oh really? Not any of your superhero friends?” You started, but he made a scrunchy face in distaste, and you did your best not to erupt into more giggles. “And what about me?” He dropped the goofy expression and looked back at you with his eyebrow raised.
“I was reserving something else for you…” he said smoothly, the timber of his voice sending another shiver through your body.
“And what would that be?” you asked innocently, the arms still wrapped around his neck trying to encourage him to lean in closer. Instead, Bucky’s grip on you tightened as he rose from the arm of the couch, his darkening eyes never leaving yours as he walked you backwards through your apartment, keeping you balanced as you did your best to keep your feet on the ground.
“Mmm, I think you’ll just have to wait and see,” he hummed, your back hitting the wall of your entry way as his eyes bore into yours. “I think I’ve hit my quota on future-talk tonight,” Bucky whispered.
He didn’t give you time to come up with a witty reply before he leaned in close and pressed his lips against yours ever so softly, one arms slinking around your waist to pull you flush to him as his other left you, but you couldn’t dedicate any thought to where it might have gone when you were running your hands through his hair and enjoying the pleased sounds it drew out of him.
It didn’t last long, Bucky breaking the kiss after only a few sweet kisses – not nearly enough, in your opinion – giving you a shit eating grin. He whispered a goodnight, stepping back to admire the flustered state he was leaving you in before walking back towards your front door, coat already in hand. And with one last wink he was gone, the door clicking softly as he shut it gently behind him, conscious of the sleeping four year old inside the apartment.
You didn’t know how long you sat there, bracing yourself against the wall just inside your apartment as you went over the events of the night, remembering each sweet gaze, tender touch, and absolutely tantalizing kiss he had given you. One thing was for sure; it was without a doubt the most romantic date you had ever been on.
You took a deep breath and pushed yourself off of the wall, moving to go double-check on Ben before starting your own nightly routine. You stopped in your tracks when your phone vibrated in your pocket, your face quickly breaking into a smile when Bucky’s name appeared on the screen.
If we’re still throwing out first date rules, I don’t have to wait three days to text you again, right? Great, I’m glad you agree.
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My Sun, My Star
A/N: I'm so weak for Winter soldier Bucky. I cant wait to write more of him, I love this sad guilt ridden man.
Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Reader
Words: 6756
Warnings: Breaking and entering, Minor violence, Injury and Blood, Winter soldier Bucky, GN reader but also Pregnant reader, mild language, I'm not sure if this is fluff or angst or both??
Summary: You wait up late for your boyfriend Bucky to return from his mission, but it isn't Bucky who finds you.
Part 2 | Part 3 | Epilogue | Bucky Masterlist
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Your eyes blinked slowly, heavier with each passing second, yet you still managed to open them once again. Glancing at the bright white numbers of the digital clock you watched it change to 1:46 AM, causing a groan to pull from your lips. Bucky was supposed to be back tonight (yesterday technically) from his latest mission, but he still had yet to show up at your shared flat.
You checked your phone again, the lack of notifications mocking your tired eyes. You let out one more sigh before you turned off the mindless babbling of the TV and stood up to get ready for bed. You were sure Bucky wouldn’t want you waiting up so late in your current condition anyway, he had been harping you about getting enough sleep and water and everything in between.
“I’m only four months pregnant, Bucky. I’m fully capable of staying up late” You had said to him.
“Five months, Doll, and it’s about your cortisol levels. It’s not good for you or the baby, and it could lead to them being underweight” he said, reciting exactly what the doctor had told him during your last checkup.
“Four and a half,” you argued as you stuck your tongue out at him, “and she was talking about getting chased by a bear kind of stress, not staying up to watch Bake Off.”
You snorted at the memory of just earlier that week, a small smile coming to your face as you went through your nightly routine. You continued to check your phone here and there as you went, “Did you get back safe? How’d your mission go?” you had texted two hours ago, yet it still remained unread and unanswered.
‘Maybe one more quick text wouldn’t hurt,’ you thought to yourself as you typed out the simple message and hit send.
“Stay safe, okay? I love you.”
You sighed as you set the phone down, “it’s okay, everything is okay,” you assured yourself as you pulled one of his large hoodies over your head, enjoying the way the hem brushed against your bare thighs and the sleeves threatened to swallow your hands. “He’s a former assassin and a super soldier! Nothing is going to happen that he can’t handle,” You stated firmly to your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes remained unsure despite your voice’s conviction, but you did your best to ignore it, focusing instead on the achingly tired look they held.
“Yes, I know. It’s finally time for bed, little one,” you mumbled sleepily as you felt your baby kick against the walls of your protruding belly, being quick to climb between the layers of blankets and lonesome sheets. “Fuck, that's cold…!” you swore quietly as your bare legs hit the icy fabric- having gone unwarmed by your personal space heater and super soldier.
Thankfully sleep came easily, the thought of waking up to Bucky’s sleepy, scruffy face only further urged your body to wind down so the moment would come sooner.
----
Bucky’s phone buzzed again in his bag, lighting up with your smiling face as your text displayed on the screen, but nobody reached down to check it, as everyone found themselves in a far more urgent situation.
“Keep him busy, Rodgers! I just need one more minute!” Tony yelled as he dug through the equipment in the quinjet, “For fuck’s sake, who organized this last?”
“What do you think I’m doing…!” The blond grunted with a justified hint of frustration,” Sam? Any help??” He shouted with a pointed look, telling more than asking as he struggled to restrain his thrashing friend. A swift metal fist flew toward his already battered face, barely giving him time to duck out of the way and attempt to restrain it again.
“Honestly? Seems like you’ve got this one,” Sam said, holding up his hands.
“SAM.”
“I’m coming..! God, can’t either of you old men take a joke?”
No one knew exactly what happened, Bucky had gone off on his own in the Hydra base they were exploring. It was supposed to have been recently abandoned, something about the agents leaving in an urgent rush that left files upon files sitting out in the open. It was supposed to be a simple mission; everyone goes off in teams, gathers what they can, and makes sure there are no surprises. But Bucky assured them that he would be fine to go on his own, he hadn’t had a sign of relapse in over a year, and he would only be picking up what looked important. A simple job.
He should’ve listened.
It was when he didn’t return to the jet with the rest of them that they started to get worried.
“So, where’s the Manchurian candidate?” Tony jested, looking at his watch. They were supposed to leave maybe 10 minutes ago, not terribly late by any means, but enough to start getting worried about Bucky’s quietness over the coms.
“Man, come on.. ” Sam sighed at Tony’s joke as he crossed his arms.
“Bucky?” Steve tried calling over the coms, ignoring both of his teammates, but the line remained all too quiet.
They found him finally in the basement level of the office building, old discarded computers lining the walls along with cabinets upon cabinets of old files and other equipment. He hadn’t even realized it was a trap until he stepped right into it, triggering a switch that had the computers and hidden speakers flashing images and sounds that assaulted his senses with fragmented memories long forgotten.
He should have listened.
Sam had found him first, on his knees in the middle of the floor with hands desperately covering his ears, trying to block out the incessant noise. Hauling his teammate to his feet, he rushed back to the jet, calling everyone off from their search before anything else could be sprung.
At first, they thought he might be fine- quiet, but fine. He had given them a small smile and a wave of his hand as everyone tried to check in with him, taking a seat as the jet took off to go home. It had all seemed relatively normal until they were halfway back and the unseen battle inside him must have taken a turn.
“Got it!” Tony yelled as he pulled out the dart gun, aiming quickly as he fired two shots into Bucky’s chest, readying a third as he waited and watched for the tranquilizers to finally take effect. It was slow as Bucky continued to struggle against the drug’s drain, his body and mind turning into slow-moving molasses. Low grunts emanated from his throat as the last of his strength ebbed away, leaving nothing but forced sleep in its wake.
“Was two really necessary?” Steve asked as his shoulders finally relaxed, the strain and worry now temporarily over.
Together they dragged the drugged-up assassin into the jet’s small quarantine area for the remainder of the trip, satisfied only when they heard the mechanical locks slide into place. It wasn’t much, and they knew that and if he really wanted to there would be no stopping him from getting out, but it was something- enough to give them a few seconds of preparation if nothing else.
“I’m not giving a super soldier only a single dose, you two metabolize things like this way too fast and I’m not taking any chances with the Tin man over there.”
Bucky- no, the Winter Soldier, seemed to still be out of it when they finally landed, sat up and leaning against the wall, head slumped forward just as they had left him.
“Alright, let's just get him into one of the holding rooms for the night. We’ll work on resetting him-” Tony lifted his hands as the two men glared in his direction, “- on ‘fixing him up’ as soon as he’s been secured.”
Sam shook his head as Tony corrected himself, taking notice of the lit-up phone in Bucky’s bag, buzzing with an only recently delivered message. Sam had quickly become one of your closest friends after you were introduced to the team. He was one of the few people Bucky trusted with his life and between his sarcastic jokes, his incredibly loyal nature, and his willingness to give Bucky shit whenever he deserved it, you knew very quickly how great a friend he would be.
But now his stomach twisted as he saw your name flash across the screen, the alert quickly minimizing itself as it joined the other messages you had sent that night. How was he gonna break this to you? The last thing you needed was a bunch of unnecessary stress on your shoulders, but it’s obvious you were beginning to worry over their late return. Sliding the phone back into its rightful place Sam told himself that he’d call you once they had things more figured out.
“Heart rate still seems to be resting. With any luck, he’ll remain knocked out until we get inside,” Tony relayed as he monitored the Soldier’s vitals and pressed the button to open the heavy quarantine doors.
The doors slid into their resting positions with a soft click.
As soon as that click landed on sensitive ears, vibrant blue eyes shot open. Sparing not even a second, the Winter Soldier surged forward from his seat, not nearly as far gone as he left them to believe. With the element of surprise, the Soldier easily knocked past his teammates, throwing his body weight against them and knocking Sam and Steve off balance, leaving him a good headstart as he dashed out the jet’s open door.
“Fuck, Bucky- Wait!,” Steve swore as he stumbled out behind him, having to use his super soldier speed just to keep pace. But between the settled darkness of the night, and the winding alleyways the brunette stuck to, Steve was left falling behind in no time. “Shit,” Steve swore as he slowed to a stop, looking around for any sign of his compromised friend.
However, the streets lay barren, the fluttering of moths in the streetlights the only sign of life on the entire block.
---
The heavy thud of his boots echoed against the alleyway’s pavement. He wasn't sure where exactly he was headed as his silhouette slunk between the warm light of the streetlamps, but part of him- a currently repressed part of him- knew that safety was bound to be just ahead.
His heart beat smoothly as he kept his pace, every other step falling in time as he rounded the corner. Blindly, he let himself be led by instinct and his feet maneuvered the city’s countless paths with a mind of their own. They slowed before a little apartment building and as those emotionless eyes looked up, he knew this was it.
The lateness of the hour had almost assured that no one was around as he slipped inside, footsteps padding up the stairs before stopping at the third floor. His heavy boots left nothing but wet prints in their wake as he wandered down the hall, impossibly silent, as even the notoriously creaky boards dared not announce his presence.
The closer he got, the more the back of his mind itched, as if something- someone- was begging him not to go any further, but he refused to listen; he knew this was where he was meant to be and where he would find what his body was so inexplicably drawn to.
With each step his head turned on a swivel, looking for the sense of safety and familiarity that the other half of him seemed to find here- and desperately wished he wouldn’t discover. Just as his foot was about to take another step he stopped. ‘No. Here.’ His gut told him, turning to the door.
His door.
Your door.
The former assassin bypassed the lock with ease, quickly slipping in before shutting the door behind him. A dim light illuminated the living room, the little lamp you left on for him casting its orange glow over his surroundings as he surveyed them.
A few mugs stand beside the sink, framed photos dot the wall and side tables, and a veritable nest of blankets lay across the couch. It was obvious someone had been here, and recently. A deep breath pulled into his lungs, causing his head to tilt to the side in contemplation as an unfamiliar scent hit his nose, something just as earthy as it was sweet and speckled with distant notes of… him?
“Hmmph”
His sensitive ears picked up the soft grunt from down the hall immediately. His shoulders squared and tensed as his body leaned into a defensive position. Cautious fingers pulled the knife from his boot, ready for whatever may come at him as he approached.
The sounds of soft breaths lead him to a door left ajar. Light just slipped past the curtains into the darkened room. Badum… Badum… Badum… a heartbeat pulsed in his ears as he took a step closer, leaving the door open and letting further light fall onto the source of the noise.
His wolfish gaze ran down your form as you lay there on your back, swallowed in the extra fabric of the old sweatshirt. Your hand rested casually over your stomach as your other one squished gently against your cheek. Your legs lay bare to the world after having kicked the overbearing sheets away, leaving just a glance of your underwear for him to take in.
“Mmph” You grunted again as you shifted, your face now turned to him as that earthy scent of yours gripped him like a vice and refused to let go.
Your sweet sleep became interrupted though- much to his dismay- as the phone on your nightstand began to light up and buzz incessantly. Still, as a statue he watched as you groaned, propping yourself up on your elbows as you went to check what your device could possibly want at this ungodly hour.
With one loose fist, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes away, blinking consciousness back into them until you saw Bucky’s illuminated figure before you, standing tall and quiet as he watched you intently.
“Bucky..?” You couldn’t hide the grin that spread across your face as you saw the familiar face of your lover lit up by the bright light of your phone screen. But the longer you looked the more you noticed.
His eyes were all wrong, his gaze was devoid, that’s the only way you could put it. Devoid of meaning and humanity, it seemed every gaze- every movement- was a means to an end. Empty… save for a flicker of fear; It was probably the only thing in those eyes right now that registered as human. The fear of someone who was lost, unknowing of their purpose, and confused as to why your gaze was made his cold heart falter.
His expression was flat and stoic, save for the knit of confusion that pulled his brows together. His stance was tense and prepared, the discrete knife still glittering in his hands as he took another step forward, his head slowly shaking in response to your question.
A gasp caught in your throat as you finally understood. Glancing at your phone you saw it was Sam who was calling, undoubtedly trying to tell you what you now already knew.
“Soldat…” You whispered, trying to hide the way his name sent shivers across your skin. Your phone went black then, as you didn’t pick up in time and you were left blind by the sudden darkness.
You and Bucky had talked about what to do if you found him like this, “You call Sam and Steve, Okay? You find a place to hide and you stay far away, no matter what you hear. There’s no reasoning with him,” He had told you.
So much for that
Your phone lit up again with Sam’s urgent call, its revealing light sending ice down your spine as you saw the man nearly standing over you now, just a hair’s breadth away.
Your hand rose slowly, shaking as you tested a reach for your phone, stopping dead in your tracks as he let out a disapproving grunt. Your head nodded slowly as you gulped, returning your hand to your stomach as you watched his gaze finally shift away.
With unbothered calmness, he looked toward your phone to see Sam’s face and name scrawled across your screen. Wordlessly he reached over and pressed the ‘decline call’ button, cutting the call short and leaving you two in perfect silence once more.
Panic began to rise in your throat as his gaze turned back toward you, darkened now only by the lack of light. With slow movements the Winter Soldier reached out, putting the knife away as he crouched down, as if trying to attract a skittish animal.
Your whole body tensed as his reach came closer, eyes screwing shut as you waited for the worst, “Please… Just don’t hurt her…” You whispered, fear and desperation rattling your voice, just as it did your anxiety-filled body.
But the pain never came. Instead, the cool touch of metal fingers ran down your cheek, barely denting your flesh as he relished in its softness. Your eyes peeked open cautiously, as his fingers moved along the slope of your jaw, tilting your head up as he came to your chin.
His eyes had changed, you noticed, instead of being a harsh blizzard, they had now settled into something more human, something warmer and… yearning?
“Soldat..?” You questioned as you watched his lips part, his senses focused only on the way your body reacted to his touch. You were sure he could hear the rapid pattering of your heart beneath your ribs, its pace only increasing as his fingers moved down your neck and to the exposed collarbone in your loose neckline.
“Красивый [Beautiful]...,” was all he could reply. It came out so soft you weren’t sure you heard it at first, it’s quiet reverence meant for your ears and your ears only. “Из-за тебя он чувствует себя здесь в безопасности...? Замки дерьмовые, видимость слишком высокая, но ты… [Are you why he feels safe here…? The locks are shit, the visibility is too high, but you…]” He continued, quiet and unbothered as if he assumed you couldn’t understand him.
“He’s been bugging me to get better locks all week…” you replied with a huff, quickly shutting up as his stare found your eyes again. Between Bucky’s ramblings in the night and Natasha’s tendency to only gossip in Russian, you had made an effort to learn it; You were still learning, and your pronunciation was shit, but your understanding had gotten far better.
“And you have a good ear…” He spoke in English this time, the vague hint of an amused smile pulling at the assassin’s stern lips. You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever done that before. If that odd little smile had been seen by anyone else- anyone still living that is.
A breath of relief left you as your lips stretched to mimic his, the tension easing out of your body a little by little.
His metallic touch continued to linger, running down your covered chest until it settled on the waistband of your underwear, the cool metal trailing across your ticklish skin.
“Ah, wait, Sol-” You jumped at his touch, grabbing his wrist, despite knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to stop him if it’s what he wanted.
But instead of dipping his fingers lower, he simply tugged the oversized hoodie up, gathering it over your chest and exposing the firm baby bump concealed below. His head tilted to the side as he listened to the tiny heartbeat that fluttered in your belly as well as the thuds of its little movements against your skin. Slowly, still with that inkling of a smile, he turned to look at you, his hand hovering just above your vulnerable midsection as if awaiting permission.
Heat rose to your cheeks as you hesitated. On one hand, you felt a surprising amount of calm under the assassin's touch, his need for your approval only increasing your sense of security. But on the other hand, Bucky would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you or the baby, accident or not.
“Oh. I-”
CRASH.
You nearly jumped out of your skin as were cut short by the loud noise. The door to your apartment slammed open, surely breaking the hinges with the sheer force of it. Over a dozen heavy boots stormed into your apartment as the lights turned on, flooding your senses and forcing the Soldier’s attention elsewhere.
Your hand found his instantly, the heat of his calloused skin a comfort to you just the way Bucky’s was, especially as it squeezed around yours just the same. Sitting up properly now your sweatshirt swallowed your pregnant form once again and you peeked out to see just what was going on.
Through The Winter Soldier’s defensive stance in front of you, his knife is now drawn once more, you watched a small armed group, covered in black tactical gear raid your home, all guns pointing towards you- or more accurately- the former assassin attempting to shield you. You recognized the symbols on their vests as the team’s secondary security force, having even met a few of them over the years. But where was the rest of the team? Where was Sam, and Steve, and Tony?
“Step away from the civilian!” “Put your hands in the air!” “Sir, drop the knife!” They all shouted, overlapping with each other as each of them rushed out their demands.
“Don't shoot! It’s okay! It’s okay!” You rushed.
You tried to slip your hand from his, but he only held fast, “Soldat, please… It’s okay, just do what they say… They don’t want to hurt us. Please,” You urged, giving his hand a gentle squeeze,
His defenses faltered as he listened to you beg him to stand down. It wasn’t the usual begging he heard in his line of work, and coming from your lips had his walls cracking in an unprecedented way.
He shouldn’t have looked back at your eyes, wide and pleading, as they shook his walls further. Moving slowly he turned, kneeling before you despite the way the armed group yelled at him not to. You just held up your hand to them, pleading for them to be as gentle with him as he was with you.
“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” The warm flesh of his hand came up easily to cradle your face and a small smile pulled at him again as you leaned into his large palm. “Я только что нашел тебя. Я не потеряю тебя снова так быстро[I’ve only just found you. I will not lose you again so quickly]. ”
Your heart both swelled and pained for your Soldier. You looked into his eyes and saw a sense of certainty, a sense of knowing, you hadn’t seen from him earlier. “Oh… my soldier, my star,” Your fingers entwined with the hand holding your cheek, ”You can not lose me in any way that would last…” You whispered to him past the shouts, the commotion, and the tension, like you were the only two in the room.
“Sir, put the knife down!” A young squad member called again, his voice far more concerned than his superiors. You didn’t recognize him or his number and you figured he must’ve been new. His gun trembled in his hands as he shouted again, but as the Soldier failed to move and the kid’s finger unexpectedly twitched, there came a sudden-
BANG.
“Ah-!” Your face twisted with pain as you pulled away, “Fuck…!” Your hands instinctively grabbed your leg, clamping over the shooting pain in your calf that hit you- well- like a bullet.
You winced again as you pulled one of your hands back, the raw skin of your leg angrily letting you know that it did not like being brushed against. Warm, wet crimson covered your fingers as you looked down, becoming slightly dizzy at how much had already covered your palm. You were thankful it only seemed to be a graze, but the burn you already felt and knowing you were losing blood had your stomach lurching in uncomfortable ways.
Concern painted the assassin’s expression as you recoiled away from his doting touch, but as the unmistakable warm, metallic smell curled into his nose, his expression darkened dramatically. What was once kind, curious blue eyes now saw nothing but red as he caught sight of the wound slashing across your skin. His jaw set firmly, almost audibly grinding his teeth as he stood and turned to the young kid.
You looked back at the newcomer as you tried to breathe through the pain, the horrified look on his face telling you that he knew he was a dead man walking. His face went ghost white as the super soldier stalked toward him and through even worse trembling hands he raised his gun to shoot again.
“No…!”
A sickening thud rang out as the bullet hit the assassin square in his good shoulder, getting lodged in the muscly flesh. His shoulder jerked back at the force, but it wouldn’t stop his stride as he closed the gap. Another shot rang out, but with the solid vibranium arm now covering the barrel it did little to help this poor dumb kid. Snatching him by the neck, you watched as your assassin held him up until his feet kicked uselessly in the air.
Every gun immediately trained on him and with their proximity you knew they wouldn’t miss a fatal shot if it came to it.
“Stop! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Soldier, put him down!” You yelled as you maneuvered towards the edge of the bed. “Please, don't shoot, I can fix this!” you continued, trying to convince yourself as much as you convinced them. Familiar voices joined in on your plea as Sam and Steve finally entered the picture, urgently trying to talk down both the Winter Soldier and the secondary security team.
“Bucky, It’s okay... Just put the kid down, alright?” Steve tried to reason with him, “He’s new, he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.” Steve tried his best to stay calm and patient, but the young man was beginning to change colors now. “Bucky, put him down before you do something you can’t come back from.” But Bucky’s ears were deaf to the outside pleas and the Winter soldier refused to listen.
“Ah..!” You whimpered as you tried to stand and approach the commotion. The pain in your leg reached new heights as you tried to put weight on it, causing you to tumble to your knees almost immediately. You clutched your belly, hoping the sudden jostle wouldn’t upset the baby too much as you tried to get up again.
“Hold on, Y/n. Stay down for a minute so we can wrap your leg…” Sam asked of you, moving over to help as soon as he saw the blood on your hands, “You’re losing plenty already.”
“No, I have to…. I can’t let him get hurt,” you argued, pushing away his helpful hands as you tried to stand again. You heard the crashing thud and rushed voices as you shakily got to your feet, leaning all your weight on your good leg. As you looked up again you came eye to eye with worry-filled icy blues.
“Sol-”
“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” He interrupted, his metal arm snaking around your waist to pull you in possessively and away from those who threatened your safety. On the other side of the room, the nervous kid now coughed and wheezed for breath, but you were just happy to see he was still alive.
“Please just listen to them. You’re already hurt, don’t get yourself killed…” you pleaded, your hand barely brushing over his bleeding wound before pulling his hand to your rounded belly. He tried to keep his expression steady, but you saw the way his eyes widened slightly as he looked down. “She needs someone looking out for her and I can’t do this on my own. I can’t keep away all the dangers of the world…” Your forehead rested against his as you tried to shift your weight, whining as you gave up and moved back. You couldn’t deny that this part of Bucky was her father too, even if he had been hidden away for ages, she was still his too. Whether Bucky would see it the same way you weren’t sure, but right now you were just concerned with making sure he got out of this alive.
“I can’t do this without you…”
The silence felt deafening as he considered. He never had to think about other people relying on him, not like this. His orders had always been to leave no threats, to finish his job and move on, no matter the cost to him. But the pain in his soft, fleshy shoulder was getting harder to ignore. The way his blood-soaked shirt clung to his arm now climbed to the forefront of his mind as he watched your big eyes stare back at him, desperate to understand. He was between a rock and a hard place.
“I’ll be right beside you the whole time..” You assured him, “We both will, but please let everyone get us some help.”
A gentle nudge pushed against his palm as his thoughts swirled around him, snapping him back to a single line of thought and he knew then. Defeat laid heavy on his shoulders as they slumped, accepting what must be done., “Мое солнц [My Sun] …”, He said, “Если вы так хотите, то я не буду жаловаться [If it is what you wish, then I will not complain].”
You couldn’t tell just how long you had been holding the breath you let out, your muscles relaxing as he finally held his hands up. The security squad began coming forward with an array of cuffs, but it was Sam who stopped them this time, glancing back at you for confirmation as he assured them that they could take it from here. Despite the arguing and the hesitation, they seemed to relent, shifting their focus now to their injured colleague.
Both Sam and Steve looked tired but relieved as they turned to the two of you, bloody and pained in your current state. Though they weren’t quite better; both of them looked like they had been the unfortunate punching bag of a certain super soldier mere hours before. Sam had bruises lining his arms from where he was surely blocking blow after blow and Steve smiled a bit with his busted lip, dried blood still stuck in the corner of his mouth.
“Let’s get you two to the tower…”
----
The journey to the tower was quiet, your soldier never letting you out of arms reach as you all boarded the armored truck, and made your way up the tower and to the lab.
Doctors tried to treat the both of you, but as soon as anyone dared to come close your assassin was right there to growl them back. They’d hardly be able to get past his possessive hands even if they could manage to get close, his touch keeping you pulled beside him at all times.
“Soldat…” you warned him, but he was too preoccupied gathering the medical bag they had been dropped. Coming over to you, there was no warning as he scooped you up from the ground and set you on a table to get to work.
“Oh-!” You exclaimed as you held onto his strong shoulder, quickly getting plopped back down on the corner of the cold metal table. A shiver ran down your skin as you shifted against the sleek table, watching as practiced hands scoured through the medical bag, producing everything he needed as he went about fixing up your leg wordlessly.
You were beyond thankful for the haze of the (baby-safe) painkillers as his fingers slid over the raw flesh. Despite the gentle numbing of the painkiller your fingers still lay tangled in his hair as he worked, only tugging in discomfort as the gauze wrapped tightly around your leg.
"Thank you..” You said when he finally finished, moving back to appreciate his work before giving it a satisfactory nod. His eyes had grown distant again, bits of confusion and uncertainty swirling in the storm of his eyes, and you reached out to stroke your thumb across his cheek. His stony cool expression remained as you touched him, his mouth staying a firm line as he instinctively leaned into your palm. You watched him for a moment before you continued, knowing that his thoughts must be far away.
“It's your turn now, big guy.... your shoulder is still seeping and you can’t keep losing blood like this," You urged him just as you had on the ride to the tower. He had refused to listen then, letting nothing else occupy his mind until he knew you were fully taken care of. But now as you sit safely before him, the only looming threats being Sam and Steve who seem to haunt the hallway outside, he finally relented.
You moved to stand, needing the angle to effectively dig out the bullet still lodged in his muscles, but he held you still with a single large hand on your shoulder, "Stay," he urged you with that low rumble of his. His eyes lingered on yours, ensuring you would do as he asked before he began to move again, gathering the supplies you would need.
He slid his bloody shirt off, revealing the weeping wound beneath and the scars of many wounds past. You expected him to stand in front of you, maybe sit so you could take care of him, but that didn’t seem to be the important thing right now.
He climbed up onto the cold table where you sat, curling onto his side with his back facing the door so his wounded shoulder sat closest to you. His head lay in your lap with a look of unmatched serenity as he pressed his forehead against your rounded belly. And there he rested, quiet and unmoving as he took his quiet moment. But he was far too exposed like this, far too trusting of “threats” lurking outside, and he almost reminded you of Bucky again. Was Bucky fighting to come back…? Was the Winter Soldier trusting you to watch his back? … or was he accepting of something you weren't sure he knew yet?
"Are you sure? It's going to be harder to take the bullet out this way. I don’t want to hurt you more than I have to," you tried to explain as you pulled out the forceps.
But he simply shook his head, "I know my time here is short, my Sun..." he said with an even tone, no semblance of fear to shake his voice, "Please let me enjoy it like this…."
Your voice caught in your throat as he answered, his blunt acceptance and knowing catching you off guard. You wished beyond anything that you could soothe him, to tell him no one was going to hurt him or take him away again. But you wouldn’t lie to him, so instead you said nothing, Your words rasping as you replied, "Of course, My star…."
The room was quiet as you worked, the only noise the sweet mumblings from your boyfriend's lips as he filled your baby’s ears with loving promises. His body let out a grunt and a soft squelch as you finally tugged the crushed bullet out. Pain creased his brow but his words never faltered and neither did the nudges or kicks he got in reply.
Carefully you cleaned up the blood, packing the wound as best you could, but you were sure Tony and his team would be redoing it soon nonetheless.
A sigh escaped him as he heard you putting away your tools, "My Sun?" he asked.
"Yes?"
“Is it time…?”
You cast your eyes downward, looking into those confused and swirling blues as they watched you with unbridled hope.
You nodded, wiping away the tears that welled in your eyes, “It’s time…” you whispered.
He nodded, thinking quietly as he looked down at your belly again, his hand smoothing over the skin he’s exposed, “Will I see you two again…?”
Your heart broke at the slight waver in his voice, “Oh, my star…” you said, resting your palm against his cheek, “It’s just like I said, ‘you can not lose me in any way that would last’. I’ll see you again and again, in this life and the next,” you assured as you leaned down to kiss his temple, a small smile forming at the corners of his lips. Tears blinked from your eyes as you continued, “I don’t know when, or for how long, but you will see us again. You can always come home to me, and I will always be there to welcome you.” You leaned, slow as not to scare him, and kissed him gently as he turned again to look at you.
It was awkward at first, but you didn’t mind, you couldn’t imagine the last time the Winter Soldier had felt such gentleness, let alone a kiss.
But the moment was ripped away as the door opened, Steve, Sam, and Tony all standing in the doorway. “We’re ready for him,” Tony said simply, “Let's get this started so my lab techs can go home….”
-----
You watched behind thick glass as Tony and his team of technicians attached various wires and machinery to Bucky’s body. Sam and Steve’s hands lie on your shoulders, trying to comfort you as you watch them finish tuning and placing everything. You watched as his blue eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling, as still as a statue as he let them do their work.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to watch this…” Steve tried to comfort you, but you only shook your head.
“No… I promised I’d see him off,” you replied, then thought with a pause, “Despite all the warnings Bucky gave me I’m happy I got to see him face to face…”
“Well, it helps that he wasn’t trying to beat the shit out of you…” Sam mumbled, getting an immediate nudge from you right in one of his bruises, “ Ow…okay, point taken.”
You smiled and shook your head. It was true though; despite the fear, blood, and death that dripped from his moniker, despite the pain you endured in his presence, you would do it all again. Bucky had hidden this part of him from you for so long, only ever showing you half of his face. And though you know he wouldn’t like it, you’re happy to finally see him in full light- to know and love him completely as he’s meant to be.
Tony says something that’s hard to make out through the glass, but you see him give a thumbs up to you all so he must have been ready. He moved to the switch, hesitating for a moment to let you say a quick goodbye.
Your Soldier’s eyes found yours right away, but there was no trace of sorrow for you to see, no discomfort or fear. In fact, he seemed almost excited; excited and hopeful that when he saw you next he’d have a bundle of joy to look forward to as well.
“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” you watched him say beyond the glass.
“I’ll see you again, My stars. I’m sure of it…” You replied with a soft smile.
He had just enough time to smile softly back at you, an image now pleasantly etched in your brain before Tony flipped the switch and the reset procedure began.
You covered your eyes quickly as Bucky’s body began to convulse, his strained grunts and shouts breaching containment despite the way he tried to hold it all back. The sounds of pain continued for minutes, but it felt far longer. Though, it wasn’t until it got quiet that you began to worry.
“Is it done? Is it over...?” You asked the men on either side of you, afraid to peek past your hands for fear of the worst.
“Doll…?” you heard the familiar voice call, gritty and rough from its recent use but still carrying that same soft tone he used with you.
Your heart swelled, “Bucky...?”
_____________
Taglist: @writingmysanity @simpxinnie (sorry I forgot to tag!)
It's been a while since I've written for our favorite sad man, so if I've missed you/you want to be added to the taglist, DM me to let me know!
Hello, seekers! This is what you need to know if ye wanna request anything!
I will write about mostly anything that I am familliar with, but these are my base fandoms
Marvel
Rise of the Guardians
Huntik: Secrets and seekers
Bakugan
Drifters (historical sci-fi comedy anime)
Dororo
Avatar (the animated series, but maybe the blue guys as well if there are any really cool ideas)
Yu-Gi-Oh!
Inazuma Eleven
Shaman King
Many more but I can't remember at the moment
!!!WILL DO:
Male x Female
angst
friends to lovers
fluff
some mythological/hystorical characters x reader
oneshots
headcanons
imagines
series (maybe not everytime, maybe I'll see the idea better as an oneshot but I will indeed text you about it if I decide to do it!)
will try from time to time to do your/my original characters x reader if I am requested to
!!!WON'T DO:
Male x Male
Female x Female
NSFW
anything I feel unconfortable with
Love y'all!
Zombies 3 song :Alien Invasion song released full music video ❤️😘👇
https://youtu.be/hH-kUCX-vkA
Best Disney Zombies Ships 🥹😘❤️🖤💜✌️
somebody pls let him rest
Doctor having to enter in casual/private/plain clothes, because whumpee shows such a viscerally negative reaction to anyone in a coat/med clothing.
Maybe they thought about restraining whumpee, but the struggling would reopen wounds. Or they thought about sedating whumpee, but the sedative would interact negatively with the plethora of other medications whumpee is already taking.
Or maybe they just decided that a change of clothes is the most humane thing to do.
Uh, Yeah actually I have a few favorites," You Are My Sunshine" by Jimmy Rogers, A Nightingale Sang In Berkley Square, Vera Lynn It's Been a Long Long Time Kitty Kallen, Long Gone Lonesome Blues Hank Williams, Hey good lookin' Hank Williams, Yeah I'm an old soul most are from the late 30's though
Hey, Bucky, I have a question, Do you like old love songs, and I mean old like 1900's old
Yeah, I can get into some of those. There’s something about the way they’re written—real raw, not all polished and overdone like the stuff today.
I mean, they didn’t have all the tech to hide their voices or throw in auto-tune back then, so it’s all heart.
Got a few favorites, but it really depends on the mood.
You into those old tracks too?"
I feel like collectively we are sleeping on the Star Spangled Man track from Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Just take a listen. Maybe I’m just a sucker for drum lines but dang it’s jazzy
⛧ ABOUT THE MASTERLIST & REQS
Mainly writing for Tony Stark.
Minors, please do not interact!
Add detail to your requests! Refrain from sending vague, one-liners, please try and be descriptive.
I only write reader-pairings.
I also write real person fiction, such as actors.
Requests and asks are currently OPEN, feel free to send one in!
⛧ FANDOMS
. . marvel . . american horror story . . hannibal
. . and more!
last updated: 01/09/2024
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014) dir. Anthony & Joe Russo
You’re ok. I’m right here. You’re safe.
Name 5 things you can see
- You, moon, stars, curtains, blanket
Name 4 things you can feel
- Bed, blanket, your arms, your breath
Name 3 things you can hear
- Your breath, my heartbeat, the wind outside
Name 2 things you can smell
- Your hair, your skin
Name 1 thing you can taste
- Your lips
imagine bucky breaking up with you
The room fell silent as the words spilled out of Bucky's mouth. Jumbled up breaths of excuses of how things were just getting a little too serious for him. How he thought things were casual and suddenly he was feeling pressured. His voice ringed in your ears, heat burning on your skin as you stared at him.
Bewildered.
Casual?
This was never casual. Sure it might have started that way, friends seeing where things could go but never was it just casual.
You allowed him to continue, listening to apologetically enthused words that meant nothing to you.
Let him finish...
Let him finish...
"....I really just need some time. I don't want anything serious right now."
Bucky studied your face, looking for signs of distress. Your face was so stone cold, Austin could have been your first name. He held onto the chair he was standing in front of, waiting and waiting until you nodded.
"Fine. I really have nothing to say. I have work in an hour, but I can come by and if you could have all my things ready..."
He looked perplexed as you listed off all your possessions around his apartment. The whole two bottom drawers needed to be cleaned out, books on the shelf, coats in the closet. There was at least two pair of shoes under his bed, he could keep the pots and pans.
"Except, I really would like my stainless pan. I'm very attached to it but other than the clothes, books, whatever else you can keep."
Bucky Barnes was dumbfounded and plain dumb. He was self sabotaging as he always did and you weren't going to play this game - he needed to figure it out all his own and if he never did, well...a person could only wait around for so long.
but, fuck, he might be worth the wait if he could get his shit together.
can't wait too long...
"Also, you have a doctor's appointment next Tuesday. Don't forget they moved buildings, you won't have to take the extra train ride. So yay..."
The half hearted 'yay' made Bucky grimace and he wanted to take it all back but you were already at the front door. He moved toward you and you met him half way, staring lovingly in his eyes. A hand brushed strands of hair from his handsome face and you smiled.
"Get your shit together, Barnes. A catch like me isn't going to wait for too long. Especially when her casual boyfriend has a really hot best friend...."
There was a hint of deviousness in your eyes, the mere thought of Steve and you nearly sent Bucky into a rage but then you gave him a peck on the cheek and walked out of his apartment.
He stood there, like a perfect idiot.
I am writting fics..i will be taking requests...i will write for
Sherlock
Sherlock (obv)
Mycroft
Johnny
Jim
Ships
Molly
Marvel
Tony
Steveee
Bruce
Thor
Lokitty
Clint
Nat
Mr. Doctor (its strange)
Wanda
Buck
Sam
Shuri
Namor
Vis
Moonknight aka steven with a V & marc
And...i really cant think anymore at a time...just ask me.. 💓
Flash
Barry
Cisco
Harry wells
Cait
Any wells
Xmen
Charles Francis Xavier
Erik lehnsherr
Logan howlette
Scott Summers ( older)
Hank Mccoy
Alex Summers(his hair in apocalypse thooo)
Iceman
Mystique (both Y & O)
Also lucifer
Done!... You can request for any of them...thank youuu...
fatws
sam: dont flirt with my sister
bucky: (externally ) okay :) i won't
bucky: (5 mins later) hi sarah ;)
