Convo: Zahra - Blog Posts
“I probably wouldn’t like to be shut in a cage only to be let out when I get to a doctor, and I’d know, I’m literally a doctor I know the terrible people we really are.” Julia gave Zahra a small smile, because she wasn’t exaggerating. She knew what they did was to help but sometimes the invasive ways they were forced to do it in order to get the best results. “It’s honestly very adorable, it is always a pick me up when I feel like everything is getting on top of me a bit too much. I’m not a big instagram person but I can’t deny that it has its positive sides.” A small shrug, her follow list was selective for that exact reason.
Waiting patiently, and quietly, for the other to finish returning her books she gave the librarian a polite smile before turning towards the direction of the section she had specifically come for. “Well…there is a lot of information involved that’s for sure. I’ve been doing it for ten years and there is still so much I need to learn. Not to mention look up specifically when the medical issue arises.” Motioning to exactly what they were doing right now as they headed up the steps to the second floor of the library. “Did you ever have ambitions to follow any other kind of career path rather than the one you’ve gone with?” She asked with genuine interest. She'd been forced into hers, but so many others got the luxury of choosing. @ofzahras
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It'd be way easier than trying to trick her into her carrier and then try and carry her around. She does not like it one bit and I can't blame her." Despite her efforts, Circe despised the very sight of her carrier and would run and hide the moment Zahra pulled it out. She had of course splurged on the nicest, most comfortable one on the market but Circe did not seem to appreciate the luxury and would've most likely preferred to be carried in a food delivery bag. Her eyes grew wide as Julia described the account she had found. A delighted burst of laughter. "Really? I definitely need to check that out. Sounds like a dream, just a guy and his cat riding a bike."
Returning the books was blessedly an easy ordeal, and Zahra could at least congratulate herself on getting the haul back before any late fees had managed to materialise. She had managed to accomplish something that day and felt better for it. "Oh, I don't know. I love a good fun fact or a useless piece of information but medicine? Don't think I have the brain capacity for that." That being said, she was always eager to learn new things and could imagine far worse ways to spend an afternoon. "Lead the way."
“Oh well that makes sense, especially in New York I guess. I’m not sure how many cabs would let you in with a cat on the loose so at least with her in a pram thing you can just walk there or get the underground.” If it wasn’t raining and Julia was in that position she would one hundred percent walk so as to avoid the hell of New York’s subway. Useful, sure. Pleasant? Never. “She’d be meowing at everyone you walk past. I was on instagram the other day doomscrolling because I couldn’t sleep and this account came up about this guy who rides around with his cat in the basket of his bicycle. This fluffy white thing that just sits there and looks around - it was actually kind of adorable in a wildly impractical way.”
Following the other towards the returns she listened as she spoke about not being tempted to pick up any medical books, understanding the concept of having different interests but the idea of walking into that section of a library without taking something home with you entirely alien to her. “I’m sure you would understand more than you give yourself credit for. I mean of course the terms are complex if you don’t know what they mean I guess - that is quite specific. Plus when they delve into more detailed specifications…” She trailed off, putting the bag of books down onto the floor once they arrived at the returns desk. @ofzahras
It was a relief how Julia seemed to understand exactly what she was going through and didn't ask any awkward follow up questions. Their careers were evidently very different but there were similarities as well. The constant need to learn more and keep researching even when that was the last thing you wanted to do. Zahra truly appreciated Julia's company in that moment, glad she had ran into her.
"Oh yeah. I thought it would be useful if I had to take her to the vet or something. She's not the smallest of cats so carrying her isn't exactly fun," she explained. Her face seemed to lit up as she talked about Circe and the corners of the mouth twitched towards a smile. "But I've been too embarrassed to use it. She's real loud, too, so I'm sure no one would think I had an actual baby in there." That being said, Zahra would undoubtedly change her mind the moment she saw someone else prancing around with their cat in a stroller.
She nodded eagerly, clearly delighted by the prospect of accomplishing something small yet meaningful. "Absolutely. Sounds good," she agreed, already heading towards the returns. "It's ideal, really. I doubt I will be too tempted to pick up any medical books. Wouldn't understand most of it. The Latin and Greek I studied wouldn't get me very far with those terms."
Julia smiled softly, understanding the issue being described because she’d been there herself - more times than she’d care to admit because you’d think she’d have learnt her session after the first. “We’ve all been there.” As they headed into the vast library Julia was relieved to feel the familiar wash of calm the old building brought with it. A place that housed so much knowledge with no expectations on it apart from that you feasted to your hearts content, she could slip away in here for hours on end. Reading while the outside pressures melted away until it was time to walk back out the doors again. “You have a cat stroller for her? Oh my goodness, I’ve only ever actually seen those used on television. Is it common for people to take their cats out for walks? I thought they were more inside pets. Especially in the city.” Not that she’d ever had one, though they were very cute and occasionally the thought had crossed her mind to keep her company in the times she wasn’t at the hospital, before she remembered that those hours were extensive and it wasn’t really conducive to looking after a pet.
The offer of help was one she’d happy accept though, enjoying Zahra’s presence because it felt like they had a lot in common, even if the information they’d shared with each other was limited. It was just a sense the doctor got. “I’d love that, thank you. Why don’t we put yours all back in for return and then we can head up to the medical section?” Her voice lowering as they were now in the confines of the library. @ofzahras
"Not all of them, no. I guess I bit off more than I could chew. Thought I would save myself a few library trips, you know. Didn't really think what would happen when I had to return all of them." She had always been bit of a book hoarder, most comfortable when she knew the information she might need was within arm's reach, but she had previously also been able to take pride in being a fast, motivated reader with the ability to get lost in text even if she wasn't particularly interested in the subject. She had tried to get back to that routine, often re-reading books or research papers she had already deemed fascinating in one way or another, but the results had been less than satisfactory. She knew talking about it with someone might ease the shame, but unfortuntaly Zahra had never great at that. Still, she appreciated this little chat with Julia, especially since it allowed her to gush about her beloved cat. "I have to admit if I already got a cat stroller for her but I am still trying to figure out if I'm confident enough to take it out for a spin. Might garner some weird looks."
Her head tilted to the side as Julia explained what she was looking for. "Oh? I see. I'm not doing anything at the moment if you need help finding some books," she offered, hopeful to pass a few minutes with a clear goal in mind. "It sounds interesting. I'm sure you'll do great."
“You didn’t read them?” Julia had a surprised look on her face but she really shouldn’t be because that was the pot very much calling the kettle black. The amount of books she’d borrowed from libraries in the past but not even opened was numerous, and it wasn’t because she didn’t have good intentions when she got them. Simply that life tended to get in the way, especially if they were fiction books rather than something attributed to medicine or something she was specifically working on. Sensing the uncertainty coming from her she nodded in agreement instead of prying further, giving the other a small smile. “I’m sure - I head that is quite common among writers.” She doubted parroting that would be of any reassurance but it happened anyway. “Would you look at that, I think we’ve decided what your next purchase is going to be. Some call it a grocery bag, you call it a Circe bag. It’s flexible for ones needs.”
A shrug of her shoulders in regards to what she was specifically looking for, pressing her lips together silently for a second. “There is a case I’m working on at the moment is a child with Adrenoleukodystrophy, it’s not something I’ve personally worked with before so although I know the facts from medical school I wanted to come and do some more reading on it incase there is anything I’ve missed. Are you staying a while?” She asked, referring to the library. @ofzahras
"I guess you're partially right. I just wish I had actually read these instead of just hauling them home and now bringing them right back." Obviously no one knew - or cared - that she hadn't even cracked open most of the books, but the shame was palpable nonetheless. The shame seemed to be her constant companion, increasingly so ever since her brain had decided it no longer wanted to partake in any additional reading or writing. The feeling only grew as she thought about future deadlines and word counts, the threat of falling behind making her sick to her stomach. "I am sure it's just a writer's block," she muttered, mostly to herself, before snorting in amusement. "See, I like where your head's at. I could smuggle Circe everywhere and become the ultimate cat lady."
A realisation lit up Zahra's face as Julia admitted she was only heading in. She laughed, shaking her head softly. "Ah, there you go. It's good to know some things don't change. Are you looking for anything in particular?"
Julia didn’t comment on her helping because if the roles were reversed the last thing she’d want was another person drilling down on how they’d had to lend a hand. Too many people took pride in their independence for her to risk saying the wrong thing. Instead she just gave her a small smile with an incline of her head, picking up the handle nearest to her.
“I don’t know if this can be considered a walk of shame, I mean what part of being well read is meant to be shameful?” If that was the case then maybe she should just bury her head in the sand right now because she’d much rather spend time with a stack of books than another human most of the time. “Or you could get one of those ones that old people take to the grocery store, the old lady shopper bags. Then no one would even know what was in it.” A shrug of her shoulders as they headed into the library, realising that Zahra didn’t realise that she was arriving rather than leaving. “Oh you know me better than that, I’m on my way in to pick up a couple I’ve had set aside for me. Don’t worry - I’ve not been replaced by an alien.” Julia joked softly. @ofzahras
While she had never been great at accepting help, Zahra was grateful she had run into Julia, and even more grateful she seemed to be more than willing to offer a helping hand. "Thank you," she sighed, still catching her breath.
Zahra pulled an amused face at Julia's suggestion. "That's not a terrible idea. Although I hope I won't have to do this sort of a walk of shame anytime soon." Yes, she could have made multiple trips to the library, but somehow that had sounded even more laborious before she had actually started her perilous journey. Now she wholeheartedly regretted making said decision. "But I will definitely keep that in mind if I do end up in a similar situation." Glancing at Julia, she managed a brief yet knowing smile. "I see you're leaving empty-handed."
