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Dan Wilds - Blog Posts

4 years ago

hc that andrew’s really good at drawing, and bc of his eidetic memory, he can depict scenes perfectly. he didn’t draw much when he was on his meds, but got back into it when he was sober again. here are some memories i think he would recreate:

the “you know, i get it” speech (this one is a kaleidoscope of colours bc of his drugged state)

neil at ground level, andrew’s cigarette between his lips, giving andrew a mock salute (that scene right after andrew returns from easthaven)

seeing neil’s scars for the first time

aaron and nicky dancing, carefree, at eden’s

bee’s glass figurines (he adds to this drawing every time he gets her a new one)

sparring with renee

neil sitting on the ground at the foxhole court after calling andrew during his panic attack

neil leaning over the bus seat

matt grinning during an exy game

neil at the baltimore reunion (the rest of the foxes are blurs in this one because he only had eyes for neil)

sleepy neil curled up in the beanbag chair

allison and renee curled up beside each other

kevin coming in, drunk, with his new tattoo 

nicky and erik hugging when erik came as a surprise

kevin and wymack right before the final match

riko with his racquet raised above neil (he wasn’t going to draw this one, but he couldn’t get the moment out of his head and thought it might help to get it down on paper)

aaron smiling for a split second at a sarcastic comment andrew made

neil, yawning and wearing andrew’s hoodie

matt ruffling neil’s hair

allison painting renee’s nails

neil sitting on the rooftop, the sunset setting his hair ablaze

ice cream at sweetie’s (no cracker packets in this memory)

the first goal robin blocked during a game

neil on facetime, staring at andrew like he could never get enough

the first house that andrew could really call home 

sir and king climbing all over neil

neil and kevin wearing olympic medals

neil and andrew’s hands linked together

aaron and his family when they come over for dinner

neil, soaking wet and laughing during a watergun fight in their backyard

neil, smiling and happy and home

i’d like to think that, when andrew feels ready to show neil his drawings, they hang them up around their home. and when the foxes come over, they’re in awe at the memories and the love that is captured in the artwork, but they know not to say anything. dan gives them pictures, though, to hang up alongside the drawings, and they do


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4 years ago

neil was ready to die. he had accepted that he wasn’t going to live past 19, that he would be killed, that he wouldn’t do anything else with his life. and he was mourning the loss of exy and his teammates and friendship, but he didn’t bother mourning the loss of a domestic life because it never even occured to him that that could be a possibility. that dream died the night he ran away. he didn’t mourn the loss of lazy sleep-filled mornings or cat cuddles or holding hands or having his own place, because to him, that was always too far-fetched. he didn’t mourn for the small joys of domestic life, because he’d never had them in the first place


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4 years ago

yes neil is absolutely clueless when it comes to people liking him, both platonically and romantically, but he’s honestly pretty perceptive when it comes to other people. he was able to analyse the relationships and dynamics between the foxes pretty quickly (for the most part) after meeting each of them, even without knowing their backstories or anything about them. i think that this is for a few reasons:

neil has spent his entire life looking for threats towards him, not love

the only person who ever really cared about him before he joined the foxes (from what we know) was his mom, who had very questionable ways of showing it (i could write a whole other post about mary)

neil didn’t actually expect anyone to care about him in any way, because he didn’t think he was worthy of friendships and had never really opened up enough for it to be a viable option 

he had to be good at quickly and discreetly analyzing other people’s relationships, because it was important to understand those around him on the run 

excluding all the times where he went off and snapped at people, he tended to listen more than talk, especially when in big groups. this is the perfect opportunity to absorb information about everyone else

that being said, he didn’t pick up on anyone caring about him, because that idea had never even crossed his mind

also, given that he hadn’t really known what romantic attraction felt like, it was probably pretty hard to place his feelings for andrew 

and andrew’s not exactly the easiest to read, so even for neil (who understands him significantly more than others do), it would’ve been hard to see that andrew liked him (esp since andrew was presenting his attraction as hate)

however!! it would’ve been a lot easier to pick out the subtleties in the relationships between the other foxes, because they’re generally more open 

basically, i think that neil actually isn’t completely clueless when it comes to love/lust/attraction between others, it’s just when it comes to himself - who he doesn’t think is worthy of anything good - that he’s a bit thick


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4 years ago

jerejean fics are so much fun to read bc in aftg the characters more or less roll with the hits and just kind of accept what’s going on, and it doesn’t seem that out of the ordinary when you read it, but then you see how jeremy reacts to jean’s stories in the fanfics and it’s like... oh right... that’s actually probably how a normal person would react in this scenario


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