Depression - Blog Posts
One of my things is to wear something I think my favorite characters would wear to give myself a semblance of comfort
Apparently it's that time again where I just don't feel like eating anything! Hooray depression!
So this started the other day (which for me means any day that’s not today) when I was hungry but didn’t want to get up for food. And I realized that there’s quite a few times where I don’t know if what I’m feeling is because I’m lazy or depressed! I thought I’d create somewhere I can put my problems somewhere so they’re out in the world instead of just in my head. Welcome to my life.
⨾༊
not before im perfect.
what happened to me?
because why can't i?
i wouldn't say so
how i look at someone who asks if im ok
me in history ౨ৎ
Life is 60% more copeable with random unhinged affirmations
depression tips™
shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.
moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over.
put on clean, comfortable clothes.
put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.
drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.
clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink.
blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.
make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.
make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.
go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.
call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.
cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.
me when my mental illness makes it harder to take care of myself and my hygiene instead of making me look like mizuki or kangel 24/7
Sometimes I get epiphanies but only for a short moment. I can physically feel my mindset shifting from a negative outlook to a positive view. Like fog clearing up. I can see, but only for a moment. So when I'm down at least I know there is a chance of me finding that place again. A mind that is clear and not muddled with hopelessness.
depression is something i will never understand because i emotionally feel nothing except some dull sadness in my chest while im sitting in a dark room watching pocahontas and calling all of the character gay every time they look at each other and silently wishing for a giant fucking caeser salad
,,So, you want to rescue everyone but... who rescues you?"
from ,,I'm going to get better" by Olivia Mark
Well, folks, I'm starting to realize that maybe Bartleby the Scrivener might not have been the best role model for me to emulate...
I'm asking autistics and other ND people mainly, people who work full/part time: how do you all cope with burnout? Like I don't know how to get more rest, I have problems sleeping, I can barely take care of myself, 0 motivation. At this point I can barely make myself go to work. How do you lot cope?
mine are mac and cheese, chicken tenders and chicken alfredo,, drinks are apple juice, sweet tea, or regular blue gatorade :)
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what is a safe food?
a safe food is a food that a person likes, the texture is good, and its safe to eat, and that will not cause a meltdown
in all seriousness it's very alienating knowing theres Something Wrong With You. like seeing your mental illness come through in your behaviour and thought processes and knowing it's irrational and unhealthy, knowing other people are reading you as weird or stupid, and not being able to do anything about it is such a lonely experience
depression tips™
shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.
moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over.
put on clean, comfortable clothes.
put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.
drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.
clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink.
blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.
make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.
make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.
go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.
call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.
cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.
Aww! Look at the clown bunny- oh wait…
SPOILERS FOR SAM AND MAX: THE DEVIL’S PLAYHOUSE
(Also a rough personal vent based on how much this game resonated with me. Trust me, it’s not for the faint of heart. Warning: contains instances of childhood trauma and the many other mental health conditions it came with)
This game did so much justice for Sam and Max themselves, considering how this game is the first time anyone has seen these two in this multi-layered light since the original was released by Telltale back in 2010. I could go on about how this game has very much given me even more appreciation for Sam, because it has! But I really do want to talk about what was confirmed in this game about Max.
First of all, I love that when we’re in the Museum of Mostly Natural History in the episode They Stole Max’s Brain, we get an exhibit on how “the world will end” which shows a display of a giant monster destroying a city and the scene mechanically rotating into a desolate wasteland where the city used to stand. Mostly because of how well it works as foreshadowing for what was to come, (that foreshadowing also happened in The Penal Zone where Sam and Max first discover the Toybox) which ended up being Max turning into that giant monster that was predicted to bring the end of the world by the end of The Alley of the Dolls.
In the grand finale The City That Dares Not Sleep, when we’re literally inside Max himself, we end up learning his own Super Ego hates him and wants him to die. The Superego isn’t a separate entity, he is very much a part of Max’s own mind. I’m pretty sure every other Sam and Max fan who’s played this game has pointed out Max being as depressed and self-loathing as he is, and hiding it behind his sense of humor and his iconic smile. (He even brings up earlier in The Tomb of Sammun-Mak that he likes to fall asleep to the song “Tears of a Clown” which if you’ve heard of it, it’s 100% because he relates to that song. That’s just more good foreshadowing)
Honestly, I’m just going to say this, this 100% is something I deeply relate to. I’m probably going to vent a lot, but it’s important to understand where I’m coming from. During my childhood, I kept finding myself in these special Ed programs that I hated being in, they never truly felt like they were safe, but I had no choice but to put up with them since as far as my parents knew from the people who misinformed them, kids are completely incapable of truly understanding what is best for them. There were several times where I knew something was wrong with the way my life was, but I couldn’t put my finger on it since I was so young and constantly surrounded by people gaslighting me because I was that young. My autism diagnosis was something I deeply resented because it put me into these programs where I was objectified and told how the way I am and behave is wrong and should behave how THEY instruct me to. A lot of pressure was often put on me to behave with this standard of “perfection”, often leading me to be punished for not perfectly following that standard. I had no choice but to bottle up those imperfections because of the teachers of Special Ed that would constantly watch me like a hawk and sometimes even follow me around when I’m just trying to get on with my school day and get to my latest class in time. It didn’t help that I also kept getting prescriptions for medication that did more harm than good for me. One of the pills caused me to rapidly gain around 20 pounds in the span of a few weeks as a 9 year old, (making Sam pretty damn relatable in his own right too.) and another prescription REALLY messed with my brain. (If you want an example to how I acted on that awful drug, just think about how Lemongrab from Adventure Time was like) All this along with a few other reasons I might bring up someday ended up getting me to first develop suicidal thoughts at age 10. And as soon as that happened, I was taken to a children’s psych ward in a hospital where for some fucking reason, some “responsible adults” thought it would be a good idea to put the kid that thinks they’re a freak of nature that never should have existed in the first place in to a children’s psych ward made up mostly of kids that were surrendered from their parents for then being drug addicts and committing crimes they’re now in prison for. My much pickier childhood self when it came to the foods I ate (which is something a lot of autistic people are known for diagnosis wise) and the people running the ward didn’t give a damn and I spent my time malnourished lying in bed waiting for myself to starve to death and finally end everything I was going through up to that point. It took my mother INSISTING constantly that she bring food that I like so I could finally be more well nourished. But I can assure you it was hell, a hell I was stuck in for 11 days.
A bunch of other messed up stuff happened too, but I think this information has the gist of why I’m like this. It really wasn’t easy for me to type out, let alone have the nerve to publish on a public site. Honestly, I’d say Sam and Max: The Devil’s Playhouse resonated with me in a similar way Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 did. (If any of you have also seen that movie, you’d know EXACTLY what I mean. What I brought up also made Rocket Raccoon’s story resonate with me as much as it did.)
I’d like to thank the people of Skunkape for remastering this game so more people like me can have access and experience this masterpiece of a game. It was just what I needed now, and I couldn’t be more grateful of it happening!
I’m a sad potato sack, mmmh, it’s this time of year, life.
“I go into my sweater until it gets better”
Just had a panic attack, because I accidentally deleted notification, where somebody was actually going to chat with me. I felt so stupid, had a fucking panic attack and anxiety for several hours. Great. Good job.
Should just know that I’m around
If you need to talk this out
Wanna scream it out loud
But too sad to make a sound
Know it’s hard when you have no friends or someone to talk to. If someone need to talk or is just lonely you can message me.
𝒯𝓇𝒶𝑔𝑒𝒹𝓎 𝒯𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓈𝒹𝒶𝓎
𝒯𝓇𝒶𝑔𝑒𝒹𝓎
The Death of His Majesty King George V
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𝒟𝑒𝒸𝓁𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓉𝒽
George V had developed a lot of health problems after the First World War & it took a toll on him. George was injured on Thursday, October 28th, 1915 when he was thrown from a horse & he also developed Chronic Bronchitis from his heavy smoking addiction. 10 years later in 1925, he was sent on a cruise to the Mediterranean which was used to help him recuperate.
3 years later in 1929, he developed an illness called Sepsis, which is a life-threatening condition for when the body’s response to an infection causes injuries to both the tissues & the organs. The King’s body never recovered from years of illness & injury, so in last year of life, he was administered oxygen.
6 years later, when George’s sister Her Royal Highness The Princess Victoria died, it sent the King into a deep state of depression. 1 year after his sister’s death on January 15th, 1936, George went to his bedroom at Sandringham House, complaining of a cold. The cold turned the King’s body for the worst, as he became weaker & would drift in & out of consciousness. George’s nurse Catherine Black & physician Lord Dawson of Penn, gave him a sedative the night of his death which consisted of 3/4 gram of morphine & 1 gram of cocaine. The family did not approve of the injection but also did not want the King’s death to be painful & slow.
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𝒟𝒶𝓎 𝑜𝒻 𝒟𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽
Monday, January 20th, 1936 at Sandringham House in Norfolk at 70 Years Old
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𝒞𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒟𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽
Declining Health & Lethal Injection
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𝐹𝓊𝓃𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓁
As the King’s health declined, multiple close sources of the King’s came forward with updates on his decline.
The first source was Prime Minister Baldwin who wrote, “Each time he became conscious it was some kind inquiry or kind observation of someone, some words of gratitude for kindness shown. But he did say to his secretary when he sent for him: "How is the Empire?" An unusual phrase in that form, and the secretary said: "All is well, sir, with the Empire", and the King gave him a smile and relapsed once more into unconsciousness.”
The second source was Lord Dawson of Penn (The King’s Physician) who issued a bulletin that had “The King's life is moving peacefully towards its close,” written on it. Lord Dawson also kept updates in journals with the King’s last words written in it which were “God Damn You,” which was said to his nurse Catherine Black. He also said he wanted the injection to happen at night, so that the death of the King could make the morning edition of British Newspaper The Times.
British Pathé News announced the King’s death, the next morning & described the King as “More than a King, a father of a great family.” BBC Studios was next for the broadcast, as German composer Paul Hindemith & English Conductor Adrian Boult along with the BBC Symphony Orchestra, performed a Mourning Music that evening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6y1KYItRzQ (British Pathé News Broadcast)
The night before the funeral, the King’s sons’ His Royal Highness Edward The Duke of Windsor, His Majesty King George (Albert) VI, & His Royal Highness Henry The Duke of Gloucester, mounted the Vigil of the Princes guard at the Catafalque. The sons did this in respect to their father who was now gone. The King was lied in state at Westminster Hall but was interred at St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle on Tuesday, January 28th, 1936.
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𝒮𝓊𝒸𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑜𝓇
1. His Royal Highness Edward The Duke of Windsor (Abdicated)
2. His Majesty King George (Albert) VI (Took the Throne after Edward Abdicated)
heyo i havent slept in two (2) days, and im so awake it fucking hurts. my heart rate hasnt been below 80 bpm for about 16 hours, i keep almost puking, and i have a migraine. fuckin.... what is my life and how do i stop