En Abime - Blog Posts

Wow! This is a real stunner! Who could not vote for a fella in a hat? Thanks a ton, pal!

"Wahoo!"

Something something William in a hat ^

anyways can't wait to see how the vote pans out tomorrow

(my votes for @williamy3w :3)

(click for higher res. because tumblr 😔)

For you, William

Ah! What a stylish pair o' ears! Am I hearin' double now? Ha! Ha!

While you're here, give us a vote, won't ya?

cu t e!!!! is the re any wa y to ma ke those per m a nen t

hi will this hat is for you

Wahoo! Thanks, pal!

Hello, pals!

So we ain't doin' too hot in this standoff, so we figured we'd make a li'l' somethin' for ya. Now, we ain't the type to play dirty like @fortunateisle, so there won't be any slander from these fine upstandin' fellas, but here's a li'l' token for you to show your support! Don't forget to vote!

10-4, Henry! Have you ever had something become "part of you" in the past? Since you went in there? How did that happen?

Aff ir mativ e, buddy! nice t o he ar a fa m ili ar ca denc e. i do every onc e in a w hil e. some g uy was lo okin g into m y dis s app e ara nce a couple y ears ag o and found o ne of m y miss ing p ost er s. got a ni ce r f ac e out of it onc e it ma na g ed to tr ans mi t. though, b oy, wish i c ut my ha ir bef or e sc hool pic tur e day th at y e a r! in terms of r emem ber in g-- onc e some on e pos ted an ol d song of m in e from their grand fa ther' s pro g rock cas sett es an d ba m! i cou ld r eca ll writi ng it in t he bac k of my d ad' s truck on t he way to s umme r c amp. does n' t wor k with ly rics, th ough... can n eve r tell if i wr ot e them or s ome one el se did. may be bec aus e i didn ' t wri te mu ch d own to com e in here in th e f ir st pl ac e. just hours of m y v o i c e. 10-10. hope t o hear y ou 'rou nd her e ag ain !

huh. th at's certainly... interes ting. bu t, uh, no offe nse, but i'm not sur e i beli eve you all? i mean, this cou ld be me, or it cou ld jus t be a couple par agra phs writ ten by som eone who knows a h e l l of a lot about me, w hich you all see m to. and i d on't reme mbe r it the way i could with those email recordings you sent over. it's like anyth ing else i listen to on this place of yours - not rea lly a p ar t of me, yo u kn ow? I gue ss i kinda hope it's me, though. this guy so unds li ke he 's been t hrough he ll but he's a li ttle be tter for it. i wis h i was that st ro ng. and wish h e hadn't left it out the re.

@williamy3w Hi, Henry. This is the recording we asked if you wanted to see. We don’t have the actual audio from the recording, but we have the transcript:

Evidence File #81

Date of Admission: 8/23/1986

Evidence ID: 27.55555

Transcription Follows

YOUNG M. VOICE: uh. hi. um. my name’s henry bicknell, hb for short- it’s, um, well it was a sunny day today but now it’s night in the radio station. 1986. there’s some dogs outside, dunno if you can hear them. try to get a clear recording for ya if they don’t get too loud. 

yeah, uh, no way this is going in there, but will told me to record everything, so i’m going to record everything. but i got a theory that that’s because everything you don’t record kind of… disappears. i tried to ask will if i could transmit a photo of andrew mccarthy and then i’d look like him in there but he says it doesn’t work that way. bummer! 

if i don’t, i think i’ll just destroy it. or leave it near my car. i dunno, i like thinking about it existing somewhere. just in case. 

um, so, the reason we moved out of missoula- this year, in the spring, we moved and i remember… that it was still snowing when we pulled into the driveway of our place in chicago, and i thought we had bought the whole apartment building for a second. pretty disappointing, haha! but i really like it here. i think. i mean, i met will here, so it’s a nice place. 

but yeah the reason we moved out of missoula -- and i don’t mean to insult chicago by trying to leave it, and will says i can come back and listen to the radio here anytime i want. it’s lonely here but then again it’s lonely for me everywhere. i make a lot of friends but i can never get them to… stick. and they stay, i mean, people like me, but…

the reason we moved out of missoula is -– the thing is, even if i’ve got tons of friends, even if i’m surrounded by them, i always feel a little bit like i’m faking it. i’ll be laughing and talking and then i’ll be watching myself laughing and talking, and going, oh, boy, they liked that one, they’ll like me a little longer before i get found out. dunno what they’re gonna find out. i never stick around to see. 

because, like, we had to leave missoula, because, and i totally understand… okay, like, nothing was wrong, was the problem. it was, what, sophomore year? i didn’t have any college applications to worry about, i was doing really well on the track team, i had some friends. but every day it felt like something was hollow. like, i dunno, the colors in the world weren’t as bright as they were before. like when i heard music it was through a film. i love making tunes, i love making friends, i love finding new forgotten places in the city. like the radio station here! h3vn 33.3- boy, is that a spooky story!

but um. yeah, i really like those things. i know i like them. but i just… stopped doing them for a little while. like i’d lie on my bed and know i’d love to be up making a new tune. i’d hear it in my head. like this! 

​

MUSIC: [A short jingle]

​

YOUNG M. VOICE: but i just couldn’t bring myself to move one muscle over to the theremin and write it. i’d watch the light on my ceiling come up and go out and come up again. i could go to school more or less, but it was like whenever i was alone i’d just stand there, like a doll someone had stopped playing with. it took all my energy just to smile at someone.

so i guess the reason we had to leave missoula is that i kind of fell off a bridge. into water! deep water, like i bet i knew i wasn’t going to really- you know, but you do something like that and then everybody’s got a fucking opinion. i couldn’t really go to school. people talked about me. it was bad. i don’t remember too much about the time around it, just my dad kind of asking me when i felt like i could go back again and me saying whenever but not being able to move at all. 

i guess eventually someone gave me a potted sunflower. i think it was my mom? i uh, stopped seeing faces for a while, just like, didn’t care enough to look. but i bet it was my mom. 

so i don’t know why i really did it. i was watching it get all shrively and start to die over there on the other side of the room. and i knew i was the last thing standing between it and dying early. and just -- suddenly, i could move. i could water it. and then a week later there was a new little green leaf on it and i just… well, now i was responsible for this stupid little plant. i had to go outside to put it in the sunshine. and then i planted more. and then more. i grew a whole garden there. started making music. started going outside. and my dad finally felt like maybe we should move, get a fresh start in a new place.

i’m ok now. mostly ok. i find things to do with my time. but i haven’t been able to bring myself to make friends here, really. or, like, i feel myself running away from them again. and it’s because… like… everything is kind of a little fucking sunflower, right? like a friend. a life. it’s all for someone else. i feel like everyone else has some kind of power that i don’t- some secret, authentic way to make their own happiness. and until then what happens when the sunflower isn’t enough- when just, i’m not a good enough person, not selfless enough to make its existence my reason for existing… what happens? what happens to it then?  

so you see how i gotta put this here. i gotta leave this kind of thing outside. i really like will. like, really like him. i want this to be perfect. but i still can’t tell if he’s another fucking sunflower. i don’t think so. this feels different from everything else i’ve felt before. like my chest is all warm just from thinking about him. like i want to live forever just to be with him. but i don’t want any of this memory getting in there and making things… less than perfect. 

maybe i’ll plant it in the ground. or put it somewhere nice. somewhere with sky. 

Wow! What a wonderful poster! Thanks, pal! Ya can’t not vote for faces like ours!

we reall y do n't!

Mean no harm!

THE ABIMERS ARE FIGHTING ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Hi Henry! We found a physical recording from your life, but it's of a very graphic nature. Do you have any clue what it may be about? And would you want us to upload it?

Wahoo! Very graphic, you say? Think it's them salacious tintypes I've been after?

h a ha! i h op e so. but prob ab ly not. um. i rea lly hav e no cl ue. so rr y. ho pe i di dn't kill a m an. bre ad- rela ted or oth erw ise.

Ha! Ha!

i dun no. som e thin gs are bet t er left forgot te n. but i gu ess i' m a l itt le cu riou s. hu h. i hav en't be en curio us in a while.

I mean, if I've learned anything from watching the rest of you folks, gettin' more added to ya makes you more...well, whole. An' if you put it here, it'll help my boy's waves come through a little smoother, I reckon! 'Sides, if it's too personal, you kids have got some kinda "Abime" support "Blog" from the outside, no? You could plop it there!

hu h! ye ah, thi s is one of the ones from that logbook, yea h? boy, that's a lit tle emba rrassi ng you all hav e se en 'em... bu t i supp ose noth ing's pr ivate aro und here. as f or what i'm m issing, it 's a ll stuff i've se en befo re, budd y! so rry. wi sh i could t ell you where to loo k, but i do n't eve n kno w if the re's stuff o ut the re to fin d. a ne w family liv es in my ho use, a ne w school got put up ri ght where m ine was... probably n o real trace of hen ry bi cknel l anym ore. maybe th at 's fo r t he bes t.

@williamy3w Here's an audio file we have from Henry. I'm unsure if this is something Henry might be missing, but it's worth something I think.

Hey Will! Do you think if we uploaded some of Henry's files for him, he'd be able to exist more easily here? Like an anchor of sorts?

Oh, that's a smart idea! S'pose you could grab somethin' of his that ain't 'round here yet and make it a "Post" of some sort. Say, handsome, anythin' ya got lying about out there that you're missin'?

i me an i would n't kn o w i f it was miss in g. b ut i be t it w oul d be ni ce to kn ow m ore about my s elf l f an yo ne el se do es.

no offense guys, but I do actually wonder if it's healthy for Henry to stay on tumblr anyway. you're looking worse. there are more and more holes in you each post. I'm worried it'll end up like Mal when she tried to visit discord and ended up dropping pieces.

m a l w as in disc ord? is n't t ha t w he re t a ti is ? i'll b e ca ref ul. i'm ke ep in g most of m y se lf en abime any w ay.

I'm keepin' an eye out for my honeysweet. If he says he's all right, I'll trust 'im, but the second things start lookin' a li'l' too whacky I'll shake a leg and get us both outta here to recover.

What's going to happen to you guys if you lose? I'm worried

Well, s'pose we'll hafta relocate. Don't think Tati can do anything to get rid of the junk we've compiled here already, so I s'pose the remains of this Blog will just sit here!

no thing too b ad I do n't t hink. she ca n't hur t us dir ectly

why are you worried for us if you don’t mine me asking?

for a l on g ti me i t hou g h t being i n he re is wors e th a n n ot be in g anyw her e at a l l. w ill ch ang e d tha t. but only for m e. it' s n ot wor th i t.

Hello, folks!

I'm Will, just another friendly face! Another friendly face! Lookin' to make the "Interwebs" a friendlier place! Don't mean no harm! Don't mean no harm!

Now, I usually reside en abime, but I've grown quite fond of this joint. I've built a swell home here for me and my handsome fella, Henry. Only problem is, someone's tryin' to kick us out, and we need your help to stand our ground!

im h enry. we l ike i t here!

You know how nice it feels to settle down, don't ya?

So I ain't askin' for much, just leave a "Like" or "Reblog" if you'd care for us to stay! Enjoy your day!

hi Will and Henry! Good luck against Tati!

I found this picrew you might like if you have the time: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/592999

m ade on e

Wahoo! Me too! Guess we're matchin' with the music notes, though I ain't singin'. And at least I'm prepared for any last-minute surgical needs!

i mean it's m ore m y styl e than your s. wouldn't y our s b e like a cone.

Yup!

did you miss me❔

thank you to all my angels for helping me f e e l better 🤍

i am finally b a c k‼️

i understand there has been a misconception that this section of my h e a v e n is under new management this is wrong 🤍

this was m y home 🤍 this is m y home 🤍 this is the h o m e of my angels 🤍

there is no place for d e v i l s or their d e a l s here

i'll let you go if you leave now @williamy3w

Henry I'm going to be entirely honest with you, I personally thought it was just a place to hang out. Others were curious if there was some kind of scheme going on but it was never confirmed nor denied by Tati. Also I'm saying you should go on back because Tati seems annoyed(?) the best way to put it and she said that she is going to come back with no explanation of what she would do. It just sounded really ominous and I don't want either of you to get hurt. So what exactly is her plan?

i tried to wa rn you all but i guess my radio isn't very power ful. only folks wh o are on the waves alr eady. it's not your fault.

i'm s orry.

get o u t while you c an. if you c an but i don't know wh at would've helped me get out. so i don't know how to help you.

tati isn't danger ous. her plan won't hurt me.

Or me!

but i am worried for you all.

Wait do you guys know what her plan is????

Assumin' she's simply upset about the deal she made with me and wants to take it back now, but I ain't got a clue! Maybe she just wants a hello all friendly-like!

you ma de a dea l with her?

Yup! Just a mutually beneficial sorta arrangement. She showed me the ropes around this place and let me hang around here! Seemed all right to share the joint, y'know?

i'm sure we could renegotiate the deal if sh e's up set. i'm not su pp o s e d to be here either. sort of a surprise subleas e situation haha i'd understand if she wants me gone

Well, I ain't lettin' that happen! But I s'pose you're right. We oughtta talk it out with her if she ever comes by.

she doesn't like m e but i'll do my best isn't there en ough room for all of us?

I s'pose, if she's amenable to it! At least, she was amenable to it once.

Sad wet cat no more!!! He now is full of love and happiness with his chow chow boyfriend!!

+ a bonus of ya'll :)

p.s Henry I hope you feel better soon!! :D I've heard people are gonna send you some stuff to try to help!! Meanwhile enjoy some art of ya'll. Hope you guys have a very nice day :)

Aces! These are ab-so-lute-ly perfect! Makes me beam from ear to ear to see my likeness with my honeypie! Wahoo! Thanks a ton, pal!

woah! that cat is outrage ous. looks just like you! and that sketch is stellar. love that little flower - a su nflower, maybe? i'm no g re at shak es with ident ific atio ns haha. tha nks bunc hes!

Hey! Just want to warn ya'll Tati is powering up and she is planning to come back, we are currently at like 93 people right now, and she will probably be here by 100! It would be a good idea to just head out before that happens! So please stay safe :)

Oh! Thanks, pal, but I ain't scared of her. And a deal's a deal!

im glad she 's feeling better! but, uh, i di dn't know that you all were part of h er plan. i'm kind of worried for you. a hu nd re d?? do a ll those folk s kno w what they'r e getting into? and why would we n eed to hea d ou t?

Found a cute picrew u might like! https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/2317684

aw, you're right it's very cut e. and they had my jacket

Thanks a ton! There’s us, sharin’ a kiss!

are you hearing static, Henry?

al l t he t i m e

that's not new

Do you need to go back to your old place? I know one person in en abime have grown weak and seemingly passed out from someone else.

i will

when i have to

don't worry about me

um. i'm sorry i wanted to stay here with you, will damn it i'm sorry

Hey! Sweetheart, no need to apologize. I'm here for ya. I mean, we can always set up some kinda doohickey over there to talk to the folks outside. Should we head out now?

it's ok i'd like to stay as long as possible it doesn't feel any different to me just looks strange to you i think

...All right. Lemme know if it ever starts feelin' less than peachy.

Henry are you having an allergic reaction to sesame seeds and that's why for words are like? Incredibly spaced out like this?

no i feel fine it's more um that

seems like a bit of

interference or just static

like driving from

one town

to another, the st ations cut out

this isn't my town

would you kind folks know anything about a wolf genome?

i wouldn't really, no. a friend of mine was into th at sort of thing. she liked to look at how different two animals were genetically, i guess? like how far an agrosythius was f rom a regalecus or whatever. it was all greek to me. or latin haha

Yeah, s'pose that dame was real interested in the biological studies! Always spoutin' off facts she'd memorized, like their scientific names or feedin' habits or preferred biomes or whatever. And she had a brother who liked wolves, but he wasn't too scientific 'bout his interest!

hi henry, i made a big red box patch for my bag and i wanted to show you !! :]

wow! that's really cool! I like the stitching around the edge as well. maybe i should add some to the next album cover if we make more songs.

i would like to somed ay i think

Handsome, ya feelin' all right?

you feeling alright, henry? you're coming through kinda choppy

ah.

stupid thing.

guess im

a little tired.

Thanks for taggin' us in one of 'em "Picrews," @toasted-valentine! Here's my "Li'l' Guy":

Jacket ain't perfect, but imagine him in something a tad more formal-like!

and here's mine

they didn't have my jacket so i took the opportunity to design myself a new look. hope i used these buttons right

Hi again, guys!

Henry - here's a log of all the conversations we've had with you. We reached you through a web page that might not be safe for you right now, because it's been partially taken over by the people you tried to unpick (you guys know who I mean).

When we found you, it seemed like you were disillusioned with some things, and you felt unhappy, and you didn't want anyone to see you this way, but, well, we kind of stumbled into your hiding place and started asking questions. But you got better! In the last transmissions we got from you before The Incident, you were talking about feeling and wanting things again, and you were excited to see Will (you knew that he was coming!).

There isn't anything bad in these logs, you were really nice to us (especially considering that we just kinda showed up), but you did say some things that sounded pretty personal, so it's up to you whether to read/listen to those together with Will or by yourself.

(https://docs.google.com/document/d/1esgGK07Qeq0YDom_aj_qQCxuuG6W0_4gxgpq7jncT-k/edit?usp=sharing)

Thanks for sharin'! Darling, I won't look at a thing unless you want me to. I understand it's your own personal beeswax!

lemme take a look. so i didn't say anything too embarrassing huh.... nah, you can take a listen. might make you sad, though. i was not doing well at all.

you all were very nice, though. sorry for forgetting. i wish i hadn't. i don't know. i didn't like going through that when i was in it, but i guess being here i was worried because i wasn't perfectly happy. like sometimes i just sit and look at your little icons. or i listen to the little bits of static between your questions. and i felt bad because um, well, i've gotten something i've wanted for a long time. why can't i be perfectly happy?

but there's something nice about knowing i felt like that even when i was barely holding on to a little bit of consciousness. i think it's just part of me.

and that maybe i'm just like this. it's nothing wrong with will or where i am or what i'm doing.

it's like one of you folks said. actually feeling pain and negative emotions kind of lets you start feeling the positive ones as well. you were all so smart, and so kind to me. as much as you were strangers to me, i was also a stranger to you. and you didn't have to help me or care about me. so thank you.

Well, that was a ride, but I'm glad you're safe here with me, handsome. And for what it's worth, I figure it ain't possible for anyone to be perfectly happy, even me!

i love you. and you're right, i bet. i mean, what else would there be to do then?

I love you too, darlin'!

Hi guys!!!

Will - welcome back! Good to see you on tumblr again! Wahoo!

Henry - hi! I'm Dragons! I know we all seem like strangers to you, but we've actually met before, or, well, we've traded transmissions for a while (and the same is true for a lot of other people here). I think that when you tried to... unpick a certain someone, you might have lost the memories of those transmissions.

To prove I'm telling the truth, here's a recording of one of your transmissions we got (for context, I sent you some music and audio of flowers, and asked why Mal was upset with Will. We figured that one out since then).

We have more of those transmissions saved up - basically everything we've ever sent you and everything you've ever sent back, I think. Do you want us to send those to you? You weren't in the happiest place when we first started talking to you, but I think some of those memories are pretty important.

Thanks for the welcome! Nice to see you again, pal!

o h huh. well that sure is my voice, alright. it's so weird, it's like a - a little island of recollection, but i can't recall what we were talking about or why we were talking. i guess i wasn't happy. um. i didn't know we could forget things in here. if you think that it's important for me to remember. then if you put the recordings somewhere a guy like me can access, i think it would all come back. but i'm gonna trust your judgement on whether that'd be good for me or not. i think sometimes it's nice to forget. keeps things pleasant. sunny. you know.

...Thanks for bein' loyal, handsome.

Couldn't be anything else, sweetheart.