Ex Christian - Blog Posts

A comic I drew about leaving the Mormon church.

Can also apply to other things. Ex. constitutional originalism in the US

tbh… if i was mary i too would create an entire religion about how my child is the messiah just to avoid being called a whore ..

He does, what he wants, when he wants, how he wants and the atheist won't accept it, that even in there factual existence He was always aware. God, does, what he wants, when he wants, how he wants Period

yall ever get so high you actually rewrite the 10 commandments

Things Fundamentalism Robbed Me Of:

Growing up in a radically conservative Christian household, there were a lot of things that weren’t allowed. It wasn’t until after leaving the “faith”, and then taking time to fully deconstruct things, that I realized just how negatively it affected me.

Part 1: Special Interests

I’m autistic. And part of my autism is having special interests (that I obsess over to a degree that most neurotypical people think is ridiculous). But for me, my special interests bring me such joy and excitement and pleasure in my life. A lot of the time they’re what helps me get through a tough day (and quite frankly, a tough world for me to live in).

When I discovered anime and manga, it was like cotton candy for me. The art styles, the animation techniques, the manga layouts, the characters, the vast array of generes, the easy to understand emotions portrayed - it was like this entire type of media had been designed just for me.

But one look at it, and my mom forbid me from watching and reading any of it. Because it was too “demonic” or “sexual” (EX. Inuyasha-taking major inspiration from Japanese mythology. Sailor Moon-for showing off too much skin). Basically, it wasn’t Christian, and thus, sinful.

Part 2: Body Image

Another special interest of mine is fashion/costume design. Growing up, though, it was subjected to strict guidelines. All because I had to make sure I wasn’t causing a “brother in Christ to sin”.

Which, as a person who went from children to adult sizes almost instantaneously, not to mention grew into a curvy girl, made clothes even more of a touchy subject.

All of my outfits had to be inspected by my mom to make sure they weren’t too tight or revealing or even have a print that was too suggestive, before they could be purchased.

Because of this, I was never able to feel pretty. I was never allowed to think of my body as attractive, let alone sexy.

Whenever I designed outfits or costumes in my sketchbooks - using a very curvy model as a way to feel like my body could be beautiful if given the chance - my mom would tell me to “fix” them because they were too sexualized.

Part 3: Cultural Identity

I’m a proud Latina woman. My father and his family immigrated to the USA when he was a kid. Spending time with his side of my family are some of the happiest memories I have.

But because of the radically conservative beliefs of my parents (or maybe just mostly my mom’s, since I can’t recall if my papi ever setting any of this taboos), I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Día de los Muertos.

This may seem like a small thing, like not being allowed to celebrate Halloween (which we weren’t allowed to do either, and for the same reason as Día de Muertos), but when I found out about it as an adult, I was heartbroken that such a beautiful tradition was banned because it was deemed “pagan”.

In Short:

I was robbed of so much because of fundamental christianity.

I can’t help but wonder how my life would have been different if I had been allowed to embrace major aspects of myself: my autism, my body type, my heritage.

Part of me is always going to mourn the years I lost. And I wish, more than anything, that I could go back and tell my younger self - the little girl who lived in fear and was forced to live by beliefs set by privileged white men - that one day, she would be FREE.

Leaving Fundamentalism...

...was hard for me. From birth, I was raised in a radically conservative family of Christians. But even at a young age, I didn’t feel connected to the beliefs I was spoon fed in every aspect of my life. 

I was made to feel guilty for not having blind faith. I was made to feel like I was a horrible person when doctrine was explained and it still didn’t make sense. I was made to feel shame for faking ‘my beliefs’. All for the sake of obeying my parents and being accepted by the only community I was allowed to be in.

But finally, after years of pressure and self doubt, I’m finally free.

There are still things I’m working on. I still am triggered and feel sick at the thought of entering a church or when I hear Christian music. I’m still trying to push aside the anti lgbtq+ thoughts I get automatically, even though I know the only reason I was against them was because I was told I was supposed to be - and without that harmful religion dictating my thoughts, there’s no reason why I should be against them.

And while I still have a ways to go towards a life where the trauma doesn’t affect me all the time, I can see the progress I’ve made already.

When I hear someone - like my family or random person - talk about Christianity, I now feel the same level of indifference towards it that I feel towards other religions with flawed beliefs/doctrine.

Yes, every now and then I still have that sense of dread that if I don’t believe in Christ that I’m going to suffer in hell for all eternity (such a wholesome thought that stems from a religion that says its based on universal love), but for the most part, now I can remember all those Bible stories and treat them the same as Greek myths. I can respect that someone’s Christian beliefs gives them comfort, but I don’t have to agree with them to be in a relationship with them. 

Finally, I’m free to be on the outside and look in with indifference.