I'm learning that being in a high control group has made me a fantastic actor. I had doubts for years and while I felt a lot of guilt, I also just couldn't make myself feel or act how I knew I was excepted to. So I leaned hard into the shy sweet girl archetype. Sure they think I'm at least 5 years younger than I am, but I can do the bare minimum and ignore uncomfortable topics out of "nervousness".
The real me is opinionated, blunt, and consistently makes jokes. My family will tell others this, but they don't often believe them. It goes unquestioned and gives me some freedom. Still, I will be extremely relieved when I can retire the role.
It's interesting to me how people in high control groups believe they are being persecuted despite being heavily supported by governments and their culture. From my own experience, I think its easy to pretend your feelings of embarrassment caused by your own doubts about the group, are actually a result of "the world looking down on us". I would see people joking about us or about other Christians and feel terrible because I agreed with their points, but internalized it as "they hate me". Still, seeing content like this helped sort through my feelings even though at the time I wished it would just go away.