a.k.a. She says, “Yes,” while he answers, “No.”
She arrives at home a few minutes after five, clutching her heart tightly with her fingers. She looks around for a certain display of messy dark hair, her knuckles turning white every passing second. When her eyes couldn’t see what it sought out but meet a pair of amber orbs, she lunges forward onto its beholder.
He’s wearing his favorite navy blue shirt with gray linings on its sleeves, both of his hands clasping a book. His eyes turns back to it, she presumes, as she settles down in a leathered sofa in front of him. He’s seated on the loveseat, half lying on it even; his back resting on one rolled arm, his feet relaxing on the other.
She looks at his face and straightforwardly asks, “Why did you do it?”
He — who understood the question right away without any needed explanation from her to clear what could be a misinterpreted query — simply supplies, “I don’t like the way you look at it, or the way your fingers last a little more unnecessary than it should when you trace it through. I wanted it off right away the moment I couldn’t take it anymore.”
But you love it, she almost whispers. He used to, her mind takes in on account. “Are you okay?” she chooses to inquire.
He only looks at her, his amber eyes slowly mirroring an ember fire. He stands up and closes the material he was reading. She can hear her fingers tapping on her knees. Or maybe it’s the walls pleading in soft creaks. Or it’s her heart, with its great desire to come off of her chest and run away.
She wants to run away from the burning heat of her lover’s stare.
After a few minutes, she finds herself lost in a blurry surrounding. She focuses her vision and sees herself in the same sofa, her hands bleeding from how tight she was holding the end of her dress. Like how she’s holding her pieces together, just for it to not clutter and break into smaller ones.
But when she raises her gaze and find him at the edge of the stairs, she finally lets go.
And when he quietly murmurs an “I’m okay,” she decides she didn’t want to pick herself up. Her wounds will only cut deeper.
He didn’t even ask if I was, she thinks. Later, she stops thinking.
(eusie.)
Dear (h n),
You should know by now that this is about you
But if you’re not in love with me too then I doubt that you do
There were no fireworks or violins playing beautifully the heaven didn’t open its gates and set out its angels to sing love songs
No when my eyes first landed on yours I got stranded on the crooked smile on your lips and on the calm sea surrounding you
I think that’s when I realize that I might end up sinking that I might end up drowning
And I didn’t know if I should be afraid
But this feeling this magical feeling each time I saw the sparkle in your eyes when I glanced at you
But this feeling
I knew it won’t run away from me but stay and hide in each of my veins and my heart will explode with this feeling of you with this feeling of wanting you
I knew I knew I would fall for you
The second time my eyes landed on you the crooked smile was back but the calm sea was now a storm
And I was already sinking
And and and then
You said my name
I think that’s when I realize that I might end up drowning next
And I still didn’t know if I should be afraid
But this feeling this magical feeling was still there each time I saw the sparkle in your eyes when I glanced at you and as if you stitched my soul my heart craved and craved for your attention and for you to say my name again
But this feeling
I knew it won’t run away from me and my heart will explode from every word escaping your lips each time you speak to me with every hair on my skin you lit up each time you smile at me my heart will definitely explode with this feeling of you with this feeling of wanting you more
I knew I knew I was falling for you
The third time my eyes landed on you
I, I, I
I think I was already crazy but there were fireworks there were violins playing on the background and the heaven opened its gates to let the angels sing their love songs
And with the clouds smiling at me and the wind whispering a happy melody
I got stranded I sank
And I definitely was drowning and already falling
And I wasn’t afraid
Because this feeling this magical feeling did not run away from me and my heart will continue to explode with this feeling of you with this feeling of wanting you endlessly
I love you I love you I’m in love with you
And you should know by now that this is about you
But if you’re not in love with me too then I doubt that you do
Yours sincerely,
(eusie.)
Forward. You are a once again a shade of blue, but with a little bit of green. This time I came close in hue. Now I know how your depths go, so maybe drowning with you isn’t scary.
Rewind. But I still look away when you try to hold me.
Stop. But I really hope this is the last time. But maybe not.
(eusie.)
a.k.a. I forgot about you for a while
Play. You were a light with a little bit of blue, and I was almost death. But your eyes smiled at my frown. The wind whispered how you seem to feel, but I will never know if she was lying. I walked away. You didn’t hold me back. And even if we were gazing each other with ignited emotions, we were probably just infatuated — I, with the smell of your organized thoughts, and you, with the brightness of my facade. You were wrapped in blue, and I was burned to ashes. We looked at each other for what seemed to be the last time, but we still didn’t do anything.
Pause. You are fire dancing to the rain, and I am a deep ocean. When you see me, you tame yourself, and I do the same. But a long time ago, I learned that the sea is in love with you, so I know that I will still walk away. And even if our eyes see that our shadows are soulmates, we still seem to be stopping ourselves. You are a structured chaos, and I let myself to be destroyed. I am an incoming storm that you probably don’t want to experience. We wave each other farewell — is this finally the last time? But the wind sings a sweet melody, although I still don’t know if she’s exaggerating.
(eusie.)