Maybe if
My shattered seams were laden with gold
I could have promised
To have and to hold
But like the former
I broke
-reign
Some day I could've asked you
Will you love me
When this darkness becomes me
But you didn't
Now the questions I have
I ask myself
- reign
It’s your birthday
I’ve feared this day for the past month
This night I woke up 8 times, thinking I forgot to tell you happy birthday as the first person on this special day like I always did, followed by a tight hug and a sweet kiss
Just to remember that you wouldn’t even answer the phone now if you’d see my name on the screen
And I’m hurt
Because I do wish you nothing but the happiest birthday ever, but I know I’m no longer part of it and I would ruin your day by saying hi
Happy birthday my love
May this year bring nothing but brightness to you
“I don’t love him, but that’s not the problem. The problem is that deep down I know that I could love him, but my body just tells me not to. I know that I would love every little feature of him. His stupid jokes, his deep questions he always sends me right after work, his way of telling me that he likes me, the way he wraps his arms around me and puts his head on my chest like he would like to melt into me, his tickle attacks whenever he notices that my mind is zoned out again, his texts in the middle of the night whenever he’s out with friends asking me whether I’m still awake because he misses my voice and would like to call me but doesn’t want to wake me up, his hand running up and down my spine just out of reflex as soon as I’m next to him, the way he smiles at me when he sees me smiling already and so much more. Oh god believe me I know I could love him with all my heart. What’s wrong with me for not loving him?”
“Give it some time. I’ve never heard you talk about anyone like that before, maybe what you experience is love, real love I mean. Maybe you are just so overwhelmed that your first instinct is to build up a wall, but deep down you know you could love him. Maybe you need to let that wall down to see that you’ve loved him all this time already.”
“But what if not? What if this time I’m the heartbreaker?”
“At least you would know that you’ve tried.”
“I don’t want to know that I’ve tried, I want it to work.”
“Then make it work.”