Jian Yi - Blog Posts

operator: 911 what's your emergency?

jian yi: hey man, yeah, see i'm cooking something here. i was wondering how much trouble you could get in for uh, meth.

operator: and you called the police to ask how. illegal the meth is?

jian yi: well yeah, i figured if anyone would know, it'd be you guys?

operator: *types on keyboard*

operator: is that jian yi of *address*

jian yi: no, uh... jian yi is not here right now can i take a message?

operator: the police are on their way, jian yi.

jian yi: aw, shit, nuts, i mean, yeah that's fine, cause nothing's wrong here, exept me cooking some meth, aw double nuts i sad it again.

operator: see you soon, jian yi.

jian yi: alright, it was great talking to you.

operator: it was great talking to you too.

jian yi in elementary school:

sometimes guan shan wants to shove a tube of toothpaste up tian's ass. sometimes he actually tries. sometimes all of them, proponents of the «normal way of squeezing toothpaste», get together and complain about «these assholes» who «don't know how to use their hands». life is hard, he tian, jian yi and qiu ge are idiots.

and she li is... as usual, insane.

jian yi: xixi!! i have a gift for you!

zhan zheng xi: oh, you didn't have to-

zhan zheng xi: jesus christ.

jian yi: no, it's shrek.

jian yi, a 24 year old grown man: xixi... don't you think it's sad that poor lonely zebras can't sleep on their own? it's like... soo unfair.

zhan zheng xi: jian yi, my love, it is really sad, yeah, but could you please think about it later instead of when we're fucking?

there are 2 types of couples:

he tian: guan shan and i don't use pet names.

jian yi: i see... what did your mum call you as a child?

he tian: she died when i was 4. i don't remember much.

jian yi: i see... :(

___

jian yi: then... what do bee's do?

he tian: honey?

mo guan shan: what do you want, dickhead?

jian yi: it's okay, babe, don't worry~

zheng xi: how did you call me?

jian yi: babe, you don't like it?

zheng xi: you can call me whatever you want.

jian yi: ok, optimus prime.

jian yi: you now, xixi, all people make mistakes...

zhan zheng xi: ?

jy: but i forgive you, don't worry.

zzx: for what?

jy: because you haven't asked me out yet?.. it's obvious, xixi. you're so silly sometimes.

zzx, emotionless: ok... are you free this weekend?

jy, totally shocked: ????????

i hope it was oldxian's «other work» and now she'll take up on a 19 days new chapter🛐