Kid Flash - Blog Posts

Gender didn’t exist in the future: Bart is Pansexual and likes to wear skirts (maybe gender-fluid)

you can't change my mind

Okay but hear me out

Bart has perfect photographic memory, which means he remembers everything he hears, sees or reads exactly how it was. So, technically, if he were to read language translation books, he'd be able to understand every language. Pronounciation would be hard for him sure, but he could understand and write in any language if he had enough focus to read the scripts. I'm not crazy, he totally could be a human translator for everything. He'd be every language teachers favourite.

Brief explanation of all of Bart’s deaths.

Hi, back by unpopular demand, ME! (Updated this cause Bart has died YET AGAIN in the timespan of this post and now, also I forgot one. So yes, Bart has died a total of five times now.💀) this is Jaybart rantpost part 2.

So, as I said in the last post, I'd explain Bart's three (Now 5) separate deaths. So without further ado, lets get on with angst!

Smallsville sacrifice: Bart actually ends up sacrificing himself for Clark Kents sake and many more in Smallsville, Giving up his speed to the Black Flash or the "grim reaper" of the speedforce. Nasty lookin guy, all black and withered. Hard to miss. He gives up his speed since his is the only one that's "pure" as Reaper Flash says, afterwards being struck by a Zeus load of lightning. After the light died down, the only thing left was a lightning bolt insignia on the ground where Bart stood. His last words were "smell ya later." (Have I mentioned how much I love him?)

Thad Thawne and the rouges: (I love Thad and I need you to understand that he's not entirely at fault for his actions, no thad hate under this roof.) Anyway, Thad was able to convince, with much bargaining, the Rouges to aid his defeating of his Twin Clone, Bart. Bart looked much older, and had taken the name Flash after everyone else "mysteriously" lost their speed and Wally was gone. So a plan was made, a fight took place, Bart was defeated and later on the Rouges weren't too thrilled about it. Just read the comic, I promise it's great. Right after he died Wally returned as Flash and soon Bart was ressurected but as a teenager again?? And then he took back his title Impulse. Don't ask.

Killed Clone: Okay, so this one is a little bit different from those cause he does technically die, but it's not by normal conventional means so let me explain. Bart has many powers that are unique from the speedforce like his speed sympathy; the ability to feel when another person in the speedforce is in trouble. One of these powers is his speed scouts. He can draw energy from the speedforce to duplicate himself with multiple carbon copies, like Naruto. Anyway, all of them are connected. If one thinks, that thought is communicated between all of them. If one is hurt, they all feel it. So after he was using them in a battle, one of his speed scouts was killed, right in front of him. He was able to feel them die, and feel himself dying even though his pain was falsified and the shock sent him into a coma that later on killed him. After he was ressurected... again, he swore to never use his speed scouts again.

White Flash: In an end-of-the-world scenerio, Barry Allen has to face the speedforce and try to speed his way to save the planet, but he wasn't fast enough. (A common reoccurring theme in Flash comics) so mama speed sent Bart as her massiah to deliver them victory. I'll share with you a quote cause it's better at explaining this than I am: “Grandpa! No time to explain. I can feel it... feel the speedforce all around me... feel it in me... now that I’ve caught up with you, I can Help. This is what I’m meant to do— it’s not enough, what you’re doing now. You’re going to need every bit you can get... every bit that’s in this weird reality... the speedforce sent me around the universe... I collected it for you... took it from Max, Wally, Jay, everyone..! I’ve come through time and space and this universe to become the speedforce’s ultamate messenger, so I could tell you this: run, grandpa. Run and save our world.” Basically he gives up all his speed and the others, sacrificing himself (AGAIN) for the greater good so that Barry might have a chance in saving their time. He turns into the White Flash right before his molecules were torn apart and he ceases, now one with the speedforce.

(SPOILERS FOR FLASH: FUTURE STATE): Bart, Max, and Barry were all looking for ways to bring Wally back from being basically possessed by Famine- yes, the one from the four horsemen. He was apparently inprisoned in the speedforce and took away all the others speed. They found a way to save him, but it was guarded by villains. Bart uses the prisma goggles and gadgets he stole. He rode into the room on a rainbow- try telling me that's not gay. you Can't. Anywho, he stole it from the calculator man, who then shot him with a laser seconds before Max electricuted him. Sad day to have to explain such a badass character was killed by someone named calculator man. At least it wasn't calendar man...

I want more Bart Allen and Jason Todd tropes

Okay, listen, because this is like hella important:

Jason Todd dies when he's still a young robin, he gets yeeted into the dirty regen bath and returns with a vengence that just hits different

Bart Allen dies as Impulse, Flash, and Kid Flash (I'll explain those in a bit) and comes back then continues to pretend like nothing happened, cause he doesn't wanna talk about it. He never does, that's just him.

So These two are already like peas in a pod-ish, but I feel like they'd have this amazing dynamic.

Bart likes to talk a lot, Jay is pretty sassy and quick to comment but not too talkative, so I feel like they'd have good discussions. Plus, Jay loves liturature and Bart is a stickler for facts about lit and science. They'd have plenty of intellectual conversations.

Jason would see past Bart's persona facade pretty easy, Bart feels more comfortable around him cause they've been through similar stuff and it takes a while but they help each other open up.

Bart would be a great outsider. He's a time anomaly, angsty speedster with way too much internalised pain from all his experiences. (Yj really didn't do him justice, pun intended) Also, he's a great drawer.

I have so much more but Im running out of rant energy rn so I'll continue in another post sometime.

Crossover? Flashfam and Batfam

#Bruce meets his match

Bruce: *staring at Bart from across the interrogation table*

Bart: *Kicking his legs and staring back*

Bruce: So, Impulse-

Bart: No.

Bruce: No?

Bart: You were gonna question me. I say no.

Bruce: You didn't hear the question.

Bart: Okay, go ahead.

Bruce: So-

Bart: No.

Bruce: *disgruntled bat noises*

Bart: *staring with a blank expression*

~ two hours later ~

Bruce: *dangling Bart upside down from the ceiling*

Bart: And then I was all like, "No way, you can't do that. That's a no-no, even in my book", and then Tim was like "I-"

Bruce: Enough, please stop. Stop talking. Leave. I'm done.

Bart: *phases out of the ties* thanks. *walks out*

Diana, on the other side of the one sided glass: I've never seen him give up so quickly.

Hal: Kids' got spunk.

Clark: We should go before Bruce tries to vent on one of us.

inaccurate Flashfam quotes #6

Bart: HAHAHAHAHHAAH YOU ALL SAID IT COULDN'T BE DONE BUT LOOK WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!!!!!

Max: What's the kid on about?

Wally: Bart made a theory that he could use Chicken Whizzees as his lightning rod.

Barry: sighs heavily and it worked...

Bart: On a table laughing hysterically with a bag of Chicken whizzees in each hand THE FUTURE IS FOOD!!!

inaccurate Core Four quotes #4

Tim: It costs 400 dollars to go see a therapist but it costs 0 to tell yourself "It be like that sometimes"

Kon, softly: Wha- No. Are you okay?

Cassie: Aren't you rich?

Bart: But, what if I start taxing you every time you say that?

Tim: Do you wanna die, Bart?

Bart: This is an economy, Tim. Nothing you do is free.

Cassie: Bart, who taught you that?

Bart, shrugging: I read it in a book somewhere.

Kon: uhm...

Cassie: Tim, you're literally rich, just pay for therapy.

Tim: No.

Bart: Why not?

Tim: Cause eat the rich.

Tim: Also student debt.

Bart: You're gonna eat somebody??

Kon: Bart, remember when we talked about metaphores?

Bart: That makes a lot more sense.

Cassie: You all need therapy.

Kon: And you don't?

Cassie: I punch things. That's theraputic.

Bart: What's therapy?

Kon: ...

Cassie: ...

Tim: ...

Cassie: Tim-

Tim, dialing Black Canary's number: Already on it.

Kon: Are you telling me you've never talked about your problems to anyone?

Bart: Why would I? problems are meant to be solved by yourself as a self discovering journy and bottled up emotions.

Kon: where'd you learn that?

Bart: Steven Universe.

Cassie: Guys, can we focus please?

Tim: She's on her way.

Bart: Who's on her way?

Cassie, wrapping a blanket around Barts shoulders: Shhh, we're gonna take care of you now.

Bart: But I'm fine-

Tim: There there, speed demon. You're in good hands.

Bart: ... sniffs thank you.

Kon: nods approvingly

inaccurate Core Four quotes #3

Tim: I'm at that age where I have only one thing on my mind.

Bart: Your massive crush on Kon?

Cassie: Student Debt?

Tim: holding a birdarang Homicide.

Tim: I'm about to stab someone.

Bart: Please don't.

Cassie: slowly takes the weapon

inaccurate Core Four quotes #1

[in the Queer Muskateers groupchat]

Bart: sends a tiktok of a duck in a bathtub

Bart: Oh sh*t it's 3 AM

Bart: My bad

Tim: That's adorable

Bart: GO TO BED

inaccurate Flashfam quotes #5

the adventures of people figuring out that all the Flash's are kleptos

Hal: Barry, we need to have a talk.

Barry: What about?

Hal: It's about the blankets.

Barry: The... blankets?

Hal: Every time you come over for a movie night and use one of my blankets, they always disapear.

Barry: ...

Hal: ...?

Barry: sniffs they're just so comfy...

...

Dick: knocks on Wally's door excessivly

Wally: opens it Hey Dickie. What's up?

Dick: Where are they?

Wally: I'm not kidding this time when I say I have no idea what you're talking about.

Dick: The hats, Wally. My hats. Where are they?

Wally: ... sighs and points to a drawr

...

Tim: ...

Bart: ...

Tim, staring at his sweatshirt: Bart-

Bart: OwO??

Tim: literally cannot say no ... You know what? Keep it.

Inaccurate FlashFam quotes #4

Bart in Reach: What if I became a superhero?

Bart: Jk jk...

Bart, also leading a revolt against the function: Unless?

Inaccurate Flashfam quotes #3

Bart: speeding into the house and locking himself in his room

Wally, utterly confused: knocks Bart, you okay in there?

Bart, nervously: Hahaha, yea! Totally! Whywouldn'tIbe?

Loud bang from inside

Bart: screeching

Tim, crawling from the air duct: WHERE'S MY CHICKEN NUGETS?!

Inaccurate Flashfam quotes #2

Bart Allen: Okay, this is it. I'm battling a Evil supervillain trying to kill me and probably my worstest enemy.

Bart's mind: Make casual conversation and playful banter the entire time.

Bart:

Bart: Let's do it.

inaccurate Batfam quotes #33

Tim and his adventures with the stubborn demi-goddess the chaotic genius and the mom friend

absolute silence in the room

Bart: Tim, have you given Kon his shirt back?

Cass: Probably not.

Tim: Stop patronizing me. hisses

Kon: That was my favourite shirt, bro.

Tim: TOO BAD!

Enveryone: silence

Bart: ...So pizza for dinner?

Cass: Yea, sounds good.

Kon: Mhmm.

///////////////////////////

Cass, walking in: Morning hoes!

Bart: Language!

Tim: Am not!

Kon: Only on weekends!

///////////////////////////

Tim: Ok, who gave bugs the right-

Bart: Insects have been around for aproxamatly 350 million years while homosapians only for 130,000 years.

Kon: He has a point.

Tim: It's a stupid point.

Bart: No wonder Blue Beetle takes over. Cause of people like you, Timmy Drake.

Tim: Wha-?

Kon: Respect your elders, Tim.

///////////////////////////

Tim, texting the group chat: Yo

Tim: am I the only one online..?

Tim: Good.

Tim: Penis

Kon: Wtf

Bart: PROFANITIES

Cass: Nice.

///////////////////////////

Bart, bursting into the room: WHO THE FUCK SIGNED ME UP FOR WEBKINZ EMAIL UPDATES?!

Tim and Cass: snickering to themselves

Kon: I'll give you one guess-

The team suffered the wrath of Batman, but not his protege... Until now.

Dick Always seemed to keep his cool with any situation, which is why everyone was surprised that day they learned not to get on his bad side. He was tired from late night training, a fight with two-face and trying to keep his brothers from killing each other and was only running on one cup of coffee since that’s all he had time for before school. Not to mention he was called to the mountain immediately after the bell rang so he didn’t even have a moment to rest.

Back to the present, Artimus and Wally were at each other's throats and their leader wasn’t there to defuse the situation. Robin was in the executive chair in front of the dozen screens surrounding him, rubbing his temple as the shouting made his headache spike. M’gann felt his agony and wanted to go to him but was too caught up making sure Artimus didn’t get a hold of her arrows. Conner was on the other end, holding Wally back but the speedster was struggling so much he let out a frustrated growl. In other words, chaos had broken loose.

Dick’s ‘tough love’ persona came out as he slammed his fist on the surveillance desk making everything on it clatter. “Enough!” He screamed, catching everyone off guard. Wally stopped struggling, staring at his best friend wide-eyed, Conner was surprised but more so focused on his hold of the speedster. Artimus stopped struggling as well, even though M'gann’s telekinetic hold of her released as the martian let out a surprised gasp, widening her eyes as a surge of emotions hit her all at once from everyone. “That’s it, all of you. No wonder We aren’t given any important missions when you are too immature to act like a team! Whether you like it or not, that’s what we are. I don’t care if you aren’t happy about it or don’t want to be friends, fine. But it isn’t fair for all of us to suffer from your ineptitude.” Robin crossed his arms and gave a glare daring anyone to defy him.

Wally and Artimus glance at each other before looking away quickly, one with a scowl and the other in shame. “Pull yourselves together and find mutual ground or the title of ‘young justice league’ will be ripped away from us and we’ll be put back with our mentors as nothing but a sidekick to the public’s eyes. Which defeats the purpose of this team entirely. If you have a problem with that, you might as well leave.” Dick’s gaze hardened, even through his mask everyone could feel his icy gaze. M’gann shuttered, Artimus was scared as hell but covered it in a scowl, Conner found a newfound respect for the teammate he once thought never stuck up for themselves, and Wally was shaking with a blank stare. The ebony huffed, dropping his demeanor for a much more tired expression that they all had failed to notice earlier.

“Robin, buddy, maybe you should go lay down. When was the last time you slept?” Wally quickly forgot his fear and turned into the stoic best friend he’d always been with the other.

“I’m fine, Wally.” Dick shot him a look that spoke ‘touch me if you dare’. The ginger heard the message loud and clear before backing off. The protege of the bat heaved a sigh of frustration before taking his USB from the computer and leaving the team to talk things out without him.

“Robin has a point. We don’t act like a team.” M’gann whispered quietly, on the verge of tears at the thought of being taken away from her friends. Conner stepped to her side with a comforting arm over her shoulder.

“I hate to admit it but he’s right. We screw up on so many missions and for what— arguing with each other?” Artimus grumbled, arms crossed over her chest.

“What are we gonna do about it?” Wally said, being sure to keep his distance from the archer to not spring yet another argument.

Needless to say, Kaldur was pleasantly surprised on his return from Atlantis that his team were doing the bonding exercises he had suggested months ago but was shot down with disgust. He didn’t know what happened but those who were there for the events made a silent promise. Do not make Robin mad.

The time the team found out Batman has a heart while simultaneously finding out Robin’s Identity...

There was an explosion during the mission. Unexpected, three down. But surprisingly, those three hadn’t suffered the worst of it. Sure, Atrimus had a sprained ankle and slight concussion, Wally suffered a few broken ribs and injured arm while Kaldur endured a broken nose and deep gash on his chest, they weren’t the one’s everyone was worried about. After they all split up, Wally and Dick had found the bomb with only a few seconds to spare. Wally used his body to cover Dick as he ran, ran as fast as he could to get him away but the force of it blew them out the window. Dick’s eyes widened as They fell, Wally’s arms still protectively tucking him into his chest while moving them so that he’d cushion the fall with his own body. The ebony seemed to have been in a trance after they landed on the grass below, fire raging and the team staggering out, Artimus being carried on conner’s back While m’gann helped Kaldur as he limped. Dick remained unresponsive, even as a very alive Wally had tried snapping him back. Then he went to shake him but this gut wrenching scream escaped the ebonys lips as he gripped his hair in anguish and doubled over with sobs. Everyone watched in surprise and horror as the youngest cried and screamed words in a language they didn’t understand.

That was then. They were all in the cave now, silently sitting in the living room without even trying to speak of what happened. No one even knew how to explain it. M’gann may have been able to read his emotion but they all felt it like it was their own as his screams continued to ring in their ears. His cries echoed through the halls as he was escorted to his room with Black Canary and refused to leave since. No one seemed to move.

“Recognized A01” the computer announced and they barely raised their heads to acknowledge the mentors presence.

“Wallace. Come with me.” He said in a rush as he could distantly hear his proteges cries. The ginger nodded absently but looked more like a husk as he followed. This snapped Kaldur out of his trained thoughts as he stood abruptly.

“I— would like to come, too!” He said, almost pleadingly. “I want to know what happened to my friend.

“No.” Batman said, still walking off, a hand on Wally’s back as he led them on faster.

“No?” The Atlantean scoffed.

“Well I don’t care what he says.” Artimus stood with a glare, seemingly pointed to nothing in particular. “I’m going to check on him.”

“Me too.” M’gann spoke from Conner’s chest. The feelings Robin was feeling leaked to her. The suffering of love and loss hit her like a roller coaster she wasn’t strapped into, the turns just daring her to fall out. Conner stood with her, still holding her as she didn’t seem metally stable to walk on her own. They all made the silent decision to go to see him. The closer they came to the bedrooms, the louder the screaming became. The wretch in their hearts slowed them until it came to a halt in front of a cracked open door with the sound of pure nightmarish shrieks. They looked amongst themselves before creaking the door open.

Robin was held tightly to Batman’s chest and sat in his lap on the bed as the man shushed him and pet his hair soothingly. Wally was sitting beside them, tears of his own running down his face.

“Tati, nu se vor opri. Vocile nu se vor opri!” (Daddy, they won't stop. The voices won't stop!) Robin sobbed into the man's chest, holding grips of his costume for his sanity.

“Richard, I need you to look at me.” The bat whispered to him quietly. Blue eyes looked up and the man wiped his tears with his thumb. “Wally is right here, by your side. Alive.” To prove it so, Wally grabbed one of the younger hands, the grip on Batman’s emblem coming undone to hold it tightly. “No one died tonight because you were able to tell the team on time.” Batman kissed the side of Dick’s head, rocking them slowly.

“Bruce… Mama and Papa… they…” Dick sniffled, silent tears trekking down his face, covering the dried paths.

“They’re gone.” Bruce said quickly. “They’ve been gone for years. You need to remember you still have a family.” He added quietly. “Barbra. Alfred. Me.”

“And you have me.” Wally’s voice broke as he joined with a small kiss to the boys knuckles that were white from his grip.

“They died because of me—” Dick sniffled, voice hitching in his throat.

“No no. They died so that you could live. I’m sure they’d be happy to die if it meant you stayed living in their memory.” Bruce corrected. Dick buried his face back into Bruce’s chest, Wally being pulled into the embrace as well. The others that stood at the door, unknown of what to do, left. The words spoken softly between the three all fresh in their memory, replaying like broken records. They all had trouble sleeping that night, quite possibly even more than Dick did. Though he had the comfort of Wally carefully spooning him and whispering sweet nothings while he drifted into restless oblivion. Needless to say, the team never saw Robin as a frail child again.

The horror on J'onn's face is incredible.

I LOVE CAPTAIN MARVEL SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I finally found a way to draw him in a way I like so I can now shit post with Billy! He's so silly! If anyone has any suggestions for little memes with the Captain, then please send them my way, I'd love to have more to draw.

FINNALY SOMEONE ELSE POINTED IT OUT!

something startin to add up

Here’s comic book accurate jinx

They been in my mind lately

They been in my mind lately

Outting myself as a nerd real quick🏃‍♀️(as if it wasn’t obvious by just looking at my page)

These were more studies on the characters than anything so I guess they turned out okay 👍 also I know I messed up the coloring on Hal’s arms plz ignore them

Batman is how you get the views right?/jk

Honestly Batman’s sketches were my least favorite but I still love my edgy SadMan

wally and dick doodle bc I love them and experimenting with outfits

Batboys with their sometimes-disappeared in Speedforce/ blown up at Sanctuary/ died after beating the shit out of Superboy-Prime/ imprisoned by a twisted version of his dad/ killed after losing a fcking global vote-besties

Merry christmins

The absolute best thing about the fab 5 is literally any ship pairing is acceptable except for exactly one (1) and we all know which one it is

Like

Dick/Roy 100% in love with feed it to me, inject me with this (lowkey my favorite ship please put recs in the comments im dying for some good angst/comfort)

Dick/Wally adorkable my babies I love them (no need for fic recs I have plenty)

Dick/ Garth omglookitsocuteandperfect (recs recs recs recs)

Roy/Donna GAG ME WITH THIS SHIP OH MY GOD YES (RECS RECS RECS RECS RECs)

Roy/Wally oooohhhh there are so many interesting things you can do with this dynamic (please we argue and then go fuck in the closet vibes - not hate sex but we are competing for the same person and getting nowhere might as well)

Roy/Garth UGHHH ESPECIALLY AFTER ALL THE SHIT STIRRING IN THE EARLY 2000s??? AND THE WAY THAT ROY WAS A LIL SHIT TO BABY GARTH OMG IT COULD SO WORK

Wally/Donna omg adorable, cute, sweet, Donna would beat the sexism out of teen Wally sokka/suki style tell me I’m wrong.

Wally/Garth cutesy, demure, they could geek out together, my lil ones together, they’d do gardening for fun trust me.

Garth/Donna omg iconic, cute, they fit so well together, the responsibilities? The fish out of water bonding. PEAK FICTION

Donna/Dick: ….ew no

Dick Grayson ships in order of how toxic you should write them as adults in an established relationship imo (no batcest and we can discuss the harem at a later time)

Least

Dick X Wally: this is the quintessential friends to lovers story it’s adorable. Naturally a lil bit of toxicity bc nightwing is not a healthy person but still the ratio is 99% cute and 1% angst as adults. Feel free to angst away with the Robin/KF thing

Worlds where this is cute: young justice, earth prime pre Wally meeting Linda.

Dick X Kori: listen to me, if you ignore all the shitty writing (yes the babs wedding thing) they r perfect <3. The only person who I believe can be the lights light ya know. The broke up because they both took hits they couldn’t recover from but they still love each other and they’re my favorite canon pairing they should get back together and have a kid and be a cute lil family.

Worlds where this is cute: TT, Earth prime, DCAU, injustice, titans tomorrow, Lego Batman (every single earth actually)

Dick X Zatanna: cute, childhood crush turned sweethearts turned friends nothing to say here I just don’t think it would be toxic

Worlds where this is cute: young justice

Worlds where this should never happen: all the rest (she dated his dad)

Dick X Joey: I love them so I’m biased their relationship is on par with Dick and Wally taking field trips in the 80s. Also this is joeys most popular ship and that makes me laugh. BUT ANYWAY they’re just very homoerotic and I feel like they respect each other enough the toxicity would be on the lower side.

Worlds where this is cute: literally anytime before he possesses his dad’s body.

Times this is concerning: post possessing nightwings body (anyone remember that happening I just ignore it now, cuz I hate the whole evil Joey thing but if you wanna take this ship from 30% toxic to 140% write it post possession with the dude who had autonomy issues)

Dick x Kara: I just feel like the hero worship would get in the way a little bit

Worlds where this is cute: worlds finest

Worlds where this isn’t: the rest

Dick x Roy: I love them sm ur honor (despite how low I’m putting this, it’s one one my top ships) listen Dick and Roy adore each other and would die for each other, but the baggage?? The years of expectations?? The fights??? The fact that Dick gets more and more closed off when he’s mad usually but him and Roy in the same room and fists fly?? But the only people who can talk to Dick when he’s spiraling are Roy and Donna. Like ROY HARPER is one of Dick people!! You don’t understand how much I love how they can hurt each other while loving each other so so so much. They cause me pain. I don’t believe they’d ever mellow out Dick and Wally tho bc they’re whole relationship is heated they have never had a chill emotion about each other in their history of being characters that exist in the same space.

Worlds where this is cute: literally any world where the titans exist/have existed with speedy and Robin as core members

Worlds where no?: new 52 (I hate new 52 and ignore it tho so no universe sucks bc new 52 isn’t real and can’t hurt me)

Dick X Harley Quinn: see I hated this ship and I hate it in canon but I once read a fic that was good enough I now ship it on the dl and think it would be good for Harley to be with someone who can be a safety net. But like this is AU rare pair type shit and it’s low bc I literally cannot picture a canon universe where this isn’t the most toxic thing ever.

Worlds where yes: DCAU (AU) not even the canon one like the AU of the AU that is the DCAU (take a shot Everytime I say AU)

Dick X Shawn Tsang: I’m sorry yall Shawn was such a boring character I forgot she existed but I remember that she broke up with him after he lost his memory cuz she thought he was ghosting her and like not only does it feel like she just existed to give dick a love interest. Also this comic featured the character death wing and so it’s so low not bc the ship sucks except it does bc why dick?? Are you dating someone who hates heroes?? Why r u like this??? Stopppp but also bc imo the ship has a white bread type of content that is toxic to me personally and that’s more important.

Dick x Bea Bennet: I loved them sm in the beginning, best part of the Ric Grayson arc and then they added the spyral ties and made her a pirate and tbh that ruined it for me. Dick and Bea only work as a cute relationship if Bea is a way out or a window into the outside world like something to ground the man who is always trying to get his feet off the ground. It would be interesting. But now she’s just another another relationship where he didn’t know who he was dating and tbh I don’t think he’d be down for that post literally everything that’s ever happened to him romantically after the age of 16

Dick Babs: yes it’s this low, no I will not change it. It should be lower but I used to ship this so it’s only my fond memories keeping it this high. Babs slept with his father after dating him in at least 2 universes. Dick left Gotham for freedom and she quite literally drags him back Everytime they’re together it feels like about 30 years of Dicks character development is erased. And let’s not talk about Barbara used to be a congress woman Gordon. They deaged her to make her a decent love interest for someone who was a kid when she was running for congress. And because of the fact their characters don’t naturally balance out the way some of his other canon ships do (Bea, Shawn, KORI(the best canon ship imo), hell even Helena) it leads to the characters becoming flanderizations of themselves. Dick is a loveable himbo whose only defining characteristic is his ass and I hate to say it Barbara Gordon literally just turns into female Bruce and I hate it so much but genuinely read though some of their older stuff it’s like..ugh. Anyway I hate this ship I think it’s bad for both of them and while I’m not babs biggest fan I still like her and she and Dick should be best friends who get drunk on weekends and shit talk the bats and their respective teams (titans, birds of pray)

Dick X Helena bertinelli: yall wtf is this ship, if this is your main ship? Why? Tell me? Like what?? Helena??? Esp prime earth Helena?? He has more chemistry with midnighter than her (but we are not discussing the harem so I will remain silent)

Now the most toxic ship that isn’t incestuous is so obvious bc no one has ever pictured this ship with a modicum of health in it except its creator (derogatory) I’m 99% sure every single fic tagged this also has the domestic violence tag

Dick X Catalina Flores. Yeah no a billion times no this shit is so toxic the jack Napier fell into it and became the joker. This shit so toxic it only serves as a trauma boat for another person to swoop in and get him out I hate this so much.

Now dick is an old character so he has about a billion other relationships. But these are either the recent ones (Shawn, Bea) or the ones that have a lot of ao3 clout (birdflash) or something that makes my heart soft (dick and Joey) plus his most iconic 2 pairing I will not be getting into characters like Daphne, Clancy or Betty or anything else or the creepy ones like the fact he’s had shit with both catwoman and taila.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

if you go into Tim Drake comics with the expectations that tumblr and fanfiction have given you, you are going to be met with the rude awakening that is feral asshole Tim with minimal reaction to social cues. Like yes I love him. Yes he is self-deprecating and kind of insecure. Yes he's a genius and yes he's been screwed over by his family a lot. He is also a bit of a dick.

Always yes with this

There are degrees of shipping people with the Batfam. Like a spectrum even for established relationships.

And each non-bat can be anywhere from full civilian to other JL to someone turned this character into a bat by proxy.

My favorite is bat by proxy because it's a hilarious thing to me.

I mean, the ships that come to mind where the later works really well are Birdflash and TimKon. Which makes it better. Because Wally is a Flash and Kon is a Super. Two of the other rather large clans of themed leaguers with two of the other more recognizable family heads. I mean, throw in JayRoy and it's three of the others and adds in the Bruce v Oliver fun.

And the Bat by proxy thing.

I don't mean they just side with the Bats over the rest of the League. I mean they start becoming Bats by virtue of always being around them.

Like Wally just accidentally learning to be better at hearing people sneaking up on him because if he's gonna go to brunch with Dick at the Manor he has to be able to dodge these near silent people. Especially Damian, who will stab him if he fails a vibe check, and Tim, who will steal and solve your cases or hack your phones ringtone to be stuck at the loudest setting and playing Barbie world for every notification and there is no in between our way to tell which kind of day it is. So none of the League can sneak up on Wally. And he's smiling and capable like Nightwing but has also picked up that steal slightly crazy smile and no other flash is quite as scary as Wally.

Or Kon, after being constantly threatened with kryptonite by Steph, Jason, and Duke at various points just gives up and learns how to fight through the weakness and goes through enough bat training to be able to survive when he and then he's one of the best trained Supers in hand to hand and no one understand how. And because he's always around Tim, he gets really good and reading people. Because his life can and will depend on being about to tell if Tim is approaching someone at a gala for WE business or for RR business. Even the other supers are confused at how quick his is to pick up in the slightest shift in body language.

And Roy. It was easiest for Roy, going from Arrow to Bat. But that doesn't mean he didn't have to just get used to casually collecting blackmail as some kind of twisted way of showing love. The first time Tim gave him and Jason a photo of them on a date where neither of them knew Tim was watching or talking pictures Roy is shook. By the tenth he's finding it endearing and hoping that Tim manages to get around Jason's traps to get done candids of Lian. No other arrow is quite as stealthy, despite the red of his costume.

And the JL, even the 'families' they came from, know that they have the ability to appear normal. To blend with the rest of the League, but the longer they're with their Bats the more cryptid they become. Until Flash finds himself unsettled by Wally in the same way as the other Bats. And Big Boy Blue refuses to train with Kon for a different reason than before, no longer because of the clone thing but for the same reason he avoids training with any of the Bats. And Green Arrow finds himself looking over his shoulder for Bruce and Roy on the Watchtower.

And their secrets are more and civi identities locked down. No names in my the field and they never slip these days. Like any good Bat.

New Leaguers meet these converts and can't tell the difference between the Bats Batman chose and the ones the other Bats brought into the fam.

And the rest of the League starts to wonder: is being a Bat contagious?