Kyman - Blog Posts

Random shit I have in my storage

FARTMAN LOOKS SO CURSED LMAOOOO

THIS IS AN ONE SHOT SO ASK ME SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY

It was noon, Kyle and Cartman was hanging out at Cartman's house.

Cartman: Dude, what if you turn into a cute fluffy cat and I make a Instagram account for you! You would be the center of attention!

Kyle: I don't know, dude...

Cartman: C'mon, you would be famous!

Kyle:Deal, but if someone finds about my shapeshifting abilities, you will be the one to blame.

Cartman: Deal!

Kyle turns into a fluffy orange cat with his iconic green hat but smaller.

Cartman:OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU ARE SO CUTE!!!

Cartman starts to pet Kyle.

Cartman:Who's the cutest cat in the world, it's you!

Kyle meows cutely in his cat form. He looks cute in his cat form despite his grumpy attitude. Cartman takes out his phone and starts taking pictures and then he makes a new account on Instagram named 'Kyle the Kitty'. He posts the pictures on that account and it was just few likes. They try it for a month but it was just few likes and few followers.

KAHL IN MY SIAN AU!!!!

Fun fact(Kyman Redemption Fanfic/Au): When Kyle comes out as Pansexual to Sheila, Sheila thinks that being Pansexual is only having attraction to French people and that gets worse when Cartman(His boyfriend) says that his Grand grandfather was French and Craig says that Kyle shoves up baguettes up to his butt(which isnt real) and calls him Le Kyle.

cartman uses voice messages all of the time. sometimes kyle gets tons of notifications to see that cartman has sent him, like, twenty voice messages, each is at least two minutes long, and there’s literally ZERO useful or even remooootely informative in them

and yes, kyle hates it, but he always listens to them anyway, sometimes he even gets distracted and listens to cartman’s voice for an hour while cleaning up his room or doing homework. he chuckles when cartman there says something funny, and rolls his eyes every time cartman says something dumb, though he rarely actually says anything back.

sometimes cartman mentions something serious or genuine, and it catches kyle off guard literally every damn time. cartman is like

“*ten minutes of absolutely horrific fucked up shit* Btw u sounded pretty kewl at school today at the history lesson lol i guess sometimes ur nerdiness can be an advantage. You’re pretty smart, I mean… *another ten minutes of meaningless bs*

and every time kyle gets surprised like

k: did u just compliment me?

c: what no i didnt

k: no u totally did! 8:46 see?? i even re-listened it!

c: DID U LISTEN TO IT TWICE??

k: I HAD TO MAKE SURE.

that was a reallyyyyy long hiatus of mine. all i have is kyman styff sooo. :d

some panderverse some memes some other weird things sorry guys

i like how every time kyman are in a deadly serious situation cartman is always the one to be helpful, he’s willing to stop their fighting and he even lets himself say something nice and genuine.

and that makes me think that when they grow up and kyle eventually gets in a reaaaally shitty situation when he needs help, cartman will be the one to immediately get serious and help him with anything that’s possible. (if kyle accidentally fucked up and committed a crime, cartman would totally be the one to help him cover everything up)

he can be serious when he realises kyle actually needs his help (but of course he’ll laugh and mock him after taking care of everything, and maybe he’ll even ask for a payment just because he’s still an asshole lmao)

examples under the cut: imaginationland, bigger longer uncut, kenny dies, SMUG ALERT!!!!!

in addition: cartman, surprisingly, is very sentimental, and he was pretty open about his feelings in first seasons (bigger longer uncut, kenny dies, tourette syndrome, conjoined fetus lady, etc.) but none of the boys really appreciated it, always making fun of cartman’s genuine expression of his positive emotions, and it makes him bottle up those nice things he want to say.

the best proof of this theory is definitely “tourette syndrome” where he says all those sincere things to kyle (“i love you kyle, you must really care about me”) at the exact moment when he was physically unable of lying or hiding his true thoughts.

summing up, cartman thinks of his friends (and kyle especially) much more than he tries to show it and you all gotta admit it.

kyman superhero au where they know each other in regular life (and go to the same college) and kinda can’t stand each other but are forced to work together

☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Okay I saw the new special and I am FREAKING OUT SO MUCH.

First of all, the hug. DO I EVEN NEED TO MENTION THAT? WE ALL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! This is like the 3rd or 4th time he's hugged Kyle like that and Kyle never moved away or anything. MY HEART EXPLODED AT THAT (not literally i'm fine dw)

Secondly, the fact that no matter what universe Cartman is from... Kyle is still the centre of the attention. Like Panderverse Cartman was still weirdly obsessed with Kyle in the typical Cartman fashion and it was hilarious to watch. It's like he never left... Oh wait-

THIRDLY, THE FUCKING KYLE CEREAL BEING CALLED YUMMY??? I know it's typical food stuff like "ooh this food is so yummy" BUT THE FACT IT WAS KYLE CEREAL MADE IT SO MUCH BETTER SO IM ADDING IT.

Also the fact Panderverse Cartman said they use Sheila's credit card all the time is just hilarious to me, and makes me think normal Cartman does as well. Gotta stay close to the family somehow ya know? 😂

Anyway imma stop ranting now, so uh... Yeah I'm losing my mind from all this new content.

THIS IS SO TRUE FR FR i can’t help but imagine how he actually realises his feelings and tries to deny and escape them by not messing with cartman’s business cuz “if i ignore him the feelings will go away” BUT HE’S ALWAYS TOO INVOLVED INTO EVERYTHING CARTMAN DOES SO IT’S ACTUALLY DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO LOOK LIKE HE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT HELLLPPP 😭

after watching new special for the second time and seeing kyle getting unreasonably mad at cartman all the time through the episode, i finally came to a conclusion that, if you think that kyle at that moment just started to understand his own feelings for cartman, it all starts to make sense.

the way he gets all angry at him for literally no reason (more than ever), how he doesn’t really mind hugging him, how it’s mostly him who’s against the “new cartman” cuz it’s not his normal cartman, and so on, so on.

maaaybe im being a bit delusional and digging into this way too much, but guys. from now on i can’t see the latest episodes as anything but “kyle finally having a moment of realisation”. it’s a new kyman arc <3

after watching new special for the second time and seeing kyle getting unreasonably mad at cartman all the time through the episode, i finally came to a conclusion that, if you think that kyle at that moment just started to understand his own feelings for cartman, it all starts to make sense.

the way he gets all angry at him for literally no reason (more than ever), how he doesn’t really mind hugging him, how it’s mostly him who’s against the “new cartman” cuz it’s not his normal cartman, and so on, so on.

maaaybe im being a bit delusional and digging into this way too much, but guys. from now on i can’t see the latest episodes as anything but “kyle finally having a moment of realisation”. it’s a new kyman arc <3

i can’t stop thinking that, as the series continues, we’re getting more and more kyle being really involved into everything that is related to cartman. remember the first, uh, i don’t know, ten seasons? what was the scheme? “cartman does something bad, kyle gets involved because of his sense of justice”, right?

but now cartman doesn’t even have to do ANYTHING bad for kyle to interfere like dude??? he was just talking with no harm caused WHY WOULD YOU GET SO MAD FOR NO REASON, KYLE

and i keep seeing this tendency especially strong ever since the season 20/21 when there was a heiman arc, and i LOVE it so much because it’s so funnier and kyman-like now im losing my mind

we’re getting obvious hints from mattrey guys mark my words

ive heard the new sp special finally came out i am SO excited to watch it HOPE IT’LL GIVE ME SOME KYMAN FOOD PLEASE

i have no idea if anyone remembers that kyman university au of mine but im still hyperfixating on it so just a smaaaall piece of a funny dialogue aka “everyone thinks kyle and cartman were dating”

***

"Dude, I'll beat you in every debate," Cartman chuckled smugly.

Kyle shook his head proudly, giving him a haughty look.

“You? Beating me? You must have forgotten that I was the head of the debate club at school”.

Cartman's eyes flashed with a predatory gleam, and he readily extended his hand to Broflovski, as if he had been waiting for that. The air between them seemed to sparkle with tension, and Kyle grabbed his palm defiantly.

"A bet, then?" Kyle nodded, and the audience – their classmates standing behind him — enthusiastically supported them.

“In case of loss, you suck my balls, Kaaahl”, Cartman smiled nastily, watching as Kyle nodded eagerly by inertia, and then, having realised the last remark, went furious, indignantly opening his mouth.

“What the fuck?! Do you think I'll fall for it again?”

The crowd behind him gasped in shock, and Kyle instantly blushed, turning to them in a mute attempt to defend himself. Rebecca squeaked "again?" in surprise, and Cartman, as if he knew that this would happen, sighed sympathetically:

“Oh, I’m sorry, Kyle... Sorry, guys, he doesn't really like to remember this episode of our life, you know?”

***

i LOVE that it’s pretty canon that because of kyle people usually think there’s something between him and cartman (“this two brave lovers…”, “oh, so you two are like this, huh?🤨” in the “Tonsil Trouble”) AND CARTMAN NEVER DENIES IT

have you ever got that irresistible need to see a certain animatic you’ve created in your head

i’ve just watched “nerdy prudes must die” by starkid and GODDAMN “if i loved you” has such a strong kyman vibe it’s killing me i can’t draw it 😭

it has become my tradition to mix my new fandom obsession with kyman so now. just imagine them in the concept of milgram. with cartman (and other nine people) as a prisoner who committed murders and kyle as a guard who has to decide if the prisoners’ sins deserve forgiveness or punishment.

and imagine the slowburn when kyle first sees cartman who’s being way too arrogant and rude so he gets voted as guilty without hesitation. and then there’s the second trial, and kyle gets to know more about cartman, and now he’s torn apart by his sense of justice that wants to vote cartman guilty and his hidden feelings that scream about innocence.

and, well, i don’t know why, but this concept seems sooo fitting for kyman. the idea of justice, of forgiveness and punishment, of sins and misdeeds namnxjzkxnsk them

sorry for chaotic posting if someone’s interested (are there any milgram enjoyers….) i can create a whole au cuz im really into milgram rn,,,

guys

piners keep winning

I'M WEAK. https://twitter.com/ToonHive/status/1712169927124103221

my favorite thing to do in a conversation with kyman haters is hear them go “but it’s bully x victim, that’s problematic!!” and respond with “yeah i agree kyle was a bully but i believe he can really change” and then watch them sit in total confusion

honestly i think kyle always had a crush on cartman

both kyle and cartman joined the debate club in high school. kyle thought it would help him with his public speaking skills and improve his critical thinking, meanwhile cartman was just looking for an opportunity to release the anger and stress he had and fucking destroy someone in a verbal fight.

and – uh-oh, such a coincidence – they both joined it at the same time without knowing it.

kyle was obviously pissed off, and he was actually thinking of quitting, because the idea of spending school hours arguing with cartman didn’t really seem appealing to him, but eventually his pride wouldn’t let him simply give up.

“I can be in any club I want, and I won’t let Cartman fucking ruin it for me! You’ll see, dude, he’ll drop out in one or two meetings when I absolutely win him in a debate!” as he then explained to stan.

kyle was preparing for the first debate harder than for any of his normal school activities. he would spend nights perfecting his reasoning and making a plan for his speech, until he was absolutely sure cartman had zero chances to win.

the theme was something controversial like, i’m not sure, politics or something, and kyle was totally sure that cartman would come unprepared, because he hates anything homework-like, and he ususally prefers improvising.

he was wrong, though, as cartman has been preparing. he entered the classroom with a small stack of papers with his reasoning on them, he was smiling brightly and joking, and kyle for the first time felt insecure about his skills. he felt rather nervous as he knew that cartman’s charisma and the ability to tell lies in the blink of his eye made kyle look worse in a debate, but he still hoped the teacher had some common sense and wouldn’t let cartman blind them with his confident smiles and fake politeness.

but the nervous anxious feeling in kyle’s chest wouldn’t go away, so when cartman started speaking, kyle couldn’t just stay quiet, sighing irritatedly when cartman said things like “violence is bad”. as kyle knew damn well that’s not what cartman actually thought.

so when the debate was coming to its end and cartman was giving another hypocritical speech, kyle just couldn’t be silent anymore, interrupting cartman with his new counter arguments (and adding some insults as well). cartman, of course, lost his temper too, and the constructive discussion instantly became a heated bickering. teachers tried to stop it but when kyle and cartman are fighting literally nothing can distract them.

cartman: Look, capitalism is just the natural way of things. It's the perfect system, without it everything would fall apart!

kyle: How can you be sooo blind and ignorant to everything?! Capitalism breeds inequality, it's the reason behind a lot of problems in our society, you just don't know it because you haven't experienced all the struggles, you fat privileged fuck!

cartman: Oh, I’m privileged?? Well, you’re just a whiny jew who can't handle the truth. You're just jealous your greedy ass can't make money yourself!

kyle: Shut up, Cartman, I’m warning you!

after a few antisemitic-fatphobic-homophobic slurs they were both kicked out and banned from entering the club again.

they both seemed disappointed and annoyed by it, but cartman had a smug smirk on his face, feeling proud of making kyle mad.

they wouldn’t stop their fight though, arguing all the way back home, without being pressured or watched, and kyle caught himself thinking that arguing with cartman is pretty, well, addicting and he might actually be enjoying it.

at the end they decided it’s a tie, and for the goodbye cartman says something like “Well, you’re annoying as fuck, but I gotta hand it to you, you’re good at debating. Who even needs that stupid club, anyway?”

and kyle smiles, nodding. “Next week, the same time” he says already walking away from Cartman.

and they meet again, choosing a topic and preparing for the debate by themselves because they don’t need a club to argue with each other.

the thing i like to headcanon for kyman is that they can always, no matter what, rely on each other. and they will be there for each other at worst moments ever possible.

when cartman’s mom goes to hospital in a very serious condition, the first and only person he tells about it personally is kyle – because he knows that despite their mutual hate and rivalry kyle will always be there when shit gets really bad. he won’t be just emotional support – he’s the one person to actually start helping and saving his friend in trouble, he’s the one to hug tightly and then slap cartman’s face so he doesn’t get too depressed.

and it’s mutual because kyle knows that even though it’s not the most logical choice, but once he gets in real trouble, cartman will be the first one he goes to. cartman will help to deal with the most fucked up situations and after he literally saves kyle’s ass, he will never shut up with stupid jokes and teasing kyle for getting in such stupid troublesome circumstances. and kyle will take both that and “you owe me now, kahl”, ‘cause he knows cartman will get serious again and help with anything in the future if anything else happens.

they can rely only on each other when things seem to be worse than ever.

also since im kyman obsessed (wow who would’ve thought so) i now have kyman earrings check this out

guys i just walked into my room and saw this…….. do you think it’s a date?

guess who has kyman plushies now

in s17e1 “let go, let gov” it was confirmed that cartman usually talks on his speakerphone and now i truly believe that’s how he and kyle revealed their relationship to other guys. because one day cartman (as usual) put the conversation on speakerphone when kyle called him without giving it a second thought and kyle casually said “Hello, honey” while stan and kenny were standing next to cartman. and then there was this moment of silence.

istg if kyle having a crush on heidi in s21 was mattrey’s real intention, i’d be so disappointed. like. they know how to write about relationships, feelings and crushes, but the attempt to make kyle be in love with cartman’s girlfriend is either a very self-conscious and intentional kyman proof, or the lamest romantic plot EVER created.