call it relief or whatever, but when sarang gives her a promise — lili makes due to hold her to it.
( because there was no way in hell lili was going to haul her passed out ass from this bathroom if it comes to it — then again, if she had passed out maybe it would stop all their peers from haa-ing all over the place )
no, no — that would be unkind — to wish someone would pass out, especially if that someone looked close to tears and near death from whatever was going on inside her pretty head. lili couldn’t be the reason for something bad happening — not again.
so, as relief fills her, she trades her sigh of ease to one of a gentle smile, if you could call it that. trying to rack her brain for any words of comfort, kicking herself for being … lili … instead of someone like taeha who was so good at words and comfort.
settling for a — it’s okay — a shoulder lifts, nonchalantly. “everyone has their bad days,” not lili, per say, but that wasn’t something she could say now.
“no worries, the worst they could do is make us run around the gym again.” on second thought — “just give yourself a minute — okay? you don’t need to rush yourself.”
the last thing she wanted, was someone to be worried.
well, someone worrying over her. this was stupid. she was stupid. people got bad comments all of the time, people had bad days. it was her own need not be seen as not perfect. it wasn't just about being perfect, she was wrong. not okay or even unremarkable but wrong. and wrong in front of everyone.
it took a moment to realize that lili was still speaking to her. it was that easy to get lost in her own head. sarang tried to focus on the breathing. she nodded her head to the question, she knew breathing options. it was her own thoughts doing this to her. sarang tried her best to follow, to calm her breathing. more importantly, to forget about what happened.
it was the comment about passing out that managed to get a strangled laugh from her. "p-promise." she muttered out, she was sure she wouldn't pass out. hopefully. she breathed slowly, still counting in her head. when sarang was through the worst of it, she was able to speak again. "i- i-i'm so sorry you h-had to s-s-see that." she was read from the embarrassment. "j-just a bad d-day, you s-should g-go back, i wouldn't want you to get in trouble."
all lili can do in return is nod. hand dropping once the other takes the tissue to wipe her face — and under lili’ scrutinizing gaze ( one that lili tries her best to disguise as concern when it really was just her busybody nosiness rearing its ugly head ) — lili wonders what had gotten the other so worked up. had sarang also been stressed over the setlist? or had she suddenly been delivered a bout of bad news?
she wasn’t pregnant was she?
lili does a once-over before shaking her head. no — that couldn’t be true. but did she have a right to intervene? she hardly knew the other — and lili wouldn’t call herself a saint.
her eyes go wide when sarang begins to bumble — words stuttering out that lili feels herself freeze. lili was in no way a comforting person. sure, a hand on the shoulder — as she dead-scrolled on tiktok — an open ear and nodding grace — as her eyes glassed over and picked on key words — these were lili’s form of companionship when cornered with someone who needed a sprinkle of comfort and concern.
but words of ease? words of encouragement — lili feels her jaw slacken. “are you okay? it’s okay to breathe — i’m sure they’re not starting right this second.” shit, maybe not the right thing to say to someone who looked like they were about to drop dead from their self-inflicted hyperventilation. “okay, why don’t we slow down — uh … have you tried breathing exercises before?”
“you know — like one, in — two …. out …” lili says, in her most gentlest tone — instructing in the same way she would her grandma’s dog. “why don’t we try that again? please don’t pass out on me, i don’t know first aid.”
she hadn't noticed that there was another person in the bathroom. she was too busy going over every single thing she managed to get wrong during practice. not even mistakes only she noticed but enough to get constantly called out. her thoughts were spiraling fast. as if they hadn't been already.
then came the little prick of tears. what if this lead to a bad review? what if it lead to her being kicked out? the more she thought, the more she tossed water on her face to cover that up as well. but she couldn't bring herself to calm down. so it didn't help when she heard a voice and she had to kept herself from screaming.
sarang's face paused in horror for a moment. more so of the fact that someone caught her in the middle of a break down. it took more than a few seconds needed to process what was being said to her and held out to her. it took a few more seconds to take it with a slightly shaky hand and bow of head. "y-yeah." she not only mumbled but stumbled over the word.
"l-lili right?" she muttered back, trying to force herself to take breaths as she rubbed at her eyes. did the other notice she was crying? it only made her rub her eyes harder in an attempt to hide. her face dropped at the news. she needed more time. "u-uh..." breathe. "i-i'll be back in a sec-cond. um, could you.." she didn't want to bring anyone into her mess either. "i-...i- i'll be b-back...soon, i just need a s-second." now she was making a fool of herself but that didn't matter when she couldn't slow her heartbeat.
finally peace and quiet — the perfect place to dish out her grievances without the annoying coaches butting their unnecessary comments in rebuttal to lili’s own annoying complaints.
she was not some dancing monkey at the circus who could work for peanuts — or was it bananas, irrelevant! — lili needed her breaks ( and a place to complain, freely ), too. it wasn’t like she was the only one who had been idling during the break — she was in the middle of an important phone call!
( sure, it had just been a small here and there of whispered complaints to seojin about how she hated catallena with a burning passion but it wasn’t not important as one of the coaches had said — it was important to lili, there was merit in her complaints, alright! )
sliding her phone back into her pocket, she pries herself out of the restroom she had holed herself in to avoid the coaches other unmentionable and otherwise unwarranted pieces of advice when she had received maylin’s text that it was time to go back.
faced with another trainee — so, that was who had come bustling in with the slammed door and all — lili looks her once over. noticing the slight leveling of the other’s breath, she wonders if she should intrude — the other did look like she was trying to find a moment of peace. obviously another person who couldn’t find such in the stuffy practice room — a thought lili feels induce a smirk of satisfaction, one she stamps out immediately when she notices the water on the other’s cheek.
stilling her movements, lili goes to wash her hands, quietly — trying to find leeway for a conversation, wondering if she should even start one.
( she didn’t really care for it but lili just couldn’t help but want to pry — )
drying her hands on a paper towel, lili pretends to fuss for a second, maybe two, before she reaches for another towel and hands it to the other girl. “sarang, right?” she makes a movement with her other hand, tapping at her cheek as if to say ‘you have something on your face’. “they’re telling us that we have to head back.”
it had just been a pretty shit day.
it started with her class, those outside of legacy. sarang wasn't sure if it was something as simple as waking up on the wrong side of the bed but she felt off from the moment she opened her eyes. that feeling only increased as she made her way through the day. but that was horrible enough but then it came to training and it felt like an out of body experience.
she thought she'd be fine with 'ah-choo' but nothing was coming together. mistakes had been made, moves missed, her voice wasn't strong enough. nothing was right and that only served to stress her out more because she hated getting things wrong. for someone who chased perfection, anything less than that was earth shattering. it didn't help that it was public either.
by the time they finally broke for a break, sarang only took a seconds of inching towards the door before she bolted for the bathroom. she headed straight for a mirror, quietly trying to talk herself down.
bad days happened but this one was rough. rough enough that she had to splash some water on her face and take the time to breathe. right now, she knew she didn't paint the prettiest of pictures, bend over the sink that she sick, breathing just a tad too heavily. it'd past, it had too. she had to get back before they started practicing.
@lgclili