My Words - Blog Posts
"Hug is an antidepressant"
—Munna Bhai M.B.B.S.
sleepy eyes and a heart full of love
I don't know that I've ever heard a more apt turn of phrase than "consumed by depression"
It swallows me whole without remorse and I wonder if this is the time I am truly consumed
Some Days
Some days I love myself. Overjoyed to help others feel useful A treasure whose bliss is creating bliss Worthy. Loveable. Hopeful.
Other days I hate myself. Overwhelmed with feeling useless A burden and toxic to everything I touch Unworthy. Unloveable. Hopeless.
Some days I wonder if I will ever get back to some days.
You spin me around
like we're pinning the tail on the donkey
Yesterday this, tomorrow that
contradictions and half-truths
Until I'm dizzy and can barely walk straight
and you end up with a tail on your forehead
Collected
You collect hearts the way others collect shells Shiny hearts full of love you are too scared to return Holding them to your ear to admire the way they admire you Then back on display until your ego needs another stroke There my heart sits in your display case, dripping love and devotion Among the other trophies, stolen by the heart collector
Dolly
I am your dolly You pull me down from my shelf when you've nothing better to do To manipulate and pose me To play pretend Until another toy catches your eye Then back I go Lifeless and empty on my shelf
#need something to grab onto #to ground me #feeling lost #hold my hand #before i float away
Chase me Not because I am worth the chase But because I believe I am not
My eyes ache And I can’t tell if it is from lack of sleep Or all the crying But either way I blame you
the darkness i thought it would consume me but here i am with my light shining through
how can i feel so empty and yet so full all at once
I am a believer Always wanting To believe In the good in people In something bigger That promises made Are promises kept
It took a long time And immeasurable disappointment To become this distrustful But I’m really not
On the inside I still believe In you
And I believe You will break my heart Again
You tainted my book
The one where all my words go Every other page soiled With thoughts of you Poems of adoration And lines of punishment My devotion literally Written all over it
You tainted my heart
I wonder sometimes - okay, more than sometimes - if your inner demons - those bastards; fuck them - let you feel what you actually feel - not just the watered down emotions which manage to filter through your walls - would you be able to love me - would you be in love with me -
lost abandoned help me find me love me