Peter Parker - Blog Posts

Peter: Mr. Pool what sexuality are you?

Deadpool: Sexual.

Peter: what???

Deadpool: Sexual.

Game Night #2

Peter: Green, "give this card to who ever you least want to fight"

Nat: give me card

Peter: ok....

Peter: Tony

Tony: Yes Spidy

Peter: What's an alcoholic

Tony: Well you see those two birds up there, an alcholic would see four.

Peter: Tony there's only one bird up there.

Tony: Fuck!

Just watched the new Spider-Man movie and I have two things to say (spoilers ahead):

1: YEEEESSSSS VENOMMMMMM. WILL HE GET A MOVIE???? IS HE GONNA BE CANON IN THE MCU???

2: Why TF was Peter able to control his body when his like…soul essence thing was disconnected from his body??? Are we just gonna gloss over that shit??

3. MATT MURDOCK IS CANON IN THE MCU AHAHHAHAHDIDNDJDBIDJFFIFBFJFDJDBJFHDJDJ

Fic Idea

So I got inspired by a post that I saw (https://www.tumblr.com/cartersblogabtnothing/772132358577078272/im-sure-weve-all-read-at-least-one-or-two-peter?source=share) specifically the fourth on e which is about Damian getting sent to Spider-mans new york.

But idk if I should do an og villain, and possibly make them like the story big bad, or just use a pre existing villain and make them like use something that they don't understand and have it backfire immensely.

Peter: It’s Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?!

Ned: Merry crisis.

Y/N: Jingle bells, jingle bells, single all the way.

MJ: Hoe hoe hoe.

Peter: Guys, please.

Peter 1= Tom’s Peter

Peter 2= Tobey’s Peter

Peter 3= Andrew’s Peter

Peter 3: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves?

Peter 1: Milfs.

Peter 2: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves.

Peter 3 : Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for???

Y/N: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties.

Y/N: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago.

Peter 2: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck.

Peter 3 : WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—

Peter 3 : I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!

Y/N: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries?

Peter 1: What? No! It isn't!

Y/N: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!

Peter 2: Y/N...

Y/N: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION!

Peter 2: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you.

Y/N: PETER 3 , DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!

Peter 3 : The word milf has been ruined for me.

Peter 1: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

Peter 2: Y'all are dumbasses.

A/N- For those of you that don’t remember…

Peter 1= Tom’s Peter

Peter 2= Tobey’s Peter

Peter 3= Andrew’s Peter

Y/N: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Peter 3: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Peter 1: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

Peter 2: Guys.

Thor: I put the pun in punishment.

Ned: I put the top in unstoppable.

Peter: I put the cute in execute.

Y/N: I put the sexy in dyslexia.

MJ: I put the ass in class.

Loki: I put the D in Y/N.

Peter: Croissants: dropped

Bucky: Road: works ahead

Loki: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Y/N: Shavacado: fre

Steve:

Steve, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Shuri: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Peter: 'Prettiest Smile'

Ned: 'Nicest Personality'

MJ: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Y/N: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

A/N-For those who don't remember which one is which, Tobey is Peter 2, Andrew is Peter 3, and Tom is Peter 1.

Peter 2: Y/N, you'll be working with Peter 3 and Peter 1.

Y/N: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Y/N: ...Of people on a team.

Tony: Y/N, Peter, I’ve left a letter telling your guardians not to worry—

Y/N: They won’t.

Tony: That you’re safe—

Y/N: That’ll just depress them.

Tony: —and you’ll see them in a few weeks.

Peter: Do we have to?

Ned: Did you bring Y/N?

Shuri, gesturing to Peter: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Ned: Peter? The next best thing would be MJ.

Peter: I would be offended, but MJ is freakishly strong.

Loki: What’s your biggest fear?

Steve: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Stephan: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Peter: Zombies.

Steve: ...

Stephan: ...

Peter: BUT they can open doors.

Sam: There's a spider! Quick!

Bucky: *grabbing rolled-up newspaper* Where? Where?

Sam: Right ahead of me! Get him! Get him!

Peter: Hey- What?

Sam: There it is! There it is!

Bucky: *smacks Peter*

Loki: What's that?

Peter: Chocolate.

Loki: What's chocolate?

Peter: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from?

Loki: Yeah. Grapes, nuts.

Peter: No wonder you're so bitter.

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

MJ: Thanks fam!

Harley: Oh no.

Peter: *cries* I love you too.

Ned: Sounds fake, but okay.

Y/N: *A flustered mess*

Shuri: Can I get a refund?

Peter: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.

Y/N: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.

MJ: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

Ned: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Y/N: What’s something you’re better than Bucky at?

Sam, without hesitation: Everything.

Peter, after a brief moment of thinking: Mario Kart.

Steve, sadly: Emotional Vulnerability

Kate: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Peter: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Y/N?

Y/N: Probably “road work ahead”.

Bucky, confused af: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

omg this is incredibly adorable. LOVE‼️‼️

✦ CITY OF STARS.

summary : peter swings you to a perfect late-night date.

word count : 0,6k

warnings : tooth rotting fluff, implied fem!reader, pet names, kisses.

a/n : inspired by this deleted scene!! requests for peter are open if u want to send in ur ideas / prompts ^_^ also kind of inspired by that one scene in atsv where gwen & miles hangout by that tower yk

"let's get out of here." peter whispers, his voice tickles your skin again as he places another kiss on your nose.

you sigh, cupping his cheek, "i can't peter, i told you." you repeat — which not surprisingly causes peter to pout. "why not?"

"because. i have.. homework." you shrug. it's true though, the pile of papers near your desk is practically calling you to be read or marked.

he pouts, again. but he isn't giving up.

"don't look at me like that." you chuckle, your thumb caressing peter's cheek, running through his freckles.

"like what?"

"with your big brown doe eyes."

peter tries a bit more. the more you make eye contact with him, the harder it is to say no.

"fine. but you seriously have to get blue contacts, peter." you let go of his cheek.

"yes, ma'am." he nods. you couldn't tell if he's joking or not, but it's funny either way.

he gets up and grabs his backpack, it seems heavier than usual. "grab your jacket, bub. it's gonna be cold."

"where are you taking me?"

"secret."

"that doesn't sound creepy at all."

"come on. trust me." peter's waiting near the window. "are you gonna take me on a swing?"

peter puts his beanie on. "does the hat give it away?" he asks, the spiderman crochet beanie in bright red staring right at you.

you smile. "yeah it kinda does."

peter tucks the loose hair behind your ear before helping you out the window, and before you know it you're one with the wind. and also with new york's pollution.

peter's gentle, one hand holding your waist and the other thwip! -ing away at buildings. your hands are wrapped around his neck, face burried in the crook of it. you could smell his cologne, it's the one you like.

you relax at the scent of it. it almost makes you forget that you're meters up in the air.

but then your shoes touch ground.

it was a ledge of a clock tower. it's not steep, it's actually very spacey up here. if you think about it you could probably fit a picnic up here, a small hangout even with a few friends.

"you good?" peter lets go, "yeah. this is cozy." you say, fixing your sweater. "don't you think people will see us here?" you ask.

"no. but. if they do-" peter opens his bag, "i got back up." he reveals a beanie, like the one he's wearing, it's a spiderman one too but with different colours.

it's white with pink outlines.

"we're matching!" peter puts the beanie on you. it fits perfectly, "that's so cute peter. do i get to keep it?" — "of course. made it just for you. besides i don't think people can spot us here unless they really, really, really squint. and now when they do, they'll just see our hats."

you nod. peter gestures for you to sit.

"i got more stuff." he smiles, teeth showing, teasingly.

you roll your eyes at him before sitting next to the empty space beside him.

he pulls out two takeout boxes, followed by the plastic eating utensils, and some water, and some more.

"oh. wow." you say, impressed.

you weren't kidding. you could fit a picnic here.

"what're you waiting for? dig in!" peter passes your takeout. "i got your favorite too."

"aw. thank you, peter." you give him a kiss. "i'll get you ice cream after this. or whenever you feel like ice cream." you give him another kiss.

"thank you!" he gasps, dramatically. "that is everything i have ever wanted." peter replies.

you smile, "this is everything i have ever wanted."

too cute 😫😫

𝗯𝗮𝗯𝘆 𝗺𝗲 - 𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗿

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: peter wants to be babied.

𝘄/𝗰: 0.5k

𝗮/𝗻: hey guys!! it has been nearly a year since i’ve last written and i just wanna say i’m sorry for leaving for so long </3 please do bear with me, this may not be that good judging by how long it’s been since i’ve last written. i hope you enjoy though! also for everyone who has requested something, i haven’t forgotten about you! i’m getting to those soon :)

“please hold me” 

it’s nearly 1am and you’re sprawled out on your bed watching some random movie that was playing on tv. you’ve been up waiting for hours for peter to come by after patrol, and now he’s finally here sneaking in through your window.

“are you okay baby? you finished up pretty late” you question softly as you take off his mask and brush his hair out of his face.

“i’m fine. i just want you to hold me” he says tiredly and practically puts all of his body weight on you, causing you both to fall back onto your bed.

Keep reading

i love him, your honour 🤭🤭

omg @literaila you never fail to describe this man so well!!

i know you 

tasm!peter x fem!reader 

summary: 

“i’m peter.”

“and?”

“i wanted to introduce myself.”

“i know who you are, peter.”

warnings: college party, mentions of biology, peter is a bit of.. a… so-so, um, embarrassment 

*

Keep reading

yes. i AM very much infatuated with him 🤭🤭

some friend you are 

tasm!peter x reader 

summary: 

“why did i agree to this?” 

“cause you love me.”

warnings: fluff, pining, yearning, all of that. i thought about adding more but. this is how it’s supposed to be. 

a/n: not a word from any of you (no this is not personal at all no what)

*

Keep reading

absolute perfection

just barely 

tasm!peter x fem!reader 

summary:

“okay, peter. are you afraid of spiders?”  “no.”  “then can you go get the one in my apartment?”

warnings: angst, grief, mentions of gwen, arachnophobia, fluff. neighbors au. 

a/n: i am. so sorry. and actually i love this one so much so feed my ego, thanks

*

Keep reading

love love love it so far 😍🫶🏽

serendipity

series masterlist  |  main masterlist | ask box  |  taglist

pairing: photographer!peter parker x photographer!reader

warnings: explicit language, mentions of drinking, clowning business majors

summary: you’re an upcoming photographer in search of experience, and peter happens to need assistance. by a stroke of luck, he takes you on.

a/n: i know y’all love the smaus and i do too so i really hope you enjoy! make sure to read the character intros if you haven’t already <3

Keep reading

😫😫

Idk why but I always thought a cute concept would be like: Peter and the reader are just making out like usual but the lose track of time and realize that they’ve just been kissing eachother for hours and just joke about it. Idk but I always thought that was a cute concept lol

ask box  |  taglist  |  blurb masterlist  |  main masterlist 

w/c: 459

warnings: swearing and making out

a/n: sorry for the wait i needed a lil break but i’m back and working on all ur requests so please be patient! this was adorable i hope you enjoy

you hover over peter on his bed, your lips on his. you’re wearing a new lip gloss today, and he’d wanted a taste of it. the kiss naturally lead to a make out session. your gloss is now smeared all over peter’s lips as they mold perfectly with yours. his hands slide under your shirt, warm palms resting on the skin of your upper back. you hum contentedly.

you place your hands on peter’s chest, leaning into him further to deepen the kiss. peter rubs your back gently and smiles against your lips.

“i love kissing you.”

he talks between kisses.

“i could kiss you all day.”

you giggle in response. you cup peter’s jaw, guiding his lips to yours. peter parts his lips and lets your tongue enter his mouth. your tongues move slowly together, keeping the kiss soft. your lips are practically attached at this point.

“dinner, you two!”

you hardly hear aunt may over the sounds of your kissing.

“come on, before it gets cold! you know that doesn’t take long with my cooking!”

you pull back first.

“did she say dinner?”

“yeah, but we must’ve heard wrong. it can’t be dinner time already.”

you check your phone for the time and gasp, clapping a hand over your mouth. peter sits up, brows furrowed.

“oh my god, peter! we actually have been kissing all day!”

“wait, what?”

he realizes you’re in darkness, crickets chirping outside his window.

“holy shit. the sun was still out when you got here.”

“that was… hours ago.”

peter wipes his lips with the back of his hand. his eyes are blown wide.

“have we really been making out that long? without any breaks? that’s a new record for us.”

“damn. gonna be hard to break it.”

“i’m up for the challenge.”

peter puckers his lips. you put a hand out to stop him, nose crinkling as you grin.

“after dinner maybe. my lips are sore.”

“want me to kiss them better?”

“ugh, peter.”

“alright, alright. hint taken.”

peter kisses the tips of your fingers.

“now that you mention it, my lips kinda hurt, too. i think you might’ve bit them by accident.”

“it wasn’t an accident. i thought it was hot.”

“a little more gentle next time, babe.”

“next time? so you liked it?”

“i like everything you do.”

you nudge peter’s cheek with your nose, nails lightly scratching at his chest. he fixes your shirt and gives your hips a squeeze.

“c’mon, may’s waiting for us.”

the two of you climb off the bed and make your way to the kitchen, where three places are set for dinner. may perks up when you enter the room.

“there you two are, you’ve been in there all day. what’re you up to?”

tags: @mystic-writings @just-lost-inbetween-worlds @lnmp89 @jenoslov @kayasholland @yourlocalomlette @starlight-starks @belovasheart @liltimmyst @eviewriites @hollandsangel @parkerctrl @eichenhouseproperty @inthegetawaycarwithtaylah @varshhyy

SILVER ➳ BUCKY BARNES MASTERLIST

➳ summary: When your best friends Peter, MJ, and Ned drag you along to a concert, you never expected to fall head over heels with the band, more so the drummer. Wild and erotic, Bucky Barnes is a rich rock star who gets everything handed to him. Between the money, fame, and platinum records, he has a nasty reputation. But when an innocent girl like you comes along, he can't stay away.

➳ pairing: rockstar!Bucky Barnes x College!Reader

➳ warnings: will feature smut, suggestive themes, angst, age gap; Reader is 20, Bucky is 30

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

C H A P T E R S

➳ one

➳ two

➳ three

➳ four

➳ five

➳ six

➳ seven

➳ eight

➳ nine

➳ ten

➳ eleven

➳ twelve

➳ thirteen

➳ fourteen

➳ fifteen

➳ sixteen

L I N K S

➳ spotify playlist

➳ the color collection masterlist

➳ If you love SILVER, check out my original fic on Wattpad; MY SWEETEST ADDICTION

*spoilers for Spider man: No Way Home trailer*

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS IN THE TRAILER WHEN SOMEONE SAID "Be careful what you wish for Parker" SOUNDED LIKE JAMES FRANCO!!!!!!!!

I'M F***KING HYPERVANTALATING

WTF IS THIS F***KING TRAILER

PLEASE SEND HELP