Poppy Partridge - Blog Posts
Part 2 to that Welcome Home Incorrect Quotes post I made, like, a year ago. Wow how productive of me.
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Poppy: Good morning.
Julie: Good morning.
Eddie: Good morning.
Barnaby: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Sally: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!
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Barnaby, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?
Frank: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Barnaby:
Barnaby: Water you doing?
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Julie, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.
Frank: Do you think other people can’t hear you?
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Wally: Good. Thanks, dad.
Poppy: You just called Eddie “dad”. You just said “thanks, dad.”
Wally: What? No, I didn’t. I said “thanks, man”.
Eddie: Do you see me as a father figure, Wally?
Wally: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me.
Howdy: Hey! Show your father some respect!
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Howdy: *on the phone* Just snap his kneecaps and he’ll talk, I’m at a parent teacher conference.
Howdy: Anyways, you said Wally is enjoying finger painting! That's great.
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Eddie: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby.
Wally: What baby?
Eddie, crying a bit: Me.
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Wally: The shadow realm? No, I’m sending you to Ohio!
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Howdy: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?
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Frank, looking at a selfie of Wally's: I hate this photo.
Wally: I’m cute as fuck in that photo! I’m smiling kindly.
Frank: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something.
Wally: Up to kindness.
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*at a zoo*
Julie: What are they in for?
Frank: Julie, this isn't prison.
Julie: So they can leave?
Frank: No, but-
Julie, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.
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Poppy: Fine! Judge all you want but...
Poppy, points at Sally: Married a lesbian.
Poppy, points at Julie: Left a man at the altar.
Poppy, points at Wally: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer.
Poppy, points at Barnaby: Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.
Poppy, points at Howdy: Lives in a box!
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Julie: Frank and I are so close we even share a toothbrush.
Frank: We what?
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Wally: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.
Barnaby:
Barnaby: I like you.
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Eddie: I think I'm falling for you.
Frank: Then get up.
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Julie: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?
Frank, exasperated: WHY?!?
Frank points at Barnaby: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!
Frank points at Wally: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!
Frank points at Julie: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!
Frank: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????
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Howdy: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.
Frank: Oh. We're going out?
Howdy: Wh…
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Wally: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*
Wally: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.
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Sally: I need 28 lightbulbs for 28 ducks.
Howdy: Ducks can’t eat lightbulbs?
Barnaby: I think that’s the point.
Sally: Exactly. I want my ducks to glow so I can find them.
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Julie: Wasn't icarly that guy that girlbossed too close to the sun because he was down for Apollo?
Frank: ICARUS?
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*at an awards show*
Poppy: Can I carry you on my back like Eddie did?
Wally: I don't think Barnaby would like that.
Poppy: *pouts*
*Later*
Poppy: *carrying Wally on their back*
Barnaby: What the hell??
Wally: What was I supposed to do? Say no?
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Frank: I have very high standards, you know.
Eddie: I can make spaghetti...
Frank: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!
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Wally: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.
Wally: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Wally: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
Barnaby: This is Monopoly.
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Wally: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Barnaby: *crouches down*
Frank: *kneels down*
Poppy: *sits on the floor*
Wally:
Wally: I hate all of you.
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*Sally is crying after a breakup*
Eddie: There there, Sally.
Sally, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?
Eddie: Great question—
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Barnaby, knocking on the door: Howdy, open up!
Howdy: It all started when I was a kid.
Barnaby: That’s not what I-
Sally: Let them finish!
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Julie, on a random band name generator: Oooo! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my friend group.
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Julie: War is heck!
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Sally: What’s it like being tall?
Sally: Is it nice?
Sally: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Poppy: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.
Wally: It was one time!
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Howdy: Last night I found out Barnaby is a sleep talker.
Poppy: Oh, really?
Howdy: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.
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Wally: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!
Poppy: But I'm a vegan.
Wally: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.
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Howdy: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.
Sally: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...
Julie: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.
Eddie: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.
Barnaby: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.
Wally: Mental stability, my old friend!
Howdy: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?
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Frank, looking over Wally’s shoulder: You can draw?
Wally, stopping what they were doing: You can speak?
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Wally, near tears: Please, Neighbor, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!
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Julie: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they’re loved. Frank has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for them.
Eddie: By forcing them to have fun at a party that they don’t want to be at?
Julie: I knew you’d understand.
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Wally: Julie noticed only today that they can label their email inboxes, but they took apart their entire bloody laptop two weeks ago.
Sally: This reminds me of the Julie who couldn’t turn on the coffee maker, but remembers about 500 digits of pi.
Wally: I’ll be delighted to inform you that this is the very same Julie.
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Julie: What do I get?
Sally: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Julie: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.
Sally: It won't be you.
Julie: I'll get my coat.
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Wally: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.
Barnaby: What hints have you given them?
Wally: Well, I think about them a lot.
Wally: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.
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Poppy: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Julie: How can you still say that?
Poppy: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
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Julie: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.
Barnaby, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.
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Wally: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.
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Julie, holding a scooter: Poppy! Can I go outside and play with this?
Poppy: Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay?
Julie, running outside: Thanks Poppy!
Poppy, running out after them and screaming: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY!
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Sally: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...
Frank: I just wanna fucking marry Eddie!!
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Eddie: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.
Julie: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.
Wally: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.
Sally: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.
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Frank: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Frank, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.
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I did it :D
Hey, I had this giant list of Welcome Home as Incorrect quotes (I made it cause I was bored) and thought it would be funny to share some with the internet:
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Eddie: My hands are cold.
Frank: Here, let me hold them.
Eddie: My lips are cold too.
Frank: *covers Eddie's mouth with their hand*
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Frank: Julie gets offended by everything.
Julie: What did you say about me?!?
Frank:
Frank: Case in point.
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Barnaby: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Wally!
Wally: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.
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*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*
Frank, Eddie, and Poppy: *spinning a little and talking*
Barnaby, Wally, and Julie: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*
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Howdy: Wally, you’re such a genius!
Wally: Yes, I know.
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Wally: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?
Frank: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.
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*At a dinner party, the guests converse while the host is away*
Poppy: So how do you know the host?
Julie: They were a former vegan, and they bought milk.
Frank: That B****!
Barnaby: I pulled them over for money laundering.
Sally: I'm chaperoning their dinner party.
Howdy: They stole a baconator!
Frank: That B****!
Poppy: I tanked the store they were managing and they convinced me to quit from one of the only jobs I've ever had. Now I'm living off of unemployment checks and fear!
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Barnaby: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.
Barnaby: Ask me to kill for you.
Eddie: ...First of all, calm down-
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Julie, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.
Eddie: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.
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Howdy: Hey Sally, listen, corporate makes us do this every year, but this is just a little manager evaluation form. You just fill it out, let them know how I'm doing, you know?
Sally: Alright! Uh, "Is your manager manipulative?"
Howdy: I'd say "No" to that if I were you.
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Howdy: Barnaby, I am questioning your sanity...
Frank: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.
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Barnaby: *coughs blood*
Wally: Don't die, Barnaby!
Barnaby: Don't tell me what to do!
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Barnaby: Why did you kidnap Wally!?!?!
Howdy: Ah- um- well- the reason for that is, uhh...
Frank: Sometimes, we must work together towards a common goal.
Barnaby: NOT TO KIDNAP PEOPLE!
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Frank: Heyyy Eddie, how’s your… drink??
Eddie: What do you mean drink? It’s coffee.
Frank: You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker*
Eddie: *Looks to coffee maker*
*Cement sitting beside the coffee maker*
Eddie:...I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead.
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Frank, pointing to the wall: What color is this?
Sally: Gray.
Howdy: Grey.
Frank, turning to Barnaby: Now tell them what color you think it is.
Barnaby: Dark white.
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Howdy: I just found out from Eddie today that when Barnaby died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Julie said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”
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Barnaby: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
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Wally: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Barnaby: A doll.
Julie: A cinnamon roll.
Eddie: A sweetheart.
Wally:
Wally: ...stop it.
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Poppy: Frank won’t come out of their room!
Sally: Just tell them I said something.
Poppy: Like what?
Sally: Anything factually incorrect.
Poppy, shrugging: If you say so.
Frank, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?
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Wally: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.
Barnaby: I’m worried about you.
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Wally: As your best friend—
Viewer: [Insert Name] is my best friend.
Wally, holding a knife: As your best friend—
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Julie: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail.
Barnaby: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.
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Wally: Hey guys! I drew everyones soul!
Howdy: Why is Julie's a monster?
Julie: Wally, you forgot your's! It's only an empty space!
Wally, proudly: Exactly
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Wally: Why am I the bad guy?
Frank: I don't know, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.
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Wally: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.
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Hope everyone enjoyed it. Maybe I'll make another one if I'm feeling like it. Like I said, I have a whole list, so I'm sure I'll be set for a little while.
Well well well...
If it isnt another ask blog for a fandom that I love dearly!
-Spooki
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