Rambles - Blog Posts

I just need someone who loves classics as much as I do. Who is as enthralled with the idea of reading out loud to someone you love as much as I am. Like??? Getting to read to someone I love? Getting to read out loud? Listening to someone I love read? And we're both genuinely interested and having a good time! Whyyy is it not normalized?

And hand written love letters! And just old school, romantic love. Like really old school. Bring me flowers with secret meanings. Kiss my hand before my mouth. Chase after me without harassing me! Care about the little things! And let us read to each other!

Ik I haven't posted in a hot minute but I genuinely hate everything I make, like I've been drawing but whenever I look at my work I never deem it "post worthy" I wanna kms

I dunno...some more rambles

So I’m aroace...pretty sure I’m repulsed by romance and sex, but like sometimes the romance is just fucking cute and sex scenes are just a bore...like dude....I’m lookin’ for actual plot (also sometimes when they come up I’m like...welp I guess it’s a death day). Anyways, I’m working on being romance and sex positive because I wanna respect other people, even if I don’t necessarily understand it. But also when I read loveless I didn’t necessarily know I was aroace...and I was like “I gotta experience some ATTRACTION!”...so I thought I was aroflux/aceflux and then I saw Jaiden Animations video and it finally clicked...but now I know why I thought many things were stange. HURRAH!!! Also a-spec peeps, have some cake or garlic bread or really just some food...cause food is legit. 

Little Nightmares and The Magnus Archives

A while ago, I came to the conclusion that the Little Nightmares series is the perfect horror game that embodies all 15 Fear Entities from The Magnus Archives.

I know this random, but ended up focusing on it and mentally cataloged the similarities.

So for fun and because I wanted to get it out of my head to prove I saw something, I made a list of how the worlds are connected.

I probably didn't get all of the details and I'm probably crazy for this, but I like crossovers.

The Eye

• The Eyes of the Maw

• The secret eye cameras hidden on the Maw

• The stone turning eye traps

• part of the Signal Tower's true form

• in general, the multiple drawings/depictions of eyes throughout the series (both 1/2)

The Spiral

• The hallways and doors puzzle of the Signal Tower

• The hallway/door that haunts Mono and later opens, releasing Thin Man

• The strange, warped architecture of the game's environment, especially 2 and the Signal Tower

• Six's monster form, and some of the other creatures of this realm

• generally a lot of doors

The Flesh

• The Maw's "restaurant"

• The Twin Chefs

• The Guests and their appetite/meals

• Six and her hunger progressing

• part of The Signal Tower's true form

The Hunt

• The Hunter, obviously

• actually, literally ever enemy is after you

• multiple chase sequences

The Stranger

• The Lady

• many, many masks

• The maniquens/Patients of the hospital level

• The Hunter's taxidermy

• The Doctor's creations

• The main character designs

The Corruption

• rot and decay permeate the air, certain ares can honestly make you sick

• leeches

• fly swarms festering, a droning buzz the makes you nauseous

The Lonely

• Mono's name along with his and Thin Man's abandonment/betrayal from Six

• The atmosphere and many empty places

• family and friends to not exist in the Little Nightmares universe, everyone for themself

• adults are NOT on your side

The Vast

• The main environments of the game + certain cutscences show how tiny you truly are

• VERY SMALL children in HUGE world that uses their size both against them and benefits them

• It's extremely easy to fall to your death

The Slaughter

• What happens to children if/when they get caught by the many enemies

• Mono fighting

• The music box

The Buried

• The many tight vents in the Maw, School, and Hospital

• Also the tunnels in the forest level (there is a little nightmare comic of a character that gets buried alived)

• The water level in the DLC

The Dark

• The shadow children "fight" in Lady's quarters in the DLC

• many other dark areas that require a lighter/flashlight to navigate

• The maniquens/Patients only move when it's dark, freezing in the light

The Desolation

• The Doctor's death/defeat (locking and burning him in a incinerator)

• Using an incinerator to burn toys to solve a puzzle

• comfort of any kind is not a thing in this universe

The Web

• The Signal Tower and its control over this world

• Everything is fated in a terrible, perfect way (especially in 2 because no matter what, Mono will become Thin Man)

• The Teacher's "strict" education regime

The End

• Death is EVERYWHERE and EVERYTHING. One wrong move means instant game over

The Extinction

• The TVs

Some of these are probably a bit of a stretch, and I definitely had to struggle to fit some of the Fears in, but in all this game's world is amazing and so is the podcast's.

This might not even everything, just the ones that stuck out to me, so if you can think of anything to add to this list, let me know.

While the stars were still in ISAT, Did they have a loop helping them or not?

they did not :3

they were forced to go through their timeloop without a guide, without anyone to talk to. instead, they would talk to the Favour Tree. spending some time each loop to regain their thoughts and speak their mind aloud in order to organise the ever worsening mess of their mind. so when they were thrown into Traveler's world, when they finally had someone they could talk to, it almost dulled the pain of losing their family, if only for a moment.

Stars wants to do everything he can to help, to give Traveler that voice to talk to that he never had, but his broken mess of a self can only do so much good before it hurts them.

them talking to the Favour Tree is actually why they decide to stay there in Traveler's world!! that tree brings them a small semblance of comfort, of familiarity, like how a wounded animal clings to its final breath. they make it a place of comfort for both Traveler and themself :)

(given this is a swap AU between SAAP and ISAT, if basically swaps the "roles" of each world. the siffrin's swap places, but so do their celestial forms. instead of Siffrin, Loop, and Bigfrin, you get The Traveler, The Stars, and The Supernova :3 woudlve been funky to keep Loop around but ultimately i decided against it)

Waugh! In love with your AU I am so curious tho in the first post I saw you mentioned that The Stars often convince The Traveler to not talk abt their problems with their party and Im really curious on how that would go?

Like can the Stars read the Traveler's mind? Or do they force a loop? This concept consumes me what a novel idea! Love your drawings too by the way.

alright so

Stars, technically, cant do anything to force Traveler to not tell their party. he doesnt have that sort of control over them. instead, its more that he is insistent that telling them is a catastrophic idea, that them knowing will ruin everything.

(and in his defense, the one loop his family all learnt the truth was the last loop they ever existed for.)

and Traveler doesnt have the energy to argue. theyre already exhausted just from existing, let alone looping over and over, so they just concede. there were a couple loops where they did spill the truth, but those moments were reset before anything could actually come of them, similarly to in ISAT's sus quest.

The Stars' own paranoia ends up controlling The Traveler, whether they mean for it to, or not.

also to add: Traveler's thoughts of telling their party comes from how Loop tries to convince Siffrin to tell his friends in ISAT!! just a neat little tidbit for ya :3

(also also WAHHH im so glad youre enjoying this!! i wouldve drawn up smth for this ask but alas. i am So Very Ill rn. might make some sketches when im feeling better to better convey my thoughts)

Loopquest! Loopquest! Loopquest!

Is there loopquest?

Or should I say

Star quest

there is infact a starquest!!

it plays out pretty similar to loopquest, where they hang out all day, watch the party die to the king, and reset the loop, BUT. there is an added bonus:

Traveler figures out that Stars is an alternate Siffrin.

granted its not like. super hard to gather lmao- but their dynamic changed pretty substantially afterwards because of it :3

also Stars initiates the friendquest bc hes lonely, given that Traveler usually loops back into the house instead of in Dormont (see: SAAP gameplay) , and Traveler accepts it bc theyre so tired of the repetitive nature of their loops. so they hang out and ignore their problems for a little bit :]

I'm so curious about your in stars and blood au!!!

I have so many questions!!! Like, did bigfrin get out of the loops or did they do something different in the final act. Did loop still make the "i want help" wish in this au? How do the people of dormont not see bigfrin? Can they not see them, or are they like, hiding from view behind the tree or something?

Now I have the image of very obviously hiding behind the favor tree while the fighter is near lol :3.

WAHH OKAY SO

Yap inbound

- The Stars is from a bad ending of ISAT act 5 where his family couldnt calm him down in time and he accidentally destroyed the world. he was brought into the SAAP world through a mix of the Universe upholding his wish and a cry for help from the Traveler

- The Traveler makes a couple wishes throughout the story!! one of them is a wish for change, which is what brings Stars in, and the other super important one is in this au's equivalent of act 5, where they wish everything to stop, temporarily freezing the world and causing them to start transforming into ISAT Loop, just like how ISAT sif turns into Bigfrin!!

-Stars isnt usually as big as i drew them in the comic lmao- most of the time they sit at around 3-4x Traveler's size, but grow with strong emotion. they usually hide in the leaves of the Favour Tree but have been spotted on occasion. most of the time its harmless and just leaves the witnesses with a splitting headache (see: the colour red) but. if that person happens to be one of Traveler's party, then Stars will force a loop to make them forget they ever saw him. this has happened at least twice with the Fighter

- i HAVE to draw that now thank you so much for putting that visual into my head lmao-

i think im being haunted by Rain World /silly

i was just chilling watching the Goodbye Sun MAP (which, really fuckin good go watch it) and then Raindeer Ride starts playing out of nowhere???? there were no audio sources playing other than the MAP and it kept playing after i paused it????? and then it only stopped once i opened rain world??????????

you could make an ARG outta this /j

I will admit that I never fully understood the “let’s ship the three parts of the narrative-enforced love triangle together” thing until I watched Wicked on Broadway (and subsequently the movie).

I’m not saying it’s a bad trope, honestly I think it’s pretty fun, and goodness knows that polyamory needs more representation. But when I view love triangles, there’s some kind of tension in there that makes it feel weird when they’re all together. It’s hard to go from vitriolic infighting over a person (who kind of gets treated as a prize to be won rather than a person in the worst case scenarios) to a healthy relationship in my mind.

But in Wicked’s case, I genuinely believe all three of these characters (Elphaba, Glinda, and Fiyero, ofc) would have good romantic chemistry together. They all bring out the best in each other in vastly different ways and if I was told that they all have romantic chemistry together I would not be surprised. And good for them honestly

PLEASE

HUSKER IS TWEAKING OVER VAGGIE THROWING ANGEL IM ACTUALLY SOBBING

Huskerdust🔛🔝

small ramble because I'm too big a nerd for marble hornets NOT to :

no, Tim doesn't have DID! or black out episodes! he's actually not a proxy at all.

the whole concept that when he has the mask on, he's in a different persona? it's actually untrue. he's fully sentient and himself when he has the mask on - he knows what he's doing, who he's talking to, and it's the same person.

the only reason he forgets things in the series is because the operator wipes his memory. he forgets things after the operator gets his hands on him, or through Alex. Tim doesn't remember getting his leg broken, because Alex was there with the operator when it happened. other than that, he's sentient.

why? he was confused. he didn't understand, so when Brian came along (also fully himself), showing Tim how Alex was "the problem", Tim was enraged and teamed up as "Masky" and "Hoody" to work against Alex and the operator. theyre not proxies, they never served the operator, and they're fully sentient.

I recommend watching NightMind's video on it! NightMind my goat. gave me a completely new understanding on the series.

feel free to ask away if needed. :)

You know when you are pennyless and really want to experience all the possibilities of slay the princess, what do you do?

Persuade a friend into buying them of course! :D

Stream#1 Stream#2

Here's a little text conversation between me and them, after they finished their first route, it's a bit messy but I'd try sorting it

See if you can figure out which route they played before the picture reveals (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

"With dialogue box"=>Friend

Without=>Me

Obviously there will be spoilers

Q.What do you think the character looks like?

"Well at least his height would around normal, maybe a bit short?"

"But his hands looks like THAT, yet there still a choice when confronting the hand thingy: *I'm a person*, so hmmm, a human maybe?"

Q. how about body&face?

"His body would probably be strong, since he can fight the princess neck to neck in chapter 3. There'll proabably be some scale-like things on their chest just like their arms, and the other parts are normal skin

I think the face would be similar to the style of the princess in chapter 1. Probably looks like a normal person, maybe a bit cowardly."

That's because YOU'RE the coward

"Oh shoot"

Q. Anyway, you didn't mention any clothes, does he have any? If he does what kind?

"Proabably just plain cloth?"

"The protagonist seems weaker in terms of physical strength"

maybe :)

"What, like, is there a way to win without a knife?"

:)

"...?"

Q. Anyway, what kind of hair style do you think they'll have?

"I actually thought about this, but than I got lazy, and thought maybe bald would fit"

BALD XD Seriously?

"Uhhh, short with a little ponytail?"

"I'm not sure, since we didn't see the protagonist"

THERE IS A MIRROR

"two glowy eyes, a hand on mirror, the other on face. Rest it black"

turn up the brightness :)

"ok, I'll go try"

.

.

.

wait, did you go open the game?

(Panicking for any spoiler that I forgot)

(Many message/phonecalls and instructions later)

"And the game is a lot more scarier than I thought"

"ohh, the design is cool"

that's cause your alone now :)

"I didn't finish OMORI cause I was scared af"

LOL I should probably just let you play stp by yourself with some translation robot :)

"NO"

"If you do that I probably gave up uwu"

>:(

"I not gonna be dumb and ask for trouble"

Come on, it's a horro game, you coward :(

"I can still feel it, ok?! not like the horror is gone"

I don't, it's funny and calming (⁠ ⁠´⁠◡⁠‿⁠ゝ⁠◡⁠`⁠)

Anyway I finished your version of protagonist

who would have thought it would be adversary XD

"I just thought since I started might as well finish it"

"And then the kill-love route"

And then the kill-love route

"I didn't even know how!!"

LOL

"Btw, is the hands part suppose to be scary?"

Oh that? That's not even scary, you haven't even play the scary part :) I should probably go prepare the translation and let you play alone

"NOPE!!"

YES

"I'll give up"

I will watch you :)

"why do I feel that you're scarier"

;)

End of conversation

They got adversary & the eye of the needle. Congratulations to anyone who got it right

For anyone who found calling adversary "the kill-love route" weird, it's kinda translated from our language. However the common usage would be of a "love-hate relationship", which doesn't fit adversary route, so I change it up a bit

Not sure if I ruined their experience by saying some weird out of context stuff, but it definitely ease their fear so I'm going to keep doing that >:)

Plus, it's funny. And I'll have more to draw

I also watch them play OMORI today, it DEFINITELY ease the fear. I've past out in the middle of the game cause of all the walking, sorry for any OMORI lovers out there

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I hope you all like his take of protagonist, and have a good day! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Ok, im sorry, but please stop sending donation links in my inbox,I genuinely dont know how to reply to those, this blog is mainly for my interest and personal stuff, and im kinda uncomfortable whit it too (sryy gng 🙏)

Thinking of going as either Richie tozier or Mothman for Halloween this year but my indecisive ass can’t decide on it

EDIT: I went as Richie! ended up staying in for Halloween though, my allergies decided it was their time to shine I guess

Again sorry for not being active, I haven’t had much motivation to post since school started the 23rd and I just haven’t had enough time to draw and post, but I’m still here!

Hoping I’ll get more time to post soon though<3

yall seriously should I watch gravity falls??

I started watching it a few years ago but idk how to feel about it cuz like- I’ve seen the billford art, I’m attracted to the stans, I know all the plot twists in the show, that kinda stuff, so it wouldn’t really make sense for me to dedicate however long to binge it? But it still sounds really good and I feel like I should finish it at some point yk

Thoughts

Okay so I get discharged tomorrow... yayyy but until then.. have some thoughts about the stories I was meant to post but can't because I only have my phone (drafts are in a notebook at home).

I kind of wanna redo the lance story and change the face claim.... The Lewis one shot is not social media-ing and may become a written thing. . .

I'm convinced that if i wheeze hard enough tiktok won't go bye-bye (Joe burrow and Sabrina Carpenter edits keep me alive) but in reality it just makes the doctor want to keep me in the hospital longer (Debt finna taste yummy)

i'm pretty sure that despite classes just starting for the semester i'm already failiing

GUYS HELP!!! (Lil ramble) I lied....

schools hitting me with bricks! Jezz! Like really? 3rd day back and we're doing the fucking pacer!? Nuh uh! I don't think so! What do you all normally get? Bc I always get 11 or lower.... not even passing for a D.... yeah.... I have really bad physical health. I'm not fat tho I'm kinda like in the middle. Though I don't like that either I wish I was skinny like every other girl at my school. But also my mom says they have not ass or chest sooooooo.... I dunno how to feel about that. I also really hate my face. My mom says I have a baby face but I dunno. Are Boys into that? I've been called cute by boys before (like the fucking 1st day of MS) but I felt like that was a joke because all the boys are wannabe gangsters. Still I care too much about what other people think but that's just the way I grew up till now. Also my mom said I have abandonedment issues 💀 like... HUH!? I dunno how to feel about that. I asked why she thought that and she said "because you miss your friends too much (an unhealthy amount 🥰)" she also mentioned the fact of past friends before the ones I have now and the whole reason I don't have them as friends anymore. Honestly I think I grew up with a bunch of really bad friends, still I blame myself for being the reason they left. Okay I've gotta stop rn! It's 5:51 in the morning!! I've gotta "wake up" soon to go to school!! Okay bye! Love you all! (In a healthy way!) <3

school starts tomorrow!!

Lil catch up soooooooooo school starts tomorrow and it's currently hm... 14:12 at night I haven't gotten any sleep and at 6:30 I think the alarms go off so that i have ti get up and get dressed for school but I apparently didn't feel like sleep tonight. I honestly think I have insomnia or something. At least I get to see my super duper amazing friends at school! Ps I still didn't finish my essay!! Iykyk (I'm skewed imma get my ass beat and my phone taken away if my grades drop! But like all the teachers say at school! Some points are better than no points

Oh yeah! I also tried making cookies without actually knowing how. I figured that I'd figure it out during the process this is my cookie above all burnt I mean! Crispy and this is when my mom made hers (btw you didn't need to make the batter it was already mead cookie dough)

Vey nice Cosmo and Sprout would be proud! Of her obviously not me. I'm a failure!! :3

Extra Lil bits I like em :]

Alright besties.byeee!! And of course DONT FORGET IM WATCHING YOU!! oh! And to also Slay!! ✨️✨️💅💅

I can't believe this i lost another save 😭i swear the sims 4 hates meeeeee!

Mod management after an update is no joke

Just redid my blog again, you guys should check it out hehehe, once again its a w.i.p so keep that in mind ♡

Still fixing up my navigation page, I'm so glad everything seems to be working but I really need to learn how to organize better haha

switching from gshade to reshade made like 10/12 of my presets look better 😭 look at me solving my own problems LOL

you guys aren't going to believe it! I just wanted to play my game but apparently, my save for just desserts is corrupted and I deleted the backup thinking I didn't need it 💀

The urge to play a new challenge is strong but I'm already stalling with the ones I'm playing XD

The urge to play a new challenge is strong but I'm already stalling with the ones I'm playing XD

I've spent the past month trying to organize my CAS folder, mainly removing high-poly CC and organizing the folders by creators. I wish I had done this sooner. Also, I totally haven't been downloading more CC every day to avoid organizing, It's only making it take longer XD.

I'm in the middle of starting to building like my dream minecraft world, like with almost all those pretty building and decoration ideas from like pinterest but for the life of me, I can't figure out why my Nintendo Switch is so damn whiny. Like I'll have more then three add-ons and after like a hour or two it'll be having a hissy fit and kick me out of the game in total. >:{

Whatever really, I'll just have my boyfriend figure it out for me once I come to sleep at his place, we'll probably put our minecraft beds together >u<

We are also going to watch the minecraft movie as well so wish us luck^^

Anyways hope you all have a great day/night/afternoon now! Bye 👋

Yet another post about Leda

You know, its kind of funny, but I've been browsing ER fanfics and fancontent almost daily for a while now (pls help), and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of people just. do not want. to put Leda and the gang in their fanfics. The most out of all Miquella's followers I found was Ansbach with 68 fics on Ao3. Leda herself comes at second with 48 fics and the others just kind of fizzle out after that. By comparison, Messmer, another DLC character, already has 500 fics.

Now, I know that this in large part due to the Messmer horny. But still. There's been 1,372 fics released in the ER tag since the DLC released as of me writing this. That doesn't really explain it. A good explanation might be that souls fans like to dwell on the pre-canon lore era we don't get to see, but even then, I remain disappointed by the lack of Leda in those fics as well. I have read several Haligtree-or-adjacent-focused fics written post SotE and few of them feature Leda or the needle knights, which is honestly a shame because Miquella having his own order of knights (almost counterbalance to the cleanrots), is a very interesting idea, and I am starving for Leda interacting with literally any member of that cast, her whole deal is just so interesting. And its not like Miquella doesn't care about her and she's just a weird fanboy, he gave her a wholeass rune and shit.

"But OP," you might be asking, "why dont you just write your own fic then ?". And you see, that is an excellent point, but I am unfortunately a coward with no confidence in my writing skills. So instead, I decide to make this.

I hereby present :

My Leda facts/analysis/interpretation/theories collection !

I am making this mostly to gush about Leda to spark interest in her as a character and maybe give interested writers who have actual skill to use this to get some inspiration. By no means am I suggesting that this is a guide everyone should follow, this is mostly just my inane ramblings about a character i am obsessed with. Still, if it helps someone make something, that's a net positive in my book.

without further ado, let's get into it.

Part 1 : Miscellaneous Facts

Fact number 1 : Leda doesn't see grace (at least her character model implies so):

I don't remember where it was, but I remember seeing a post that had every SotE NPC's eye colour in it. And a cool thing about that was that only a few characters didn't have the grace of gold in their eyes. And I remember specifically getting to Leda, noble knight of Miquella, and finding out that her eyes do not have a single trace of gold in them. They are grey with a blood-red clouding.

And I just found that so interesting it made me make this post, because what does it mean ? How did she lose it ? Did she ever have it in the 1st place ? Some of you might be thinking it's because she follows Miquella and not the GO, but the funny part is that, again, most of the others have it !

Hornsent has it, Ansbach has it, Freyja has it, Ymir has it, Moore has it, even the fucking madding hand has it. So why doesnt Leda ? (this also goes for some of the other NPCs who don't have it but im not spinning them in my head like a microwave so too bad ig)

Fact number 2 : She definitely killed the other needle knights

Ok so I already talked about this somewhere but I don't remember where so let's just start over from the beginning. The description of the Retaliatory Crossed-Tree states there were once more Needle Knights but now there's only one left. Meanwhile, Leda's sword says it "still reeks with the stench of crusted blood that lingers from the cull of her knightly comrades". Love myself a good "can't wash away the blood" trope.

Anyways, I took those two facts together to mean that she killed the other Needle Knights and talked about it in that alleged prior conversation I mentioned, but someone else replied that her "knightly comrades" could very well mean Hornsent and Ansbach, whom she attempts to cull before you reach Enir-Ilim. And I wanted to disagree with that, but I didn't actually have any evidence except "it's funnier this way" so you know, fair's fair. Except ! No it isn't !

When you help kill Hornsent, she says this :

He never placed his full trust in me, even under the effect of Kindly Miquella's spell. He must've recognised something. The scent of the killer that slept within me. The stench of crusted blood.

Mind you, this is before killing Ansbach, and right after killing Hornsent. The crusted blood from the cull of her comrades cannot be theirs, meaning Leda did kill the other NKs.

Fact number 3 : She deadass just smells like blood the whole time we see her

As just stated, we have 2 items describing how Leda just smells like dried blood. This has endless comedic potential imo, hear me out :

You first meet this dignified, knightly woman in Mohgs arena. You don't notice anything wrong with her smell, because of course it smells like blood in here, have you seen the place ?

The next time you meet her is in Scadu Altus. You begin to think something does smell really bad here. It's still not her however, because the Hornsent and his canonically shitstained loincloth are standing like 10 meters away from you, likely overpowering the scent.

You only get to realize its her constantly smelling like blood after the charm is broken and Hornsent leaves, and that coincides perfectly with the reveal that she's just paranoid as fuck.

10/10 olfactive storytelling. I mostly just put this fact here in honor of that Bloodborne bosses ranked by smell post tbh, that shit lives rent-free in my brain.

Character analysis time ! This bit is more given to interpretation so feel free to disagree on this :

Shes really not that bloodthirsty you guys

Alright, so this one might be a bit surprising given we just went over the fact she smells like blood, but the popular interpretation of Leda doing this because she likes killing and shit is just dead wrong to me. I spoke about it before, but there are so many lines of dialogue that suggest otherwise. Hell, even the sword description says she tried her damnedest to get the blood to come off. Here are some of the most telling lines i found (from fextralife/the github with all the text from SotE) :

-Her describing herself as a "killer" in that line about hornsent and crusted blood earlier, she seems to be very blunt and honest about what she does, almost to a self-deprecating point.

-I know I shouldn't let myself... But I suppose it's only natural to feel the weight of one's deeds at times like these. There is plenty left to be done. And I will see to it. <- what else do i even add here

-I don't enjoy casting suspicion on anyone I've called a comrade. But it's a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things. We must eradicate all doubt...

-None can deny Sir Ansbach was truly a great man. We can be proud, that we were the last opponents he ever faced.

-Sir Ansbach must have considered it an honourable end, being felled by your hand. After all, the good fellow held you in the highest regard. When we speak of it, we may speak with pride—that we were Sir Ansbach's final adversaries

Those lines seem to be alternate versions of the dialogue you get after helping her kill Ansbach. And oh my fucking goodness gracious, i fucking love the second one. Like ghhhhhh, the grief for a comrade and the guilt and the self-justification and the need to move forward and theres somehow even more blood on her sword that she can't ever wash off but she can't stop here, she has to keep doing this because its not about her for her, its not about her feelings or her guilt its all just for the greater purpose shes reaching towards arghhh its so good.

There's also a notable throughline of her shutting her emotions down more and more as she goes, whether its to better do her job or to follow in miquella's footsteps :

-Unruly emotions only lead to misfortune. All the more reason we need someone like Miquella the Kind.

-Man is a compassionate animal, for better or worse.

-So be it. If you insist upon facing Miquella the Kind, Then I will run you through, whoever you might be.

-A single betrayal, enough to turn the tides… Unfortunate, but I will leave you be, for now. 

-I expected things to end differently with you. What a pity

-I suppose it was Sir Ansbach who won you over. Fine. One more heart for my blade to skewer.

Side Note : Those three last ones also read like shes really salty about being betrayed, and that's really juicy because it feels like she trusted you. She trusted you a lot more than most of the others, so it really stings quite a bit to learn you were lying the entire time.

All in all, it really does feel like she has to shut herself down to be a better knight, a more efficient tool for Miquella to wield. It's also quite tragic because she seems to be a compassionate person at heart, she welcomes you into the club, she constantly tries to understand the reasonings for other people's actions, and she tries to find ways to let those she suspects off the hook :

-The hornsent, hmm. On one hand, he trusts Miquella the Kind to bring salvation to his people. With the enchantment lifted, his vengeful passions may once again ignite, but surely he'd be mindful of Kindly Miquella's promise... <- this reads like her trying to convince herself she doesn't have to kill him

It's also very interesting because despite that, she really doesn't seem to be much of a people person :

-But for this very reason, Thiollier is incapable of betrayal. St. Trina's love for Kind Miquella is boundless. She is, after all, his other half. Or perhaps her feelings go beyond even that. Even if she was left behind, I doubt her heart would waver. <- she's just deadass wrong about Thiollier and St Trina

-If you don't meet her before the charm breaks, she does a really awkward introduction and then immediately starts infodumping about her crippling paranoia and zealotry

-Ansbach straight up just tells you : So, you've taken Lady Leda's side. I'm glad she stands with an ally. She tends to overestimate the burden she might carry alone. This is straight up just "oh nice, you finally made a friend, im so glad for you". This implies that Ansbach didn't believe Leda really had anyone on her side before then, and she kinda doesn't tbh. No one is really here because of Leda in the final battle, Dane is here for Miquella, Freyja is here for Radahn, Moore is here to cope with existence, and Hornsent just has an (understandable) hate boner for everything Golden Order. She doesn't really have any friends.

(Also shoutout to Ansbach for being concerned about the people trying to kill him, he really is the goat fr. Also: I've utterly failed you both... No wait grandpa its not your fault im so sorry)

--the funniest moment in the DLC imo : I've come to a realisation... There's ample evidence... Without Kindly Miquella's influence... I'm quite mistrustful of others...

Ah yes of course, the trust issues. Where do I even start.

This woman has nothing but contempt for mankind as a species. She is, as stated earlier, compassionate and tries to be nice to people but she constantly assumes the worst of everyone as a reflex. Her trying to find a way not to kill Hornsent is only because she wholeheartedly believe he will be the worst version of himself as a baseline, and thus thinks of him as a threat who must be dealt with.

-I'm afraid Sir Ansbach will have to be next. He claims he hasn't the spirit to take up his sword again, But in his day, he was the feared commander of the Pureblood Knights, who cleaved open Miquella the Kind with his blood blade. But I doubt it'll be very long... Before he recalls, as I have, the cascading sheets of blood. <- no trust at all

-her dialogue about you "turning on her" also feel like she's resigned about it, like someone who came in expecting failure and was still disappointed, like why did i even try, i should really know better.

-That aside, man is by nature a creature of conquest. They were never saints. They just happened to be on the losing side of a war. <- the classic. What else needs to be said. These are the words of someone who takes war, violence and hatred as a given.

And that leads me to my next point. I think Leda has had a very violent life overall. Some of the shit she says sounds too specific to just be a generalisation:

-But vengeance changes a man.

-Unruly emotions only lead to misfortune.

-Before he recalls, as I have, the cascading sheets of blood.

-One more heart for my blade to skewer.  

-The scent of the killer that slept within me.

This all sounds like she's talking from experience, and there's also her skills as a knight : she has the highest hp pools of the gank squad and can 2-3 shot most players. I know gameplay =/=lore but Freyja respects the hell out of her: Lady Leda and honourable Ansbach are of a special breed.

It's a very interesting combination of an extremely skilled knight who is very good at killing, has presumably been living a very violent existence and who trusts no one but herself, but who also hates having to kill and feels really guilty about it, despite having to do it for the sake of her cause.

And I believe that is the crux of her purpose, and why she is going through so much to fulfill it at any cost:

Leda believes intelligent beings are inherently flawed , and can never be trusted to do anything but make each other suffer. Leda is tired of inflicting and receiving violence, and sees little purpose in seeing the good in others. Leda would have probably made a terrific Lord of Frenzied Flame with how little hope she has.

But instead, she found Miquella. Miquella, who dreams of an age of compassion and who is in a position to achieve it, Miquella, who was raised in an order built and maintained through violence and grew to abhor it. Miquella, who Leda probably sees herself in, who Leda trusts blindly and unconditionally, for whom Leda is ready to commit any atrocity, no matter how it makes her feel, because he is her lifeline. He is her very last hope, the only solution short of complete annihilation she can see for mankind to reach pace.

So what if that peace is forced, is all of this suffering truly worth what little free will we can exert onto our world ? Leda has seen what mankind does with its free will, and she is tired of it.

She doesn't care if she lives to see it, she doesn't care if she has to kill every last part of herself in order for the world to see peace. No one will miss her anyway, she's nothing but a blood-soaked murderer. It doesn't matter if she likes these people, friendship and trust aren't worth all this senseless violence.

So she'll keep killing and killing and culling, until her blade is dull with crusted blood and every last obstacle to Miquella's age of compassion is gone. That's what a Needle knight does, is it not ? Kindly Miquella fashioned us as his needles to quell all, to ward away all.

And if Miquella doesn't understand her, it doesn't matter. He's far too good to understand the sacrifices necessary. She'll do what he can't. The other needle knights did not understand this, they were too naive to do what has to be done, so they were a liability. Don't think about their betrayed looks of terror, don't think about the cloying stench of blood sticking to your footsteps, this is your burden, this is what you deserve. You already knew you couldn't trust anyone, why would this be different ?

If Miquella must cast away parts of his very being to have this world then so can you. So sever that part of yourself that says you should be nice, that you should trust those willing to help, it only makes things worse. It will all be worth it in the end.

Phew, i kind of went apeshit while writing that last part. I hadn't really planned all that honestly.

To conclude this essay, I'd like to point out a really fun parallel to draw here. In this analysis, I have described my interpretation of Leda as a very skilled self-loathing blood-soaked knight who is tired of their endless crusade and yet is endlessly pushed forward by their utter devotion to their god, their salvation made flesh, whom they will shield for the atrocities committed in their name by being the sole person to blame. If that doesnt remind you of Messmer, then i think ill just curl up into a ball and yell very loudly.

Thanks for reading till the end of this absolutely nightmarishly long ramble, let me know if you liked it ! And don't hesitate to send any Leda fics you find or write along the way !