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Somethings Never Change, Feelings Never Fade 3/4

Author note: So after going back and forth with myself, I decided to make this a 4 parter just because things were getting a bit tedious and convoluted. So enjoy this next chapter! It's SFW, smut will be in part 4.

Word count: 6.1K

TW: blood, death, murder, swearing

Part 3: Somethings lost, somethings found

“You know out of all the habits you could have picked up from Cid… smoking?” Jill laughs patting my shoulder as we lounge about on the bench in Cid’s office waiting for Clive and Cid to return. Pulling the cigar from my lips, I stick my tongue out at her as she rolls her eyes. Another day of her scolding.

“Better smoking than being reckless? Or how about being sarcastic? I think this is the least harmful… I think.”

She throws her hands up in mock defeat laughing as I continue, “Maybe my bad habit would quell if you lot weren’t always throwing yourselves into danger at the drop of a whim.”

“It’s what we must do,” a gruff voice from the doorway states.

“Like fuck all.” I grumble while taking another puff of the cigar, much to the chagrin of Clive, while Cid chuckles from behind him. In a few quick strides he makes it across the room and promptly plucks the cigar from my lips and drops it to the ground, immediately stomping it out.

“You sound like Gav… and have we not spoken about this habit of yours?” He chastises as Jill folds her arms across her chest nodding in agreement.

“Maybe so but isn’t the real culprit Cid? I am his ward after all,” I casually throw out with a shrug of my shoulders.

Letting out a hearty laugh, Cid rounds his desk before tsk-ing at my admission, “Had I known you would be this quick to throw me to the wolves, our first meeting in Northreach may have been different.”

I roll my eyes before standing up to make my way to Cid’s desk as Jill and Clive gather around as well, “Speaking of Northreach… you all will be leaving soon, yeah?” Nodding with a deep sigh, Cid looks to me and sees the worry creeping into my eyes.

Cid was never one to hesitate or even feel regret for his actions but I could tell that there was some sense of unease “We’ve had this conversation before-”

“I know- but this is basically a suicide mission and you expect me to stay here?” I lament feeling my chest tighten, “If something were to happen and I can’t be there to help-”

“Kadenza. You will wait here with everyone.” Cid firmly states as he lights a cigar.

I feel my shoulders trembling and tears welling in my eyes. I was terrified knowing that the three people I cared about so dearly were essentially marching to their potential deathbeds. Of course they are fearsome warriors and dominants, nonetheless, but destroying a Mothercrsytal? This isn’t any ordinary foe. I knew for years that this is what Cid intended to do but a selfish part of me wished that he would let it go. The world has been so cruel to many of us so why should he save it?

Feeling a firm hand on my shoulder, I notice Clive standing to the left of me and Jill on my right. Everyone’s eyes were on me.

Placing my hand atop Clives, I look back to Cid, “My heart is filled with unease. I know you are all more than capable but-”

“We will come back to you,” Jill reassures while turning me to face her and clasp my hands in hers, “Metia has guided us to each other once and she will do so once more. Please wait here safely.”

I nod weakly, unable to look her in the eyes for fear that I may cry, “I’ve grown up yet I still feel like that little girl hiding in that crate. I wish there was more I could do besides stay here. It would settle my heart knowing that I could be with you.”

Jill pulls me into a tight hug and pats my hair reassuringly, “I am so sorry for leaving you that night but I promise, I will return this time. We all will, so please be patient and believe in us.”

There's a familiar pressure on my shoulder as it is squeezed gently. Pulling away from the warmth of Jill’s hug, I glanced back to see Clive with a comforting smile on his face, “You were always one to wear your heart on your sleeves but put your heart at ease… We will return without fail.”

I return his smile before looking back to Cid, “I trust you, all of you. Don’t make me regret it..” Cid puts out his cigar then stands to his feet as he reaches over to ruffle my hair like he did when we first met.

Cid chuckles, “Of course, m’lady.”

-

“Kadenza!” Tarja yells from the entryway of the infirmary as a soldier attempts to plunge his blade into my chest. 

I nearly dodge and pull my dagger from my thigh holster and lodge it into his abdomen. The man lets out a blood curdling scream and kicks me to the floor by my chest. Wheezing in pain, I attempt to escape as he grabs my hair but he’s not fast enough in finishing the job. Faster than I can process, Tarja swiftly rushes the man and rips my dagger from his stomach. The action causes blood to splatter on my face as she goes in for the kill and slices his neck. Gurgling out a pained groan, the man drops to his knees and crashes to the floor. The horrific sight makes bile rise in the back of my throat and I lurch forward emptying the contents of my stomach. I’m on my knees, coughing and spluttering. Doing my hardest to steady my breaths, I feel myself nearly hyperventilating as I manically wipe at the blood on my face.

There’s s-so much…

“Kadenza! Get up!” She barked, yanking me to my feet by my upper arm, “We have to find Gav and get out of here!”

Still dizzy from the adrenaline rushing through me I can only nod and follow Tarja out of the infirmary but panic at the realization of my missing dagger.“Tarja! My dagger!” 

Trying to pull out of her grasp, she only tightens her grip before grabbing me by my shoulders,“We’ll get you another one! Let’s go!”

No. That’s all I have left of him.

“No! I can’t! Please… that's all I have left of him…” I plead.

Her furrowed brows slowly turn upward in concern. The stern gaze fades away, replaced with remorse, realizing what she implied. She releases a deep sigh before pushing me back to the infirmary, “Be swift. I’ll look out.”

I make my way back to the infirmary and am once again met with the horrific sight of the deceased soldier. Moving closer to the body I do my best to not retch at the sight. My dagger is lying about a foot away but is drenched in blood. Hesitantly I reach my hand out to retrieve the small blade and immediately feel chills run down my spine. The thick dark liquid was still warm to touch. I shutter and do my best to not vomit once more as I wipe the blade down and place it back in the holster around my thigh. Standing up on shaky legs, I stumble back a little, I take in the bloody scene in all its horror.

“Kadenza!” Tarja calls from the hallway. 

“C-Coming…” I slowly take a few steps back before turning my back. I haven’t seen this much carnage since…

No… Now's not the time.

Returning to Tarja, I gave her a swift nod and we’re off again down the hall. The closer we get to the stairs leading to the Great Hall, the louder the cries of terror grow. The tightness in my chest returns and once again anxiety is licking through my veins like fire as we make it to the top of the stairs and take in the sight before us. I could feel my blood run cold and my body felt as though a million pins were pushing into me.

“No… no no no no. Not again.” I whisper watching the residents of the Hideaway being slaughtered in cold blood. My heart is thrumming in my ears as I watch paralyzed in place. 

Fire. Blood. Screaming.

Before I realize, I’m on the ground shrieking… My senses are completely overwhelmed. My chest aching from how hard my heart was pounding. My fists bloody from slamming against the ground. All I could do in the moment was shriek in anguish, the whole of my body trembling violently.

The night that I spent so many years trying to move on from. The night that replayed in my head whether consciously or subconsciously. The night that lived in my dreams… a harsh reminder of how I ended up here. That night 13 years ago was happening again.

I can hardly process the person in front of me.

-

“Kadenza stand up!” Tarja calls as she roughly shakes the young woman in front of her.

“Kadenza please! We need to go!” Tarja calls but Kadenza remains unresponsive. Knowing that the situation was too dire to stay in one spot, Tarja once again heaves the woman up by her arm and wraps an arm around her waist before guiding her down the hall to where she had seen Gav run off to, “Come on Enza, please you have to work with me!” She begs as she lugs the woman along with her. Tarja knew better than anyone the torments of Enza’s past and prayed that one day she could heal from it.

Kadenza had a habit of falling into depressive episodes that Tarja became all too familiar with but she had never seen her in this state. Unresponsive and nearly petrified. It pangs Tarja’s heart yet she knows that regardless of her emotional and mental state, they needed to leave as soon as possible.

Finally happening upon Cid’s office Tarja calls out to Gav as she does her best to support the woman leaning on her, “Gav we’ve got to go!” She shouts, looking around making sure no one was coming.

Stumbling to Cid’s desk, Gav reaches down to grab a crystal that had fallen on the floor, “Not without this!” Tarja notices the blood on Gav’s face as he stumbles forward. Knowing that he was behind her, she gripped tighter on to Kadenza’s waist as they make their escape. Not too far ahead was Cole and a few other escapees making a run for it. Noticing Gav’s bloodied eye and him stumbling, Cole reaches to support Gav.

“Cole!” Tarja calls as she follows the others outside of the ruin, “What the hell is happening?”

Helping Gav along, Cole grunts, feeling the excretion wearing on his body, “It’s Kupka! These are his troops!”

“Shit! How did he find us?” She questions more to herself but nearly tumbles to the ground with Kadenza in tow as she feels the ground begins to quiver under a massive weight. A massive form erupts from behind the ruins and a paralyzing sound of a thunderous roar rips through the air.

Titan.

Large chunks of rock and debris rain down from the sky causing everyone to backpedal and find another way to escape unscathed. Holding on to Kadenza, Tarja is just as shocked as Gav as he pushes Cole away. They both stare in awe watching as Titan slams his fist down.

“Fuck me!” Gav bellows watching the Eikon beat down their only home, “Where the hell are you, Cid?” He calls out in desperation with Tarja right beside him, too shocked to even process his words.

“Where the hell are you?” He says once more in disbelief right as Tarja snaps back to her senses.

“Gav! Let’s go! We need to get away- please help me with Kadenza!” She pleads, feeling her grip slacken around the woman’s waist. Turning back to the two women, Gav finally realizes the glossed over look in Kadenza’s eyes. As much as he wanted to ask what happened, he knew now was not the time. They needed to get to safety. He reaches for the woman and scoops her into his arms as they all make a run for it.

—

5 years later

“Thank you Cole… You didn’t have to travel back with me. I could have made it on my own.”

“And evoke Martha’s wrath? I’d rather not.”

“Well… You’re not wrong but with all the soldiers wandering around, Martha definitely needs you more than I do.”

He shrugs his shoulders dismissively, “Well we’re already here so if I’m needed or not doesn’t matter right now.” I let out a little chuckle feeling him tense up as he pulled the reins on his chocobo,signaling it to stop. Letting out a squawk, the giant bird comes to a stop then proceeds to nestle down on the ground comfortably. With the chocobo at ease, Cole releases the reins while I remove my arms from his waist. He dismounts first before reaching back to help me down. 

“Good boy,” I coo, feeding the bird a handful of gysahl greens and gingerly petting the top of its head. The chocobo chirps as it nuzzles its head into my hand. “Obolus should be here soon.” I say offhandedly as Cole walks to the deck. Turning to face him, I see one of his hands raised above his eyes, shielding them from the sun as he looks off into the horizon.

“I will wait with you here until you board… Ah there he is!” Cole says, intently watching the boat lazily sail forward.

Placing a kiss on the chocobo’s bill, I feed it one more handful of greens before joining Cole on the deck, “Hmm.. taking his time today?” 

Letting out an amused chuckle, he looks to me shaking his head, “Don’t let the grumpy bastard hear you, he might just sail away.” I nearly choke as I try to hide my laughter as Obolus nears the dock. As usual, his hood is shrouding most of his face but I can still see the grimace etched on his face.

“Obolus! Why the face?” I call out once his boat approaches the dock. Ignoring me, he secures the boat to the dock before carefully stepping up to joining myself and Cole.

“Enjoy the ride back,” Cole whispers in my ear as Obolus shoots us a glare.

“I may be aging but my ear is as sharp as ever.” Obolus flatly says as Cole shrinks back with a nervous chuckle before waving bye and jogging off to his chocobo. “Now girl, are you going to stand there all day or shall we head back.”

A little chuckle leaves my lips as I make my way towards the boat, “It’s good to see you too, Obolus. Anything new since I’ve been away?” Carefully lowering myself into the boat, I take the seat that’s nearest to him and watch as he makes his way back into the boat, working to undock us. He reaches to pick up the large oar from the crutch and pushes off the bank underneath the dock and we’re sent sailing back in the direction he came, “Aye. I’m sure you’ve heard Midadol causing havoc at the Hideaway for a weeks before returning to Kanver… noisy little thing.”

“Yeah… Clive told me the last time he stopped by. Poor thing seemed burnt out from running all over Valisthea for whatever Mid was building.” I laugh, reaching over the edge to dip my hands in the cool water. “I also received a stolas nearly a week ago… he said he and Jill were headed to Twinside.”

Grunting in agreement, he lays the oar down and secures it to the crutch then reaches for the tiller, guiding us along the dark lake. Chewing on my lower lip, I look to Obolus anxiously, “Have they returned?” 

He nods as he looks out towards the open water, making sure to navigate us in the right direction “A day or so ago.”

Perking up at the news, I feel the tension in my shoulders dissipate. I smile to myself as I direct my attention towards the rolling water beneath us. I watch as small ripples form from where the bow of the boat gracefully cuts through the water. For a few months I had been at Martha’s side, helping to heal the residents after the last attack from the Imperials. The Black Shields wreaked havoc among the villagers, destroying shops, cutting down innocents who were doing their best to avoid their wrath. But it was mostly for naught. Many people died and while others were left injured. Without hesitation I volunteered to go stay with the village for a while in order to help the injured, luckily with no objection from Clive. I had been there for nearly a fortnight when Clive and Jill returned along with a face I hadn’t seen in years, Sir Wade. And with him came the Guardians of the Flame who stuck around to help us recover. And much to my surprise, Lord Byron, who had been funding the Guardians of the Flame, offered to help support us monetarily. 

“That’s good to hear…” I say softly, smiling fondly to myself.

The rest of the ride was made in silence, Obolus guiding across the dark body of water while I gazed ahead enjoying the cool breeze of the wind bouncing along the gentle tides. Although it was only a few months, I had missed the hustle and bustle of the Hideaway and I’m pretty sure Tarja had her hands full without me. I had been drowning on my own taking care of the villagers, so I could only imagine how it was going for her without me… not that she couldn’t manage on her own but the tasks were less cumbersome with a second set of hands.

After nearly an hour of sailing, the Hideaway becomes visible the closer we move through the desolate waters. The scenery, all too familiar with scattered parts of ruin and airship debris littering the area. 

Home.

Excitingly my leg bounces in anticipation the closer we get to the dock which leads to a mild scolding from Obolus. Something about the movement being aggravating and that I needed to settle down but I ignored it as I swiftly stood to my feet. Before even having the chance to dock the boat, I’m hauling myself over the edge of the boat up to the dock.

“Are ya attempting to injure yourself, girl?! Be more cautious!” Obolus admonishes much to my dismal as I run across the pier to make my way towards the lift. “What about my pay brat?”

Laughing giddily, I pull the lever to start the lift and wave to Obolus as it sets off, “Get it from Otto!” I can hear him swearing as the lift ascends but I really couldn’t be bothered, I was too excited to be back. Once the lift arrives at the boarding deck, I swiftly make haste to Clive’s chamber, hoping that I’d see him and Jill there. Weaving my way past all the residents, I’m greeted with various hellos and acknowledgements of my return.

“Clive!” I call making it to his chambers before swinging the doors open taking him by surprise as I crash into his broad chest.

“Ah Kadenza-” He grunts out and pulls me from his chest as I look up at him sheepishly.

“Sorry! I’m just too happy to be back, even more so that you all came back unscathed.” He chuckles and leads me back to his room where Jill waits with her arms open, “Jill!”

We both laugh as we embrace each other, “Made it back, yes. Unscathed? Not so much” She jests, pulling back from the hug, “It’s good to see you in high spirits.”

“Well, I did get to enjoy a good pint and a smoke every evening without being pestered,” I reply mischievously, getting a disapproving grunt from Clive, “ And- everyone’s doing much better in the village. We even managed to bring in more bearers to aid, so it was time well spent. How did everything go in Twinside? Did you destroy the Mothercrystal?”

Sharing a hesitant glance between each other, Clive and Jill look back to me, “Is there a problem?” I question, feeling uneasiness settle into the pit of my stomach. Jill looks to Clive expectantly and he nods as the two have a silent conversation with their eyes before returning their gaze to me.

“Kadenza…” Clive reaches for my shoulders and firmly squeezes them, “Joshua is here.”

I feel my mind go blank and my heart wrenches in my chest. I can’t tell if it’s from anxiety or excitement but I feel dizzy almost.

“Kadenza?” Jill questions wearily. 

Still frozen in place, my mind and heart work in tandem piecing together emotions that I had buried for years. When Clive had first told me that he believed Joshua was alive was right after their return from Drake’s Head. Cid was gone and the Hideaway destroyed. Hearing Clive speak about Joshua possibly being alive was too much and so I brushed him off and never spoke of it again, forcing myself to believe that his mind was conjuring up apparitions in his state of grief. But now as I stand here, finally receiving the confirmation I had longed for for so long I didn’t know how to digest such a blessing in this grim reality.

Clive drops a hand from my shoulder and the other moves to my cheek wiping away a single tear, “Kadenza, I-”

“Where… where is he?” I questioned, closing my eyes to focus on the wild thrumming of my heart. Without even looking, I know he was hesitating to tell me. Something was wrong. Opening my eyes, I stare into the depths of Clive’s cerulean blue eyes, searching for an answer. “Clive…”

Feeling his resolve crumble he looks toward the door before mumbling ‘Infirmary’ under his breath but still loud enough for me to catch it. Without a second thought, I’m barreling through the doors of his chambers down the stairs as I rush across the Hideaway. In my haste I dash past Otto, ignoring his greetings and hastily climb the stairs to the infirmary, nearly falling as I barely missed a step. Roughly shoving the door open, I can know that I’ve startled Tarja as her shoulders jolted in surprise from where she stood over a man in white.

“Kadenza! Have you gone mad?” She admonishes but I ignore her, focusing on the man in the bed behind her. 

She notices where my gaze trails off to, “Are you alright?” She whispers slowly coming towards me but again I ignore her. Brushing past her, I slowly make my way towards the man who lay unconscious. Carefully kneeling down beside the man, I reach for his hand clasping it gingerly between my own hands. I take in his features that were familiar yet so very different from the boy I knew in my past life. Features that were once camouflaged by plump cheeks and boyish features were now more defined. Defined jawline and nose, sharper brows hidden under a longer fringe of bangs, and full lips… Over the years, watching myself age, I had always wondered what kind of man Joshua would grow into. 

Would he be tall? Maybe have facial hair like the Archduke? Would he allow his hair to grow? 

Those kinds of thoughts would cross my mind at night as I fiddled with the age-old dagger he had gifted to me before drifting off to sleep… But now… as he lays here in front of me, none of that mattered. Holding his hand tightly I bring it to my lips, as I place a gentle kiss on his bruised knuckles, “Joshua… it really is you. My dearest friend… you’re here.” 

I hear shuffling behind me before a gentle hand is pulling me close. Still holding onto his hand I look up to Tarja, vision clouded in tears, “Tarja… my friend… my dearest friend is here.” I try to smile but my lips won’t stop trembling, “He’s alive.”

Kneeling down, Tarja pulls me to her chest as a violent shudder crawls up my spine and a loud hiccupped sob leaves my lips. Releasing Joshua’s hand I throw my arms around Tarja, allowing years worth of pain to finally pour from every fiber of my being. 

-

From the day I reunited with Joshua, Tarja allowed him to be moved to a private room in the barracks where I could take care of him and be around as much as possible without disturbing the other residents who came to the infirmary. The room was simple with a single bed pushed in a corner, a small chest at its side along with a random chair but at my request Gav and Clive brought up a table into the room, placing it close to the balcony, along with another a chair. I used that area to pestle more medicine and organize all my supplies to care for Joshua. When all was settled Tarja helped me bathe him and assisted me in redressing him in a fresh tunic and trousers provided by Hortense. No one really bothered me as I stayed by his side, even Tarja gave us space and worked in the infirmary alone taking care of Bahamut and the other residents.

Dousing a cloth in cool water placed atop the chest nearest to the bed I pull the cloth out then wring it until it’s dry before returning to his bedside, carefully sitting on the edge. Gently blotting at the sweat collecting on his forehead and chest, I feel a small pout forming on my lips. He had over exerted himself in his fight against Bahamut and his body was paying the price. The rosy skin that I remember from childhood was flushed and pale. His skin was hot to the touch and lips chapped, mostly from dehydration. He had been unconscious since the day I returned but every so often would stir awake mostly speaking in nonsensical ramblings, delirious from a fever. The moments wouldn’t last long before he was falling back into unconsciousness however; fortunately for me, I was able to enjoy these small moments listening to the low tenor of his voice slur in speech as he attempted to make sense of the stream of thoughts coursing through his mind. Today was no different.

“You… you seem familiar,” He rasps, doing his best to focus his gaze, “...like her…” I can’t help the small laugh that leaves my lips watching as he does his best to concentrate on my features but the fever makes him too delirious. He lets out a huff as he closes his eyes doing his best to fight the fog clouding his mind but based on the furrowing of his brows it’s a losing battle, “Why does my heart ache so?”

Reaching forward to brush his fringe from his forehead, I’m startled as I feel his hand grasp mine. It’s warm and clammy but the grip he has on my hand is firm… comforting. He guides my hand to his cheek as a lazy smile graces his lips as his eyebrows slowly relax, “my most precious…” He trails off falling into a light slumber, the smile never leaving his lips.

The hold on my hand slackens as it slowly falls to the side, resting by his head. I lean across him to lay his arm back by his side. I shake my head gently and do my best to bite back the smile that had my heart fluttering while readjusting his body to a more comfortable position. Slightly leaning back to settle myself beside him I can’t help but stop to admire the peaceful expression adorning his face.

“Am I… am I that precious to you?” I murmur as I bring my hand back to caress his cheek, gently soothing my thumb over the apple of his cheek. “Was there a version of me that lived on in your heart?” He shifts a little in his sleep, allowing his cheek to rest comfortably in my hand as he nuzzles closer.

Wistfully taking in his presence, I can’t help the deep sigh that leaves my lips, “You’re so close yet so far… return to me, Joshua. I can’t bear another moment without you.” Lowering myself to the bed, I do my best to lay comfortably along his side while moving my hand from his cheek to his heart. Curling up as close as I can, I listen to the rhythmic thrum of his heart and the steady sound of his breathing. With the little light left in the day peaking through the balcony of his room, I felt myself falling into a light sleep.

-

The steady thrum I fell asleep to seemed more erratic in my drowsy state as a firm warmth surrounded me. The source shudders with every inhale and exhale, and the soft sounds of weeping. Finally allowing my eyes to flutter open, they’re met with rosy sun kissed skin peeking out from white fabric. 

Still in a state of confusion and fogginess, I do my best to pull away to take in what the source of the commotion was but am firmly held in place,“...what?”

“My most precious…” 

A violent chill runs up my spine when I recognize the voice, “Joshua!?”

His gently weeping subsides as he pulls back from the embrace he had me in where one of his hands was on the nape of my neck and another arm wound tightly around my waist. He studies my face as fresh tears stream down his face, “It is you…” 

He pulls me in gently resting his chin on the crown of my head as another shuttered breath rips through him, “Countless nights, chasing the phantom of your existence…. Nevermore… you’re here.” 

“You… you never forgot about me?” I mutter against his chest, feeling the familiar pin pricks of emotions welling up again.

“Not for a single moment, my dearest friend. You were always my most precious.” He whispers into my hair. My heart feels as if it would escape my chest with how hard it knocked against my breast. With how close he held me I knew he could feel it, yet he never said anything as we remained frozen in that moment.

-

“You’ve grown tall. Handsome even.” I tease looking over my shoulder from where I’m standing at the table. 

“And without the aid of carrots, “ He muses from the bed with a smug smirk playing at the corner of his lips. His fever was down considerably but I could tell that fatigue still lingered in his bones as he rested his back against the wall behind his bed. Rolling my eyes, I can’t help but snort at the admission and return to my work to grind up herbs. He may look mature but I guess there were still qualities that hadn’t grown with him. 

“My lady?” He calls from his place on the bed.

I laugh again at the formality,“Still not a lady.”

Peeking over my shoulder I see him raise fist to his mouth coughing awkwardly, searching for another way to address me, “My Shield?” 

Shaking my head, I put down my mortar and pestle with a giggle. Facing him, I notice the amused grin gracing his features. Huffing out a sigh, sauntering up to the end bed before flopping down to stare up at the ceiling, “Unfortunately no… turns out that I’m not quite cut out for battle.” I muse thinking back to my dream of once being a Rosarian Shield, “...that resolve escaped me long ago.”

There’s a brief silence, as I feel the bed shift beside me. Looking to my left, Joshua is laid beside me facing the opposite direction as he stares up at the ceiling, “Our circumstances have been quite unfortunate.”

Sucking my teeth, I can’t help the grimace adorning my face,“Unfortunate is a bit too gentle of a word, no?” 

Joshua chuckles as he turns his head to the side to look at me. I mirror his action as we lay in silence reveling in each other’s presence. Two childhood friends torn apart by unforeseeable circumstances but miraculously brought together by divine intervention, as if the Founders had been listening in on my prayers all these years.

Breaking the silence first, Joshua moves closer to me, “You’ve become quite the healer… Truthfully, it suits you.”

Feeling heat creep up my neck, I quickly avert my gaze to the ceiling “You think so?” 

He releases a sigh but keeps his attention on me, “I’ve missed you.”

Swallowing the thick lump in my throat, I keep my eyes locked on the ceiling above me as I do my best not to crack under the piercing stare of his sapphire eyes, “And I you.”

“Your aversion to me says otherwise… what ales you?” His voice somber.

Closing my eyes thoughtfully, I inhale deeply and hold it in for a few moments before exhaling. My mind replaying moments of our childhood together. Whenever I felt alone, he was always there beside me. Even with the heavy burden of being the Phoenix and future Archduke of Rosaria, he always made space for me to be in his orbit. My trusted friend and confidant. I would never be of noble blood and would never have the ability to stand by his side… Even so, I knew I could find pride whether I stood firmly behind him as a maid or confidently in front as a shield, I was thankful for a place in his life… yet, after years of mourning him and the friendship we had I always came to the same conclusion. My heart only ached like this because I adored him. And for years my mind had been tormented over the fact that no matter how hard I tried to root out his presence from my heart, my love for him only seemed to blossom like wyvern tails. The  deep rooted pining in my chest only longed more for his presence.

“It is you that ails me.” I finally mutter shifting to lay on my side and face him head on. He winces at my words but allows me to continue, “Do you not realize that I’ve always adored you? When you look at me like that… It sets my heart ablaze.”

Once again silence fills the space between us as we observe each other, neither one of us moving. The air felt tense and the silence was deafening, as I searched his eyes for an answer. His unchanging expression was hard to read and that only fueled the humiliation that was simmering in the pit of my stomach. Still unwavering, he turns on his back to face the ceiling and I can’t help but feel dejected.

“I-I’m sorry-”

“May I tell you of a girl whom I loved?” I feel my heart still, the question like a dagger lodging itself deep into my chest. I didn’t know how to respond so I closed my eyes and listened.

“My father always looked on with pity when it came to her… ‘An unfortunate thing’ he would say. She had no recollection of her age, forgotten surname, and, unfortunately, was orphaned. My mother held much contempt for the girl…” He recalls somberly before continuing, “However, to me… she was my dearest, most treasured friend.”

Ba-thump Ba-thump

“A myriad of our days were spent holed up in the Duchy’s library receiving lessons after being scolded for arriving late.” A low rumble of a chuckle leaves his lips, “When free of responsibility, we would sneak away to play in the gardens. Always the same game. Princess and the knight, yet, somehow… I never had the chance to be the knight.”

Ba-thump Ba-thump

“She loved flowers… chrysanthemums mostly. She eagerly awaited them every year, albeit she’d never admit to it… So I would leave a few outside her chamber and wait for her to retrieve them.”

Ba-thump Ba-thump

“The last time I saw her… I’d given her a dagger. I even had her initials engraved. Foolishly, I convinced myself that it was only a gift between friends. But with the passage of time and maturing, I realized it was more that my younger self had not quite grasped. It was love. Pure unadulterated adoration in its truest sense.”

Eyes still closed, I feel a shift on the bed and the warmth of his presence closer than before as his breath fans against my lips. Yet again I’m chewing my lower lip out of nerves before peeking an eye open, only to be met with his deep gaze.

“Do you still love her?”

Closing the gap between us, he presses a tender kiss to my forehead as I sheepishly screw my eyes shut. “How could I not?” He murmurs against my skin.

Somethings Never Change, Feelings Never Fade 2/?

Word count: 1.9K

TW: mentions death, smoking

Part 2: All things come in due time

The Hideaway

It’s been five years since that fateful day that I joined Cid. I was quite surprised when I had realized that Isabelle had been planning for me to join Cid all along. He had known about me for quite some time and was only waiting on my coming of age to take me under his wing. From there he trained me daily in combat but much to my dismay it seemed my talent lay more in medicine. I knew just enough combat to be a competent fighter but he thought it best I become an apprentice to his healer, Tarja. However, in certain instances he would allow me to scout alongside his right hand Gav, an incredible man with a knack for literally sniffing out leads but most of my days were spent with Tarja. Not to mention, being around Cid and Gav had me develop some unsavory habits which earned a daily admonishment from Tarja.

“Must you smoke in here?” Tarja chides sardonically.

“Apologies but if I’m not allowed at least one teensy pint of ale to soothe my frustrations then surely a quick smoke can suffice.” I grumble, pulling the cigar from my lips and putting it out immediately in an ashtray.

Groaning in slight agitation, she grabs the bridge of her nose to gently massage it. “Believe you me, I would love a drink but who knows what will be waiting for us when Cid returns.”

I sigh at her words, still fatigued from working overnight due to the crowd of bearers Cid had brought in the night prior. Tarja and I hadn’t slept a wink and the nerves were starting to get to me. I felt myself becoming more disgruntled with the lack of sleep. Sitting down on one of the beds, I place my elbows on my knees and hang my head.

“Ugh Tarja… Can I at least take a quick nap? If I can’t have a drink or smoke please let me rest for five minutes.” I whine as I look up to her with pleading eyes and a slight pout.

Caving in, she came to stand in front of me patting my head, “Fine, fine. I’ll wake you in five minutes. No more, no less.”

“Ah heavens above! You’re so good to me,” I beam as I hug her around the waist. She chuckles at my childness then pulls away as she pushes her hand against my forehead.

“Lay down before I change my mind.” She huffs as I swing my legs on to the bed and fall back onto the pillow with my hands behind my head. “I will wake you in five minutes.”

I nod my head lazily allowing the fatigue to set in and relax my body.

- Feeling a gentle nudge at my shoulder, I groan and roll to my side. The sleep was too good, I couldn’t get up. Not yet at least.

“Come on, get up. You know that was more than five minutes, Enza.”

“Yeah, so…?” I mutter trying my best to continue resting.

“Come on Enza. Cid should be returning shortly. I need you to start brewing some more tonics. Who knows, he may bring back more bearers again.” She’s nudging me more and more until I finally give in and open my eyes. As usual, she’s looking at me with a slight scowl and her arms crossed. Stretching my arms and legs out, I take my time sitting up and let out a boisterous yawn.

Swinging my legs off the bed, taking my time attempting to collect my hazy thoughts. I yawn again and stretch my arms up feeling the joints pop, “Founders… I really needed that.” Finally standing up, I do my best to shake the drowsiness but with the many all nighters we had been pulling recently I knew this feeling was going to linger for a while.

Releasing a deep sigh I began my search around the infirmary for my mortar and pestle, trying to remember where I had put them. I was running low on herbs and hopefully with the return of Cid and Goetz they would have some supplies ready for use. That last group of injured bearers nearly depleted all of the inventory in the infirmary.

“Tarja, you know we’re nearly out of herbs… Also, I found my mortar but I can’t seem to find my pestle… Hmm where did I put it?” I groan, digging through drawer after drawer, “I know it’s somewhere…”

Tarja chuckles before coming to me and placing a hand on my shoulder, “It’s where you leave everything.”

I smile sheepishly as I scratch my head “In my chamber?”

“Exactly. Come, we can check with Charon to see if she has any supplies that we can use for now and also stop by your chambers.” Nodding in agreement, I follow Tarja out of the infirmary down the dimly lit halls of the Hideaway.

Who knew that the next place I would call home would be a dingy ruin.

As we traverse the halls it slowly becomes brighter as we near the main hall of the Hideaway. Finally making it to the stairs, Tarja notices three men standing around, idly chatting. Cid, Goetz, and some random soldier.

“You’re back.” Tarja drawls as she slowly descends the steps with me in tow.

“Ah, Tarja… Enza.” Cid replies looking to us with a smile.

Before I can greet him Tarja is speaking, “And this is the Dominant?”

Cid nods gesturing to the passed out woman on Goetz’s back, “Out cold since we found her. I was hoping you might give her a look over.”

Not sparing a moment Tarja signals for Goetz to follow her, “Alright. Goetz, get her upstairs.”

Seeming a little flustered Goetz looks over to where Charon is currently preoccupied with the hound that had been following Cid around.

“B-But Nan wil–”

Cutting him off she rushes to Goetz pulling him along, “Don’t fret about Charon. I’ve taken care of her fee.”

“All of it?” Goetz questions, still reluctant to follow Tarja.

“Aye,” Tarja nods as she looks to me, “Enza, tend to Cid. Make sure he hasn’t done anything stupid to hurt himself.” And like that she’s ascending the stairs in a rushwith Goetz in tow.

“Of course.” I mumble turning back to Cid as he speaks to the soldier.

“You’ve nothing to worry about.” He reassures the soldier.

“He might not but I do, you old bastard. You know your curse is nearly at its limit! And I’ve half a mind to leave you be… but Tarja says otherwise.”

Cid chuckles coming to me with open arms showing that he was fully intact with no scars or wounds, “Me? I’m fine. A little lightning every now and then won’t kill me.”

I scoff slapping his chest, “Fucking hell every now and then is becoming too frequent. Let me have a look at you.”

Cid chuckles, raising his hands in mock defense, “A bit too early to be this pissy, eh?”

Huffing I lunge for him right as he grabs my shoulders now laughing loudly and trying to calm my already frayed nerves, “Relax lass! I promise I’m fine. How about you tend to our guest, maybe show him around the Hideaway,” Cid winks before backing away to show the man who stood awkwardly watching us.

I roll my eyes before focusing on the man behind him, the scowl instantly dropping from my face. My heart was racing and my ears full with the thrum of my heartbeat and my thoughts swimming.

“No… It can’t be… you’re dead.”

The man steps forward as if he’s also seen a ghost. It’s as if time stopped. Was this real..?

“Kadenza…”

“Clive… Is it really you? You’re… you-” I can’t find the words, a choked sob leaves my lips as I drop to my knees. He rushes to me and kneels, pulling me into a tight embrace.

“Kadenza… you’re alive… you made it out.” He whispers as he pulls back to examine my tear stained face. “I thought everyone was gone but you’re here. You’re safe.”

My shoulders heaved as sobs left my lips, “I can’t believe it’s you,” I threw my arms around his shoulders as he held me tightly, “Founders- I’ve missed you so much.” Pulling away I gaze into his eyes before pressing my forehead to his.

-

An unexpected reunion but quite welcomed. Shortly after my reunion with Clive I learned that the Dominant of Shiva was Jill. Both of them safe and here within my reach. For nearly thirteen years I had thought they were gone but they were here. They were alive and we all could finally have a proper reunion once Jill awakens... But even in that joyous moment their presence still couldn't fill the void that Joshua left. No matter how grateful I was for them to be alive and well, I couldn’t help but miss my childhood companion. The world somehow always felt emptier without his presence. I missed him.

Sitting outside, I watch as shadows cast on the entrance of the Hideaway. The cloudy sky is a nice blanket to cover the harshness of the sun while a gentle breeze makes its way through the valley.

“So you say it was another Eikon of fire that killed Joshua?”

Clive shifts beside me as he glances down at the palms of his hands, “Yes. That night at Phoenix Gate... Joshua primed and not too long after the second Eikon of flames appeared…” His open hands slowly clenched into fists as his face contorts in pain, “All I could do was watch …”

Reaching my hands out I place them over his own, hoping to soothe him even if just by a little, “It was not your fault, Clive.”

He doesn’t look at me, only shaking his head in disagreement. “I was his shield and I couldn’t protect him. He asked me to stay with him but I left his side thinking I was doing my duty… and he died… alone… begging for me. I can still hear his voice.”

“Oh Clive,” I embrace him and hold him close as his shoulders begin to tremble. “You only did what you could. Joshua wouldn’t want you to blame yourself and you know that.”

“I don’t know…” he mutters from where his head rests on my shoulder.

Drawing back from the hug, I hold him at a distance. The sorrowful expression he wore pierced my heart. I would never be able to understand how deeply that moment affected him but I knew I could share in his pain, for I missed the one I cherished most.

“Joshua was my dearest friend, Clive. I know with your strength you can avenge him. You’ll take down the fiend that took him from us… And when you’re done… You, me, and Jill can visit Rosalith to finally put his spirit to rest.”

Through wet lashes, Clive peers at me with a slight upward tilt to his lips. Not much of a smile but far better than the sullen look from before.

“I will find him. I promise.”

Rising from my spot, I stretch my hands into the air and release the breath that had been bottled up in my chest. I feel lighter.

“Give em hell when you do. Promise me that.”

I hear a deep chuckle from where Clive sits before he speaks, “Of course.”

Somethings Never Change, Feelings Never Fade 1/?

This is a long (long) one shot for Joshua Rosfield. I came in as a huge Clive fan but in the end Joshua stole it all. So here is a long ass story dedicated to one of my faves featuring an OC. This story will be about 3 parts long. Enjoy!

TW: mentions of death, blood, prostitution.

Word count: 3.7K

Character:

Name: Kadenza Gender: Female Race: Human/Black Age(s): 10 (prologue); 18; 23 (in game first time skip); 28 (in game second time skip) Eye color: dark brown Height: 5'3 Hair: sandy brown and curly almost shoulder length

Part 1: The flow of time and life

The Grand Duchy of Rosaria

Watching with bated breath I gasped out in awe at the prowess of the first shield, Clive Rosfield. Not a boy but not yet a man and he had possessed such power. I couldn't help but marvel at that fact. How I wished to wield a sword with such precision, then I would fear not the loss of another but to also be a pillar of strength such as him.

"He's amazing! Wonderful! STUPENDOUS!" I cry out as I clasp my hands together. Watching Clive train among Rosaria's Shields had to be one of my favorite parts of the day. With all my heart, I hoped to someday serve as a shield and looked upon him as motivation that one day I too would be able to fight just like him or at least alongside him. "Amazing Clive!"

Beside me I heard the giggles of Jill as she too, clapped in agreement, "He is quite strong. A fine swordsman, indeed."

"Yes, yes! I agree!" I nod enthusiastically, "One day, I'll be just like him."

From beside me Jill beams as we make eye contact, "You truly want to be a swordswoman that bad?"

"Of course! I can protect the Duchy that has taken me in as their ward and has treated me with kindness. I wish to repay my gratitude." I smile to myself as I look back to the two sparring warriors.

"If you dedicate all your time to that, how ever will you spend time with Joshua? Isn't he helping you with your reading?"

Just the talk of reading made my face scrunch in disdain. I hated reading… but with Jill and Clive's insistence, along with a light scolding from the Archduke himself that a lady should be well learned, I was forced to read and practice my script. How dull.

"I'd much rather fight- Joshua could always watch."

A snicker leaves her lips as she shakes her head at my stubbornness. I knew I could be a pain sometimes. Too headstrong and never wanting to conform to what was expected of me. I wanted, with all my heart, to be a Shield of Rosaria yet the Duchess preferred that someone of my "status'' be an attendant to the Duchy or moreso… a lady in waiting for whenever she decided her precious son be betrothed.

"Why must I pay my gratitude in servitude to something so boring? A lady in waiting? What a waste… I am far more capable than a docile wall flower…"

"I agree."

Gasping at the sudden intrusion of another voice, I turn to see Joshua standing with his hands behind his back smiling up at where Jill and I sat atop a large crate.

"What are you doing here?" Jill asks as she slowly turns her attention back to the training ground where Clive and the Lord Commander spar.

Moving closer he looks up to us with a shy smile, "I have come for Kadenza… It is time for our studies."

Scoffing, I turn my head to the side with a slight pout on my face, much to the amusement of Jill as she turns back to watch the bickering that was to ensue. "I wish not to study- I much rather watch our valiant Shields, for one day I too will also take up sword and shield."

Letting out a sigh, Joshua is all too familiar with this argument "That may be so but you mustn't neglect your studies."

"Studies? To be a flower, polished and prim. No. I shall stay."

"Kadenza. You know it's your duty as it is mine. Please… must we have this argument each time?" Joshua pleads, stepping closer and reaching his hand out to mine. Friend or not he would not trick me once again with his sweet natured approach. All too often I found myself bending at his will but not at this moment.

Hopping down from my position alongside Jill, I stare the young Phoenix in his icy blue eyes defiantly, "Yes we will argue for I could care less about studies. I am to be a warrior not a lady!"

"Kadenza!" Joshua exasperates.

A hearty chuckle sounds off behind us as the Lord Commander leans against the fence post watching Joshua and I. Clive has found purchase alongside the Commander just as eager to watch.

"This again, Kadenza?" Clive laughs as I stomp my foot.

"But-"

"Lady Kadenza. As fiery as always, maybe you are meant to bare steel!" Lord Murdoch laughs as I turn to him beaming with pride before it is immediately crushed with his next statement, "Yet your duty at the moment is to bare quill and ink."

"But my lord-"

"My lady, please see to your studies. Your quibble with the young lord is quite unbecoming and… distracting." He laughs as I pout even more.

I cross my arms, turning away from everyone annoyed, "Fine… but I won't like it."

Joshua grins at my defeat before reaching for my wrist, "Come now. We've much to cover!" Pulling me behind him I groan in disdain as he pulls me behind him as the training grounds disappear from my sight.

–

Weaving through the halls of the Duchy, I realized we were not headed to study. "Joshua? Where are we going?"

"Shh- just a bit further." He grins glancing back at me before continuing his trek. I can only eye him in suspicion as he tugs me along with him until we finally come to a nearly empty storage room within the castle.

With inquiring eyes I look around at the space confused "Why are we here? I thought we were going to study."

Nervously glancing at his feet he looks up through wisps of fluffy hair almost bashful, "We are… but I wanted to give you something first… for your birthday."

Slightly taken aback, I feel my heart skip a beat suddenly flustered. I never knew my birthday, only my age… and sometimes that was questionable. I had been found by Archduke Rosfield, my home in tatters due to war. At that moment as I stared into his steely blue eyes all I knew was that I could not find my parents and that I didn't want to die… Everything else was irrelevant and remained so even until now.

"My birthday…? But I don't have one, you know that?" I whisper.

Taking a few steps forward Joshua grabs my hands and smiles, "That's why from this day forward, today will be your birthday. And I have a present for you to prove it! Close your eyes."

"A present, for me?"

"Yes but you must close your eyes." He laughs watching as I hesitantly close my eyes. Listening to his footsteps. I heard rummaging and little huffs of his breath. I do my best to try not to peek but the excitement of receiving a gift never seemed to fail me.

And as the anticipation is finally getting to me and I nearly peek when I hear Joshua's light scolding, "You can't look yet!"

I giggle but continue to keep my eyes closed as I hear his footsteps near me again. "Kadenza, hold your hands out."

Bouncing on my toes in excitement I lift my hands waiting for whatever it was that Joshua planned to give me and then I feel it. A soft weight plops into my hands. At this point I am chewing my lower lip in excitement, "Can I look now?'

"Yes."

Opening my eyes, I look down at the cloth in my hands tied with twine, "Can I… can I open it?"

"Of course it's your birthday gift!" He chirps in anticipation.

Smiling brightly I untie the twine, letting it fall to the ground before unwrapping the cloth. I gasp in amazement at what was hidden inside. A dagger. A dagger of simple design with a leather bound handle that had initials engraved on it, KR.

"This is… for me? What are the initials?"

Grinning, Joshua reaches for the dagger but hesitates. He looks to me for permission and I nod. Gingerly taking the blade in his hand he smiles, "It is yours… and they are your initials. K for Kadenza and R for Rosfield."

I looked at him in surprise… Not only was I given a birthday and a present but also a last name, "Joshua…?"

"Would you mind kneeling?"

I nod slightly confused and look up to him waiting to see what he planned.

"I knight thee Kadenza Rosfield. To be not only a sword but a shield of Rosaria. May you hold this dagger until it is replaced by the steel of a sword." My eyes widen in shock as he taps the dagger on each of my shoulders before gently tapping it upon my head.

"With the flames of the Phoenix, may you be blessed."

"Joshua…"

Joshua reaches for my hand and helps me to my feet embracing me in a hug, "You are my best friend and I will always be on your side. When I become Archduke, you will be one of my shields. My mother won't have a say then."

Pulling away from the hug we observe each other before laughing, "I look forward to it, thank you for the birthday gift."

"What are friends for?" He snickers before all color drains from his face as he hears our names being shouted through the castle. "It seems we might be in trouble for skipping our lessons."

–

Later that night, I was searching the castle looking for Joshua. I heard that at daybreak he and the Archduke would set off for Phoenix Gate. I couldn't help but worry… Being the Phoenix and all… it was quite a burden. Wherever he is, I'll find him and raise his spirits before he leaves. It's the least I can do for my best friend.

After sneaking through the castle for nearly 15 minutes I finally find Joshua, sitting in the gardens on the ground with his shoulders slumped watching the night sky.

"Joshua?"

He hums in acknowledgment but doesn't answer me.

"Tomorrow… you will be going to Phoenix Gate." I mention as I take a seat beside him on the ground, "Are you nervous?"

He heaves a sigh as he glances towards me, "A little… everyone's doing their part but I'm afraid."

"Afraid?"

"I am the Phoenix but what if I'm not good enough… Clive and everyone are doing their parts but what if I can't?"

Furrowing my brows, I know there's not much I can do to ease his fear but I know that there's at least one thing I can do.

"The only thing you can't do is grow tall and eat carrots," I jest as he quickly whips his attention to me, a playful smile donning his face.

Shoving my shoulder slightly he laughs, "That's not fair! I too can grow taller- it's just not my time yet!"

"Well then how about the carrots?" He reaches to push me again before I get up and start to run away.

"Hey come back!" He whisper shouts as he chases after me.

"Not a chance! Eat your carrots and you might be able to keep up. Or better yet, grow taller! Maybe then with long legs you can catch me."

"Just you wait! I'll grow taller and you'll never be able to escape me!"

Doing our best to not laugh too loudly, we play among the gardens to our hearts content, that is until our attendants are alerted to our whereabouts. As we're both reprimanded we do our best not to laugh as we steal glances at each other before being escorted off to our separate chambers.

May the Founders protect you, Joshua.

–

At dawn Joshua and the Archduke left, and not too shortly after, Clive along with two other Shields set off on their own mission. Watching them depart, all I could do was pray that the Founders be with them as they venture to Phoenix Gate.

With everything being so quiet, the day passed on uneventfully. With not as many distractions to keep me busy, I had been forced by the Duchess herself to sit down to learn more etiquette for my eventual position of lady in waiting. Luckily, Jill was with me most of the time so it wasn’t entirely too painful. But just like that the day comes to pass.

Changing into a nightgown, I breathe out a sigh wondering how Joshua was doing. He was so nervous this morning but I’m sure he’s doing his part to fulfill his duty.

Getting down on my knees, I say a prayer to the Founders, wishing for everyone’s safety and a swift return. Smiling to myself, I reach under my bed to grab the dagger I had been hiding. Unwrapping it from its cloth I hold it close to my chest and close my eyes.

“Archduke said you all would be home in a matter of days… I hope you are doing fine, Joshua, my dearest friend. I pray that you fulfill your duty so that all will see you how I do.” Squeezing the dagger to my chest, I say one more prayer before rewrapping the blade. However, tonight, instead of returning it to its hiding place, I lay the blade beside my pillow wrapped in cloth.

I slowly crawl into bed and lay down, turning to look at the blade. A sleepy grin tugs at my lips.

Once Joshua returns, I will return it to its hiding place.

–

"Ka… denza… Ka…denza…KADENZA! Wake up!" I rouse with a start to Jill's panicked voice and hands gripping my shoulders wildly.

Still dazed, I still can’t grasp what is happening, "Jill! What's-"

"There's no time! Follow me- Quickly!" With that she’s dragging me out of my bed and making haste to the door.

“Wait! My dagger!” I cry, pulling away from her grasp and running to grab the cloth covered dagger.

I sigh in relief once the object is in my hand but am immediately snatched by my wrist as Jill tugs me out of my room into the halls of the castle where the horrific scene of blood and flames are everywhere. I can hear the distant screams of the servants and bearers being slaughtered and the clank of metal boots growing closer.

"Stay quiet and follow me- we can't stay here." She rasps as we begin our descent into the halls of the Duchy.

Jill carefully tugs me along as we duck down halls and stay hidden within the shadows of statues and pillars. I want to speak but my voice is lost as we traverse the halls while Jill frantically surveys room to room making sure we are not caught. Soon enough we find ourselves outside where she quickly pushes me to the wall and presses her hand over my mouth. I attempt to speak out but my muffled voice dies out as I hear the yells of soldiers running by shouting.

“Make sure to kill everyone! No one is to be left alive except the children! We'll take them as prisoners!”

Hearing that made my heart pound in my ears just like that time long ago when my village was destroyed and I was left orphaned. I could hear my heart in my ears and my chest felt tight. It’s happening again. I’m losing everything… again. Jill can see the anxiety in my eyes and looks in my eyes as to soothe me, as we wait for the soldiers to disperse. I wonder if she felt as terrified as me.

Hearing the last of the soldiers clearing out she roughly continues tugging me behind her until she reaches the chocobo stables nearly tripping over herself in a panicked state.

What was going on? Why were the imperials attacking?

"Jill- What are we going to do?" I cried, pulling my hand away. I could feel my chest heaving in exhaustion. I hardly have a moment to spare before I'm being pulled along again, "Jill!"

"You need to hide! But where?" She's practically in a manic state and ignoring my calls of her name. She stumbles upon a crate in which seeds for the chocobo are stored.

"Quickly! In here!" Forcing me inside the chest she pushes me down attempting to lower the lid.

Desperately, I push against the lid as I lurch forward to hug her, "Jill stop! Please!"

Hugging me tightly she swiftly pulls away, tears beginning to spill down her flushed cheeks,"No you must hide!"

"But Jill! What of you??" I cry attempting to cling unto her as she pushes me away and down into the chest. My hands are scrambling for her as the tears freely pour from my eyes, a hiccuped sob coming from me. My chest heaved in pain as all my attempts were thwarted as she grabbed my shoulders firmly.

"Kadenza stop! You must stay put… and when all is silent, run far and run fast!"

Looking down, the tears in my eyes sting as they flow freely, "I can't… not by myself… not without you." Pulling me into a tight embrace Jill gently soothes a hand over my back before pulling away and pushing me to lie down in the chest.

"You must- please… do not make a sound and stay hidden until all is over."

Heartbroken, I lie there silently sobbing as she places a kiss on my forehead before gently shutting the crate. Clutching the clothed dagger to my chest, I curl up in a ball. All that I could hear from that moment on were the sounds of her boots against the ground and the shutting of the stable before she left.

And after that screams.

8 years later

Here it was. Only a few more days until my 18th birthday… and the day after… the anniversary of my friends passing. Eight years passed by but my heart was still as heavy as the day I lost everyone and everything I had come to love. All stolen from me in one fell swoop. That night lived in my dreams, etched into my heart. I could never forget.

Late into that night when all fell silent, I heeded Jill’s advice. I ran far… and I ran fast. As fast as my legs could carry me. Barefoot with only a dirty nightgown clinging to me. All I had left to my name was a single dagger and nothing more. As I ran, I promised myself that eventually I would find my way back home and that I would give my friends the proper send off they deserved.

But that was easier said than done. Instead after all this time, I had found myself here in Northreach with The Dame as my charge and I her ward.

I happened across her on the year of my thirteenth birthday and from there she had taken care of me as one of her own after nearly having my hand cut off for pickpocketing. She came to my aid in that moment, quelling the anger of the imperial soldiers with her charm. I was indebted to her but she didn’t seem to care as she reprimanded me for my brash behavior. She took me in and was the closest thing to a family that I had had in a long while and I was thankful.

However, with my eighteenth birthday rapidly approaching I was ready to go out on my own. To finally make my way to Rosalith... yet only a few things stood in my way.

“But Isabelle! I will be of age soon, I can be a Courtesan!” I plead with her as I follow her through the courtyard of The Veil. I had been pestering her for months now after I overheard how much the Courtesans made from patrons. If I were to ever leave, I needed a way to quickly earn gil so that I could eventually leave.

She turns to me with scorn, irritated at my insistence. “You will not! As long as you are my charge, I will not allow it. Continue working with the apothecary. You do not belong at The Veil, understood?”

“But… how will I earn enough money to leave? I barely have enough from the clinic to even scrape up enough for bread. If I become a courtesan, I’ll have more than enough to leave-”

She holds up her hand cutting me off, growing even more frustrated with me, “Do you think once you become a courtesan you will be able to come and go as you please? Don’t be so childish.”

“But-”

“You said you wanted to travel… well become a competent apothecary and you will be able to go as you please. But as a courtesan you will remain here in Sanbreque.”

Clenching my jaw, I can’t help but fume in anger. Who would need an apothecary when there were healers to do the job. I would virtually be useless. “I will never be able to leave with such little pay, Isabelle! Please-”

“Enza, enough. I will hear no more of it.” She crosses her arms across her chest ending the argument.

I clench my fist in frustration before storming away. I hated this all. Everything. How was I supposed to return to Rosalith now? How was I to return home? Although I knew there would be nothing waiting for me there, I still yearned to one day visit where I was the happiest and pay my respects to my fallen friends and family. But how would I be able to travel without the means to even pay for a single night at an Inn let alone food?

I was fucked. There were no other options. Were I to be stuck here in Sanbreque until my last breath?

-

“Enza! There you are!” I hear someone call from the doorway of my room within The Veil.

Turning around I see one of Isabelle’s courtesans coming to me excitedly, “What brings you here, Marclene?”

“Aye! The Dame says that you are to be a courtesan, I’m here to bathe you! You have an eager patron awaiting you in one of the private rooms.”

“Are… Are you serious? She actually agreed??” I gasp in shock. After all the pestering to Isabelle over the past few months she finally agrees.

“Of course girl! Now come, you're filthy! We can’t disappoint your first patron.” Marclene says matter of factly, striding across the room she grips my wrist and pulls me from my place on my bed andguides me out of my room down the hall.

“By Greager, this is actually happening!” I gasp out stumbling over my feet slightly as I try to keep pace with Marclene.

“Of course! All that fuss has paid off! Now hurry! We mustn’t keep your handsome patron waiting.” Marclene giggles as pulls me along to the baths.

-

Sitting in the tub, Marclene scrubs at my skin with a cloth while idly chatting away.

“Your first time will be slightly uncomfortable but after that it will be a breeze. As easy as taking a breath! Men are too easy,” She laughs out as she pours water over my shoulder. The wispy bits of curls that touch my shoulders dampen and curl even further in on itself. I am paying half attention to her banter wondering how many patrons I will need to acquire. Would it be many or few? I just needed enough to eventually steal away in the late hours of the night.

A cascade of water pours over my head spurring me out of my thoughts as I turn to Marclene bewildered. She chuckles while pushing my wet curly bangs from my face, “You're quite beautiful and young. Men will pay a fortune to be in your company. I wonder how your first patron saw you and how much he is paying for your chastity? You are quite the lucky girl.”

I scrunch my face in disgust, much to her amusement as she continues on bathing me. I could care less for the actual act of physical intimacy, all that mattered was the money to follow. It’s a shame that the cost of my freedom will be paid with my body but in this village I have no other option.

At least for one of my birthdays I would like to go home and if this is what it takes then I will endure.

Closing my eyes I continue to listen to Marclene, only answering with hums of acknowledgement and the occasional nod. I needed to do my best not to overthink. It would be easier that way.

-

My bodice is tight and my short curly hair seems even more curly and short as it has curled even tighter with the application of water. What was once on my shoulders was curled up to a little under my jaw. The top I wore was only long enough to give the illusion of modesty and my skirt barely above my ankles. I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I stood at the door of one of the private rooms, my patron just on the other side waiting for me. Maybe I should have listened to Marclene a little more.

I reach for the door when I hear a gruff voice ring through the other side, “How much longer shall I wait, my lady?”

I flinch at his voice but slowly swallow the thick lump in my throat before turning the knob and entering the dimly lit room. I close the door behind me while facing the man who sat atop the bed. His legs were crossed as an arm was rested on the propped up leg.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I was downright petrified. I thought I would have steeled my nerves but now that the moment is here, I begin to panic… I would actually hand over my chastity for gil? How are the courtesans so easily able to do this? I applaud them… for in this moment I wished to be brewing tonics and elixirs than here with an unknown man.

“My lady, please come closer. How am I to take pleasure in your company if you are so far away. Come sit.”

I nod shyly and make my way towards the bed. My eyes are glued to my feet and my shoulders are square. This is it. I sit down on the bed, my heart pounding so hard against my rib cage that I fear my chest might explode.

“You can relax my lady. I won’t do you any harm. I’m more interested in cutting a deal with you- That is if you’re interested?”

Hesitating, I take my gaze from my feet to the eyes of my patron. He’s watching me, a gentle look in his eyes and an awareness in his smile. I can feel myself slightly loosen up. This man wasn’t so intimidating and he was at least handsome.

“By the look in your eyes, you seem interested.” The man chuckles.

Still unable to find my voice, I nod.

“Well, I’m in need of a healer of sorts. Or more specifically someone who specializes in tonics and salves. Elixirs as well. I hear you are proficient?”

I nod a bit bewildered at the random question, “I am my lord but… why are you asking me? I thought you were here to seek out a Courtesan?”

Standing from the bed, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigar along with a magic crystal. He lights it and takes a deep inhale before crooking his head to the side to exhale the smoke. Turning back to me, he examines me. “I came seeking a Courtesan who is a practicing apothecary for I am in need of her services.”

Speaking to this man was becoming a little too much, as I was perplexed as to why he needed a courtesan who practiced medicine when he could just pay for a healer.

“My lady, I see the skepticism in your eyes but I need an apothecary that can travel with me. I am a man needed in many places and can’t afford to pay every healer I come in contact with, especially if it’s no more than a mere flesh wound.”

“You confuse me… Are you asking me to join you in your travels?’

Taking another deep inhale of the cigar he nods, “Aye. Accompany me and in return, I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”

My eyes widened with surprise and excitement. This man could take me wherever I wanted to go and all that he required were my medicinal skills? This was almost too good to be true.

“My lord, your offer is ever so generous but… what do you get out of it?”

The man snickers, the corner of his mouth raising in a half smirk, “I gain a highly talented ally.”

“And that’s all you need?”

“Yes. As beautiful as you are my lady, you are a bit too young and inexperienced for my tastes.”

In that moment I felt my worries melt away and my shoulders finally relaxed. I can join this man and he could take me to my home. Either I was dreaming or The Founders had to be smiling in my favor because for once, I received the greatest chance I thought I’d never have. Standing to my feet, I rush to the man and grab his hand. “You have a deal! I’ll go wherever you need me to go! You have my word, my lord!”

“Glad to know you’re on board. I had thought it might take more to win you over.” He jokes as he pulls his hand out of mine, “Anyways, get dressed and meet me outside. I have urgent matters to attend to and have taken long enough here.”

“Oh yes right!” I spring into action rushing to the door before a sudden realization hits me, “Wait! Shit… I need to tell Isabelle! I can’t just leave and not-”

The man waves his hand as to shush me, “No need. Isabelle said that if you agreed we could leave at once. Now hurry. I haven’t got all day.”

I feel the bounding excitement building in my chest as I swing open the door. But again before I make haste to my room I turn to the man, “My lord, what is your name?”

That man smiles as he walks toward me and ruffles my hair, “Cidolfus but you can call me Cid. You?”

I nod my head with a grateful smile on my lips, “Cid… You can call me Enza.”

Heaving an exasperated sigh he shoos, “Hurry girl! Time’s wasting with all these formalities.”

I laugh as I run off to my room. Finally the tides were ever in my favor.

To Kiss is to Hunger

pairing: Joshua Rosfield x Fem!Reader rating: Mature word count: 5.0K summary: You are terrified to kiss Joshua. Joshua has an idea to remedy that.

warnings: practice kissing, grinding, touching, intimacy, mutual pining, insecurities and self-doubt, just straight up romance

Author’s Notes: Ngl I know I said it would be a little frisky, but just so happens I made it just a little bit friskier because Joshua is just a touch starved man. Just a heads up, please read my pinned post before following me! Minors and ageless blogs will be blocked as this blog’s content is NSFW.

[AO3 link]

You couldn’t fathom why you are in the Shelves this late into the night. ‘It’s silly.” You think, walking around, trying to find anything to help you with your little dilemma. You tried to put your brain to rest, to calm its ravenous thoughts of anxiety, but the efforts were futile. And it is all because a teasing strawberry blond tried to kiss you.

You and the young Lord got quite close after his arrival to the Hideaway. You help out as a barmaid for Molly in the Ale House, and the first night of Joshua being out of the infirmary after the fall of Drake’s Tail had been all the talk. You would overhear conversations about how charming he was, how he was very knowledgeable about the lands of Valisthea, and how he is the brother of the leader of the Hideaway. He piqued your curiosity, as most newcomers do, but you didn’t think anything to come of it.

There was one night, however, where service wasn’t off its rig, and you had decided to take that time to practice your reading. Reading and writing are forbidden practices for Branded, and you were only able to learn reading due to old, scribbled writings thrown into the trash bins. You would rummage through for every written scrap in the dead of night and return it before your enslavers came to. To you, it was a piece to the puzzle of your freedom. But only a piece. 

You were reading an old children’s fairytale: a prince in search of the long-lost princess who searched day and night to find her. You were immersed, so much so you hadn’t noticed the presence in front of you, seemingly still but present all the same. 

“Ah, I read that story many times as a child. A true classic.”

Your head had snapped so far back you thought you would’ve fallen backwards. Your eyes jumped until they landed on the man before you, and you remember how wonderstruck you felt. He was the most beautiful man you had ever seen, and the way he was looking at you had your stomach producing butterflies. You felt a sense of embarrassment, however, as the book you were reading was adapted for children. You knew those born with a silver spoon were highly educated, so to have someone as handsome and surely intelligent as he watching you read made you nervous to be a laughing stock. 

“Yeah, but it’s more of a watered down version of it. I’m sure I’ll get to read the original someday.” You had awkwardly explained, waiting for him to make a joke of your lack of ability to read at a level that matched your maturity. That joke, however, never came. He stayed and asked you questions, such as who your favorite character was, what your favorite part of the story was, and so on. That conversation led beyond the book, and it is a fond memory of the golden boy.

It wasn’t long after that he offered to tutor you and made an extraordinary effort to give you books about topics you liked. Hell, he would even bring books back from long expeditions that him, Clive, and Jill would go on. “I found this story about sea fairies that I thought you would like.” “I saw a merchant selling a copy of this book I think you’ll enjoy.” “This book made me think of you.”

After many nights and days passing, it had become apparent that your heart had let him in, and you were relieved to know that his heart blazed for you also. However, unlike you, he is very evident about how he shows his feelings for you. He initiated the first hand holding, the first embrace, every tender moment you both have shared has been started by him. It makes you nervous, he makes you nervous, but in a conflicting way because you want everything he has to offer, yet your life of being treated less than for so long has put in the fear of not being enough. You fear you will misstep, embarrass yourself, he will realize he can have someone better, and let you down gently. He is a gentleman, after all.

All of the insecurities and doubts you hold have led you to the shelves due to this past evening's events.

-

A gathering of many members of the Hideaway was taking place, enjoying each other’s company, exchanging stories from the road, and eating and drinking so good that spirits were at an all time high. About halfway through the evening, Joshua and Clive had returned from their mission that had kept them away for well over a week, and joined everyone in the festivities. You could feel Joshua’s eyes on you constantly as you worked, soft gazes in your direction as you brought over more ale. You hadn’t seen each other since he had left, and you could see from the look in his eyes that he wanted you close, longing for your time. 

And you weren’t the only one to sense it.

“Go on.” You heard Molly speak as you polished the cups.

“Hmmm?” You turned to see her smirking at you, nudging her head in the direction of the young Rosfield. 

“You are free of your duties. You spend some time with everyone, especially you know who.” 

You shook your head, your cheeks flushed. “I appreciate it, but Molly there is a lot to clean up. I can’t ask you to do this all by yourself.”

“Nonsense.” She scoffed, walking to you, taking the scrub and cup out of your hands, only to set them aside to grab your own. “We all deserve a little down time. Please, I insist.”

You hesitated, and her eyes softened. “In these troubling times, every moment counts; for anything can happen at any time. We must be selfish with our time.” 

That alone had set you into motion. You had walked over to sit beside him, hip to hip, his arm draped around your side with his head leaning slightly against your own as Clive shared his and his brother’s adventures. 

You could tell Joshua was more touchy than normal, not that you minded. You would feel him squeeze you from time to time. If you shifted slightly, he would adjust so you were still close to him. You would feel him turn his head to bury his face into your hair, gentle caresses of his lips against your scalp. No words were spoken between the two of you, just enjoying the night together with everyone. But even nights like these had to end. 

You called it a night, telling everyone that you were going to head to the bed chambers, but not before Joshua insisted on walking you there. The two of you had bid goodnight to the others, and with your hand in Joshua’s grasp, the two of you walked to the bed chambers, small talk between the two of you as you both headed there slowly.  

“I can’t believe you let Clive do that.” You giggled, Joshua’s story about his older brother shoving a carrot into his mouth to make him sick. 

“He had reason, for we were in an unfortunate situation. We needed a reason to slip away.” Joshua grimaced, vaguely remembering the taste of the raw carrot. “Besides, I have always had a soft spot for my brother. I’d do anything for him.”

“I know having him back in your life has been a gift.” You smiled, waving his arm back and forth as you both approached the bed chambers. He pulled your arm back gently, causing you to turn into his arms. The way he was looking at you left you speechless; a thousand words being spoken through one look. 

“Why yes, it has truly been a gift by the Founder to be reunited with my brother.” He brings your hand up to his chest, right above his heart; the thumping gingerly warming up your palm. “It has also been a gift to have the honor of being allowed your time, my lady.”

You shook your head, but before you could’ve said anything, Joshua had spoken once more. “On the topic of gifts, I have something for you.” 

He slipped his free hand into the large pouch of his belt and pulled out what you can see is a book. He placed the book in both of your hands, grazing them before allowing you to inspect it. You recognized the artistry of the book: hardbound leather, intricate gold lining, and a sturdy weight in your hand. You looked at the title and you found yourself releasing a shaky breath. 

“I thought you said there were no more copies.” You whispered, in disbelief as to what you were seeing. Enchanting thy Fair Maiden. It was a copy of a book Joshua has praised over. He would recite lines to you from what he memorized as a child, and you would ask him to retell them to you over and over again, never tiring from hearing his smooth voice telling you a tale.

“It took some bartering, but it was worth it if it means I could grant you a copy.” 

Snapping from your mind, you looked to him, shaking your head in disbelief. “Joshua, I can’t accept this. This is one of your favorite stories. You should keep it.” 

You tried pushing the book back into Joshua’s, but not before him grasping both of your hands and gently pushing it back into your vicinity. “My lady.” He begged. “I can reassure you that nothing would please me more than you accepting this gift.”

You stayed silent for a moment, a brief pause in the timeline aside from you and him, before smiling shyly, looking away from him in a flush. “I will cherish this for all days, Joshua. Maybe you can read it to me properly sometime.”

“Anything for you, dearest.” 

Your gaze stayed down, not knowing how to bid farewell for the night, before you felt Joshua’s hand lightly touch your cheek, lifting your face for him to look upon. You sensed a certain hesitancy, his eyes seeking for something on your face before landing back on your own. 

“May I try something?” 

Everything started to go slow and fast at the same time, your mind racing and hyper focusing on every detail. You focused on how much closer Joshua had gotten to you, how his body heat had your body melting tenfold, how his face leaned down to yours, his hand stroking your cheek. You realized what he was asking to do: he was asking to kiss you.

Sudden flashes of self-doubt came crashing down onto you, Joshua’s hand on your branded cheek making you feel self-conscious. What is he doing? How can he want to kiss me? Oh, Greagor be with me, I have never kissed anyone. I am going to make a fool of myself!

Out of reflex and fear, you stepped back and away from Joshua’s reach. He looked startled, not expecting your reaction, and all you could do was stare at him as you calmed your heart down. You felt embarrassment shudder down your spine, but you knew that it would have been worse if you had attempted to kiss him. 

You tried to shrug it off, chuckling awkwardly as if that would erase the last few seconds of shame you felt. “It is late. I’m afraid I must turn in. Goodnight, Joshua.” 

You flung the chamber door open and closed it just as fast without a glance in Joshua’s direction, your back hitting the wood as you worked your anxieties down.

Now you’ve really done it stupid stupid STUPID!

-

So here you are, looking for a kissing manual that doesn’t exist.

“I can’t believe it has come to this.” You moan, shaking your head at how pathetic you currently feel. You want to kiss him; of course you want to kiss him! But the thought of kissing him and making a complete fool out of yourself has strung itself high in your head. You will do anything to ease your anxieties, and if finding literature that will help you is the way, then so be it. 

You keep searching the shelves, and finally you see something that catches your attention. You see a book with a deep red spine, and immediately you become curious. Red means romance which maybe means kissing, right? you think and go to reach for it, your tippy toes giving you an extra inch that helps you grab the old spine of the book. Once the book is grasped, you give it a once over and what you see is nothing at all. The book has no title, no author, no nothing. Just hardbound leather that looks as if it had been dyed with blood. 

You move to sit at a table, the kissing debacle hiding in the back of your skull as a new curiosity peeks. You stare at the book intently, like it was going to open up for you to tell you all of its secrets. A book with no visible identity, no mark.

The curiosity killed the cat as you finally flipped it open, the crackle of the pages singing, showing its age. The first few pages are barren with no offering until you reach the first official page. You read, smiling because you can read everything on the page in comprehension, but also because it’s a love poem. You never have had the chance to read poetry thus far, so this was a treat for you. Just the thing I need to ease my mind.

You continue reading the poems, most being about love, companionship, and things in the realm of romance. As you read them, you picture Joshua and yourself, like the two of you were living in the reality of this book full of lovely prose. In a way, it makes you recognize that maybe what Joshua sees in you is what you are imagining right now: a lover, a partner for life. You feel a sense of confidence swell in you, so you read on, addicted to the words written out.

Until you get to the next page.

What you read next halts your breathing, slowing it down to stop fire from growing in your chest. This poem is about the same things previously stated, love, romance, companionship, but in a much more intimate form. The words strung together formed the most erotic sentences, words of longing for the senses. They make you blush hotly; they make you antsy in your chair while locked in, but most especially they make your mind run wild with fantasies of you and him. 

Oh, you and him.

You mind wanders as you read, zoning out into a reality where you exude the confidence to give into Joshua’s desires and more. The words dig into your skin, warming you up that your thin nightgown felt like plenty of layers on this cool night. You are so immersed that you don’t hear the large doors open, and the calling of your name feels like a figment of your imagination. It’s not until you feel the warmth on your shoulders that you are brought back, feeling like a bucket of cold water has been dropped over your head from the cold sweat.

You slam the book shut, turning so quickly that the room starts to spin before the warmth on your shoulders grows firm, steadying you in your seat. You look to see Joshua staring at you, worry showing on his face seemingly from your reaction. “I deeply apologize, my lady. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

You breathe a chuckle, seeing him here at a time like this would be your luck. You cross your arms, becoming extremely aware of your lack of clothing under his gaze. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you.” He retorts and pulls out a chair to sit facing you. “Truthfully, I couldn’t sleep much. I came here to see if doing more research would tire me, but it seems fate has chosen a more direct route to my restlessness.”

You see why he can’t sleep, and sigh because this is from your doing. “Joshua, you have nothing to fret over. You did nothing wrong.”

“But I’m afraid you are wrong, my lady. I shouldn’t have been so forward, and to know I put you in an uncomfortable position upsets me greatly. I would never dream of making you uneasy, and for my mishaps I must apologize to you. I cannot bear the thought of you keeping your distance because of my foolishness.” 

You watch him as he apologizes for his directness, which internally makes you laugh because that isn’t the issue. You love his directness, just as he is being direct with you right now. It’s you. It’s your cowardice for wanting something more and not having the courage to pursue because of the what ifs, the buts, the howevers. It’s your fear of rejection because of your lived experiences. It’s you, not him. 

“Joshua.” You state, moving to grab his hands within your own. “You did nothing wrong.”

“My lady, please I-” 

“Shhh,” you hush. “Let me speak.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, and I apologize for making you feel you need to.” You exhale, preparing to open yourself up for display. “It’s all me. I’m inexperienced, and I’ve been viewed as nothing for so long that I’m fearful that one misstep will set you away; that you can have someone who knows what they are doing and have the confidence to show for it.”

“Is that really what this is about?” Joshua asks.

You nod, looking down at the two of your intertwined hands. You see Joshua’s hands pull away from yours and your breath shakes. This is it. He is going to leave. That’s until you feel the heat that only the Phoenix could exude on your cheeks, your head being brought up to see him smiling. “My dearest,” Joshua whispers, as if talking any louder would damn him. “You are my everything, for you have captured me: mind, body, and soul. Also, your inexperience mirrors mine, I can assure you.”

Your eyes widen. “There is no way that can be true. You are a Lord.”

He’s laughing now, shaking his head as his hands go back to you, grasping them with care. “I was only a child then. Besides, the Undying were very protective of me under their care. There was no time nor place for such things. Even then, the only person that was always allowed in my vicinity was Jote, and we have never viewed each other romantically.”

“So, there really has been no one?” You whisper, your mind stuck between disbelief and credence.

“No. Not until now.” He squeezes your hands. “My heart belongs to you, and you alone. There is no one else I’d rather give myself to.”

You shiver, the idea of experiencing forms of intimacy together for the first time spreads a raging fire in your stomach. “You sure have a way with words, Joshua Rosfield.”

“You can thank all of the romance novels I read in my youth.” He chuckles. “Speaking of books, what were you reading?”

“What?” You ask, forgetting about the erotica sitting inches away from you. 

“The book you were reading. I don’t believe I have read that one yet. May I take a look?” 

You are panicking, knowing the contents of the book and who is asking to take a peek. You go to grab it, reacting as fast as you could, but alas you reacted too late. Joshua now has the book, opening the page you had left off on, and starts to read. You see his eyes go wide, his pupils dilating, his fingers fidgeting against the page he is holding. You freak out, going to reach for the book before he reads further. “Okay Joshua, that’s enough.” A smile creeps up slowly on his face, humming as he moves to stand up before your fingertips touch the book, backing away slowly as he continues. You stand up, walking up to him to get that god forsaken book away from him. 

“Oh Joshua, please give me back the book!” You panic. 

“By the Founder, what possessed you to read this smut?” Joshua smirks, seamlessly avoiding your grabby hands as he reads the pages. “Especially in the middle of the night?”

He wasn’t meant to see this! He wasn’t meant to see you reading the abhorrent words you were consuming. He wasn’t meant to see you like this in your flimsy gown. Damn me! Why did I not cover up more?!

“To taste the lips is to be fulfilled, for the instinct of man is to claim, conquer, and revel in the midst of her flesh. To kiss is to hunger, to feast among the softest of petals that call to him, beckoning for his return to get both of their fills.”

You are internally screaming now. You can’t believe he is tormenting you like this. You are still reaching for the book, desperate for this nightmare to end, before you hear an “oomph” as Joshua’s back collides into one of the shelves. You snatch the book from him, running back to put it back where it came from. “Okay, enough please!”

“Forgive me.” Joshua says, although it is said with a devilish grin. “I just didn’t know you had such… exquisite taste.”

“I didn’t even know what was in the book when I pulled it.” You say defensively, hands waving manically in front of you like they would make you more convincing. “I was just trying to find something that would help give me the courage.”

As if that isn’t as embarrassing, or even more so.

“What if we do something that helps us both gain courage? A practice session if you will.” Joshua says from the other side of the room, keeping his distance to see what tone you will take.

“What do you have in mind?” You draw out nervously, twiddling your thumbs in anticipation.

Joshua walks back over to where you both had sat, moving the chair so it was facing you before sitting down. He rubs his thighs a little as if he needed to warm them up, before patting his lap. “Come take a seat.”

Instinct has you taking a step forward before a hitch finds itself in your feet, stopping them all together. 

“Do you trust me?” He asks sincerely.

“Of course, I do.” You quickly blurt out, as if answering a second later would draw doubt. 

He smiles, his hand reaching out to invite you over. “Then please, my dearest, come to me.”

You take a deep breath and walk over till you stand before him. You grasp his hand, tingles running up your arm as he pulls you to him and guides you onto his lap. Your hands move to steady yourself on his shoulders, while he places his hands on your lower back to support you. Your legs dangle on either side of the chair, your gown riding up your thighs which you are all too aware of. However, you note that Joshua is only looking at you, gauging to see where your head is. “Is this okay, my lady?”

“Mhmm.” You hum, trying to calm your rapid heart. This is so intimate, too intimate, but you want it. You want him. You want to create every kind of intimacy with him, and this is a start. You knew that it is time to take that leap, especially since he will take that leap with you. 

“Joshua,” you murmur, eyes still on his. “Will you kiss me?”

“As you wish, my love.” 

You close your eyes, leaning in slightly to show that you aren’t backing out. You feel one of Joshua’s hands move to your left cheek, your branded cheek, tracing it with his thumb gently. Soon you feel him move forward, his forehead sitting against yours, his breath hitting your lips in puffs. The anticipation was killing you, your hands squeezing his shoulders to urge him on, and before you know it his lips are against your own. The kiss is light, a sweet peck before pulling away slightly, only to go back to give one more. You both are testing the waters, giving into each other slowly until the two of you start to grow peckish.

The kiss is gradual, pecks graduating to long lip locks and more movement. Your hands have found homage in Joshua’s hair, gripping not too hard but enough to show him how much you are enjoying him. His hands found their way to the crease of your hips, gripping the flesh to keep you in place. You can feel yourself growing restless, needing more of him within your senses. 

It’s like he can read your mind as his hands bring your body closer. A gasp leaves your lips as his groin settles against your heat, leaving your head spinning. His kisses become feverish, his hands roaming up and down your thighs, your nightgown receding higher in the process. You sense satiability is nowhere in sight, the movements of his body proving to you that the absence of intimate touch has turned him into a depraved man. Because even though Joshua Rosfield is a gentleman with a heart of selflessness, he is still a man with selfish desires and needs.

Your hands go back to grip at his shoulders, trying to calm yourself from his ministrations. A wetness hits your lips, and your mouth opens willingly, needing to taste him further. Your tongues melt together, creating a unique taste between the two of you that’s so addicting you don’t know how either of you will stop. You lean more into him, your hands going back to his hair to control his movements, causing him to groan in the most sinful way. You pull away, giggling knowing you got him to make such pretty sounds. The confidence from it goes straight to your head, going right back in for his lips to have him make more delicious sounds. 

A deep feral groan is released from Joshua’s throat, causing him to pull away in heavy breaths. He looks at you with hazy eyes, smiling deliriously. “You will be the death of me, my love.”

Your hands are now trailing from his hair to his chest, your hands running up and down the fabric of his tunic, feeling the toned body beneath it all. Your head leans back against his forehead, both of your breaths heavy on each other’s lips. “Then shall death keep us together, never parted.”

Joshua leans up back to your lips, kissing you hungrily, your declaration causing him to hunger for more. You still had the high ground, you being on top giving you more opportunity to take the lead. You knew this could be too soon, a little risky, but your sureness that Joshua feels the same hunger as you do is enough to convince you. You start to grind down slowly on top of him, your undergarments and his matching tunic pants the only barriers. 

“Fuck,” Joshua draws out breathless, his arms coming up to wrap around you to ground himself. 

“Does that feel good, my Lord?” You smile, feeling over the moon that you are making him act this way. 

“You have no idea.” Joshua gasps. “You have turned me into a new man.”

You giggle as you continue your movements. “Is that so?”

“By the Founder, yes!” He groans loudly at a particular movement of your hips. “How about I show you.”

Suddenly you are being lifted up, your butt settled onto a hard surface, legs spread apart by Joshua’s hips, and warm lips ravishing your own. Your nightgown is definitely way past your legs now, bunched up at your hips with Joshua’s hands right under the fabric. This new side of Joshua has you addicted, the push and pull the both of you are playing at exciting you more. You release his lips and lean up to his neck, nipping at the skin at the juncture of his neck and jaw. His breath hitches, leaning into you as you nip and kiss his neck. It’s as if he is hypnotized by your love bites, casting a spell on him. Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him closer to you, but in an instant everything stops.

You open your eyes to see Joshua breathing hard, his hands gripping the table. Your hands go to his face, worry etching into your brain. “Darling, did I do something wrong?”

Joshua laughs, his eyes opening to look right back at you. “Absolutely not.” His hands go to yours on his face, holding onto each one as he brings them down. “I just don’t want to accomplish everything in one night, especially here in the Shelves.”

He pulls you up to your feet, your hands still in his as he looks at you with the brightest smile on his face. “I want to have time to savor you when the time is right.”

Even after all of that, he is still ever the gentleman. 

“I agree. I’m sorry if I went too far.” You chuckle, a tinge of embarrassment in your tone. 

Joshua embraces you, his head tucked into your neck. “You have nothing to apologize for. I hope you don’t think I had ulterior motives.”

“Never,” you say quickly, squeezing him to you.

“We should head back to our respective beds before people notice we’ve disappeared.” Joshua hums.

You hum in agreement and pull back, so you are now under Joshua’s arm. Both of you head out the doors of the Shelves into the cool night air. You shiver, and Joshua brings you in closer to shield you from the cold. He walks you back to the bed chambers, and before he departs, he places a light kiss on your lips, causing your eyes to flutter close at the bliss you feel in the moment. 

“Goodnight, my dearest. I shall see you in the morning.” Joshua says after he pulls away.

“Goodnight, Joshua. But before you go, may I request something?” 

“Anything for you, my dearest.” 

“Can we practice some more later? You are my tutor after all.” And my lover, my partner for life.

Joshua beams at you. “I would love nothing more.”

Smut - | ☼ |

Fluff - | ♡ |

Angst - | ♥ |

The Return of an Empress  | ☼ |  | ♡ |  | ♥ |

Genre: Isekai au, Angst, Romance, Fluff, Smut (Later on), Slow burn

Summary: After one fateful night, you find yourself transmigrated into your favorite novel as the Empress that shares the same name as you. As a bookworm, most would think you’d be ecstatic, but how could you be happy when the Empress you’ve become is expected to be killed in three months by the seven men she trusted most.

The only thing on your mind now is to try and convince everyone that the empress is a changed person, literally, but you’ll soon find out that proves to be difficult when seemingly everyone wants you dead.

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Spring Day | masterpost

— Summary: Becoming a part time english teacher wasn’t exactly the ideal startup you had hoped for yourself when you first moved to Seoul, South Korea. Luckily, you loved working with children and you were grateful to have found a well paying job with housing included so soon after university. Amongst your class, however, are 5 boys who seem to be constantly ostracized not only by the rest of the students but also by the other teachers and staff members. Becoming attached to you fairly quickly, you’re unintentionally tasked to be their permanent caretaker during their stay at school, even staying past the hours you were needed until they were picked up safely. However, what you didn’t expect was to catch the hearts of their seven older brothers, the leaders of a notorious and well known mafia family in Korea.

— Pairing: mafia!bts x poc!curvy!part time English teacher!reader x mafia!children!txt

— Genre: fluff, angst / poly!au / mafia!au

— Status: ON HOLD

— Warnings: bullying (verbal and physical), ostracizing, blood, violence, murder, death, insecurities, anxiety, hurt/comfort, sexual tension, implied (eventual?) smut

________________________________________________________________

Chapter 1: Golden Bell

Chapter 2: Magnolia

Chapter 3: Cherry Blossom

Chapter 4: Azalea

Chapter 5: Rapeseed

Chapter 6: Plum Blossom

**more chapters to come** :)

-ˋˏ txt + random angst prompts i think ab before i go to bed ˎˊ-

[ ༻❁༺ ] foreword : have i cried from said prompts before? yes.

[ ༻❁༺ ] warnings : angst, mentions of insults, infidelity, and implied death

[ ༻❁༺ ] genre : angst

the other members under the cut !

choi yeonjun ; he didn’t mean those words.

yeonjun held his breath as he realized the words that just left his mouth. the red he saw in his eyes dissipated into thin air, realizing the weight of his anger as he watched his hurtful attacks sink into your system. his hand twitched to reach out to you, his throat itching to say something, anything to take back what he just said. he didn’t think it would, or could escalate this far. his heart clenched as he watched you close your mouth, taking back anything you were going to say back to him. countless regrets were swimming in his head in that moment, and he was unsure if he could ever reverse the damage he already dealt.

he watched as you simply turned away from him amidst his growing self-loathing, his legs paralyzed as he watched you turn around and exit the door with tears pooling in your eyes. in the blink of an eye you were gone; truth be told, he didn’t know when he forced himself to stumble to the sofa and sit down, his breathing heavy and panicky. you weren’t in the wrong for any of this, he only had himself to blame. yeonjun had no excuse to lash out the way he did—you didn’t deserve to become his punching bag.

yeonjun sat in silence, unmoving as he hoped and prayed you’d walk back through those doors for a chance to explain himself and apologize profusely. he waited hours in the same position, zoning in and out of his thoughts with a rigid posture over the sofa. he needed to tell you he didn’t mean what he said. you should know, right? that he’d never do anything to hurt you.

but the longer he waited, the more he realized just how little of a chance he was going to get.

choi soobin ; you were almost enough.

you didn’t understand how soobin could be so cruel with pushing you away, his face void of any emotion as he placed his hands in his pockets. his words were indefinite, and though you tried so many times to see through his harsh attitude, all attempts were futile in the end. he was wicked enough to let you believe you were worth staying for, when you should’ve known the truth from the start.

—

it took soobin everything in him to stop himself from yelling out to you, his fingers shaking as he watched you disappear into the distance. did you not notice the way his voice faltered when he told you to leave? did you ignore how he purposely didn’t look at you? he was sure it was a sign he didn’t actually mean it. he’s the one who always told you that he didn’t mean anything he said unless he was staring into your eyes. his heart fell to his stomach as the image of you fading, lifting his hand to his face to the fresh feeling of crying.

you didn’t deserve to have your feelings toyed with, nor did you deserve to be treated like a game. soobin’s lips quivered as he clutched a fistful of fabric around his chest, unsure of what to do next. he was such a fool to let you walk away so easily, he was the idiot for not trying hard enough. even worse—you left thinking that you weren’t good enough. the words were there, right at the tip of his tongue—he knew he wasn’t worthy of you, nor your heart.

you left thinking you were almost enough for him to stay, but soobin stayed knowing you were always more than enough—and he’d never be able to measure up.

choi beomgyu ; you weren’t different from the rest.

there was a different kind of pain that traveled through beomgyu’s system as he came face to face with you, your face horrified at the scene before you. the body that clung to him, lips pulled with the smirk both you and him knew all too well. he didn’t even have the strength to pull away—how could he? you saw the damage he dealt. you saw how he broke his promise, his end of the deal. you didn’t even need to ask why—you had always known he would never be satisfied, even if facing the truth brought pain.

beomgyu couldn’t stop you as you simply feigned calmness, his face dropping as you smiled at him, nodding in understanding as you simply took the initiative to walk past him. he managed to pull his arm away from the other as he tried to follow you, but with each step he took, you seemed to walk faster. no words were shared between the two of you—he knew he messed up. the worst part was, he’d never get another chance to make up for it.

he promised he’d mend his ways for a chance with you. thinking about it now, beomgyu didn’t even know why he relapsed back into how he was before. he was better than those temptations, that the only physical contact he needed was with you. you warned him, so many times—you’d leave if he went back on his word. you reminded him over and over again, for fear you’d get hurt in the end. and he swore up and down that he’d never do anything to hurt you.

but in the end, you ended up being the same as everyone else. and he was left alone, back again at square one.

kang taehyun ; give up, he’s won the war.

taehyun didn’t realize just how much you knew of the enemy, how easy it was for him to slip up and get too comfortable with you by his side. he filled your visions of a romeo and juliet fantasy, where the two of you could run away together and start anew. and you fell for it—you fell for him. a perfect man, so charming, endearing—

until you found out he wasn’t.

his heart sank when he saw that knowing glint in your eyes—the one that told him that you knew everything he wished you didn’t. how he was in on the plan to use you for infiltration, to tie your heartstrings to the kite that would soar for his family, warring against yours. taehyun didn’t know how or when something changed in him, how your smile enchanted him in ways he promised his father he’d never succumb to. he wasn’t allowed to fall for the bait—yet his heart yearned for him to admit the truth when you appeared, tear-struck and betrayed in front of him.

he wasn’t allowed to apologize for the things he did—the plan was fool proof, he just happened to land in the worst case scenario. he created an apathetic facade as you tried to search for answers through him, looking for any sign that this was just a nightmare. he rooted his feet to the ground when you realized you wouldn’t get anything from him, clenching his jaw as you took a deep breath, wiping your tears before walking away.

taehyun was the reason they won the war, but he felt no desire to celebrate. what good was a victory, when loss was all he received in return?

hueningkai ; he’ll love you when he’s gone.

hueningkai didn’t know how to comfort you in such a heartbreaking time, reeling from the way you cowered into a corner when he appeared in your bedroom, his body translucent and shimmery—the way ghosts would appear in movies. his non beating heart wrenched in agony as you screamed profanities at him, yelling for the hallucinations, the misery to leave your head. he wanted to reach out and touch you, to comfort you that everything was alright.

his departure from this world was all too soon—there were so many things he wanted to do with you, to see with you. hueningkai wanted to stay with you. he watched you shrink into the corner of your bedroom, lethargically walking step-by-step forward to not alarm you. you had no more fighting power to throw anything his way—your chest heaved with pain as the ghost of your beloved knelt beside you, a sad smile on his lips as another round of tears welled up in your swollen eyes.

he didn’t know what to say, how to apologize for hurting you the way he did. he didn’t know how much longer he had left before he had to depart from this world—but he had to try. hueningkai reached forward and tried to caress your cheek with his thumb, gulping nervously as he watched you try to lean into his touch. he felt nothing, but the way you closed your eyes to imagine him next to you was enough for him to relax. no words were spared between the two of you as he spent his last moments with you, nothing but love shared between you two until he heard bells ringing from afar. he turned to you then, noticing how his own body flickered in front of you.

though you cried once more, you nodded and whispered goodbye, before you’d lose the opportunity for good. hueningkai left a final kiss on your forehead—a sign that he’ll always love you, even when he’s gone.

༘♡ＰＵＭＡ－Ｃ．ＹＥＯＮＪＵＮ

✑𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 01

✑ 𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: 𝕬𝖓𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖑 𝖆𝖇𝖚𝖘𝖊 (𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓) 𝖒𝖔𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝖛𝖎𝖔𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊, 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉

✑ 𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: 𝕳𝖞𝖇𝖗𝖎𝖉-𝖆𝖚, 𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊,𝕬𝖓𝖌𝖘𝖙

✑ 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖕𝖑𝖊: 𝕮𝖍𝖔𝖎 𝖄𝖊𝖔𝖓𝕵𝖚𝖓 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 (𝖄 / 𝖓)

✑ 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕰𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖞 𝖘𝖆𝖌𝖆

🍒Prologue here 🍒

next

*ੈ✩‧𝑻𝒂𝒈: @fxd-skz​ 

Confused…

He was faraway from the building, he still could hear the noise in his ears.The first thing he had done was to remove the tracker off his ankles, which have left a reddish mark on it. He had never run as fast as he did now and even though it wasn’t the same on tread mild than in the snow, that didn’t stop him. He had set only one goal in his mind an that was: escape to be free.

He tried not to be distracted by anything that seemed attractive to his eyes, but in reality everything was. Everything was new to him, he did not even remember how he and his family had arrived at the laboratory where they were experimenting with hybrids. He had seen many die from dangerous experimentation with drugs and radiation they did to them. Among those hybrids were his parents; The last thing that had led him to escape from that place was to see one of his childhood friends die: Choi Beomgyu, he had seen him suffer so much that YeonJun had resolved to flee from there.

He was running through the snow-filled forest at last losing the sound of the laboratory alarms, but still he should not be trusted, he knew they would look for him and return him to the laboratory. His breathing was agitated but it was not because of fatigue, it was rather because of the adrenaline he felt rushing through his body and the adrenaline was so great that he felt that not even the large pine trunk that was lying in the middle of the road was a hindrance for him. Two meters high did not make him stop, he continued on his way meeting the end of the forest that made him stop suddenly.

An asphalt road divided half the forest now the question was:

Where should I go? West or east? He didn’t care but he still took the west…

He didn’t know where that direction would lead him, but the further away he was from the lab, it didn’t matter; It was the first time that he felt happy so he stretched his arms that hung from them the chains from which he was tied, generating noise in that silent night. He could feel and breathe the cold air of that place contrasting with how hot his body felt.

He was surprised to see the lights of some small houses apparently there was no one on the street and that only made him say thank you, he was just stepping on the floor of the sidewalks when he could hear the wheels of trucks approaching and they were not just any truck so no. He thought twice about running again looking for a place to hide. In the middle of two somewhat large constructions and the best thing was that it was dark so it was the perfect place to hide, I didn’t think about it for a second more and he moved his body in the direction of that place. Even so, he knew that they would search those particular places, in the dark he perceived an old metal staircase, he did not think twice to start climbing it.

He groaned when he discovered large buildings firmly established not far from him, that reminded him of the old photo that his father had given him to his ten years promising that one day he would take him to know the city. He didn’t even know when his eyes were tearing up at the shocking sight, his excitement was interrupted by the screeching of wheels stopping, causing him to crouch as he approached the edge of the building, but he knew it was them by their scent and it’s that he knew too much that smell of salty with mixed metal … an aroma that he never liked, he hated it more

“There’s no one around here” said one of the men who was lighting up the place where he had been.

“He must not be very far, he will be disoriented and I do not think he will reach the city so it will be easy to catch him” His eyes widened when he saw Dr. Chwe she was the only person he liked inside that laboratory because she was always very kind to him, he observed the woman moving among the men who accompanied her “ Remember not to draw attention and if necessary shoot “ he could see that he gave them a small blue liquid, then he knew that he should not trust Nobody, when they all got into the vans disappeared from his sight, he knew he had to go where the illuminated buildings were.

If he had thought that his life in the laboratory was difficult to live and that his freedom would be simple, he was very wrong because he had not tasted a bite of food for three days, at that moment he was under a frame of a place where they sold meat, he knew that what he would do was not quite right yet he tried to enter, he moved his nose as he got closer to the exquisite aroma and then he saw the large piece of meat that hung from an iron, he was about to take it when he felt that someone was still behind him thus he could not evade the blow that that fat man gave him.

He had not sent him to the ground, but if he had managed to destabilize him, he was barely going to recover when another blow made him fall down the small stairs of the place he let out a groan when he felt the ground wet from the torrential rain that fell that night. When he saw the voluminous male figure approaching him even on the ground, he began to move away from the opposite, emitting grunts:

“I’m tired of you filthy animals that assault my store, but this time I am going to teach you a lesson” his heart cut in his thorax, he didn’t like to be approached too much because he was not used to it, in the laboratory only the doctors approached very close but it was only to hurt him; he kept growling as the man began to approach him with a metal stick.

The only thing that occurred to him at that moment was to push him with his legs and by force he made him fall to the floor while he took the opportunity to stand up making noise due to the chains that he still could not remove; He tried to run but he tripped over something he didn’t know how to describe it and made him fall back to the ground, taking a good blow to the head.

There he was lying on the pavement with the rain soaking his body as he stared at nothing. Soon a light made him growl weakly, he did not know how to describe the aroma he perceived as he heard footsteps approaching him.

By that time his gaze was blurry and unstable, although he could only see red shoes and a high-pitched voice: “ You’re good? Oh Jesus! You’re bleeding …” if he was bleeding and it was the first time he looked at his own blood, it was: thick and dark red but when mixed with the water it turned a bright red 

“I’ll take you home and take care of you”. ..

No, he had not fled the laboratory for freedom and now he would end up in prison again …

Ronne Note’s: Hello cherries 🍒 come back with the first episode of puma … I hope you like it, I still have problems translating and I’m sorry if sometimes  i can’t convey what i want to say but I’m trying hard  (｡•᎔•｡)  … 

the tags are still open  (๑•ᴗ•๑)♡ i luv u 

M.List

© minniepetals. all rights reserved i do not allow my works to be used or adapted in any way without my permission

note: these works are all pairing with bts x reader, meaning these are all poly ot7 contents

♡ - fluff ☾ - angst ✓ - series complete ✎ - series ongoing

| request rules |

M O R E  W O R K S

drabbles masterpost

song drabbles masterpost

aus+quote masterpost

wbmg masterpost

latest: wine | wbmg

O N E  S H O T S

you belong to us ➳ ♡ ☾ harassed by guys at a party, your boyfriends comes to the rescue to make sure they know you belong to them read here

cuddles & cries ➳ ♡  you hate scary movies but the boys decided to put it on anyways read here

beautiful night ➳ ♡ in which the guys finally come out and tell you how they feel read here

feelings of doubt ➳ ♡ ☾ fights and makeups read here

what am i to you ➳ ♡ a fight over you has you questioning what exactly you were to the seven vampires read here

sanctuary  ➳ ☾ sometimes home isn’t a specific destination, sometimes home is when you’re crying and they reach out to hold you in their arms despite the rules. sometimes home is what you call their arms, your sanctuary read here / drabble

flowers & tattoos ➳ ♡ you own a flower shop right next to the tattoo parlor your boyfriends own read here

pretty little flower ➳ ♡ ☾ you were their flower amidst the dark read here

mikrokosmos ➳ ♡ ☾ cursed from a witch that turned them into actual sized humans and claiming that had been their true forms all along, maybe living with them in that way was better for you — if they weren’t that good looking and had your heart drumming every moment at just the sight read here

yours alone ➳ ♡ they were always captivated by your beauty, but sadly they aren’t the only ones read here

strawberries & cigarettes ➳ ♡ ☾ you were forbidden to love any man outside the partner your father had chosen for you, but you knew you could never give them up despite how bad they were for you read here

when the rain gets rough ➳ ♡ ☾ when you try to voice out your feelings and they get too busy when a deal goes wrong, the rain gets rough as a fight escalates read here

until the last star falls ➳ ♡ ☾ ✓ it was a love you knew would never make it out alive without sacrificing a part of your happiness to receive a greater happiness. but for them, you’d go to any extreme to have them again, and for you, they will always remind you each day that you are theirs and that nothing can tear you apart, not even until the last star falls read here / epilogue

caramel macchiato ➳ ♡ once known as the dark and ruthless gang members, fell for the one that was as sweet as a caramel macchiato read here

honeylove ➳ ♡ ☾ sometimes it may feel as if you are punished for loving each other but no matter what happens, they will always make it better read here

nightlight ➳ ♡ ☾ things have never been easy for you but you never expected it’d be them that would make things easier read here

heartbeat ➳ ♡ ☾ running away from your master is never easy so you deem yourself this will be the last time if you are fatefully brought back to his hold again. so what happens when you stumble upon seven men who says they won’t bring you back? what happens when they promise you their love and care instead? read here

love poem ➳ ♡ ☾ for years you’ve suffered for the longest time and for years they’ve hurt without understanding the true meaning behind it all. soulmates connected through the hearts, soulmates connected through the slightest touches, and when they finally meet their last soulmate, the seven gods vowed to themselves that they will love and protect you for the rest of their immortal lives read here

a gentle memory ➳ ☾ sometimes things are just not meant to be. and sometimes they are. the boys recall all their memories spent with you on the day of your wedding read here

as long as you’re here ➳ ♡ whether you know it or not, you always make things right again read here

because i’m yours ➳ ♡ you should have known they’d never let you go after gathering the courage to ask for a kiss read here

a cup of love ➳ ♡ ☾ some days they can forget to appreciate you but even then, you’ll never stop to show them that you care read here

when the morning comes ➳ ♡ it’s not always the easiest when it comes to waking up and having to leave you but even then, you make every moment worth it all read here

wine  ➳ ♡ you’re filled of surprises when drunk read here

D R A B B L E S

drabble: when a demon loves ➳ ♡ a demon’s love was more powerful than any human could ever give you read here

drabble: guardians ➳ ♡ ☾ no matter what fight may try to tear you apart, they will always be there to protect you read here

drabble: when october ends | implied poly ➳ ☾ you had to savor every moment before october ends read here

drabble: little jellyfish ➳ ♡ they were the only ones immune to your sting, and you were their little jellyfish read here | seek

drabble: milk & honey ➳ ♡ you’re small and sweet like milk and honey, but sometimes they are even more sweeter read here

drabble: comforting arms ➳ ♡ ☾ they come home to find you silently crying to yourself read here

S E R I E S

string of fate ➳ ♡ ☾ ✎ they set fire to the world around them but would never let a flame touch her masterpost

the butterseries ➳ ♡ ☾ ✓ their names alone had every men and women turning their heads and falling at their feet. successful, prestigious, handsome, rich and untouchable to anyone that looked their way. and you? you were just an employee who worked for them. who would have known you meant so much more to them than you could ever imagine? masterpost

rose & thorns ➳ ♡ ☾ ✎ a lone rose, a little broken, until Jungkook came along and the two of you saved each other. and in doing so, Jungkook showed you a world where he shared with his six other mates masterpost

soft ➳ ♡ ☾ ✎ they loved you so hard they softened. and for that, they had to pay for their mistakes — if it was even a mistake. but it isn’t. loving you is never a mistake soft / sweet / lovely

unlove me, i dare you  ➳ ♡ ☾ ✓ it wasn’t meant to be. you’re only a burden part 1 | part 2

Abundance

— summary: You never expected that you would end up adopting a hybrid, and if someone had told you that you would end up with seven? Well, you would have thought they were crazy. But here you are, with three different packs of hybrids that don’t get along – but all want to stay with you. Yeah, turns out crazy is an understatement.

— pairing: hybrid bts x human f!reader

— genre: fluff, angst, eventual smut

— word count: 5.2k

— tag list: @keijaycreates​​ @xsmilebitesx​​ @ditttiii​​ Part: II / III / IV / V / VI / VIII / IX / X / XI / Find the rest of the chapters here!

“A hybrid?” You barely hold back a cough, the sandwich you were eating getting caught in your throat at your friend’s surprising words.

“Don’t sound so surprised Y/N, this isn’t the first time we’ve talked about this,” Jihyo rolls her eyes, pushing her water bottle closer to you as she notices you struggling. You quickly take a sip, the cool water soothing your irritated throat.

“No, but it’s the first time we’ve ever talked about me and hybrids in the same sentence,” You shake your head as you lean back in your chair, Jihyo’s eyes narrowing as she looks at you. You advert your eyes to pick at your shirt. Somehow, Jihyo always knows how to make you do something you’re unsure of, and this is too serious to be one of those situations.

“But wouldn’t it be nice? You always complain about being lonely,” Jihyo says, a knowing smile on her face as she takes another bite of her own food.

“Yeah, but I meant a boyfriend, not a hybrid!” You sigh. You had been complaining a lot recently how sad it was to come home to a big empty apartment, and how nice it would be if the space were filled with someone else beside yourself. But a hybrid? You hardly know anything about them. And considering they’re part human and animal, you’re sure they will need a lot of attention, maybe even more than what you can give.

“Besides, I wouldn’t even know where to start. I don’t know anything about them,” You add, a frown on your face as you pick at the escaped fillings of your food. “That’s what the centers are for! You pick out a hybrid and get a manual to go along with it, it’s not that hard,” Jihyo huffs, a small pout on her lips as she finishes her food. You know she only has your best intentions in mind, but this is a big step. One you’re not sure you’re ready for.

Keep reading

Out of the Woods

— pairing: wolf hybrid namjoon x human f!reader — genre: fluff, angst, slight smut — word count: 10.2K — warnings: light injury, nothing too bad!  — summary: Promising Jihyo that you were going to stay away from your writing for one weekend had been easy in theory, but much harder to actually do once you reached the little cabin the woods. To make matters worse, the only thing that rivals your inability to keep promises is your terrible luck – and after a particularly bad choice leads you to get lost in the mountains, you suppose that it’s only karma that you end up face to face with a wolf that looks ready to rip your throat out.

Part I / II / III

“Why are we here again?” You huff, waving your hands uselessly in the air to fend off the insistent mosquitos that seem to have chosen you as their next meal. “And don’t say it’s because I need–”

“It’s because you need some sunlight! Fresh air! You haven’t been out outside of your apartment in months,” Jihyo shoots you a look over her shoulder, one that’s equally as much worried, as it is exasperated. You bite down on your tongue to fend off any building remarks. Because well .. she’s right. The only time you’ve stepped outside your apartment recently was to either get groceries, or to run to the convenience store nearby when the craving for a late night snack became too much.  

“It’s because I’m busy–”  

“Busy my ass!” Jihyo interrupts with a humorless snort, “You finished writing your first draft weeks ago, Y/n. I understand that you get in one of your ‘moods’ when you write, but you can’t shut yourself away from the rest of the world whenever that happens. You’ll let your own life pass you by.”

You narrow your eyes at Jihyo’s use of air quotes, because frankly, it’s not just a mood, it’s inspiration. You know you have to take full advantage of it when you have it ­– that you have to devote your sole focus to the words spilling from your fingertips unless you want to lose them. You did that once. You had just finished writing a chapter when some old friends from university had called you out for some drinks. You easily accepted, happy to celebrate your progress and unwind a little bit. The problem however, reared its ugly head the day after. Because when you sat down in front of your computer, the empty document stared back at you like a stranger.

You couldn’t write. No sentences seemed to flow the way you wanted them too, and everything was just so dull. It took weeks – a whole month in fact – before it reappeared, and by that time you were left scrambling to complete the last half of your book in just one week. You felt like you aged ten years during those seven days, and you wowed to never let it happen again. So, your solution had been to eliminate any distractions. You stopped meeting up with friends, ignoring any calls or texts that weren’t from your publisher. You didn’t set foot outside your apartment unless your fridge was empty or a craving became too big, and even then, you barely acknowledged the outside world, too scared that even a friendly hello would somehow yank you out of your mindset.

So you hold you tongue, biting down at the soft flesh of your lower lip as Jihyo trudges ahead in front of you. No matter how much you want to retort back that she’s wrong – you can’t. Because she knows you better than you like to admit. You suppose being friends since you were six probably has something to do with that. Jihyo is the most understanding person you know when it comes to your moods, but you know that even she has her limits. That even she gets hurt when it takes you days to respond to her texts. And that’s the only reason you’re even out here, stumbling and tripping over rocks and loose roots in the middle of nowhere. Because you feel guilty, and because Jihyo deserves a better friend than what you’ve been to her for a while.

“Fine,” You grumble. “How long will it take until we’re there? We’ve been walking for hours.”

“We’ve been walking for thirty minutes Y/n,” Jihyo shakes her head. “But I think we’re pretty close now!”  

Keep reading

desolate (1)

— summary: you just wanted a cute little normal cat to keep you company. so you’re not really sure how you ended up with the grumpiest hybrid on earth that seems hellbent on making your life difficult.

— pairing: cat hybrid yoongi x  reader

— genre: angst, fluff, eventual smut

— word count: 2.7k Part two Part three Part four Part five Part six Part seven Part eight Part nine Part ten (M) Part eleven Part twelve Part thirteen Part fourteen (M)

“A hybrid?” You barely hold back a cough, the sandwich you were eating getting caught in your throat at your coworkers surprising words.

“Don’t sound so surprised Y/N, this isn’t the first time we’ve talked about this,” Jihyo rolls her eyes, pushing her water bottle closer to you as she notices you struggling. You quickly take a sip, the cool water soothing your irritated throat.

Keep reading

housebound | ot7

— pairing; ot7 x reader

— genre/rating; fluff / pg15

— word count; 5.8k

— warnings; swearing, cuddling, needy boys, seriously they won’t leave reader alone, quarantine is the reason that reader & the boys are together but it’s only mentioned once!

— summary; what do you do when you’re forced to stay with your seven famous best friends and they start fight over you like you’re the last slice of pizza? you create a schedule, of course. (basically just a compilation of activities you do with the boys in isolation)

thank you to @joonsrack​​ for reading over this for me!!! u the best <3

— masterlist —

“____! You said you would play Overwatch with me!”

“No, she said she was going to help me bake cupcakes!”

“You guys are funny if you think _____ is missing an episode of Love is Blind with me.”

“Actually, you’re all wrong. She promised me that she’d do yoga with me.”

This is it, you rubbed your temples, trying to drown out the yelling around you, this is the day I kill them all.

Keep reading

— beautiful stranger (m) || KTH

— pairing; south china tiger!kth x vet student!reader

— genre/wc; 19.8k, hybrid!au, circus!au, angst, smut, fluff

— warnings; mistreatment of animals, blood, injuries, smut (like it’s a bit fluffy but then he’s a tiger so-), cursing, needles/basic medical care, abandonment, blood, rough sex, manipulation, scars, burning, spying, betrayal. smut: fingering, cum eating, implied oral, aftercare

— summary; your dream is to take care of animals for the rest of your life in the big city, making sure that they’re cared for. but you stumble upon a malnourished, rare tiger in your local circus, and you can’t help but want to take care of him.

— a/n; : HEAVY UNEDITED IM SO SORRY DSFDSFA, and there will be no part 2. 

read on ao3 here!

© monotape. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

MASTERPOST

  BTS x Reader longfic | idolverse au, uber driver!Reader, translator!Reader | Fluff, flirting, super slow burn, angst and hurt/comfort, mature themes and eventual smut 

Status: ongoing

Rating: Teen (for now - will have eventual smut, which will change the rating)

Summary: Your normal life with a normal, yet inconsistent job gets drastically changed when your dreams come true. Sounds boring right? What happens when all of this occurs, but you’re still doing something you love AND getting a large sum for it? Now there’s something to think about, and it’s definitely not what you’re thinking.

Word Count: approximately 92k (so far) 

<< masterlist 

🚗 STORY SURVEY RESULTS 🚗 (31/7/2020)

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵   

Chapter 1 

Chapter 2 

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 

Chapter 6

Chapter 7 

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25 - SPECIAL

Chapter 26

ongoing …

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Drabbles

Coming Soon

          Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved. No part of this collection may be reproduced, distributed, or translated in any form or by any means. Legal action will be taken if necessary.