Ross Macdonald - Blog Posts

I forgot who made this music video sorter , if anyone knows who it is please tag them 🥰

But this is my order I feel like heart out should a lil higher but it looks about right tbh

My days are loooooking up again dudes

IM ACTUALLY IN LOVE GUYS

ARGHHHHH

🥰🥰🥰

Heart out Chapter 35

Warnings : , smut , talking about adhd, edging , sub!Matty . dom!George , sweetness , mention of injury and alcohol

This chapter is cute there’s a lot of George and Matty , Matty and Louis brotherly love , George bonds with Louis too and it’s so fluffy in parts

8k words

George’s POV

I woke up the next morning to the sun shining through the curtains, and the house rumbling with life. I rubbed my eyes as I adjusted to the light. I heard a slight groan come from the corner of the room and it was at this moment I realised Matty wasn't beside me and his side of the bed was cold indicating he had left a while ago

"Mattee?", as I sat up , I noticed Matty was in the corner huddled over his desk legs criss-crossed together on the chair, his left hand was wracking through his hair pulling it quite hard and in his right hand was a pen and a cig. "Matty you okay!" , I spoke a bit louder this time so he could hear me , It was slightly stifled by a yawn though

Matty span round on his chair and made eye contact with me, "good morning sleepy-head , how did you sleep?" , he dropped his pen on the table , and took a long drag of his cig.

"I slept great , what time is it?" , as I woke up a little more I noticed that he was dressed and looked like he'd showered.

"It's 9 darling , still fairly early, you can go back to sleep if your still tired" , he span back around to his desk and continued on with what it was he was doing.

"When did you wake up?", I flipped his cover off of my legs , swung them over the side of the bed, made my way over to him and flung my arms around him. "Come back to bed love"

He melted into my hug , "I woke up at 6, I wasn't feeling to great , I tried to get back to sleep for like an hour but it just didn't happen , so I thought a shower would help me feel better then decided to get on with some studying while you slept", he motioned toward the maths revision in-front of him. "But I'm just irritating myself doing this" .

I pulled him even closer to me as much as I could considering the chair being in the way and kissed his temple burying my head in his neck, "what's wrong my love, why aren't you feeling good?"

I felt him shrug as I held him. "Just a bit jittery I think, and my stomach is falling out arse for some reason"

"Are you anxious about something ?!"

He looked up at me then after pushing his revision sheets out of the way. "I think I'm just shittin it for my GCSEs , like I don't even want to do them anymore, what's the point", he went to pick up the revision papers again "like look at this what the fuck does this even mean, I've been studying this for three years and I'm still none the fuckin wiser..."

"Matty it's okay, let's lay down for a bit okay, just talk for a bit tell me what's going on in your head", I took his hand and helped him spin the chair round and led him back to the bed. "lie your head on my chest and just listen to my heart, it'll calm you down"

We laid down, myself against the headboard and Matty on my chest, I pulled him close to me and played with his hair at the nape of his neck. " Tell me what you need, what will  calm you down?"

"Seriously , I just don't wanna do my GCSE's anymore darlin". His hair was tickling the bottom of my chin as he was slightly shaking his head and his grip on me grew tighter. "I'm just terrified that I'm going to fail, and studying is supposed to help but it's doing the opposite it's messing with me head", his breath starts coming out hallowed and deep like he's trying to hold of from crying. "I just can't do it George"

"Baby...can you look at me for a second?", I placed my fingers under his chin to guide his face to look at me then swiped my thumb over his cheek to catch the slowly falling falling tears. "I promise everything will work out okay?, Would you like my help?, we can have a J and then bring your paper over to me and I'll help you through it , does that sound okay?"

He sniffles and wiped his face over with the sleeve of his hoodie, "are you sure, I don't want you to be bored"

"I wanna help you love , I don't want you to be upset about it" . I leaned over him to pick up my cigarettes from the bedside table that I had left there last night and pulled out a joint each from the packet "Here take this", I handed Matty one and leaned back over to grab my lighter , the joint was between his lips, I went to go light it for him but his hand came up and stopped me

"Gotta climb up on the windowsill and smoke out the window darlin" , I came out mumbled with the joint still in his mouth but I picked up what he said. I let Matty get up and climbed up into the windowsill and pulled him up carefully. He was situated between my legs with his back on my chest just like last night , the window was already open. So I flicked the flint to spark the flame and watched as Matty took a drag to ignight the ember. And did the same for mine. "Let this relax you yeh?, did you have any plans for today ey ?"

He relaxed back into the me properly as he lets the weed flow through him, "Eh , I think we might be going to Ross' tonight for drinks , end of year drinks you know , but don't tell my mum that it's drinks she won't be happy"

"Is that really a good idea though if your not feeling great ?," I took a drag of my joint as Matty exhaled and rolled his head onto my shoulder looking at me like I just said to most outrageous thing ever. "What !".

"I'll be fine by then and besides if I do ,it might help, might just , I don't know might clear my head, joints just make my body relax but alcohol will clear my head you know?"

"We'll then , if we go can you promise that we'll eat before we go, so you don't get sick, and if you need to go tell me , if you do feel like your gunna get sick let me know okay?"

"Okay", as we finished our joints we flick the ends out the window and Matty straddles my lap facing me. "George ?"

"Yeh love?", my hands find his waist playing with the pattern of the joggers.

"Why am I like this?"

"Like what , love?" , Matty hugs himself to me as he finds the right words to say, I can feel his tears dripping onto my skin when he began to cry again

"Just emotional all the time , if I'm not angry, all I wanna do is cry or I'm panicking and anxious about stuff, I'm only ever happy when your there, how insane is that , I can't even make myself happy"

"It's difficult sometimes to regulate moods you know, and having all the diagnosis that you have it's going to be even harder for you to regulate yours, and that's why you need meds to help it, and I'll do my best too, you know that right?" , I slide my fingers through his hair twirling the strands through my fingers and tugging ever so gently.

"I don't want to have to rely on medication George, I just wanna be normal, I wanna fell like other people, just safe in there head and just I don't know , good", as I'm tugging on his hair I can hear him sigh against me, his breath hot against my chest. "Baby...."

"You are normal Matty , you're your normal , I wouldn't have you any other way", I stop tugging his hair and lift his chin up with a finger curled under it "yeh?"

Matty take my other hand that's not under his chin and puts it back to his hair, "I like it when you do that"

"Like it when I do what", I asked playing innocent because I knew what he meant.

"I like it when you play with my hair darlin, maybe a bit too much" , he leans forward and connects our lips together both of my hands end up in his hair light scratching his scalp with one and pulling his hair with the other and I swallow his moans in my mouth. "Darlin...I can't be giving the neighbours a show right now". As we pull away from each other I pull his curtain closed part way so we're out of sight.

"Is that better love?", Matty nodded and leaned back in for another kiss being more forceful this time, not in a bad way , just more passionate. He grinded himself against me and we both moaned into each others mouths again, Matty's lips then trailed down to my neck nipping on the sweep spot. My hands found his waist again tugging on the bottom of his hoodie asking for permission to take it off "Go ahead Darlin". I pulled it over his head gently as he pulled away a little bit and I threw it on the floor.

"What do you wanna do Matty?", my hands trailed up and down his chest slowly, taking in everything, every freckle and mole, watching how his breath hitches everytime my hands slide lower. "Tell me love".

"I just need you to touch me Darlin, I don't mind how, I just need you" , his cheeks where pink with blush and his chocolate brown eyes had blown wide.

My right hand slipped down his chest past his stomach and pulled at the front of his jogger as I slipped into his trousers slowly starting to pump him as my left hand tangled itself back in his hair. "Like this love", both hands where he liked them, I swiped my thumb over the head of his dick and I continued to jerk him off, he rolled his head forward as it connected with my shoulder.

"Yeh...just like that darlin...thank you", I could feel him thrust into my hand as I pumped him faster. "Arghh...that feels so fuckin good". I pulled him back up to kiss me as I continued my movement, I slipped my tongue in his mouth tasting the cigarettes and weed that we'd just smoked. His thrusting got faster and but more relaxed and he grunted into my mouth the sound sending arousal right through me. "Darlin...can you..can you give me ...head ...please", the sentence punctuated with gasps every time he thrusted forward.

"Anything for you handsome, but you have to stay quiet okay don't want anyone to hear , yeh ?" , Matty nodded but I stopped the movement of my hand. "I need you to say it love"

"I will, I'll be quiet I promise , just please, I just need it, It'll help, I just need you to shut my brain up", An idea popped into my head just then not really sure if it'll work , I've heard this kind of stuff helps others just lose themselves so , I just tell myself we can try it but if he doesn't want it I'll stop.

"Love ?, can we try something , something I've heard that helps others ?"

"Okay , what is it ?"

"It's a surprise, just let me know if you need to stop , and tell me when you need to cum , can you do that"

"Yes ,yes , I can", he nodded enthusiastically at me .

"Jump down then , on the bed , strip down , but don't even think about touching yourself okay", as he jumped down from the windowsill I could see him watching me with a slight glint in his eye.

"What happens if I do touch myself" , I couldn't help the way my head just snapped up to look at him and the way my dick twitched in my trousers.

"Don't , or I'll have to stop you some other way" , that sounded strange coming from my own mouth but I've gotta play the part right and it's what he needs right now. I watched Matty strip down to his boxers from the windowsill. "And the rest" , he removed his boxers to and his dick sprang back against his stomach and I just sat in awe for a minute before I snapped back to myself. "Your so gorgeous Matty , standing there all pretty for me, but I need you to lie down" , and so he does , he lays down on the bed just waiting for me. I slipped down from the windowsill and skulked to the end of the bed just watching him.

"What now Darlin?", At that I set myself on the bed my knees either side of Matty's and my hands started roaming his body.

"Right I've got some rules now okay, first of all , if you get uncomfortable or want to stop, tell me straight away please , don't cum until I say or you'll be punished , stay quiet for me , if I say something please follow the instructions and lastly if I ask you a question you have to answer with your words , can you do that for me love?", Matty nodded with a shit-eating grin on his face already trying to be a little brat

"What did I just say Matty?"

"To answer you if you spoke" , my hand trailed down his body again and took hold of his dick again and I pumped him slowly a couple of times

"So , I'll try again, can you do that for me"

"Yes....yes....I can do that", Matty groaned as my hand got faster and his back arched off the bed. I leaned forward and kissed him passionately on the lips exploring the inside of his mouth with my tongue, I stopped my hand for a second, every so often just jerking him off and stopping, teasing him slightly. "George please don't tease ....I swear...I can't"

"Oh, I haven't even started yet my love", I kissed down his body , from his neck, across his shoulder occasionally leaving bruises , over to his chest, Matty was squirming under me, I eventually made my way down to his dick and licked at the head, it was bright red at this point.

———————————-x—x—————————————

"George ...George ....Darlin I can't....I can't do it anymore.....please" , we'd been at it for mostly ten minutes, I'd been edging him for a while now, getting him right to the edge of his climax and then stopping whatever it was I was doing to him.

"Do you want me to stop??", I asked around his dick as my mouth was still around it, my hands where running up his thighs that were now trembling.

"No....No...please don't stop....I'll actually die if you stop now....I need to cum now George....I don't think I can control it anymore....I have too" , his dick was twitching in my mouth , his legs trembling , mouth agape , knuckles white from how tightly he was holding onto the sheets. "George seriously please ....I'm gunna cum now...I can't stop it anymore"

I kissed back up his body continuing to leave hickeys and when I got to his face I whispered into his ear. "You can let go now handsome" , My hands found his dick one last time as my lips connected with his again, and just like a snap of an elastic band he came all over his stomach , white ropes all over the place and he moaned into his mouth. "That's it handsome , we'll done"

He lay there just staring at the ceiling when I sat back on my knees, "thank you, thank you , thank you , that helped a lot ...wow", I got up to go get something to clean him up but I felt his hand wrap around my wrist. "Don't leave yet please".

"I need to clean you up love" , although I know he needed to be cleaned up beofre it dried , those puppy dog eyes he was presenting to me right now, made it so hard not to just stay there. "I'll be right back sweetheart I promise"

"Promise?" , the grip that he had on my wrist wasn't that tight and he seemed a little hazy and just dropped it. I kissed his head and tried to fix his hair so it wasn't plastered on his forehead.

"I promise love", I quickly got a wash cloth and a glass of water for him and made my way back placing myself back onto the bed next to him. "Come ere sweetheart , can you drink this for me", I gave him the glass but his body still wasn't cooperating so I helped him sit up against the headboard placing some pillows behind him and helped him hold the glass as he took a drink. "There you go", once I'd placed it back down on the dressing table , I took the wash cloth and cleaned up his stomach . "Where will I put it"

"Just .....just eh...just drop it for now", so I did I just dropped it on the ground but on top of the shirt that he'd discarded ealier so it wasn't directly getting the floor wet, once I'd turned back to him Matty had his arms outstretched for me.

"Do you need a hug love?"

"Yeh , please darlin, I need to be close to you, know your still here" , I layed down next to him and pulled his body right over next to me and wrapped my arms around him tightly. Letting him rest his head on my chest.

"Where am I gunna go love, I'm gunna be here for as long as you need me to be sweetheart, How are you feeling now , how's your head"

"I don't have a single thought up there right now , other than you and that I'm hungry" , I pulled him infinitely closer to me if that was even possible

"Do want me to go make you something" , I feel him shake his head against me and mumble a quiet

"not yet , want to stay here for a while, I think I need to tell you something"

"What is it ?", my hand found his chin again and got him to look at me so I could see his eyes.

"I'm scared , for like when you have to go home, I won't be able to just feel better when I'm feeling how I was if your not here", he stopped talking to look at me properly, as I furrow my eyes brows "sorry that's stupid"

"No , no Matty , I understand what you mean , but even when I'm not here, I'm still going to try to help you the best I can"

"I know, Im sorry, I just feel like it's going to be a-lot harder to do it but , I'm glad I have you, I think I might love you"

I paused for a second as I heard the words leave his mouth , a did he his eyes grew wide as he also realised. "Matty , my love , I love you too"

Just at that we heard a knock on the door "Matthew are you boys decent" , Shit that's Tim we both scramble to get under the covers before Matty calls him in. He does come in tentatively blocking his eyes as well

"Dad it's fine where covered up, what do you need"

"Your Mum and I are on our way out and Loiue doesn't want to come with us so would you boys be able to look after him for an hour or so , you don't have any plans do you ?" , we both agreed in unison and said that it was all good we didn't have anything to do til later. He took a small look around the room , smiled and thanked us before he left.

"We should get dressed then handsome , come on, I'll help you if you need" , Matty nodded but neither of us made any attempt to move for at least another five minutes. He got up and pulled his boxers back on, and I crawled over the bed "hand me your jumper gorgeus" , He handed it over to me before pulling his joggers back on. "Arms up", I slid the jumper over his head and booped him on the nose . "You can pick my outfit out if you like".

This causes Matty to squeal and clap his hands in excitement "yes I'd love to", he runs over to my suitcase pulling out some clean boxers and a pair of blue Tommy Hilfiger jeans, a black t-shirt, placed them on the bed and then goes to the chair that had his jumpers on and picked up the blue Nike jumper that he'd given me "there I think this will work, anything would work on your really but here, I'm going to go downstairs say goodbye Mum and Dad , make us all some breakfast and I'll let you shower" , I kissed him one more time before we parted ways.

————————————x—x——————————-

Matty's POV

I gave George a towel before I went down , he should be in the shower now though , my Mum and Dad where getting there coats on getting ready to leave so I ran over to them and gave them a quick hug goodbye. My mum reminded my that if where inside that to try not smoke when Louis is around but we can take him to the park or we can have a smoke if we go outside so long as one of us is inside just the usual that she always says. I let her know that it's all going to be fine and she needs to worry less but just before they leave my dad reminds me to take my meds which to be honest had forgotten but I'll take them after breakfast. After they'd left I'd decide to make some beans on toast for everyone just as I'm doing that Loiue comes running into the kitchen already dressed carrying a million different toys in his arms "Maffu , you and George can play wif me today right since. Mummy and Daddy are busy?, right!", I turn around from the oven just in time because as I do I watch him drop all the toys onto the floor without a care in the world "I have all these toys to play wif"

"Kid you have to be careful with those , don't wanna break them do we", I walk over to him and lift him up so he's sat on my hips with his arms around my neck. "Do you want to sit down at the breakfast bar and watch Maffu make breakfast then when George is finished in the shower you can show him all your cool toys and we can have breakfast" , he nods at the as I place him down on a still at the breakfast bar. "Be careful remember"

"I remember, you fell off of this one time didn't you"

"When did that happen kid ?", I had fallen off the stools a month or so ago I'd had a few friends over and I had gotten pretty drunk and we were messing about and I leaned to far back and split the front of my head open but , I didn't think he knew about that.

"When you hurt your head , Rosso was here too and big boys and girls and I came down to see if Mummy was down here and I saw you fall off it" , I turned off the stove because I needed to check the he was okay , I would have done it sooner if I knew but now I just feel like an ass , my 7 year old brother shouldn't have had to have seen that. So I went over and sat next to him and played with his hair

"Was it you that got Daddy to help me ?"

"Yeh , Rosso was trying to get you up but you didn't get up , so I went to find Mummy and Daddy , Daddy woke up first and I told him that you where hurt, but Daddy said that I had to go back to bed and I fink he went to help you, I remember that Mummy woke up too cuz there was an ambulance too"

"What brave boy you are for getting dad , we're you scared" , he looked up at me now and he nodded and that's when I pulled him into a hug

"I'm always kind of scared Maffu, your the bestest brother in the whole wide world, and when you get upset or angry I get scared cuz that's when you end up hurt and I don't like that", I couldn't believe what I was hearing this kid is honestly too grown up for his own good and I hate that he understands how I feel because he's only little and shouldn't have to understand. "Like when JayJay went away, you went away too, you were never in the house for ages and I missed you a lot , and then you started getting sick all the time and I'm scared that your gunna go away to like JayJay did"

"Lou , I need you to listen to me very carefully okay, can you look at me for a second" , I loosen my grip on him so he can look up at me with his big hazel eyes. "I promise you that I'm always gunna be here okay , I'm always going to be your big brother, I love you most in the world and when I'm home you know I've got you , right. But I need you not to be scared, not to be worried about me. I know I get angry and I get sad sometimes but I'm doing my best to get better so I don't hurt anymore".

"Can I ask you a question ?"

"You can ask me anything Kiddo" , I pulled him back in for another hug because I just can't bare the fact that I'm the reason he's scared and It's just killing me knowing that if I can't get better for myself I need to get better for him.

"Why are you so sad all the time?, is it cuz JayJay is gone?"

"Thats part of it I guess but there's loss of reasons, sometimes my head just gets to messy sometimes and I can't make it feel good for a while" , I can hear George making his way down the stairs and as I'm holding Louis on my knee I can finally see George leaning against the wall that leads into the kitchen he mouths a quick "everything okay?" , cuz we must look a state, I know I was crying again and Louis wasn't far off. So I shook my head , not really.

"And is that why you get sick" , his little hands come up to him face holding it so where looking at each other. "Do you think maybe I could try to make your head not messy anymore cuz I don't like it when your sick and I just wanna make you better"

"You do help me kiddo , so does Mummy and Daddy and Georgie and Rosso and Jamie and JayJay helped"

"You was sad even when JayJay was around ?, Isn't she your best friend" , God bless him , I know he doesn't understand death very well but it's a times like these I really wish he did understand because then I wouldn't have to have these conversations.

"Yeh even when JayJay was here I was sad sometimes, Maffu just has something wired differently in his brain to some other people but we're fixing it and everyone is doing a great job , but you'll never guess who's here ready to play", I point behind him to George's who's still leaning against the door panel but has his arms wide open because I'm sure he can anticipate that Louie is going to run straight for him.

"Georgie , Hiiiii, come see all my cool toys", Lou climbs careful down from the stool and boulders right into George's leg hugging him tightly then grabs his hand leading him over to his pile of toys on the floor. This gives me a minute to collect myself and get breakfast started again

"Hiya little man , arghh is that a race-car", George pics up a few of the toys and put them onto the kitchen island and lifts Louie onto the stool again. "We should play up here so Matty can make breakfast"

"It's not Mahee it's Maffu" , hearing that makes me giggle , the amount of times I've heard this kid have this conversation because my family have always called me Matthew and kiddo hates it when people call me Matty. I think the only person he really lets do it is Ross.

"Am I not allowed to call him Matty?" , George looks at me with a smile and turns back to Louie and helps him start pretending to race the cars.

"No cuz he's not Mahee, his name is Maffu" , I turned around to watch them play after I'd plated everything up , I'd cut Louis toast into squares and his beans in bowl where as ours where just on plates. I passed them over and we all sat around the breakfast bar

"Hey Lou ?, Can you say MaTThew for me, remember like TTTHHH" , We were trying to teach him how to pronounce his T Hs in words but it was taking a little bit of time.

"That's what I said I said Maffew" , while he was crunching on his toast he was still playing about with his little red cat pretending to drive it up George's arm.

"Try this can you say thinking"

"Thhhh.thinking" , I gave him a high five before shovelling some beans in my mouth.

"That's it , now say Thinking This Through" , I know that's a little harder to say and he won't get it right away

"Thhhhfff...thhhinking , thhhis , fffffthhh frew"

"That's was nearly it kid , clever boy" , I couldn't help but be proud him for trying, I'm always so damn proud of him , "so boys how about when we've finished we have a trip to park".

Louie immediately agreed and George smiled nodding too, finishing the last of his food before going to the sink g and dropping it in "Matty do you want me to wash this ?"

"No darling it's okay , I'll clean them if you go help Louie clean himself up and get his shoes on"

"Sure thing" , Louie jumped down from the bar stool and took George's hand showing him where his bathroom was to help him get cleaned up as I began washing up the dishes and the rest of the kitchen, I'd just about finished the dishes I got a message from George.

"Louie doesn't want me to brush his hair says he wants you to do it" , of course , he rarely even let's my mum do it, I should have thought about that

"I'll be right up just gunna finish this and I'll be up just tell him to be a good boy and wait for two seconds"

I finished up the dishes and dried my hands, making my way up the stairs two at a time to get to the bathroom to help George out, I know how stubborn Lou can be having learnt from the best. "Hey kid, why you not letting Georgie do your hair," , he handed me the brush and sat down on the edge of the bath

"Cuz you do it right no one else does it right like you do"

"How about I show Georgie how to do it then he can try tomorrow?, How's that sound", George said that he'd love to learn because he wants Louie to feel comfortable with him so Louie eventually agreed to let me teach George how to do it.

"Right first I usually just wet it cuz he likes it to look a little wet , then you get the comb and go through the sides so that they look kinda flat right ?, then I get a towel or shirt , whatever I can find and scrunch the front so it's curly and I do the back the same , then you just put some gel and hairspray in it to keep it in the same then voila" , I step back and lift Louie up so he can see in the mirror so he can see and he claps his hands and asks me to put him down. Once I do he runs off to get his jacket. Leaving me with George for a second. He was awkwardly stood in the corner watching us interact "you okay darlin?"

"Yeh , he really loves you doesnt he?" , he pulls me in at the waist and kisses me softly. "What was happening earlier by the way , hope I didn't interrupt anything" , I could feel his breath on my face as he stood close to me talking to me.

"Nothing , We were just talking about stuff , I got really shitfaced a couple months ago and he saw me fall of the barstools cuz I was being a prick and split my head open and he was telling me that he was scared that I was pretty much going to die or so he thought" , I pulled George into me so I could hold him close. "But I promised him that I'm not going anywhere , I've got a feeling he might be a bit clingy today but don't worry everything's okay"

"He's your baby brother I'd expect him to be clingy love , I would never be worried about that my littlest sister is clingy all the time when I have people over so I'd expect nothing less."

Louie came running back through wearing his buzz light year hoodie and carrying his buzz and woody toys with him "Can I take buzz and woody with me?", They had his name written on the bottom of there feet just like Andy did in the film.

"Sure you can kid but don't forget them okay?"

"I wouldn't forget them Mathhhhew , there like friends aren't dey" , he put them under one arm and stretched his other arm out, indicating he wanted me to lift him so I lifted him up onto my hips again as we made our way back downstairs George trailing behind smiling at the interactions. After I'd slipped my own shoes on we made our way outside

"Hey kid , do want to bring your bike" , he shook his head under my chin, so I just carried him in one arm and stretched my hand out behind me so George could take my free hand as we walked to the park. Chatting away to each other

—————————-x———————x————————-

"Wanna smoke Darlin", we've been sat the park for about 45 minutes now , Louie found a friend to play with , we're sat on the ground underneath some tree well out of sight, we can still see him though, so it's the perfect time for a fag.

"Yeh go on then love", this is the first free minute we've both had since saying we'd look after Louie so it's a good a time as any to have one.

"You know I love the kid but sometimes I get really overwhelmed and overstimulated looking after him, cuz my senses are all over the place", I take my fag from the packet and light it up in seconds watching as the embers glow under my finger tips.

"Is that an ADHD thing?" , I was sat next to George but was trying to manoeuvres myself into a better position so I could lay my head on his lap

"Is what an ADHD thing?"

"How quickly you can get overwhelmed, like, it's not a bad thing, but I've realised stuff with you, you can go from 0-1000 like dead quick" , as I lay down across his legs his free hand made its way to my hair again.

"Maybe, it's just I feel things a little more intense than people like what you said ealier it's harder for me to regulate feelings , but that's cuz the feelings I have are 10 times stronger", we both took a drag of our cigarettes basking in the peace for a second, the grey smoke making an angelic like halo around us making me feel safe.

"Can you tell me more about it , your ADHD, so I can understand it better, I haven't really spend a lot of time around someone who has it and I just want to do things right for you, what helps you calm down when your frustrated or upset?"

"Compression and force like giving up control really helps, taking control away from me, like someone making a choice for me instead of doing it myself or like if I'm freaking out hold me like really tight with you arms right around my chest, it gets me to focus on breathing and just trying to calm down my dad had to do it a lot when I was younger". I looked up at him then as I spoke so I could gage his reactions but he's just looking at me too and he looked interested, and like he actually wanted to know so I kept going, "that's why earlier when we did what we did , or I should say , when you did what you did, it helped so much really , it took away every single thought was running around in my head , took away my control left me completely under your control that helped so much, I've never had something like that to shut my head up fully other than drugs or alcohol and it felt really good to finally have something good"

"I'm glad it helped , I didn't tell you ay but I uh came too , like a fuckin 14 year old in my boxers because of it like what the fuck is that about", the blush across his face and the smile to match just had me melting at the sight. "So um what like frustrates you most, or what do I need to keep an eye out for like triggers that show your frustrated"

"We'll uh , I can't say I have specific triggers but it really bums me out when people don't try to understand me like , you know, I argue with people very often and I don't mean to they just don't seem to understand where I'm coming from or I can't communicate how I feel properly , that's why school sets me off , the teachers don't always get it and my attention span can go to bollocks really fast if I'm not interested in the class or I don't understand it" , after I'd discarded my cigarette I couldn't help but fiddle with the end of my T-shirt to keep my hands busy so I don't end up flailing them around. "I just feel the need to be constantly stimulated you know , and when I feel myself slipping, that's when I tend to go off the rails a bit like you know , doing something drastic to keep my brain going and a lot of the time I do know it's the wrong thing but I can't help it, and it's when people don't understand that, that's when I'm like well "fuck this then" and I get all hopped up and angsty, but I also frustrate myself too, when I can't concentrate on things that I really want to do or when I get forgetful and all that there's just quite a lot" , George pulled me into a hug and just held me close to him for a second I could feel his heartbeat through out shirts.

"Your amazing you know that right ?, and I'm so proud that you do everything you can to make it through everyday, and I can't sit here and promise I'll get it right for you everytime but what I can promise is that I'll always be here and always help you through stuff. You just have to let me know when your struggling okay !"

"Thank you Darlin , I'll try my best to always keep talking about how I feel" , just as we were finishing up our conversation Louis came running up to us , asking if we could go now because he was getting tired and had to go to the bathroom. He was still grasping onto his toys when he came over but was missing his hoodie. "Where's your jumper Lou?"

"Oh ....uh....I don't know I think it's on the climbing frame, I'll go get it", he passed me over his toys and ran back over the climbing frame to get it and met us half way back. "I don't want to wear it right now, It's to hot"

"Okay kiddo , Do you think it would fit Matthew ?"

"No it's to small for you silly", I carefully put it on , it was like 7 sizes to small but I still got into and I lifte him up in one arm and took George's hand with my free hand again as we made our way home, On the way George whispered in my ear that I look cute wearing a buzz light year hoodie and it made me laugh.

It took us all of ten minutes to get back and Louis was asleep in my arms already so as we go in I had to wake him up because he said had to pee before we left the park "go toilet kiddo then we can all have a nap yeh" , he just nodded and ran off as George and I took our shoes off .

"I'm not tired Matty I only woke up like 3 hours ago, but if you boys need a nap I'll make lunch or something?" , George places his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest so my back was against him and kissed my head.

"Just come sit with us yeh, I'm shattered but I'll still nap a little better if your there"

"Are you sure ?"

"Please ?" , Louis came down stood at the bottom of the stairs watching us cuddle up.

"people kissing is yucky and silly , really silly" , he jumped off the last step and pulled my arm with his on his way to the living room so we could nap , pulling me right out of George's grasp , I mouth a quick "sorry" in his direction but he just smiles at us and follows us through and we all cuddle up on the sofa to peacefully have a nap even if George didn't want one.

——————-x——————-x———————————

It was 3 o’clock by the time I woke up , Louis was running circles round my Dad , which made me realise my parents where back, George was wrapped up around me drifting off but not completely “Hiya Darlin , are you drifting”

“Nuhh”, he pulled me closer to him, “it’s just cozy down here”, and nuzzled his head into my neck “when we going to Ross’ place”

“I don’t know darlin , we can go anytime, Why ?”

“Wanna change, it’s damn hot up in here and I’m sweating like fuck”, he pulled the jumper off and I then could for sure that he was melting and come to think of it, I was too.

“We’ll we can both change and then go over and help set up” , I heard him agree, he got up a couple seconds later taking my hand and dragging me with him to my room. “What you thinking of wearing then darlin!”

He was already rummaging around his suitcase for something. “I brung a shirt with me but I’m not sure it’ll work though”

“Darlin , it’s just a party, you don’t have to be dressed up” , I slide open my wardrobe hunting around for a t-shirt and my red tartan trousers. I found a black polo neck sweater. I saw him pull out the shirt from the suitcase and a different pair of blue jeans. I pulled off my t-shirt to change but I notice George watching me and when I look up to see him and his head snapped back to where he was looking in the first place. “You don’t have to be shy darlin, especially not with me”

“I’m not shy , just don’t wanna be pervy do I, and uh….I don’t wanna uh….get like worked up again, we need to get going don’t we” , I slid over to him carefully and put my arms round his waist and softly kissed his neck

“We don’t have to go right away Darlin….we can take as much time as we need…and beside I wanna make it up to you for ealier”, I heard him groan right next to my ear and I attached myself to his neck again. “Would you like that darling ?….to pay you back for ealier….make you feel good” , his hands took hold on my waist and his head lulled forward into my shoulder

“Mhm” , I pushed him carefully into the bathroom and kicked the door closed behind me, I pushed him up against the door and quickly pushed his jeans down. “Slow down love, you don’t have to rush, come ere” , his hands found my face and pulled me in softly to his plump lips, I slowly slid my hand down his body and my hand found his dick tenting in his pants, I palmed in softly and I heard him groan. “Matty, your hands are magic”

I pulled back from the kiss and began to pull his top off, kissing his neck leaving hickey after hickey a trail all the way down his body till I reached the hair that sat just above his boxer line. “Can I?”, I was on my knees and looking at him through my eyelashes. “Please let me”

“Yes my love, please go ahead” , I pulled his boxers down his legs and licked all the way up his length his hands immediately found my hair gripping tightly, I wrapped my lips around his head and I heard him moan my name, like music to my ear. I began to bop my head around him slowly at fist until his head hit the back of my throat and I slightly gagged around him pulling back a little pulling off with a pop

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to push you that far”

“No darling, I promise it’s fine, you can do it a little harder if you want” , his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he pushed me back to what I was doing my lips wrapped around him and began sucking him off again with more vigour this time my cheeks hollowed out and let him hit the back of my throat a few times before going back to concentrate on the head. The noises I was pulling from him where amazing, his legs buckled a little bit before he pulled on my head. “I’m gunna come Matty, Can I uh….uh” , I know what I was going to say so with a few more licks , and my lips wrapping round him again I nodded moaning around him indicating he could come in my mouth. It took a few more pills and he was moaning and coming down my throat, I swallowed it all and pulled off of him wiping my mouth the back of my hand, leaning back on my heels

“Was that good for you darlin” , he was slumped agains the door, his hand under my chin and his thumb slid over my bottom lip.

“More than satisfactory, my love” , he helped my up, and he threw my arms around him. “Let’s get dressed love before we start anything else”, that made us giggle “I’ll get changed in here so there’s no more funny business ay?”

“Sure thing darlin”, we stood in each others arms for a few more minutes and I felt his lips connect with my forehead and he patted my arse. “Okay okay , I’m going”, I skipped out the door and gave him the clothes he took out before he closed it and we go to changed.

——————x———————-x—————

THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE PARTY

https://href.li/?https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1697864713911025664/pu/vid/634x360/MvcQtgBSBB8-LelN.mp4?tag=12

This is so funny to me

“Matty wanted an orangutan “ 😂

GUYS I ACTUALLY WANNA SOB OVER THE LATEST CHAPTER OF “HEART OUT” THAT IM WRITING , WRITING LOUIE IS ACTUALLY GUNNA BE THE DEATH OF ME OMG

@justanamesstuff @heavenfalls @medeas-chariot @tillthelandslide @1975tv @ros3chu

Bro I’ve found a way to incorporate Menswear lyrics into my next chapter and I’m so fuckin buzzzzzzin

What is this another installation already had a bit of inspo

Word count 3737(so beautiful)

Mentions of : weed, this chapter also contains smut it’s very awkward but sweet, slightly Subby matty and slightly domgeorge but only if you squint , aftercare AND JUST OUTRIGHT CUTENESS

Warnings : Smut and Weed

George's POV

"George you're as good as me darlin"

As Matty got up to lock his door he pulled the hoodie off placing it on the dresser beside the door and was starting to unbutton his shirt on the way back. "Is this okay?" , I couldn't take my eyes off of him and I nod frantically. He reached the end of the bed and tossed his shirt off in a different direction "can you take yours off for me darlin ?, or would you like me to do it"

"Come ere and do it for me babe", Matty climbed up onto the bed straddling my lap pushing his hands under the hem of my top as my hands connect with his chest and his breath hitches. "Your so fuckin handsome Matty , I swear". My shirt slipping off over my head and Mattys mouth connected back onto my neck , I slid my hands  from his chest down his sides to his hips and under his jeans taking hold of his butt "Bab...Baby, Can I ...Can I take ..your jeans off?", I couldn't help the stutter as I was talking , his teeth took hold of my pulse point and he was just nibbling along my neck. I could feel him nod against my neck as his hair tickled my face but I took a hold of his chin raising his face to look at me "I need you to say the words handsome".

"Ye..Yes you can darlin", He sat up for me and guided my hands to the front of his jeans as I unbuttoned them, I could feel his hard on through the fabric as I poped the button open. "George, I've never done this with a Guy, how ..how do we uh..or I mean what...Sorry I don't know what I'm asking"

"I haven't either , we can learn together babe" , I slowly pulled the waistband off his boxers back and then let it spring back softly. "Can I touch you?" , I felt him shudder under my touch and his eyes gloss over.

"Please" , Mattys hips pushed forward just enough so my hands brushed over his erection and I heard him groan and it sent a jolt of arousal through me. I again went to pull the front of his boxers down and slowly pulled everything all the way down as he helped get himself out of his jeans. My eyes scanned his body , and I couldn't help but stare at his dick , it was hard and the tip was red.

"Wow , how long have you uh ..."

"Not long don't worry , but it's all for you George", he leaned down and kissed me his tongue pushing through and I groaned into it but I stopped for a second

"Baby that looks painful"

"No George please I just need you to touch me please, these meds I'm on I know I won't last long, I just , just need your hands on me , please George" Matty guides my hand right to his dick and I wrap my hand around it and I begin to pump him slowly "That's it... yes ...shit that's it", That comment gives me the confidence to continue pumping him with one hand and the other comes to the back of his head pulling him down into a deep , breathless kiss. As I'm pumping him Matty starts grinding into me rolling his hips right against me causing me to groan into the kiss, he just continues to kiss me slowly from my mouth back down to my neck his hands grasping onto my shoulders. "George....can you ...can you go faster baby".

I whisper "as you wish handsome" and I pump him faster as he also grinds faster. My eyes roll into the back of my head as I feel him against me "Oh baby, you feel so good doing that, please don't stop"

His grip gets tighter on my shoulders as his dick twitches and he latches onto my neck with his teeth. "Arghh ...I ca...George keep going please..I'm close" ,

"Matty, lay down for me" , he stops momentarily to look at me. "I wanna taste you baby", he grinds down on me one last time and we both moan into a kiss as he lays down pulling me with him. "Your gunna be the death of me Matty seriously" . I start leaving wet kisses all the way down his body being sure to swipe my tongue over his nipples. And taking extra care to kiss along his happy trail. "I'm going to suck you off now okay" , I look up him through my eyelashes and I could see his back arch as his head is pushing into the pillows

"Yes , Oh my god , yes", his hands find there way to my hair and pull on my roots roughly and it feels amazing. I wrap my lips around his dick feeling the stretch of my lips as I go all the way down slowly. Feeling the head of his dick hit the back of my throat makes me moan around him and Matty's hands pull on my hair harder. "Shit ...George please". I swirl my tongue around his tip as I pull back up and I pull off with a pop. I rest my head on his thigh for a second. The whine that escaped his mouth was angelic

"Please what love"

"Please don't stop...I was so close just then George...I swear you're teasing me" , the look on his face was devine, his eyes were hooded and there was barley any brown left in them, there was a sheen of sweat across his hairline and his lips were red and swollen.

"Anything for you baby", I got right back to sucking him off, my own erection was pulsing in my jogger and I had to touch myself. The hand that ain't holding Matty's hips slide down my body and into my own jeans and I begin pumping myself at the same pace I'm sucking Matty at. The moment my hands connect with myself I moan around Matty's dick again and I felt it twitch in my mouth

"Baby...arghh...I'm...I thi...I'm gunna cum , please....can I" , his breath is coming out ragged and he's moaning my name. I nod around him as my hand begins to get faster around myself and I know I'm not going to last long, I keep moaning around him and I feel his hot thick ropes explode in my mouth as his hole body tenses under me and he groans my name. I pull of him quite fast and I sit up on my knees as I pump myself faster

"Matty, I need you, please", Matty’s hand ever so softly takes hold of me and we jerk me off together I double over as I feel my orgasm coming "oh my god .... Yes... that's it ...I'm cumming" , I explode over both of our hands and immediately fall to his side as we both try to catch our breath , both of our chests heaving rapidly "Wow ...that was definitely something ....Jesus Matty".

"You can say that again ...Jesus Christ", Matty rolls over to face me and begins to trailing his hands down my chest "we need to clean up then get some dinner cuz I'm starving", we both giggle at that and I get up

"I'll be right back sweetheart", I come back with some tissue and a glass of water and place the glass beside him then carefully wipe off any residue of my cum off his chest. "Want me to help you get dressed sweetheart" , I ask as I pick up my t-shirt and pull it back on.

"Sure", Matty sits up against the headboard as I make my way over to pick up the hoodie from the chair where he left it and his jeans from the floor. "Boxers are in the top drawer ", I also get some boxers for him and make my way back over

"Arms up", He raises his arms up over his head as I pull the hoodie over him, his face pops through the top and I kiss his nose and ruffle his hair. It makes us both chuckle again. "Stand up for me and put your hands on my shoulder" , he does so and steps into his boxers as I hold them out for him and he does the same with his jeans. I pull him into a soft lingering kiss I can't help but smile into it. "Let's go get some food yeh!"

"Yeh , OH I got you noodles" , he looks so excited as he tells me this and it makes me smile and take his hand as we leave his room

"Did you really?"

"Yeh, your always eating them on call, guessed you liked them , so I got loads", he's so fuckin cute sometimes and it really impressed me that he remembers the little things.

When we get down to the kitchen his mum is sitting on the bar stool at the breakfast bar and she smiles as we come in hand-in-hand "Hi boys, how are you doing", we watched her take a sip of he coffee and smile over the rim. "Next time Matty try make sure no-one is in next time you need to be doing that stuff , your dad took Lou out on a walk", the blush that creeped up Matty's face was a sight to see.

"Sorry Mum", We awkwardly shuffle over to the cupboard letting go of each other hands and Matty starts getting the noodles ready to heat up. I tentatively take a seat next to his mum.

"So, this is George am I correct", his mum extends her hand to me and I take it giving it a simple shake as she tells me that her name is Denise and she's very happy to meet the boy that has helped Matty out a lot recently. She asks us if we had any plans for the rest of the night since it’s about 8 o’clock and we’d been upstairs since we got in and as Matty is handing me the noodles he mentions that he wants to go up to the skatepark for a while after we’ve eaten. I spot Denise give Matty a look , I sense some tension but I don’t say anything. Although Matty does reassure her that everything will be fine as he shovels noodles in his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days “please dont worry Denise , I’ll look after him”

“Thank you love” , Denise smiles at us both and leaves, I smile up at Matty he’s really enjoying those noodles.

“So what happened at the skate park I could sense some tension”, Matty shrugs and looks around.

“Nothing happened , it’s just cuz it’s late and she doesn’t want me going out late because you know , dealers and stuff”, The noodles that he picked out where exactly the type that I buy all the time I don’t know how he could have known these were the ones I liked, I nod along with what he said because I get where his mum is coming from, and we sit in a peaceful silence for a while. Until Matty gets up and bins the pot that the noodles where in and climbs up onto the cabinet like literally climbs. It makes me lose myself in laughter.

“What are you doing dingus?” , he freezes as he grabs something from the cupboard on the top shelf and looks at me sheepishly.

“Just getting some stuff to roll a joint with for the park, I keep it up here so Lou can’t get it”, I’m still lost in laughs but I nod along and agree with him, I finish my noodles and stand with him as we roll a joint together, as I’m watching him do it I notice that he rolls his the opposite way to mine and I ask him if he’s left handed which he says yes to and smiles as he sticks the joint behind his ear and wrap his arms around my waist while I finish rolling mine

“You ready ?”

“Just let me grab our shoes, I’ll run and get yours, do you have a specific pair you want” , he informs me that he doesn’t mind so long as it’s a pair of vans , so I jog upstairs grabbing my red converse and a pair of black and white checkered vans from Matty’s shoewrack and I notice the rabbit hat on his dresser and pick that up too, Matty is stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me and I pull the hat over his head and cover his eyes and hand him his shoes

“Hey I can’t see at the best of times, this is very mean”, he adjust the hat on his head as we both sit on the bottom step pulling our shoes on, another difference I notice is where I tie my laces , Matty doesn’t he just simply tucks the laces into his shoes and jumps back up dusting his jeans off “ready?”

“Yeh”

———————————xx————————

Matty’s POV

I didn’t bring my boards with us but once we reached the skatepark it was empty so I bet George that I could beat him to the top of the halfpipe, we let each others hand go and we bolt over ti the graffiti covered concrete of the halfpipe , George quickly pulls himself up, leaving me to struggle (I’m not very strong), After a couple of seconds he offers me a hand and he pulls me up. Our legs are dangling off the edge as he pulls me into him. I’m leaning on his shoulder for a second until I decide to flop down laying on my side and put my head in his lap.

“I think I won that one sweet one”, I just mumble a quick “mhm” and I feel myself fully relax into him. “What we doing here then my love?”, I pull the joint from behind my ear and search around in my pocket for my lighter , finally sparking up when I find it watching the ember glow

“Just wanted to smoke under the stars in peace with you and I wanted to ask you something without prying eyes”, I quickly pass George my lighter watching his joint light up under the moon light. He nods as he inhales , I mirror him before exhaling the smoke and smile up at him.

As he exhaled his smoke I watch him smile back, “Ask away love”, he leans back slightly leaning on one arm while the other removes the joint from his lips as he watches me thinking through what I want to ask. I close my eyes and I take another drag before asking.

“Well you know how we’ve known each other for nearly a month now , and we clearly like each other yeh ?” , I watch George just nod at me before I continued. “And now that we’ve met , I feel this mad connection with you, like I guess I already felt it , like even from our first conversation I could feel it”, again I pause as we both take another drag watching each other just enjoy the piece although George mouth a yes at me as the smoke leaves his mouth. “I was wondering , If you uh maybe wanted to officially, I don’t know be mine, my uh boyfriend or whatever?”

A smile grows in George’s face as he looks down at me. “ You know what I’d love to be your boyfriend or whatever” his eyes sparkle in the moonlight.

“Shut up, you know what I meant , but if your serious”

“Dead serious, I want nothing more than to be able to call you mine”, he brushes the end of the joint on the concrete then flings it over the edge of the railing and leans down and pecks my lips, he then takes my quickly disintegrating joint from my fingers. “Can I shotgun you?”

“God, yeh”, I pull myself up as he shuffles closer to the back of the halfpipe so he can lean against the railing and I can straddle his lap, he holds my waist with one hand and my hands rest on his shoulder, He raises the joint to his lips inhaling deeply pretty much inhaling the rest of the joint, holding it in as he throws the remainder away and pulls me into his as our lips brush each other I open up as he exhales into me. In inhale the last of it but I exhale as my head falls onto his shoulder and I pull him into a hug.

“Your so pretty Matty honestly so pretty”, I feel him kiss my head, “Do you wanna watch the stars baby” , I nod into his shoulder and he helps my turn into his lap , I sit between his legs with his chest against my back his arms wrap around my mid section, his lips make a connection with my neck as his hands rest under my shirt. I can’t help it when my head Luls backward onto his shoulder again. “You want to put some music on handsome”

“Okay, my phones in my pocket can you get it for me”, one of his hands fall out of my shirt and pulls my phone from my pocket , I feel his chest vibrate as he giggles a little, I look up at him knowing fine well what he’s laughing at but decide to play innocent “what?”

“You really have me as you screensaver already ?”

“Do you not?”, I watch a blush crawl up his face which answers the question for me as he tries to hide his face in the crook of my neck. “I thought so”. I have no password on my phone as Lou is always one it. He slowly makes his way through my Spotify trying to find a song. I hear the soft notes of song that I didn’t really know start playing it sounds upbeat as the lyrics come through “what is this?”

“Just the twink anthem of the year”, I look with a slightly confused look on my face as a sign for him to elaborate a bit more “Rush by Troye Sivan , it’s literally about poppers, the video is full of twinks” , he chuckles before telling me the rest of his thought “I bet you’d look great in the video to be honest”

“No way am I a twink Mr Daniel” , this revelation makes him laugh again even more. The sound being so contagious that it makes me laugh too.

“Matty darlin , you’re cute but you’re the literal definition of twink my love”

“If you insist”, the song continues to play and I can’t help but slightly lose myself in it , “it’s actually pretty good” , as it dies out , George picks up my phone again and immediately begins to find another song. But this time the song that comes on next I know all to well

As it plays George turns it up to full blast and at the chorus we both begin to shout “YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH A PSYCHO” and jump up and pretend where actually singing to each other making a complete arse of ourselves. “I didn’t know you liked Kasabian George , you are full of surprises”

“I saw them when I was 11 with my dad in like 2018, it was actually insane”, The next few songs on the list are Kasabian songs and we both just dance around having the times of our lives until I run out of breath and have to stop for a second.

“It’s getting pretty cold , do you think we should head back now”

“If you’d like , we can go home , get in bed and relax , watch a movie , bit of Game or Thrones or even play something, how’s that sound ?”

“It sounds great” , so that’s what we do George jumps down and helps me off the top of the halfpipe with the state my ankles are in , any of my bones are really, if I landed wrong I would sure as hell snap them.

———————- xx————

The walk back to mine was peaceful, We walked hand-in-hand, Showing George a few of my favourite spots to shop, We walked past Ross’

Once we got in everyone must have gone to bed because the house was quiet, We kicked our shoes off at the door and ran like a heard of elephants up the stairs to my room. “So what do you wanna do?”

“Film ?, I’ll get changed , brush my teeth and stuff and you can decide” , George looks around in his suitcase for some clean boxers and clean T-shirt pulling out a bag with his toothbrush and tooth paste “I’ll be back in a second”

I watch him make his way into the bathroom before I remove my jeans from my legs, and pull off my socks, perch myself on the end of my bed and flick through a million films on Netflix before I come across “The Imitation Game” , that’s what I wanna watch right now. I set my laptop up on my bed. I know we could watch it on my TV but watching it on my laptop cuddled up together just feels better and more intimate. After about five minutes George comes back and crawls into bed trying to catch what I put on. “Nope it’s a secret you have to wait till I come back to see”

“If you say so” , I quickly run to the bathroom , brush my teeth and pee then come back and crawl into bed next to him and cuddle up into he’s chest. I press play and wait for the film to start. The minute the audio starts to play George’s says “This film is awesome I love it so much , this guy was such a pioneer for so many reasons , Good choice my love”

And this is what we do for the rest of the night, I can’t say either of us made it to the end of the film. I know George didn’t he was out like a light at least 45 minutes in snoring away peacefully and I wasn’t to far behind him, falling asleep to the feel of his chest rising and falling under me and the sound of the film in the background

Chapter 33

Mention : I don’t really think there’s much (mention of food issues , weed and slight smut but I’m not sure if anything else I can’t remember)

Word count : 3.8K

I really enjoyed writing this omg , I really hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did we’ve all been waiting for it

Matty's POV

Matty: George got off the train no hassle , we're going to have a smoke then make our way back to the car

Tim: that's alright son , take your time.

We're now sat in the smoking area , I'm sure George has his own smokes but as I'm taking mine out I offer him one from my carton , and offer him my lighter too. Again I'm sure he has his own but it's nice ain't it. He was shaking a little and I nudged him and gave him a knowing look.

"I'm nervous Matty, what if they don't like me?" , he brung the cigarette to his lips, inhaling a long drag and I watched his cheeks hollow out before he expelled the smoke. He then smiles at me and I tentatively take his hand in my mine again, hopefully not pushing any boundaries. His hand grows tighter around mine and he sits closer to me closing the mere centimetres that we're between us.

"Darlin, I'm sure everyones gunna love you" , I bring his hand up to my lips again and softly kiss his knuckles. "You're amazing , you're beautiful, you're funny , and you keep me sane man". I take another quick drag of my cigarette in unison with George, I can feel him looking at me "what's up darlin?"

"I don't want to be weird .....and you....you can say no....but can I kiss you?" , he looked like a deer in headlights as the words were slipping from his mouth and I couldn't help but smile at him and let out a little chuckle. "I mean ....I guess ...nevermi"

"Darlin , shush , yes you can, you can kiss me as much as you like" , with that being said I felt his hand leave mine and come up to my face as he pulled me into him softly and kissed me, he tasted like smoke and coffee and something that I feel like is just George you know. We stay like this for a couple minutes just separating to gain our breath back. "Your a good kisser", I can feel the blush on my cheeks radiating from me again and I chuckle.

"You are too" , the smile that was displayed on his face was most likely identical to mine , looking like love sick teenagers. I gave him another quick peck on the cheek then we both dropped out cigs, linked our hands and began to make our way back to the car, his grip on my hand got a little tighter as we reached the car park "Matty promise me it's gunna be okay"

"What's gunna be okay darlin ?"

"Me being there , I'm not gunna be in the way am I, I'm not gunna mess things up right?" , he pauses just before we properly reach the car and pulls me back a little the fear clear on his face.

"George I promise , everything will be amazing okay , I know it's easier to say then do but please stop worrying , I promise everything will be grand, just remember I'm always right there", I squeeze his hand sent a quick smile his way and slowly pull him to the car , my dad got out the driver seat and started greeting George "Hiya lad , how was your trip", I watched George shake my dads hand as I took his case and dropped it into the boot of the car

"It was alright thanks Mr Healy , wasn't too long" , as I leaned on the back of the car watching the interaction take place I couldn't help but think George looks so awkward trying to be formal with my dad it was kind of funny. " The train was delayed by like five minutes but it didn't really matter", my dad did eventually tell him that it was okay to just call him Tim, we all then just trundled into the car George and I in the back and my dad in the driver seat as we sped away.

"Hey Matty ?", George said as we'd been on the road for roughly five minutes.

"Yeh?"

"How long roughly till we get to yours?"

"25 minutes depending on the traffic , why ?, what's up?" , we'd both just been taking pictures of each other you know being cheesy and the smile on our faces hadn't left since we saw each other.

"Kinda really have to pee, but it's fine"

"Why didn't you go in the station , or on the train ,you melon?", I couldn't help the smirk on my face he really is a numpty.

"We'll you know public transport don't fancy that really , just can never trust those transport toilets" , he was laughing to himself as he said it "and well at the station I was a little preoccupied was I not ?"

"Yeh we were a little preoccupied BUT you have a pretty mouth there , that makes very good sounds you could have said" , I couldn't help staring at his lips while saying that they really are so pretty.

"Nah I was too busy , it's alright though", our hands met in the middle console of the car, " Is Lou excited ?"

"Aww man , he's actually buzzing , been asking all day, he was supposed to come with us but he fell asleep, he's expecting you to play with him when we get back so be prepared for that" , his grip on my hand got tighter as he smiled back at me .

"You know I'll play with him anytime he wants, but I wanna spend as much time as I can with you, what days are your Exams on?", I missed what he'd said it took me a second to process the words because I couldn't help but just get lost in his eyes, so pretty , deep brown , like chocolate cake. When I noticed him just staring at me with such a wacky smile on his face , I snapped out of my haze.

"Sorry ...uh I think... Wednesday morning ....Thursday afternoon and Friday afternoon aswell ....but there only a few hours each" , my cheeks where burning again because I was caught just staring at him again "sorry"

"Why you sorry love, you've got to do them and your going to do amazingly and you've got me , I can help you study, if you need me too" , he leans over and kisses my cheek , while whispering if my ear "obviously if there's time after all the other studying I'm going to be doing"

"George", I track my eyes from his face to my dad as if to say shush my dad can here you. "Not the place", I was still smiling either way.

"So....does it really matter Im sure he knows anyways", he adjusts himself again in the seat once pulling away from me.

"You doing alright there ?", I smirk up at him after I compose myself

"Yeh all good", he pulls the camera up on his phone and asks me to get in shot with him and we take a picture with us both in it , first one of many in the week to come. "See you're gorgeous Matty"

"No , I think your possibly looking at yourself there darlin" ,

After another five minutes , my dad pulls up outside the house and I tell George where here , I also tell him that the door should be open so just make his way upstairs I'll get his bags in

"My rooms upstairs second door on the left and I've got the en-suite so just go ahead"

"Thank fuck", he jumps out of his side and make his way in as I wander off to the boot pulling his suitcase out as I watch him run inside, I'm not to far behind him after thanking my dad for driving us and then also make my way upstairs I spot George standing at my door with it wide open and he looks a little pale

"The toilets just there", I point to the other door at the corner off my room , but I see him just shake his head as I step into my room and pull his suitcase onto my bed "George what's up "

"What is that" , I follow his line of sight over to where he's looking and I then realise he looking at my snake enclosure

"It's okay George shes just my snake" , I leap up from my bed and walk over to the enclosure and wait for her to slither up my arm and tentatively walk over to George "Don't be scared , she won't hurt you, I promise, come say Hi"

He doesn't move an inch just frozen on the spot with his mouth agape, "uh , I don't think that'll be happening Matty , Snakes are scary as fuck man", He moves around the door and slips into the bathroom. "I'll be back in a second"

I put the snake back into the enclosure and flop down onto my bed while I wait for George to come back , which only take a minute or so , I hear the door click as it opens and George comes bouldering over and jumps onto the bed grappling me into a hug and kisses all over my face. "Hi there love"

"Hiya darlin , you feel better now ?" , I roll us over and I'm straddling his hips as I play with his hair sighing as I do , twisting a few strand through my fingers .

"I'm alright love , but for the love of everything that is holy , please don't come anywhere near me with that snake , I know it's the most irrational thing ever but snakes are scary" , he looked genuinely scared when I saw him stood at the door so he's probably not kidding and I'm not going to push it, so I just smile at him nodding

"I won't don't worry handsome , if she scares you that much I'll just keep her in there" , he pulls me into him softly with one of his hands on my hip as the other travel to my back kissing me softly on the lips , something I could get used too. I place my hands on either side of his cheeks rubbing my thumbs softly as we get lost in each other.

We're lost in each other for what feel like five minutes , then we here a light tap on the door and it opens slowly " Maffu is Geor...." , Louis doesn't finish his sentence as he lays eyes in George and comes running over and jumps into the bed "Hiya Georgie"

"Hi lad" , George sits up properly and I climb off of him so Louis can give him a hug, "did you have a good nap, it looks like you did ay", he ruffles his hair a little trying to flatten it , I watch on with amazement as I watch my two favourite boys get on.

"It was good but I'm awake now so I can play, you can play right ?", I do want us to hang out all together but I also do just want to nap next to George for a while because 1 hour of sleep in like the last day and a half is starting to get to me.

"Hey kiddo , do you think it would be okay if we played after dinner , because we're a little tired and we're going to have a little nap"

"Aww but you said we could play when George comes" he turns around on George's knee to look at me

"I know kiddo , I'm sorry , it shouldn't be too long, just after dinner"

"Pinky promise!" , we link our pinkies together as way of a promise because I can't even break a promise and Louis knows this, he then hugs George one last time and slides from the bed, running out of the room again. George looks at me with those damn pretty eyes of him "you tired babe ?"

"Little bit yeh"

He sticks his arms out and makes grabby hands at me as he lays back down again , I lay down next to him resting my head on he's chest and he wrap his arms around me "get some sleep yeh , you've gotta be shattered you didn't sleep last night"

"Can you play with my hair , it'll help"

"You know I will handsome",  his hands star slowly running through my hair as I hold him tightly feeling my eyes drops "sleep tight handsome" , before I drift off I feel George plant a kiss on my head.

————————————xx——————————————

George's POV

While Matty slept I decided to post the photo of us that I'd taken onto my story captioning it "I'm in Manchester for the week , seeing this cutie" , then decide to text Adam for a bit while Matty sleeps

George : alright Hann , I made it okay

Adam: that's great lad , how is it

George : he's actually so cute Ad like seriously , and from what I've seen his dad seems chill , his little brother is just as excited to see me , I think it's going to be great

Adam: that's amazin, so I know you've only been there like an hour or so but anything fun to tell me yet

George : Jesus Hann , we just kissed that's all but uh yeh I think I might actually wanna be with him yanno , like I knew that anyway , but he's so pretty Hann

Adam: so when can I meet him , to make sure he's right for my best mate

George : maybe next time ??

Adam: have you guys made any plans for the week or just winging it ??

George : I don't actually know yet , I know I'll be going to see his mates Ross and Jamie at some point I don't know anything else , we didn't really plan anything , or if he has , he ain't said .

Adam: we'll I'll leave you too it , but keep me updated yeh , and you know I'm here if things get weird or whatever

George: thanks lad , I'll talk to you later.

I drop my phone back onto the bed , slip from Matty's grasp making my way to the suitcase and pull out a present I had gotten for him, place it on the bottom of the bed. The wrapping paper is black and have geometric white boxes all over it. I pull a hoodie on over my shirt and slip into some joggers. Once I'm changed I take a quick look around his room , my eyes instantly falling on his drum kit a silver "Yamaha Rydeen" set in the corner of his room , where he had a few acoustic guitars set up on the stands around it and two Electronic Guitars up on the racks on the wall , one in bubblegum pink and the other Race-car red as well as a banjo on his dresser, every single part of his room was covered in band posters , movie posters scattered all over the place. I take a seat on the small drumming stool behind the kit at first I feel like a giant on the chair my knees basically nearly touching my chest so I adjust it , it squeaks loudly it makes me cringe as I watch Matty slightly stir in his sleep but he doesn't wake which is okay. I search for some drum sticks the brush type so that it's not to loud. He also had the covers on them. I just spend some time mucking about on them , not using the kick drum felt forgein while still using the snares but I don't want to wake him.

I spend about an hour just messing about on the drums and a while on the banjo which in turn accidentally wake Matty "Georgie , what are you doing?", his voice sound gravelly and he's rubbing his eyes and he sits up. So pretty

"Sorry did I wake you?" , I place the sticks back were I found them and make my way back over to Matty "I'm sorry if I did handsome"

"Nah you didn't wake me , I just don't sleep for very long you know", he stretches his arms out and inviting me in for a hug so I just pull him into a tight hug.

"Did you sleep okay?" , I pull the ringlets of his hair on the nape of his neck and let it spring back into place "you're so cute with that just woken up face you know?"

He buries his fave in my chest as he shakes his head a little , his hair falling over his eyes "what we're you doing ?"

"Just checking out your instruments , you've got some pretty cool gear there", I pointed up to the pink guitar in the wall that I'd been pulled to a few times since noticing it but didn't move it because I don't want to accidentally break it. "That one's pretty cool , when did you get that".

"The pink one ?, I got that myself a few months ago, I saw in a music shop in town and I thought it was really awesome, and the guy in the shop let me play it for a while and it just sounded amazing" , he took a hold of my hand that was pointing at the guitar and pulled it to his lips and kissed my knuckles, "that fight you had must have been a really hard one darling , your hands are still bruised from it" , he kisses each knuckle individually "are ....you...okay ....what ....about ....the others kid" each word punctuated with a kiss.

The blush that had been on my face continued to burn my cheeks " I broke his nose, I always forget I'm stronger than I feel sometimes , but that lad deserved it like, I don't know what he expected" , I turn to Matty with my free hand on his jaw and kiss his lips. "I'm fine though and I'm sure he is too" , We break from the kiss and I see the present on the bed "Oh I got you a present" , I break away from his hold so I can reach for it, I place it in his lap and we both sit cross legged across from each other and our knees press together "there only little but I thought you'd like them".

He marvelled at the wrapping paper for a second before tearing into it, "You didn't have to you know?", the first thing he pulled out was a grey "Santa Cruz" hoodie and his eyes lite up when he pulled it out "Man this is so cool , and Jesus it's soft" , he immediately pulled it over his head and I may have picked a size to big because he was drowning in it but by Christ does he looks cute, the next thing where the two hats I'd picked, I had bought one and my mum had made the other , a grey and greeen "Land Rover" hat but the words had been rearranged and some missing so it looked like it said "Lover" and the other was a little white and black rabbit hat. "George this is so cute , who made this", he pulled the bunny hat (the sincerity hat) on slightly squint on his head, his curls where still noticeable under it.

"My mum makes them, my little sister wanted one , but I also thought it would be something you might like so I asked her to make you one", Matty surges forward throwing his arms around me as we fall back against the bed mumbling “Thank you” over and over into the crook of my neck.

“It’s okay love honestly , I’m glad you like them”

“I love them George seriously, wait hold on” , he gets up quickly and makes his way over to his wardrobe and pulls out a few things , “I didn’t get you anything but I did say you could have a few of my hoodie if you like so uh yeh , here picks the ones you like” , there was the fluffy cardigan that he always wears and I know there’s a story behind that and he’ll struggle to part with that , along with a red , yellow and red striped sweater , a few band hoodies and a worn blue Nike hoodie that looks like it would also drown him out, I’m immediately drawn the the Nike one since it looks to be quite worn meaning he wears it a lot so I reach out to grab it but I’m still looking at the fluffy cardigan. “ You can have the cardigan you know darling if you would really like it , as well as the hoodie , I don’t mind”

“The cardigan is special to you , I know you and I see how you are with it” , I look up at him stood at the end of the bed and his hoodie sleeves are resting over his hands and one hand is in his mouth as he’s biting on his nails. Something he does when he’s nervous.

“It was Janey’s , I stole it from her once upon a time I said I’d give it back and just never did, but eventually even she agreed I suited better , but I REALLY want to give it to you , so you can feel just as good as I do when I wear it , feel the security I guess” , he climbed back onto the bed and passed it to me “like seriously , It’s okay”

“I promise I’ll look after it” , I gently pull him back onto my lap , kiss his face, each cheek and then his lips. “I promise to look after you too handsome”

Matty’s head was swiftly back in the crook of my neck, his hair tickling my face and I feel his teeth graze my neck sending a shiver down my spine “Is this okay George” , I nod and slide my hand up to tangle in his hair to keep him there and he begins to nibble and suck into the sweet spot on my neck. I pull his hair lightly so I don’t hurt him just to pull him off me.

“Don’t start something if we can’t start something love”

“Who says we can’t , I can lock the door”

“Is that really the first impression , we want to give your parents IVE only been max four hours love” , my hand in his hair is still playing with his girls and he’s leaning into and his eyes and falling closed again.

“It’s okay , honestly, we don’t have to though if you don’t want to obviously”, I could feel myself growing hard with him on my lap and I could see it in his eyes he wanted too.

“We don’t have to go all the way right now , right ?”

“No darlin, what did you have in mind instead”, I pretend to think for a while because really I know exactly what I’d like but the back and forth is very fun too.

My hand wanders under the hoodie he’s wearing and I slightly pull in the waist band of his jeans to bring him even closer to me “head sounds good to me”

“George you’re as good as me darlin”

If this hasn’t been me the last week an a half idk what is 😂😂 , I don’t even day-dream about it , I just straight up dream about it but can never write what I wanna write

Go for it I really wanna answer some questions when I’m on my break at work this will be soooo fun

The 1975 related questions (◡‿◡✿)

OMG IM SO EXCITED TO THIS INSTALMENT ARGHHHH I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I DO

Word count : 4k

Warnings : mention of food and dieting , Weed

IM SO EXCITED

Mattys POV

(A week or so has gone by since last instalment)

Oh my god things have been wild lately, George is finally visiting today he's going to be here for at least ten days I believe and I can't bloody wait for it. I couldn't sleep last night we were up all night on FaceTime, he fell asleep eventually because he "didn't wanna look like complete shit when we first met", which is stupid because he can't look bad in anyway , to me. His train was due at 4 this afternoon but since I hadn't slept I had started getting ready at 7am , showered, dressed in skinny jeans and a floral shirt that I'm sure I stole from my mum once upon a time and my Docs because what else would I wear, I had spent at least half an hour just trying to make sure my hair didn't look like a damn bird nest or that I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, brushed my teeth and even had some breakfast. It was now 8:30 and I'm pacing, like actually pacing because I hate waiting. He'd texted me this morning but he doesn't want to show me his outfit because he wants it to be a surprise so in turn I said I wouldn't show him mine which is hell because I love this shirt so much and love showing it off. On what feels like my fifth lap of the house my dad had tried to convince me to sit down for a bit but even if I did it would be roughly five minutes before I was up and moving again. So in turn he'd asked if I wanted to go for a drive which I accepted gratefully. I think he was taking me to Tesco to pick up some stuff for dinner later.

We were just walking around the shop my dad pushing the trolley and me just shoving literally anything in it. "So this lad then, George is it?" , I nod with a smile on my face. "What are we to call him, like is he your boyfriend or just a friend who you like, or just a normal friend". My dads just amazing always trying to understand things

"For now he's just a friend that I like but Um we're somewhat both interested in one another but haven't asked the question yet, so please don't call him my boyfriend yet because I haven't asked and don't want to scare him away yet", I throw at least five packets of noodles into the trolley. "He likes noodles , is that enough or should I get more?"

"Son , your gunna work yourself into a headache just breath okay, I'm sure everything is going to be just fine" , I take a few deep breaths and we continue on through the shop. Stopping to drop a few more things in.

"Uh Dad, Would it be okay if we got some alcohol?, I promise I won't over do it" , I know he probably can't trust a word I say because I can't prove that I won't but I really want him to trust me.

"I'll be honest lad , I think we'll have to ask your mum first and we can come back later if she says it's okay" , we just ponder around a few more isles and drop random things into the trolley "you haven't smoked today have you!"

"Not yet no , why?"

"Would you like to drive the car home ?" , we loading stuff onto the check outs , I do have my lisence I got it last year and I do have a car but my mum and dad took my keys after the crash with Janey because they didn't trust me in the car unless I was with one

of them.

"Are you sure dad!"

"If you'd like son , just be careful yeh?"

"Oki thank you dad , honestly thank you", I threw my arms around him and he held me just for a second and we made our way to the checkouts putting all the items through and packing them up, I'm a little meticulous about the packing and how to do it so dad just lets me do it my way "Also da , we need to go to the pharmacy my medication is ready to pick up"

"Which ones is it where picking up today lad ?" , we'd picked up like 2 other ones this week but I think they were for anxiety and anti-sickness but these ones are just supplements for food.

"Just food equivalent to help me get my appetite back like the ones I had years ago" , my dad payed for the food swiping his card across the card reader and waved goodbye too the cashier as we leave and as he's packing up the car I jump in the front seat and get myself accustom with the steering and gears again.

"You all ready then Son", he jumps into the passenger side and buckled up eager to see how well I do

"As I'll ever be ,I guess"

The drive to the pharmacy wasn't to bad to be fair, I'm still a pretty good driver and my dad said I did well so I'm happy about that. I didn't want to go in again for like the 3rd day running so Dad went in for me giving me a second to just breath and reply to George. Last message I got he was still getting ready he doesn't have to leave for the station till around about 1 and it's only 9:30, I think we both just got a little to eager.

MATTY: my dad let me drive !!!!

GEORGE: yeh ?, how did you do?

MATTY: haven't driven in a while so thought I'd mess up a little but it actually went okay, we've been to Tesco to get food for the next few days , we're at the pharmacy now and then where going home and I think I'm going to tidy my room cuz it's an actual pigsty might ask mum to help

GEORGE : don't have to tidy for me love, my rooms a shit tip

MATTY: I will anyway

As my dad came back I slid my phone back into my pocket he handed me my medicine to make sure it was the right thing because he really had no idea what is was called , neither did I to be honest but it looked right so I just flung it on the dashboard and we made our way back home

We unpacked the bags in the kitchen as Loius ran around looking literally as excited as I felt as he'd grown to really like George too they interacted a lot over the past week , and when I told him George was coming to visit he got so darn happy he climbed up onto the middle island in the kitchen and watched us unpack

"How long till Georgie is here Maffu ?"

"He's coming today little dude but it's still a long time yet" , after unpacking the last bag I pick loius up and manoeuvre him so he's on my back, and I carry him back up stairs and flip him onto my bed " you gunna help Maffu clean up ?"

"I don't wanna tidy Maffu but I'll watch", he's always just soooo me and it makes me laugh and ruffle his hair again as he looks up at my with the big smile and those big blue eyes.

"That's okay, can you get Mummy for me then"

"Oki", he jumps back off the bed and runs through the house , leaving me stood in the middle of the room looking around trying to figure out where to start, it really is such a mess in here, mugs and plates everywhere, piles of clothes, shoes just milking around , stacks and stack of books , dvds and cds and my bed isn't even made. I get lost in my thoughts when I here a knock on my door that makes me jump.

"Sorry love didn't mean to startle you, what was it you needed me for?"

"Can you possibly help me tidy up in here , I don't know where to start and it's so bad" , she looks around just as baffled as me, then strides over and pulls me into a hug.

"Love ,what happened in here?"

"I just haven't had the effort or will power to clean up Mum, sorry" , I hug her close and then as we separate herself we both look around and make a mental note on where to start

"Right first of all love , take all the dishes downstairs and ask you dad if he can clean them up , then come back up and we can sort your clothes out okay", I nod and then get to picking up the cups and plates grimacing when I realise how bad it actually is. I run downstairs with the dirty plates and mugs dropping them carefully into the sink, then run back up the stairs two at a time to help mum. "What clothes are clean and what aren't love ?"

"Most of its clean it just needs to be folded and put away really", it takes me a few more seconds to actually sit down and start folding a pile that was next to where I stood, Im so bad at keeping up with cleaning it bores me. I noticed mum stand up and start putting clothes into drawers and stops to look at something already in the drawer

"Matty , love what are these?”

I drop the shirt I was folding onto the floor as I know exactly what she was talking about as I know what I’d been hiding in that drawer, I scratch the back of my neck as I breath in ALL the air that was in the room and try to piece a reply together. My mouth opens and closes a few times but no words leave my mouth.

“Matty love?”

“It’s nothing important Mum, just put it back please” , I take three big stride across to her and place my hands around the books “Mum seriously it’s nothing”

She did let me take them and shove them back the drawer as she takes a tentative seat on my bed and pats the space next to her. “Sit down for a minute please my love” , once I’ve got the books properly back into the drawer and place myself down next to her. “Can you please tell me why you feel the need to have books about dieting love”.

“It’s not important Mumma , it doesn’t mean anything, I just have them”

“First off Matty , I’ve been keeping an eye on everything to do with your eating habits for a while and I know there not very good , your skin and bone love , and you only ever call me Mumma when your anxious , so please you know I’m not going to be mad , can you please explain to me why?”

I know she won’t be mad and I know it’s not something that’s that big of a deal but its still scary to talk about , so as I think of the right words to say I just ponder in my mind what I need and look around my room as I try to explain. “It’s just about the element of control , I was losing control of everything in my life and I was freaking out so bad you know , like I had zero semblance of control, but then I found a book at school about diets like I know people diet duh , but um when I read it, a lot of it was about how people diet to gain control over something, so I tried and I read a lot of them but then I even lost control of that and I’m scared again so I hid them so I wasn’t as embarrassed about losing control of even that and people wouldn’t ask if they saw and I wouldn’t ave to talk about it”

“Matty , I know things are hard right now love , and I’m proud that your talking to me , but why couldn’t you tell me earlier”

“I don’t know Mum really, I guess I just didn’t know how to” , I got back up from my bed and went back over to the drawer taking the books back out and contemplated them for a while. “Can you take them Mum”

“What would you like me to do with them?”

“Just don’t let me have them I guess , I’m going to try to get better , Dr Adrian gave me the medication for it and I’m gunna work harder at everything I promise”. I get back to the cleaning of my room “Mum?”

“Yes love”

“I’m sorry for how I’ve been lately and I’m sorry for worrying everyone, I also appreciate you for letting George come because he really helps me be a better version of myself and I really hope you can see that when he’s here , I know I haven’t known him that long but he really does help me”

“I’m so glad that you’ve found someone that you can talk to Matty , you don’t have to apologise everyone goes through hard times , you’ve just got to pick yourself up and if you need help keep talking , be it to me or George or your dad even Louis , I know he’s just a kid but even if you talk you’ll feel better”

“Thank you”

It takes us a few more hours to tidy up my room it really was a state , and I talked to my Mum the whole time about how I felt about everything and anything. When we had finished the tidying and cleaning up it looked like a completely different room I hadn’t seen it like this in at least a month.

It’s now 12:30 and although I’m more than excited to see George the restlessness was starting to get to me again, George had informed me he was on his way to the train station now his train was at 2 and it took him an hour to get to the station. It was getting harder to not be nervous because I was really just watching the time tick by. I’d rolled a joint after I’d finished cleaning my room but hadn’t got round to smoke it yet because dads trying to keep me busy until we have to go because he knows if I’m just sitting waiting then I’m going to get irritable. With this being the first time I’d had a break today I decided to just let them know I’m going for a smoke. So now I’m just sat outside on the front porch relaxing as I smoke the joint.

Matty: I’m so nervous darling x

George: I’m actually shutting a brick 😂 , would your dad mind if I went for smoke when I got off the train or would he wanna get going straight away ?x

Matty: He won’t mind , I’m sure he’d understand

George : I’ll be grand then , will you be waiting for me on the platform or will I meet you outside.

Matty : I’ll wait on the platform you dick😂

George : thanks love x

I slide my phone back into my pocket and finish my joint before making my way inside, I know it’s lunchtime and I should eat but I’m not the hungry yet but Louis came running through to the kitchen and attached himself to my leg “How long now Maffu” , I picked him up and put him on the counter while messing up his hair, he’s got a lollipop hanging out his mouth so I didn’t really catch what he said, I took the sweat out of his mouth for a second.

“What was that kid ?”

He smiled a lopsided grin at me and rolled his eyes dramatically , so much like me. “How long till Georgie is here silly?”, I gave him back his sweet and he shoved it back into his mouth even though I was just holding it my hand was sticky so I turned the tap on and started washing my hands

“He’s getting on the train really soon , then daddy and I will go get him , do you want to come too?”, he again smiled at me his eyes growing to the size of bowling balls and he take his sweet out of his mouth again.

“Can I ?”

“If you want too kiddo , just finish up with your sweet and wash your hands and then we can talk cuz that’s going to take you ages to eat”

“I don’t want it anymore, you have it” , he went to hand it to me but I told him that’s it’s okay and just to put it in the bin , he runs back over to me, I lift him up and help him wash his hands. “Will George play with me when he comes ??”

“I’m sure he will Kiddo”

I spent the next few hours just playing about with Louis , on the play station, watching tv with him , helped him with some homework that he had left around about 2:30 he fell asleep on my lap while we were watching the TV , George had texted me saying that he was now on the train half an hour ago, and we should be leaving in an hour because it doesn’t all to long from ours to get to the station here, so I took Louis idea into consideration and tried to take a nap myself which in theory maybe wasn’t the best idea but I was starting to get tired so that I did , I set an alarm on my phone for 45 minutes so I could get my head down for a little while. I layed myself down trying not to disturb Louis and sleep consumed me

My alarm woke us both up at 3:15 , Louis was not too happy with it, he was still tired and he was throwing a little hissy fit “hey kiddo , I know your tired and I know you wanted to come to pick Georgie up but you need to calm down for me so we can get ready to go can you find your shoes for me ay ?” , he just clung to me his tiny frame shaking as he cried “hey hey hey it’s okay , you can have another nap you know , come on kiddo no need for tears”

“But I’m still sleepy , I wanna go bed” , as I got myself he was still clinging to me so I decided to take him upstairs to bed his head was resting on my shoulder the whole time. “Maffu , is it okay if I just stay here”

“It’s okay kiddo , just get a big nap for me and when you wake up George will be here and you can play all day yeh” , he nodded against me as I lay him down on his bed and tucked him up and kissed his head

“I’ll see you later okay”

“Okay Maffu”

I got myself completely got my leather jacket from my room , checked to see if my dad was ready, he let me know that he was just going to finish his tea and then we’d get going. So I just waited by the door, annoying I know but I just wanted to get going. Once he was ready I raced out to the car like I was 7 again jumping into the passenger side as my dad made his way to driver seat and we got going. I couldn’t help my leg bouncing up and down anxiously the whole way there, I’d bitten my nails raw Mum would have killed me for it but dad doesn’t mind. I’d chain smoked the whole ride there out the window of course and really it wasn’t that bad the train station was just half an hour away so it was really not to bad. We got to the station with 15 minutes to spare so I checked my hair in the middle mirror of the car and started fussing with my outfit until my dad told me again that I looked absolutely fine and to stop worrying , I sat and waited for literally only two minutes before I decided I just wanted to go in and wait so I just told my Dad that I’d let him know when I’ve got George and we’re going to have a smoke before we come back, he gave me a quick nod and smile before I got out and made my way inside

Inside the station was so busy, people milling about the place, so much sounds and smells, it was so hot in there as well but I tried to gather myself and push through I saw that the train from London was going to be arriving on platform 3, I started making my way there but there was quite a lot of people waiting there aswell and I could feel myself getting anxious and my nerves were getting the best of me so I hung back and just sent George a quick message letting him know that I am inside but I’m not on the platform because it looked busy, he replied not to long free to let me know that it was okay and he’d call me once he departed the train and I could let him know where I was which helped me alot. I decided to wait outside WHSmith a small convenience store that was off to the side of the platforms , True to his word after a small five minutes more of waiting my phone started to buzz in my hand and George’s contact appeared on my screen

“Hey there”

“Hiya love , that’s me just coming off , where is it your at ?, you doing okay it’s not to busy for you is it ?”

“I’m stood outside smiths , I’m okay for now it’s not to busy round here I’ll be okay, I just really can’t wait to see you now”

“I’ll can see it , from where Im at so I should be there in no time at all handsome”

I couldn’t help but smile , my heart was racing , basically jumping out of my chest in anticipation, I could hardly wait, there wasn’t much conversation going on between us we were both just keeping an eyes out for each other, He soon caught my eye “I can see you , you lanky fuck”, despite feeling nervous and anxious about everyone around us the fact that I could see him sent a jolt of pure joy through me and I felt my legs starting to race to him. As I began running to me I could see the moment he clocked me and he just dropped his suitcase open his arms to me and I ran into his arms and burried my face in his chest pushing my phone into my pocket without even hanging up. We stayed there in each other arms for what felt like an age not saying anything just holding each other and it felt so right

“Hiya handsome” , I pulled away first but not all the way just enough so I could look up and his and the smile on his face was everything I needed to feel relaxed. I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks already. “Jesus , you really ARE a lanky twat aren’t ya” his smile grew bigger if that was even possible and we giggled to each other and he pulled me closer to him

Once we’d sorted ourselves out taking at least another five minutes just holding one another we were just stood line idiots smiling at each other and he eventually picked his suitcase back up and I’d sorted my phone in my pocket I took his hand and lead him outside to the smoking area.

“Babe , you looks so cool, by the way” , I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard the word babe leave his mouth and it had my blushing even more than I thought humanly possible and I took his hand that was in mine and kissed it as we both giggled again.

“You look so fit”

I love this outfit

Also fuckin hell dude I just saw the Chicago Lollapalooza “Oh Caroline” from last night , and I legitimately stopped breathing when I saw G

Word counts : 1328

No warning for this really

Also I’m sorry this is so bad , I just needed a filler and wanted a small snippet and G and Hann then some sibling love , so this is just really random

BUT HOPEFULLY THERES ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT THEN THE BOYS WILL BE TOGETHER I KNOW THATS WHAT EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR

"When can I come see you?", We'd come off of the call a few hours ago as my dad had come home, we'd kept in contact all day though because I didn't want to leave him. I know he's been sat with his mum and brother since and he seems to be doing alright. He told me they all made dinner together and that he'd actually eaten something which is also really good.

Matty: Darlin, you can come whenever you'd like, when do your holidays start ?

I'm currently sat basically hanging out of my window with a joint in my hands, feeling like I just want to hold him. I've been thinking about it since he told me earlier and the more I think about it the more I just need to be there. I've given myself a headache thinking about it which is quite funny really. The joint is helping calm my nerves a little

George : I'm sure they start next week but you've got exams for the next month, I don't want to distract you?

I hate the feelings that I'm having right now, I've never really been a clingy person. When I'm with people I know then maybe I am , but just maybe. With Matty everything is different I don't quite understand what that means. I was never this clingy with Laura and we dated for so long. It makes my head swim, why is this so different to everything I've ever experienced before. Maybe this is what other people feel when there in love, you know how they describe it in this corny romance movies. This is maybe how Adam feel with Carly. I should ask him.

I pull up Adam's contact and press the call button waiting fidgeting with my lighter while I wait for him to pick up

Adam: Hiya G , you alright ?

George: Alright Hann, yeh I'm alright, I just really need to talk to you about something

Adam:  What's up G?

George : I need to ask you something but promise you won't take the piss okay?

Adam: When do I ever?

George: Never, but like I'd understand if you did with what I'm about to ask you

Adam: Just ask me G

George: Alright fine , you know before you got with Carlz how did you feel , like how did you know you liked her.

Adam: I don't know , I just liked her didn't I , like she was just always around and she made me happy I suppose

George: Did you ever feel like you wanted to be with her like all the time and just like I don't know , like feel emotional when she was upset or something even though wasn't your place too.

Adam: G I love you bro but I really don't know what your getting at, what are you trying to ask me?

George: Arghhh fuck

I wrack my hands through my hair and my nails scrape against my skull as I lightly pull on my roots like I'm trying to pull my thoughts from my brain

George: I'm just trying to understand what's going on in my head, I really really like Matty and I feel like I'm being so clingy and annoying and too much but ....I don't know if it's because I'm overthinking it because I like him or if it's because I just wish I could help him.

Adam: Why is being clingy a bad thing , and why is wanting to help him a bad thing?

George : I just don't want to be too much Ad !

Adam: Has the lad said your being too much ? Cuz if he hasn't then I'm sure everything is fine

George: No he hasn't said anything about being annoyed at me or anything but ....that doesn't mean he isn't , I just really like him ..... and like what if I get to much and when he's upset or something and it messes things up.

Adam: G, please trust me on this , I'm sure your doing an amazing job, okay!?

George: I'm trying to trust you, my heads just all over the place right now Hann, that's all

Adam: Give yourself a break man !,

George : I'll really try , but uh yeh I'm just gunna go now I've got stuff to do and gotta look after Gracey and Lucie , Thanks man , I know I'm being difficult but thank you!!

Adam: It's alright G , love ya man

“Geor !!!!!” Little Gracie came barging into my room just as I was finishing the call with Adam “there’s a spider in the bathroom Geo, fix it !!!”, I then say a quick goodbye to Adam again before hanging up and pick Gracey up holding her on my waist “there’s a Spider , is there ?”

“Yeh it’s so big, it’s like this big”, she indicates the size by stretching her arms out.

“Wow that is gigantic ay?” , I can just see her nodding with her little blonde ringlets bouncing. And she’s clinging to me as we make our way to the bathroom. “Can you show me where it is Gracey?”

“No no no , I don’t want to see it again, it’s just in there”, I let Gracey climb down from me as she stands at the bathroom door pointing at where she saw the creature “right there Geo”

After finding the perpetrator and setting it free outside obviously because you can’t kill it , no matter how scared you are of the things you can’t kill them according to little Gracey “it’s just mean to kill them” , even though she didn’t want to see it skittering around she had to check the tissue in my hand for evidence that I “hadn’t crushed it with my tree trunk hands”

Lucie had joined us at this point coming to see what all the commotion was about “what are you guys up too” , stood at the front door, homework in hand , looking like the proper little Miss that she is. “Is that a Spider ?”

“Yeah, Gracey was scared so I’m just setting it free”

“Why are you scared of it Gracey , it’s just an insect , even though your just little you’re bigger than it is so you would be more scary to it then you are if it?”

“When did you get so smart ay, your both so grown up , when did that happen”

“I’m 7 George , I’m a big girl now , but Gracey is only 5 she’s not a grown up yet”, Lucie is genuinely so grown up and would literally do everything by herself if she could , so grown up , short brown hair that used to be likely Graceys blonde ringlets. Blue eyes which is weird because we all have brown eyes. Shes even quite tall for her age, nearly tallest in her class. She’s so independent, knows so much about everything and anything. Where as Gracey just a little bundle of clingy and joyous giggles ; she looks up to me big time not the blow my own whistle but she wants to be just like me. There both so damn intelligent though.

“That’s very true Luce , let’s get back inside yeh , Gracey you can watch TV and I’m going to help Luce with her homework okay?”

“Oki Geo”

“George I don’t need help, it’s just reading”

I hurdle them back inside after closing the door, I set up CBeebies up on the TV for Gracey and pull Lucie up in my lap as we sit down, she does thrash around a little trying to get me off her but she settles “I know it’s just reading Luce, but I want to see how good you can read it can you do that for me?”

“You know I can George”

Right TikTok just attacked me , haven’t been on it all morning and I open it now and this is the second video to appear

This is just a small one shot I thought of based on one of my favourite songs , it’s pants and I know it could be soooo much better but it’s like 6am and I’m so sorry if it sucks

Called “Now your mine” , written from Mattys perspective, there about 17-18 and there isn’t much warnings for it other than maybe slight jealousy and cheating

(Changed the feminine pronouns to male ones just for the Fic)

I saw him standing cross the AstroTurf , I couldn’t believe that you had got there first.

Playing footie on the Astro after school is something that we always did before we wrong home, That day was no different I was standing with Ross and Hann just waiting for George to come along , as he did I could see that he was with her! Again , what a nightmare she is , and from the look already on his face I could tell that something was going on something was brewing between them. She was just chatting away to him and it looked like she was genuinely draining the life out of him. I couldn’t help but watch his every move as he came over to us, his broad shoulder and tall frame dark hair righted up in the bin that had always drive me wild. I couldn’t help being jealous of her and how she had somehow managed to crowd her way into George’s life, with her stupid little laugh and long ass legs (what that’s got to do with anything I’ll never know but there we go that’s what’s annoying me today), I’d loved George for as long as I’d known him but how could she just turn up one day and turn his life upside down.

You said you loved him did you really though , already had someone else on the go

They’d been together about five months at this point and George appeared to be totally smitten by her, she was always around , at school , when we hung out, always coming to see him at work and he even had to bring her to practise. She said she loved him too but the amount of stories I’d heard from others that would disprove this theory was immeasurable. I don’t know much about her but I know that she’d been with nearly ever lad out year and is now just making her way through the year below George being the newest she’d gotten her fuckin claws into. I’d brung it up with George a million times but he just told me every time that “she’s changed”, “she loves him” , but I’d heard that no matter how she was with or how ever many times she’d “changed” , she just used people and cheated every chance she got, she’d probably be looking for her new prey at this point. Not that I’d ever call George prey because he could stick up for himself and he was my best mate but even Hann dislikes her and he doesn’t dislike anyone you know.

And yes he stayed the night and he, he probably shouldn’t have.

He’s stayed the night, we’d spent a few hours with the lads practicing for the gig we had lined up down the pub that weekend and on the off occasion that , she hadn’t actually come he stayed over, it was a Thursday night and we’d gotten high after dinner and we were watching re-runs of friends. Laying next to each other I could feel the height coming off him I was the close to. I couldn’t keep my eyes of him, blowing out the smoked as his cheeks hollow out, his eyes slightly blood shot, his lips always so pretty.

“ Bro , you know you can take a picture right it’ll last well longer”, even his laugh his godly.

This leads us into a conversation about how he’d been so quiet and to himself recently, comes to think of it if he wasn’t at home, he was with her. We hadn’t seen him in months and when we did he just seemed off, upset, maybe even traumatised if that was the right word. He’d tried to say he was fine but I could tell he wasn’t,

Look in his eyes tell , tell me you wouldn’t have

I had to get him to be honest , his eyes weren’t as bright as they used to me, not as full as optimism and mischief as they had once been. They just seemed dull, as did he just tired and overall done with everything. So I pushed him to be honest with me. And that’s when he told me that Little Miss Jessie is just as bad as everyone says she is, That they argue all the time , that’s she’s manipulative , doesn’t trust him, won’t leave him alone. He’d told me that she’s always at him for being out and not with her or always making him feel like the bad guy. She overall just treats him like shit but he loves her and doesn’t want to hurt her even after the fact that he’s so upset by everything.

All is fair in matters of the heart so , go ahead and tear this friendship apart

We’d gotten into a massive discussion about the fact that he has to look out for number one no matter how much you may love someone, that the people you love shouldn’t be allowed to do as they please just because they feel like it. And then.

As I’d like magic he turned me and told me that he just couldn’t take it anymore and that he doesn’t want to leave her but doesn’t know what to do about it, his head fell onto my shoulder and a few tears let slip, I wiped them away holding him close to me. I waited till he had calmed down a little bit. Holding him this close to me wasn’t helping my situation in anyway what-so-ever and I couldn’t hold myself back. While I was comforting him I brung my lips to his cheek and then the other I could feel the heat raising throughout my body and when I looked at him we both leaned into each other and my world fell into place. Our lips met and our souls connected on a deeper level.

“What was that Matty!”

“George honestly , I’ve loved you since the day I met you and I just can’t watch you go through it with little miss perfect anymore I just wanted you to know that, and if ….if you don’t feel the same that’s fine….but please for the love of God ….you have to get rid of her….she’s just messing with you ead”

He then pulled me into him again , into a brain melting kiss. I closed my eyes this time and pulled him closer to me feeling his hands trail up my body until they were resting on my flaming hot cheeks and mine where shoved into his shirt that I grabbed onto for dear life.

“Gimmie your phone love” , we pulled away from each other for a second to breath and he passed me his phone after he’d pulled it from his pocket, I punched in the passcode and found her contact sending her

“It’s not my fault you know what’s done is done , he wanted me let it be , we’re still so young , which I could say that sorry I’m wrong but it’s not my fault that you got cheated on - Matty ❤️”. I send it away and got back to the task at hand.

Based off of “Cheating” by Michael Aldag

Had to post this because my fanfiction is not vibing with me and it’s named after this song so I had toooo just to vibe to feel like I could post something to do with it

Shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then list 10 songs you really like, each by a different artist. Then tag 10 people to do the same thing

10 songs from my shuffle :

1 - looking for (somebody to love)- The 1975

2- Dancings not a crime - Panic! At the Disco

3- Narcissistic - No Rome (ft The 1975)

4- Girl all the Bad Guys want - Bowling for Soul

5- M.O.N.E.Y. - The 1975

6- Roadkill - The 1975

7- Coming Home - Kaiser Chiefs

8- She’s American - The 1975

9- Boho Days - Andrew Garfield

10- The Dick Turpin Song - Horrible Histories

10 songs I like

1- BLEAK - Michael Aldag

2- Mind Body Soul- American Authors

3- Welcome to my Island - Charlie XCX/ George Daniel/ Caroline Polachek

4- Yorktown - Hamilton Cast

5- Johanna - Sweeney Todd

6- Style Taylor Swift

7- Menswear - The 1975

8 - Snap Out of It - Arctic Monkeys

9- The Confrontation - Les Mis

10- Ex Wife’s - SIX

@justanamesstuff @puffpasstea @got-zofran @abiiors @footprint-in-the-snow

I’ve just realised how much of a simple man I am , having a bad day or feeling upset or angry or whatever , just throw on “Roadkill” mood immediately uplifted 😂😂😂

So for the ff that I’m writing Matty as a Trans-Man imma call it Menswear because that just fits to me anyway , would y’all like a , I can’t remember the word I’m looking for but something that gives you sneak peak or like a blurb about it or something first or would you just like me to go straight into it

Or

Would you prefer me to finish “Heart out” then go into “Menswear” stuff ???

My fan-fiction is going to absolute shit right now so I was wandering if people would like to send concepts ideas and imagines and I’ll get them written for you it might get my brain into action and I’ll get my fan-fiction back into swing.

I’d love to write some things for other people so if people would like to send concepts/imagines and ideas I would really love that

I can write Gatty Imagines and concept really well but if anyone has reader or y/n concepts I’d love to try for you ❤️🥹

Concept

Should I keep writing it would y’all like to read it

The Boys (Matty , G , Rosso and Hann ) obvs but like slightly younger again teenagers (I can’t help but write them then idk why ), but it’s an AU where Matty is a trans-man and he’s trying to like make his way through life dealing with dysphoria and stuff , but even as a male G has like the biggest crush on him , so G and the lads help him become more comfortable in his self , and be more “masculine” even though he’s still very Matty like , and G still thinks he’s fit as always , and they slowly become an item and ends up mad protective of him when there at school and stuff

Haven’t got it all worked out yet , WOULD YALL READ IT

This George is my absolute fave Era of G , and Matty and And G playing Rock Paper Scissors is deffo how I imagine them in my Fanfic it’s so funny

I saw the boy with a friend who didnt really know much about them which was amazing because now hes obsessed but more so with “sex” but doesn’t wanna say “I’m obsessed with sex” out loud so he openly calls it “The Van song” and I love that so much 😂😂😂

I posted the wrong comment with the wrong video that’s embarrassing but hey ho we move 😂😂😂

Right I am actually not having a fuckin giggle rn I swear I walked past John Waugh like an hour ago and I didn’t fully realise it was him till I was past him and felt to awkward going back wtaf is my life

Chapter 29

This chapter is so bad I swear but I wanted to get it done for people and I hope you like it..

Comments are most appreiciated

George's POV

A few hours after we had done what we'd done we were both sat with each other quietly just studying our own stuff with each other's company, it was peaceful and it really helped me having him there just the extra person to give you comfort, studying in my own got really boring and it was really starting to drive me insane but while he was there with me it helped a lot , every now and then I'd catch him mumbling little things to himself like "nah man your an idiot", or simple sums trying to work out his maths problems a few times I did notice him get a little frustrated and upset so I helped him through a couple of solutions on how to fix them because I know maths can be challenging and he's told me before that it was something he didn't like, but in turn he'd helped me through my English literature paper which I am eternally grateful for. Even though I was enjoying the peace and we were both getting work done there was still a little problem itching at the back of my brain that I needed to ask about. I was just scared to ask incase it wasn't my place too, but I think he could tell because in the last fifteen minutes all I'd done was stare into space or directly at him and he'd caught me a few times

"Hey my love , can I ask you something"

"If it's about maths darlin, it should be me asking you?" , I know for a fact he knows what I'm going to ask him so he's just trying to make light of the situation before it gets a little deeper

"No my love , I need to ask you about the other night" , I visibly saw him tense at the question and he dropped his pen in the desk and scrubbed his face over with his hands

"What about it gorgeous?"

"Can you tell me what happened"

"Nothing happened really , it was just a bad day", At this he picked up his pen and tried to concentrate on his work again but I could tell he was a little nervous, stressed out maybe and I don't want to be the person that causes that for him but I also don't want him to feel like he can't tell me how he's feeling. I don't want to push it I know he'll tell me in his own time but I'm worried for him. For now I just let him concentrate on his work it'll keep him focused for now but I know I'm going to worry about him. Getting back to my own work will be a challenge. I try I really do but it's hard and I can't seem to focus on it and I know he's watching me "George"

"Yeh?"

"I'm sorry, I know you worry about me but it's just if I tell you, you'll just worry more and I can't do that to you"

"My love , I understand it's difficult for you but I need you to hear me out here, we're talking and we like each other right , you would be worried if I was in the same position as you right ...", I pause for a second to let him answer which he does with a small nod. "You'd want me to tell you what was going on yeh ?" , he nods again slightly looking more sheepish and shy. "We'll then you understand that if I'm asking how things were it's because I need to know and of course I'm going to worry but it's important I know so I can help"

"I know you wanna help , it's just complicated Georgie, and I would tell you but I don't really understand why it happened , other than I was really deep in my own head"

"We'll we can start there , what were you thinking about , what was going on your head"

"There's just always so much going on my head all the time , I can't shut it up you know, it's so hard to feel comfortable when you can hear everything that's going on and theres just so much pressure in my head and it feels like I'm going to explode if I don't shut it up, and if I do explode I just get angry at everyone and I hate that , drugs or alcohol are the only way I know that makes it quiet for a little while , I can lose myself and feel like I'm not actually in my own body for a while" , Matty had shoved his books out of the way and was resting his face in his hands while his elbows dug into the desk that he was working at.

"What did you take?, it's okay if you don't want to say", I think I probably know the answer since it was only a few days ago when it happened last but if I can be more knowledgeable about how to help him when he's on a come down then it'll make things a little easier for him.

He looks a little uncomfortable, fidgeting in his seat "Coke, but I drank a bit too and I think my body just kind of shut down, because one minute I was okay and the next I felt like I was dying and that's never happened before , like you know the panic just over took me and I couldn't breath, I just thought we'll this is it , for a second I didn't mind which is the scary part"

"You...you don't ....you don't really wanna die do you"

"Not right now I don't no, but in the moment I didn't mind for just a second, I'm not going anywhere though darling I promise , I just find it hard sometimes"

"How does it feel when your on a come down , from what I know about drugs there's always a come down" I'd moved over to my bed at this point my work completely forgotten about, the bed being more comfortable.

"I either get really clingy to people cuz I'm in pain or I'm just angry and I hate that. It usually happens a couple hours after , Ross is really good at dealing with me he's been doing it a long time loads more times than he should really, I mean I'm always clingy so I'd understand that he can deal with that but when I'm angry he deals with it so we'll I couldn't ask for anyone better"

I know Ross is his best friend but I still couldn't help but resent him a little, it's maybe even jealousy that he gets to be with Matty as much as he wants he can just go see him anytime he likes, sees him at his best and can help him through his worse. Ross is amazing from what I've seen over the weekend he's a wonderful guy and I'm glad that Matty had someone but I'm just envy him a little. I must be thinking about it harder than I thought I was because Matty pulls me out of my thoughts "Georgie ??"

"Mmm?"

"What're you thinking about darling? , you were very deep in thought just then"

"I just wish I could be there , wish I could be the one you could rely on when your feeling like that"

"Trust me if you knew how it was really , you wouldn't want to even be near me, it just makes everyone around me upset and it's so bleak and dark for ages" I can see his eyes have begun to look glassy and I really don't want him to cry right now because it'll break my heart.

"My love trust me , I wanna help no matter how dark it gets . I'm here okay, We can talk about something else if you like" , I notice him shrug but only minutely if I wasn't paying close attention I wouldn't have noticed at all.

"No it's okay , I'm seeing my doctor on Monday so I'm going to have to figure out how to talk about it"

"We can do something else for a while though if you need , watch a movie or something take your mind off of it , maybe watch some more game of thrones I know we liked that " I watch him look up from where he'd been boaring a whole into the floor and faintly smiles at me "would you like that love ?" , Matty nodes calmly and wanders off to his bed and brings me with him as he settles

I let him get comfortable as he pulls his duvet around him even though it's only 3pm and cuddles up with his cozy cardigan again then I set up the show for us so he doesn't have too and can just stay settled up in his own little world "you look so cosy my love ", he just smile at me sweetly and nods to me as the show begins , the theme tune breaking through my room brings me a lot of joys , I know I've only just watched a few episodes with him but this feels like our thing and it makes me happy as well as the fact I can see it makes him happy aswell , he's so cute just softly bobbing his head along to it the episode plays as we both lay there basking in the events of the show , stealing glances every so often like we usually do. As the next episode begins I can see his eyes start to drift closed as he grip on the cardigan looks to be getting tighter. It makes me smile to no end watching him lose himself to sleep and not fighting it.

"George", I wasn't expecting him to speak as I thought he was half asleep and looked to far gone to even acknowledge that I was still there

"Yea my love?", I was also not expecting the next words to fall out of his mouth.

"I'm scared" , hearing that leave his lips as he drifts of to sleep makes me pause the show and sit up a little straighter. So I can concentrate on him and him only.

"Of what my love?"

" my brain", this comes out as more of a sigh mumbled as if he's not even aware he's speaking, sleep talking maybe but I still have to check if he really knows that he's talking

" why?"

Matty rolls over to lay on his back still gripping his cardigan his hair slowly falling over his face as he shuffles around to get comfortable. He must have been sleep talking as I don't get a reply, my first instinct was to text Ross to see if he's knows if Matty talks in his sleep. So I take out my phone and find him on instagram

George : You bro , does Matty talk in his sleep by any chance

I busy myself doing more work and cleaning my room while I wait for Ross' message, I pick up the pile of dirty clothes and bring it down to the kitchen leaving it in front of the washer as I'm not finished taking things down. Next to come down is the dirty coffee cups and a few plates that I haven't brung down. I bring the hoover upstairs with me when I go back up, I put my side of the call onto mute so as to not wake Matty then begin to hoover up my room it's such a mess up here. I never usually let it get this bad but I've been so preoccupied lately , after hoovering up my floor I take the nozzle off and hoover up the dust , ash and nicotine from my windowsill (rank I know I'm sorry ), when I've finished hoovering I take my laptop back downstairs with me to begin the washing and dishes .after loading the washing machine it takes me like ten minutes to wash my dishes leaving them on the drying rack to drip dry, my phone vibrates in my pocket

Ross : I don't know a time the lad doesn't talk, why ? Whats up ?

George : it's alright don't worry, I just couldn't tell if what he was saying meant something or not but it's okay don't worry

I slide my phone back into my pocket and turn the washing machine on, I check the dryer to see if there's clothes in there , there is so I get on with folding them into piles. Matty stirs after a little while, while I'm still folding and he sits up bolt right rubbing his eyes "huh?" , I move over swiftly to my laptop and unmute myself

"Hey hey hey , what is it?"

"G..G....G...George?"

"I'm here Matty , I'm here , what's wrong"

He's still rubbing at his eyes quite roughly , and coughing a little bit. "I think I was having a nightmare but....I don't...I don't remember...falling asleep"

"You fell asleep like 30 minutes ago my love, what we're you dreaming about?"

"It was like I was alive but like also dead and I was just walking around and like when I tried to speak to someone I either couldn't speak or if I could they weren't hearing me or they were just choosing to ignore me , not that scary I understand but it just freaked me out"

"Maybe it's because you struggle to talk to people and you brains just trying to show you how scary it can get"

"Maybe , what are you doing ?" , I know he's just trying to change the subject so he doesn't have to talk for now I'll let him out of talking. I bring my laptop over to the middle island in the kitchen and set it up so he can see that I'm cleaning up and I get back to folding the clothes.

"I just finished cleaning my room, but now I'm just cleaning up for mum"

"Awww mummies boy are we ?"

"Are you not?", the smile he gives back in response , goofy and lopsided like he's a puppy trying to understand humans. "What's that face for ?"

"You really are, aren't you?"

"Am what?"

"Mr Perfect"

Any other lives cuz the guy I was using had to go ?!!!