sniper was initially not allowed into the pool near the base that soldier and demo dug/bombed repeatedly. because y’know, pissman, pisspool....no one stood on his side and everyone physically pushed him back whenever he tried to get in. one night he just says screw it and jumps in the pool at 3 AM in the morning while no one’s in there. when they woke up and saw him in the pool, you’d better believe they shrieked and ran like little kids.
Sniper had the pool to himself for the rest of the week. whether or not he actually pissed is unknown.
friendlies exist in the tf2 universe. someone starts dancing and then everyone follows him until the Administrator gets upset.
that’s it my brain is too tired to think of quality content.
there is a small statue of a strange robot with a single yellow glowing eye and a body made of cables and white plating that sits in sniper’s room/van. no one knows what it is, and if you ask sniper he either stutters or walks away muttering under his breath. what confuses everyone the most is the fact that sniper is very old-school. he has no clue how technology works, and barely knew how to use a phone when he arrived at Mann Co. why does he have a statue of a robot in his room?
(hint - it’s GLaDOS :>)
bonus: spy caught sniper once petting the head of it. when asked, sniper yelled “Like you would understand,” which was followed by sniper slamming the door and spy holding broken fingers to his chest and doubling over.
soldier acts a lot like homer simpson. most of the time he’s an utter idiot with a crayon up his nose but then sometimes there’s just a stroke of genius he has. there’s just no good way to explain it. he could be screaming about how all other countries are bad one day and the next be comforting heavy about his family. of course if you ask about it him he won’t admit to it. he’d say something about fulfilling his duty and run away.
just like
do a 180 and start running away. sometimes into a wall. that’s soldier for you.
spy had to teach pyro the benefit of small fires since one time when spy asked pyro to help him light a cigarette they just burned off spy’s hand. one trip to respawn later spy finds pyro again and shows them how to light a cigarette with a LIGHTER and not a flamethrower.
pyro just stared at the lighter and grabbed it. then they started waving it around like a magic wand and gently tapping on everyone’s heads with it because oh my gosh it was a mini flamethrower.
spy didn’t have the heart to take the lighter back.
So, the Pyro. A mysterious being that adores fire. People always wonder what’s under that mask, and many people (including me) resort to theories and headcanons.
My headcanon?
there is nothing under the mask.
Simple as that, no? But of course, there’s more to it. I’ll begin the elaboration segment of this post.
Alrighty. Pyro is just an empty flameproof suit that moves around on its own, like those empty suits of armor in fairytales. And magic clearly exists in the TF2 universe, so what’s stopping the Pyro? But the magic has to come from somewhere, and the only source of it we know so far is Merasmus (or maybe australium but that’s TF2 science for you).
The Pyro was brought to life by Merasmus and possibly Soldier as well. It was originally intended to be a weapon for whatever mafia Merasmus was being threatened by again, but Soldier interfered and ruined the ritual somehow. So now Pyro is this loveable teddy bear of a pyromaniac that waltzes around with the team bringing chaos everywhere. They act like a child, and like a kid being overprotective of their toys, they protect their team with their life.
Also Pyro is just a pinata of sorts. The suit is just filled completely with candy they collect on Halloween and whenever they get exploded the candy just bursts out everywhere too. This is my favorite part of the headcanon because I just imagine Scout getting hurt somehow and he’s making a big fuss and the Pyro just pulls off their glove and tons of candy flies out. Then Pyro picks up a little lollipop who hands it to the now horrified Scout.
This was the RED Pyro, however. What about the BLU Pyro?
BLU Pyro is just a robot. The first robot to ever be made by Mann Co, in fact. While they were cloning the RED team (see previous post titled TF2. Headcanons: Clones), they found that they couldn’t get any DNA from the RED Pyro and nothing showed up in their background check. After learning what the Pyro really was, they decided to just make a robot instead of finding a literal magician to animate another suit.
And the Pyro has such a simple job, right? Spray fire in the enemy’s direction and there you go. But the RED Pyro is alive, in some sense. They learn and adapt, they spycheck everywhere and airblast teammates in need. They help bodyguard their team and protect them. The BLU Pyro needs to be told what to do by a program, which is updated now and then by the BLU Engineer. At some point, the BLU Pyro would have so many changes to its code that it would act almost exactly like the RED Pyro, minus the liveliness and cheer.
The BLU Pyro is just the BLU Engineer’s pet project of sorts. BLU Engie ain’t helping out the team as much as the RED Engie, so he spends all of his spare time changing and adjusting code in the BLU Pyro. BLU Pyro is easily the greatest robot alive. But the amount of code it would take to make a robot act so similar to a human would easily be enough to crash the robots like Grey Mann’s. Even if his robots are powered by money, they haven’t had a brilliant mind like the Engineer work on it for years, especially on the entire army. *insert cool segue here*
Grey Mann got his idea of a robot takeover from the BLU Pyro. He stole the original blueprints for the Pyro and adapted it to suit the entire robotic army he was making. He did not know about the absurd amount of reprogramming and rebuilding the original BLU Pyro went through. Which really sucked for him, since the blueprints he stole were the for original BLU Pyro model, meaning that it was very clunky and it rattled around a lot. And since Grey Mann used the design of the BLU Pyro for his whole robot army, every single one of those robots ended up clunky and rattling. None of them have any of that extra coding from the Engineer either, so the robots in the army don’t spycheck, don’t airblast teammate, and don’t work togther as a team.
god that was a lot of writing. thanks for reading it! reblogs mean a lot to me, especially those with nice notes attached to them :D. Please give me tips for writing better too, I’ve never had a beta reader for anything except for myself.
MISSION BEGINS IN 60 SECONDS.
“Say, Spy. How does your mask and disguise thing work?
The RED Spy stiffened. Scout continued talking.
“I mean, all you do is put on a mask and throw a smoke bomb and now everyone thinks you’re the stupid Medic or something. What’s the freakin’ deal with that?”
“Scout, are you sure that your mind the size of a quail egg could understand it in the first place?”
“Of COURSE I can understand it,” said Scout, waving his hands in the air indignantly, “Besides, quail eggs are huge, man! Have you even seen one before?”
Spy blew a puff a smoke and smirked.
“And have YOU ever seen one? They’re smaller than chicken’s eggs.”
“...quail eggs my ass. Tell me how your freakin’ mask works!”
Spy sighed, then put out his cigarette.
“Well, the smoke encourages the idea of the mask actually being my face. It’s memetic, I’d say. It makes the enemy team think that I’m one of them with whatever new chemical from Australia it uses.” Scout blinked, his mind hitting a brick wall the second Spy had said the word memetic. Of course, he was the smartest in the entire RED team, so of course he knew what it meant! It was just...used in Spy terms. Yeah, that must be why. Spy’s speaking in Spynese.
“Alright, alright, I understand. But just in case, y’know, could you like...repeat that in English?”
Spy rubbed at his forehead, then mimicked Scout’s voice perfectly.
“Of COURSE I can understand it! Very well Scout, here it is in English. The smoke makes people think that I’m actually whatever mask I am wearing. Without the smoke, people would see me as a man walking around with a mask. And without the mask, the smoke has nothing to convince people of. Understand, Scout?”
“Yeah, I guess. But what makes the smoke ‘memetic’ or whatever?”
“Like I said, it’s something from Australia. No one knows what the hell those Australians do down there, especially after they discovered Australium.”
MISSION BEGINS IN 10 SECONDS.
Spy picked up his balisong and examined it, while Scout pulled his bat up over his shoulder.
“I wish you luck, Scout. This mission isn’t going to be an easy one.”
“Hey, thanks. Get them all smoked up out there for me!”
5.
4.
3.
2.
Memetic (as from the SCP Wiki) - Memetics in regards to SCP objects tends to focus on the impossible rather than the mundane, regarding effects that are transmitted via information. In general, the effects themselves should remain in the realm of information. A memetic SCP would be more likely to be a phrase that makes you think you have wings as opposed to a phrase that makes you actually grow a pair of wings. If you write up magic words that make people grow wings, it should be described as something other than memetic.
(is my writing any good? tell me where I can improve in writing, since I’ve never had actual feedback for my work)
Headcanon: Scout and Spy go to father-son therapy. The therapists are Soldier and Demoman. Soldier is surprisingly smart and Demoman is very philosophical.
soldier yells at spy a lot. spy does not like therapy.
that’s it that’s the headcanon.
So, let’s get right to it.
Gunslinger:
Obviously, the RED Engineer invented it first with the help of the RED Medic. The BLU Engineer never asked his team’s Medic for help due to the rocky relationship the entire BLU team has, so he could never figure out how to bridge the gap between man and machine. BLU Engie just found the blueprints for the Gunslinger design at the front of his door one day, complete with notes from the RED Medic and Engineer on how the wiring and circuits could function as nerves. BLU Engie immediately took to building it, but ran into a problem once he finished.
How would he remove his hand?
The RED Medic had helped his team’s Engie with removing the hand precisely so that the nerves would connect with the wiring of the machine. But there was no way the BLU Engineer would ever ask his Medic, considering how snappy he got. So BLU Engineer went into the day’s round of fighting, only to be absolutely obliterated by an Ubered RED Medic and Battle Engineer. After the humiliating defeat, BLU Engineer just says screw it and slices his hand clean off.
He, of course, ended up with an infection that forced him to go to the BLU Medic for help, who did his best to try and fix the problem. It was pretty hard to fix completely without regrowing his entire hand back, so he ended up with constant hand pain.
But how did BLU Engineer end up with the blueprints at his door?
Well that leads us to our next topic…
Game Balance:
The Administrator’s job is to make both teams as balanced as possible. She was the one who proposed the idea of clones to Blutarch, which Blutarch screwed up with his desire to make the BLU team superior to the RED team. If she could, the Administrator would definitely make a new set of clones for the BLU team, but cloning people is extremely expensive. So the Administrator tries to make the game more balanced, by giving all weapons that the RED team invents to the BLU team, and taking weapons that have too much power.
The RED team often works together to try and make new weapons that will make fighting easier, but overnight, the weapon will either disappear or be “nerfed” (aka components that make it too overpowered will be removed). However, once a weapon achieves balance, a copy is sent to the BLU team. Some of the RED team have suspicions about their disappearing weapons, but there isn’t much they can do about it. It’s either accept it as the norm or get fired.
So, the Administrator gave the BLU Engineer the Gunslinger to “balance” the teams. The Administrator couldn’t directly help the BLU team though, so they kept getting dominated by the RED team. The Administrator often sends Miss Pauling to provide the BLU team more support, but Miss Pauling doesn’t really care for the BLU team much. They’re never as lively or as fun as the RED team, and they don’t treat her as a friend and more as an uncaring employer. She definitely prefers the RED team over them, but she still needs to follow the Administrator.
Now, as I mentioned in my last post, I considered the RED Pyro to only be a suit brought to life with magic, and the BLU Pyro a crude mechanical version of it. A more detailed version of what I think of it will be up in a few days, and I apologize for the delay on that.
Thank you for all of the support on the last post! I spent the past few days just staring at the number of notes going up and reading the tags on reblogs and it just made me explode on the inside lol. I’ll be posting more of these headcanon posts, but instead of packing a ton of headcanons into one post I’ll spread them out a bit more so I’ll have time to come up with new ones. Thank you to everyone who reblogged and left all those nice words. It really encourages me to write more in this fandom, hell even in general.
TLDR: THANK YOU
This has been simmering for a bit, so here is what’s been cooked up so far.
So basically, the entire BLU team are clones of the RED team. The RED team was doing so well against the original BLU team that they decided to clone the RED team. What better enemy than yourself, right? Well, Blutarch was rather upset with this. In my eyes, Blutarch is smarter than Redmond, but not smart enough to avoid this entire gravel war. He decided that the clones needed to be better than the RED team. Each BLU mercenary will be practically the same person as their RED counterpart, but there are key differences, some of which being their names. Here is the list of changes:
Scout:
- Not much was changed about him, but BLU Scout was made to be less talkative. It was assumed that Scout’s ability to constantly ramble on would be an annoyance, but they were wrong. Scout’s constant blabbering on the RED team was a key factor in their cooperation.
Soldier:
- They removed his patriotism for America, since they thought his obsession with it was stupid. But since BLU Soldier isn’t patriotic, he doesn’t really have a reason to fight. RED Soldier was fighting for his country against the commies, but BLU Soldier is just a guy with a rocket launcher.
Pyro:
- I headcanon that Pyro is just a flameproof suit brought to life with magic (more on that in a later post). It’s pretty hard to replicate magic though, so BLU Pyro is just a robot. His design was key in Grey Mann’s takeover, as it was the first robot mercenary.
Demo:
- Made him sober. Problem is, what made RED Demo so unpredictable was his drunkedness. BLU Demoman is stronger than RED Demo, with more precise attacks that do more damage. However, he is much more predictable, and therefore easier to dodge.
Heavy:
- Pretty much unchanged. He can speak English better though, but that doesn’t do anything since there is no trust on the BLU team.
Engineer:
- More cooperative and less insane. Straight up improvement, except he’ll listen to anyone and everyone on the BLU team, even if they tell him to do something stupid since he’s desperate for appreciation.
Medic:
- Not as insane. But RED Medic’s insanity is what led to so many breakthroughs on the team. RED was definitely first to discover the power of most Mediguns, since BLU Medic is a tad more squeamish about shoving a heart into a ribcage with no anesthesia.
Sniper:
- Them: “Make him stop pissing in jars it’s disgusting”
Sniper with no Jarate and now down one of his most powerful weapons: “ok”
Seriously though, BLU Sniper just doesn’t scare off the RED Spy as much as the RED Sniper. Piss is the only thing preventing that knife from lodging in his back.
Spy:
- A Spy’s job is to trust no one, and BLU Spy follows that to the end. He will not hesitate to stab all of his teammates in the back. He’ll never come out of his shell like the RED Spy did. But just like Engineer, he seeks appreciation for his job.
The amount of work and money it took to clone the original team was too much, and they were stuck with these clones. In the end, the BLU team hated each other while the RED team depended on each other. Cooperation is key in an endless war over gravel, and if the BLU team doesn’t master that soon, they’ll soon be having a problem on their hands.
(The BLU team mercs would have the same backstory as the RED team mercs, their only difference being their names.)
i guess you could say that the real victory was the friends we made along the way-
[ If anyone ever uses these headcanons for anything, I would like credit. I just want to establish some sort of presence on the internet, I guess. I’ve come up with ideas in my head that someone else online writes up a day before I even write it down. ]
POkay so apparently Dior means golden in French so that’s my headcanon name for Spy now.
this is only going to be a bare minimum timeline for me, and I don’t really want people to see it but i want it to be out there so no tags on it. I’m planning on making a really really long fanfiction on this so anyone who sees this I’d like if you didn’t make anything about it or credit me if you are directly inspired by this.
OKAY HERE WE GO
- Dior is born to a loving mother and a neglecting father. The mother signed a contract somehow that signed over a crap ton of money to Dior’s father. Dior’s mother disappears when he is six (not completely clear but she was killed by Dior’s father so that she couldn’t blab to police about how he abused Dior and so he could keep all the money for himself) People suspect the Father of doing the murder, so he hides away into his mansion and makes Dior take care of everything for him. - Understandably, Dior hates his father a lot. At some point, his father has a bit too much to drink, and smashes Dior over the head with a glass bottle repeatedly, leaving scars all over his face. Of course once he’s sober again he realizes the problem that all evidence pointed to him doing it, so that would be one of the reasons why he hides in the mansion. - misc. notes: Dior is forced to cook for his father and do all the shopping, so he intentionally tries to cook horrible food. of course his dad gets mad about it so he just goes to the store and buys some weird instant alligator meat in the Australian section of the store and cooks it for his dad daily. Dior steals from his rich classmates who bullied him because of his father and uses it to buy food to support himself.
- OKAY SO THIS IS WHERE DIOR KILLS HIS DAD.
- one day, a balisong along with an envelope saying “you know what to do” appears in the dirt in front of the mansion. He does know what to do. Dior spends days in the library, studying human anatomy to find the quickest way to kill someone with a balisong. Ultimately, he comes up with the backstab. On one of his Father’s shirts he draws a dot so he can aim his knife. The day comes where his Father wears the shirt, and while his father is taking a swig from his drink-- the knife goes IN through his skin and punctures his heart. he dies unsure what Dior will do with the body, but he salvages absolutely everything having to do with his mother from the house. (debating what will happen here, but I have an idea where Dior burns the house down or something idk. maybe he’ll get caught for what he does because of the corpse odor so he burns down the entire village. i’m thinking about introducing a character who would be the owner of the bookstore, and would be like a second mother to Dior, but would also be the first person to connect Dior to the crime and would betray him.)
should his last name be Primeaux? I’ll add a tag once I come up with a last name for him.
I’ll continue this in a later post.
(i’ve never played tf2 past the tutorial so excuse me if I get some ideas wrong. also, i’m no good at explaining)
So how does HP work in a more “realistic” way?
Each mercenary would take a sort of endurance test where they would be shot multiple times to see how long they could last while suffering from bullets/melee weapons. However long they can survive for and still move around while hurt would determine a number of HP they’d have. (with respawn on of course)
Then each gun would be measured to see which does the most damage, which would determine damage points.
Once the HP reaches 0, they would be killed immediately through some sort of respawn technology, since once 0 HP is reached then the mercenary would either already be dead or hurt so badly that they couldn’t move at all. Leaving them alive at that point would be idiotic since they can’t do anything.
This system does have flaws though, since if someone was on 1 HP they’d be hurt VERY badly, but because their HP isn’t at 0 they’d be left alive and unable to respawn. So they either limp around and try to keep fighting, or someone needs to finish them off. Most would choose to keep going since running into the opposing team would finish them off.
(anyone under 5 HP will limp around everywhere looking for the enemy team so that they can die lol)
I’d say the Administrator knows about this but since most people choose to get up and keep “fighting” she doesn’t care much for it.
Hello, my name is Zhanna. Jane told me his co-workers were on here letting random people ask them questions. Sounds fun, and like good way to pass time while I wait for paperwork to become offical mercenary to arrive.
Fight challenges are greatly appriciated. There are no bears in new Mexico, which is appriciated because it means Zhanna no longer has to eat them, but also means Zhanna has no worthy fighting partner besides Jane. Jane is often busy killing men though. This makes me happy, but also sad because I miss him.
Goodbye
Hello I am the mod!
The tags used for this blog r
#Zhannasks
#Ask Zhanna
#tf2 ask blog
I know, very creative.
Enjoy your stay!