Themetaphorgirl - Blog Posts
My drawing of Alex Miller going on her first date in the PSOLC universe, created by the incredible @themetaphorgirl . The blush is too dark, but I think I nailed the hair, the rest of the m1keup and the outfit as a whole. I haven’t done any drawing for ages, but I was inspired
PSOLC vignette « Grades »
OK, so this is inspired by the amazing @themetaphorgirl ‘s PSOLC ( Criminal Minds AU) as we discussed a situation with Hotch and Emily in the same class and she gets a better grade than him, though he put in way more effort. I haven’t written in aaaaaages, so 1m super rusty, but I had fun and feel like I nailed Strauss’s character
“ Did you hand in your essay OK, Bubba?” Alex asked Hotch as she sat down at the table, deftly readjusting Spencer’s tray once she had put hers down too.
“Yeah, thanks Birdie. Once you looked through it for me I typed it up and printed it, then I handed it in last week.” he replied, stirring raisins into his oatmeal.
Emily’s head jerked up, eyes wide and her spoon halfway to her mouth. She quickly regained her composure.
“Uh, Hotch, what’s today’s date?” she asked.
“It’s the 22nd, Emily. And yes, it is the date our 2000-word essays are due in for Strauss. The essays she assigned us last month that are worth 40% of the semester’s grade.” he replied, shaking his head and frowning at his classmate’s disorganisation.
“Oh, I knew that, I do actually listen in class sometimes, Hotchner! And it’s no biggie! I’ll write it in French and Chapel.” Emily responded nonchalantly, her eyes reflecting her panic and stress. « We’re studying the present indicative of first group verbs and adjective agreements, which is obviously very difficult, but I’ll make it work » she announced, trying hard to sound convincing but failing miserably.
“Alexandra Catherine Miller, room-mate extraordinaire, what can you tell me about the leitmotifs in To Kill A Mockingbird? Just asking for a friend!” she asked Alex, eyes wide, fluttering her eyelashes and smiling, tilting her head to the side.
“Oh, that’s easy! I read it when I was 7, but the main themes are…”, Spencer interjected, gesticulating wildly, his eyes shining with excitement, as Alex placed a finger on his lips to quieten him.
“Sorry, Emily, but I really can’t help you now. I asked you if you wanted help when Hotch asked me to look through his first draft, and you told me you had ‘almost started it’, so you’re just going to have to face the consequences” Alex answered, a sympathetic look on her face.
« But if I don’t get an A, I’m going to fail! And Strauss offers no make up tests or extra credit! I hope you’ll come to my funeral as Strauss is going to eviscerate me. » she replied, biting her lip as she realised just how much of a challenge she had to face.
Hotch muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “you made your bed, now lie in it”.
Penelope looked aghast.
« Well, I am so glad I only have Strauss for debate. She sounds like the kind of person who has a favourite child! » she shared, shuddering at the thought of having more classes with her most terrifying teachers.
Just before the bell for second period rang, Emily dashed into class, almost tripping over Chris Callahan’s legs and narrowly avoiding crashing into Kate Carter’s neighbouring desk before flinging herself into her assigned seat towards the back of the class, clutching several sheets of rather crumpled notebook paper.
Ashley Seaver smiled sympathetically at her before resuming her chat with Jordan Todd about the new crime series with the hot male lead that they were both obsessed with.
The final bell rang, cutting their conversation short. The class fell silent immediately.
“ Pass your essays up to the front now. Some of you have already handed them in, but I needn’t remind you that is no guarantee of a good or even a passing grade. “ Strauss announced, shooting a pertinent look at Hotch.
“Miss Carter and Mr Callahan, how many times have I told you that there’s no PDA in my classroom?” she scolded, glaring at the offending students, who were holding hands.
“And no, don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical! Get out your grammar books, page 82 and complete the sentence parsing that we started last class. There is no need to talk.” she announced, having gathered all the students’ work in a pile on her desk.
The class got to work and their teacher turned her attention to the papers in front of her, scowling at some and shaking her head at others, that she liberally annotated with her red pen.
Two weeks later
“ Well, on the whole, I was disappointed with your essays. As Juniors, you really should have mastered these basic concepts by now. You do realise, if you go to college, your professors will make me look like a Disney princess. I have a feeling that college might not be the right fit for everyone here” Strauss declared, casting a disapproving look around the class.
“However, there was one standout essay that I gave an A to. I had to take some points off for presentation, but the student in question provided some excellent analysis. It’s the only A I have given so far this semester. Emily Prentiss, I did not expect work of such caliber from you. » she continued.
She then proceeded to return work by grade.
« A valiant attempt. Mr Hotchner, but you should definitely ask Miss Prentiss for some pointers for the next assignment » she said, handing Hotch his paper that had a big red B+ on it.
He shot Emily a dark, murderous look, but she just grinned and thumbsed up when their eyes met.
As the bell for lunch went, Hotch uncharacteristically shoved his books and papers haphazardly into his backpack, pushed his chair against his desk with more force than necessary and stomped out.
Emily was smiling broadly at their usual lunch table, chatting to Penelope about hairstyles as Hotch arrived, slamming his tray down.
Alex looked over at him with a concerned look, but he just prodded his mystery meat violently, eyebrows knitted tightly together.
« Hi Hotch! Are you still hung up over your grade from Strauss? I’m sure I can help you do better next time » she said sweetly.
« Just how did you get an A? » he questioned angrily.
Rossi looked up from his mashed potatoes, intrigue written all over his face.
« Emily! How did you do it? Strauss hardly ever gives A’s! Please teach me your ways, you… witch! » he exclaimed.
« I’ m just naturally brilliant, I guess. Perhaps I should request a transfer into the AP class. And don’t ‘Emily’ me! » she replied smugly.
« That’s a great plan, Emily. Except a) there are no places left in the AP class, and b) your last grade was a C minus, I believe? » Hotch declared.
She sighed and returned her attention to her plate of food.
Hotch would hopefully get over it by the time they graduated, she mused.
PSOLC ( Criminal Minds AU) drabble- based on the amazing themetaphorgirl’s fic
«Oh my goodness, have you all been living under a rock all your life? » Penelope exclaimed, having commandeered the comfiest armchair of the seventh floor common room, where she was sitting regally, wrapped in a blanket as if it were a cape and brandishing the remote like a sceptre.
« James Blake, how are you the only other person in this room who has actually read the Harry Potter books? » she continued, visibly surprised.
Emily shrugged, muttering « Uh, because we’re not nerds!» just loud enough to be heard, then resumed painting her nails a distinctly non regulation electric blue, sitting cross-legged on a cushion.
« Just pick a movie, Penelope! » , Hotch grumbled from the table across the room, briefly glancing up from his History essay, eyebrows knitted together and his lips forming a tight line.
« OK, OK, but before I do, let me go get something! ». She got up and rushed off in a blur of pink fluffy slippers and glitter. She returned minutes later, brandishing her laptop and a mysterious-looking, brown, crumpled and patched piece of material.
Glances of confusion were exchanged, until Derek broke the bemused silence from his spot on the floor where he was lying, with a puzzled « Baby girl, what the hell is that? ».
« Ta-da! » Garcia replied, showing off the item with visible pride. « Uh, James, a little help here, and some enthusiasm wouldn’t go amiss either, especially if you’re a true Potterhead! » she added, seeing everyone’s bemused faces.
« That’s the Sorting Hat, guys, it tells you which house you’ll be in at Hogwarts, Harry Potter’s school », James explained, as Penelope nodded enthusiastically.
« So, there are 4 houses, each with their own distinct character traits, and the Hat decides where you should go. Obviously it takes your preference into consideration, and you don’t necessarily have to possess the qualities of your chosen House, they can be ones you admire or want to have... So everyone’s going to take the test before we start the movie, OK? ».
“ Sure, Penny!” JJ chirped, uncurling herself from the couch to go over to her friend. « Could you just remind me of the different Houses and their traits, please? ».
Penelope quickly explained the differences between Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin before placing the Hat on JJ’s head. She pulled her fishtail braid over her shoulder and sat in the armchair.
Penelope deftly flipped open her laptop, tapped a few keys and then cleared her throat.
« I, of course, will be reading the questions so no-one will be tempted to cheat! » she declared.
After several questions, everyone started suggesting the answer they thought JJ should choose.
« Well, that’s the last question, Jayje! Which House do you think you’ll be in? « Penelope chirruped, clearly pleased.
« Um, Gryffindor, I guess », JJ volunteered shyly.
« Oooh, I hope you’ll be in Hufflepuff, like me! But you could be a Ravenclaw, and yeah, Gryffindor would be a good fit too... » Penelope said, swiftly moving the cursor to the « Reveal my House » button on screen!
After a few seconds of waiting, Penelope glanced at the screen and looked up, visibly crestfallen.
« What’s up, Pen, did I do it wrong? I swear I answered honestly! » JJ said, evidently upset at her room-mate’s distress and removing the wide-brimmed wizard hat from her head.
« Alas, we have a Hat Stall, you’ve tied between Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor! So you just get to pick. Don’t feel obliged to say Hufflepuff just because I’m there! » Garcia explained.
JJ deliberated for a moment before deciding on Gryffindor. « Thank God, the suspense was killing me! « Emily sighed sarcastically.
« Good choice, always trust your first instincts! Now, who’s next? ». Penelope’s gaze swept over the group. Alex and Spencer were huddled together, heads bent over a thick novel at the opposite end of the couch that JJ had returned to, Dave was focused intently on his laptop screen, James was half asleep in the other armchair, Hotch was scowling at his History book, surrounded by crumpled up pieces of paper and several pages of notes. Derek was absent-mindedly spinning a basketball as he perused his phone.
Her eyes met Emily’s.
« Alright, Garcia, let’s get this over with! «
At Emily’s words, everyone looked up.
« Yeah, I’ll go after Prentiss, baby girl! » Derek promised. « Sorry, got distracted by my fantasy football league choices! ».
Emily got up, picking up the hat and plonking it on her head as she seated herself in the armchair. From her nest of pillows and blankets on the ground, Penelope reset the quiz page and began.
« OK, first question: black or white? ».
« Black, duh! » Emily responded.
Penelope continued through, before finally announcing that Emily was officially a Slytherin.
« I bet I’m Gryffindor, sweet girl! » Derek guessed when his turn was almost finished.
« Right you are, my hunk of Hershey’s chocolate! » she trilled, having checked his results. He bent down to hug her before letting the next person go.
Alex, James and Spencer all followed, and were all, unsurprisingly, placed in Ravenclaw, though James and Alex both had strong Hufflepuff scores too. Spencer had had to take the Hat off half-way through, as it kept falling down over his eyes and even completely covering his face.
Dave had to be dragged over, but high-fived Emily when he too was placed in Slytherin.
« Hotchy, it’s your turn now! Everyone else has had a go, even Dave and Emily! Pleeeease let me find out the inner workings of your mysterious mind! » Penelope pleaded, eyes widening with a butter wouldn’t melt expression spreading across her face.
« We’ll even stop waving and shouting « Hey, Haley! » at random times during the day, especially if she’s not actually in the vicinity. Oh, and Prentiss won’t get dress-coded any more this week, and JJ will eat greens with every meal without complaining too, promise! » she begged.
Hotch sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. The « Hey, Haley! » game was absolutely no fun.
«I have wily ways to bend you to my will, you know! » she mock threatened, approaching him as if to tickle him.
« Fine, I’ll do your quiz. Just keep it clean! And.Don’t. Call. Me. Hotchy! » he replied tersely. He gingerly placed the silly accessory on his head. Penelope beamed at him and began.
This time, everyone joined in, trying to influence his answers, gently teasing him.
« And that, Hotchy, was the final question! Where do you think you’ll end up? »
« Uh, I don’t know! Everyone thinks l’m ambitious, so Slytherin? Can we please just get it over with as we haven’t even started the movie yet? »
« Well, the Hat has spoken! You’re in... ».
Penelope paused for dramatic effect.
« Hufflepuff! Yay, you’re with me! We’re a seriously under-represented House, there’s hardly any merch for us, but at least our emblem and House colours are correct, unlike poor Ravenclaw! Oh, and our common room is near the castle kitchens, perfect for midnight feasts! » she babbled, flinging her arms around his neck, knocking the hat off his head in the process. He patted her arm and then went to sit on the couch. Spencer had fallen asleep in Alex’s arms, and he took the sleeping child from her onto his lap.
Garcia put a DVD into the player and pressed play.
As the first Harry Potter movie started, Hotch looked around at the diverse group around him and smiled. Alex had joined James on the floor, he was adjusting blankets and pillows to ensure she was comfortable, Emily and Dave were bickering amicably over the correct pronunciation of some Italian word, Morgan and JJ were tossing Cheetos in the air and trying to catch them in their mouths, whilst Penny was now wrapped in a blanket, on the armchair, mouthing the words along with the actors, staring intently at the screen.
He shifted a snoring Spencer in his lap, smoothed the boy’s hair off his face and settled in for what was going to be the first of eight films.
Hotch and the Hotchlings, in themetaphorgirl’s criminal minds boarding school au ( PSOLC)
This is the Hotchner brothers ( with bonus background very jealous Spencer!) from Criminal Minds, but in themetaphorgirl’s amazing AU boarding school story, Patron Saint of Lost Causes, as it is her birthday soon!