james: wow, you look like shit.
sirius: i stayed up till 5 am with marlene. do i regret it? yes.
sirius: but was it worth it ‘cause i got to help out a friend who needed comfort? absolutely not.
james found out about peter being the traitor, and he’s discussing it with the rest of the marauders.
james: i cant fucking believe it, petey? betraying us? after everything we’ve been through together? after all this time?
sirius: *standing up and reciting poetically* do not mourn the treachery of time, brother, for dogs have always danced on the corpses of lions. however, do not believe that their dance makes them above their masters, lions will always be lions and dogs will always be dogs.
remus: sirius, you’re a- you’re a dog.
plot: sirius got dumped.
james: do you feel like you weren’t enough? is that why you feel so choked by your emotions?
sirius: i know i’m not enough, otherwise he wouldn’t have left me.
marlene: did you get the weird breathing trouble yet?
sirius: what, asthma? i’ve had that for ages.
james and marlene: *burst out laughing*
sirius: *gives in and starts laughing through his tears*
people who were killed after dying:
1- dumblewhore: by all the marauders collectively, but lead by james.
2- peter pettigrowsomeballsplease: by sirius black and strangely regulus black too.
3- snivellus snape: by lily evans because “how dare you sacrifice my husband and son but ask for me to be spared?”
4- remus lupin and mary macdonald: they were suffocated by a hug from all the marauders.
sirius: i feel like i absorb the positive energy from the people around me.
remus: so you’re kind of like a dementor?
sirius: no, i don’t suck the joy out of people.
remus: debatable.
sirius: WHATDOYOUMEAN?!
modern au: the marauders all live and study together at a muggle university, but they’re going through ‘two weeks’ of online classes.
marlene: *bursts into the living room, laptop in hand where james, sirius and dorcas are sitting*
marlene: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE THE MEETING?
sirius: THE TA TRIED TO PUT ME IN A BREAK OUT ROOM WITH STRANGERS AND IM NOT HAVING ANY OF THAT.
marlene: COME BACK TO CLASS, YOU PUSSY.
sirius: IF YOU’RE GONNA CALL ME A PUSSY, YOU BETTER PUT ‘EATER’ AFTER IT. MY WAY- MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!
remus: *unmuting himself and speaking*
remus: sirius, you’re gay and marlene, learn how to mute yourself.
-1975-
james: snape will never have a love life.
remus: someone’s bound to find him…tolerable.
james: how about we place a bet?
remus: 5 galleons.
-1993-
remus: *takes one look at snape, and immediately runs out, looking up at the sky*
remus: COME BACK YOU ARSE, I OWE YOU 5 GALLEONS!
sirius: *places a newly rolled blunt on the street*
sirius: it’s a highway…get it? highway? cause blunt and road…y’know?
james: *throws his shoe at sirius*
lily: *hexes him bald*
remus: *takes off his wedding ring and places it in sirius’ hand*
regulus: *updates his insta bio to ‘only child’*