There's An Open Pit In The Middle Of Our Office Plan That Drops Down Into A Bunch Of Very Sharp Spikes

reverse suicide note where everyone you write on it dies

he was hardly monstrous then

yeah golden retreiver boyfriends are great and I've met several personally, but personally I have a house cat boyfriend

extremely affectionate despite of seeming aloof and politely distant to unfamiliar people

my friends have seen him irl less than 5 times in the five years I've had him - if I invited people over he would hide under furniture until they're gone

haha you got up from your work desk, time for unskippable 35 minutes of kisses and cuddles

can and will throw up out of sheer anxiety because Things And Events Are Happening that do not even involve him in any way

can instinctively sense exactly when I am going to decide I'm done bedrotting and will climb on top of me to cuddle exactly 3 minutes before I was just about to get up

can be placed sideways on any soft surface at any time of the day and immediately takes a five hour nap

cannot eat or drink in unfamilair places. can and will go 16 hours without food or water if the situation is uncomfy.

unhelpful but valiant efforts to try to protect and rescue you from things and situations that he would personally hate being in, out of not understanding of Why Are You In There Voluntarily

will come show me incomprehensible memes the same way a cat will bring you a random bug. thank you. I do not understand it but I know you brought it to me because you love me.

ugh. forget everything i’ve ever said. unless you thought it was smart or funny in which case remember it forever

The double flan emojis make the identity theft scam just a little more enticing.

found this sick keyboard at the thrift store and the mouse that comes with it is sick too

what if she was called chappell bone and instead of a singer she was a necromancer who raised strong as fuck skeleton warriors

she............an empress whose name has been lost to the sands of time