Abdullahbook - AbdullahBook

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

"If your hand can move through my body and touch my heart, what would you feel emanating from it?

Sorrow and emptiness in the dark black spaces hallowed out where loved ones were lost and their seats are empty? Telling you I'll never be the same person I was before those losses.

Hypervigilance which has my heart in a constant state of alert for potential threats around me from past traumas? Always aware of my surroundings. Compassion and Empathy in great vibrations through your fingertips telling you I often put other people's feelings ahead of my own?

Avoiding conflicts to save any bad feelings to the other person, keeping my feelings to myself often to keep the peace, even if that means sacrificing what I truly feel and want. Overly understanding and kindness you feel moving in slow soft waves over your hand-so others don't feel how I've been feeling, and it can turn their whole day around into a smile?

Welcoming pure love telling you I made a home for you in a special stained-glass colored place in my heart so I can always embrace you there? Innocence beaming that's almost childlike swinging high on a swing in the golden sunshine, holding a yellow dandelion flower in my hand as my feet can almost touch the clouds in the blue sky without a care in the world? Romance that makes my delicate feminine soul look like pink pastel hues, and feels like a white doily lace on an old antique side table with an ivory Tiffany lamp warmly illuminated by the light through the drapes?

Passion searing hot red flames with heat that would scorch you until you learn to tame and control it till it surrenders to you? Desire and sensuality in the corners ready to lure you with the look of my eyes and a devilish smirk in my smile?

All that you can feel with just one touch.

One graze of your fingertips sliding down as your hand is cascading through.

So Fuck my soul and feel me entirely- to know me completely, honestly, and wholly with you in it.

Goddess!!!

Know what she needs right now? You to spoon her in bed as she falls asleep. You hold her tight so she feels safe and her thoughts are understood.

Hold her hand while you're out with her so she feels protected. Touch her knee softly as you're driving with her so she feels like you always want to be touching her.

Kiss her softly and ravagingly so she feels wanted. Wrap your hands around her waist as you're burying yourself deep inside her, pull her hair back and kiss her neck so she feels desired.

That's how she feels complete. That's how she feels yours.

-Abdullah

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

Never forget two people in this world.

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

He was fluent in me.

In every way.

He rode my highs and my lows, and the waves that came crashing upon me almost drowned me.

He knew how emotionally deep feeling I can be, and how I overthink often to the point of anxiety.

He knew when I was quiet, I was in deep thought or upset about something and holding it in.

He knew when something was bothering me and filled me up with stress, I hardly ate.

He knew I was a very strong person, but also broken with many cracks deep as caverns, and cracks that are healing and mending.

He knew my eyes spoke more than my lips ever could. He knew my eyes can speak a language of their own only for him. A language he loved gazing at.

He knew my body even as he was in a meeting with his eyes closed, picturing me laying on the bed with that black lacy number he liked. He knew every inch, every curve, every line of my body in memory.

He knew how to make my body rise and fall, and quiver only for him. How to make me purr and scream at the same time.

He knew when to be soft with me, and when to not be so gentle.

He knew when I needed to talk about something on my mind, and when I needed to just be held as if there were only the two of us in the world.

He knew I always had a hard time falling asleep, but once sleeping-was hard to wake me up.

He knew I hated change and don't take it well. Even with choosing restaurants, ordering meals, or picking TV shows. The familiar felt much more comfortable and safe than the risk of something new.

He knew when something was wrong just by my voice or how my eyes looked at him, and I didn't even need to say a word.

He knew when I was stressed, I cleaned.

He knew my humor was dirty and sarcastic, yet childlike. And he knew I loved to laugh and make people laugh- because in depression-you know what it's like to not feel.

He knew I loved consistency, from the 'good morning' to the 'goodnight', to show me I was on his mind from sunrise to sunset.

He knew my walls were built higher and higher over the years due to traumas, loss, and pain- not to keep people out, but to protect myself and not burden others. Walls only He knew how to climb and navigate.

He knew how to protect me physically and emotionally, even from myself and my own anxiety filled mind.

He knew how I liked to be touched...and licked.

He knew how I loved laying my head on his chest because it's the safest place to be at times.

He knew when I tell him I love him, it's not just those words. It's also in me saying -'let me know when you get home okay', and drive safe'.

He knew the electrical currents to my mind, and the road map to my soul.

He knew it all. Every part, every inch of me. But most of all.

He loved me for me...accepting my rationalities, irrationalities, complexities, and my simple.

Loving you completely for all you are...the good and easy parts, and the dark and crazy parts- will come very natural and easily to the one who truly and genuinely loves you. It will come harder for one who doesn't. If you're lucky, you'll find 'the one'... like I did.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭.

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥-𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐧.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭- 𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐰, 𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐱𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 5 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈'𝐦 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐞.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐮𝐩 3 𝐚𝐦- 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐡𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝- 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐭, 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟- 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐞.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐜𝐫𝐲, 𝐬𝐨𝐛, 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐠𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭.

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐈'𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞.

𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐨𝐬.

𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲, 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞.

𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭.

--© 𝐀𝐛𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡, 𝐀𝐛𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤.

𝐀 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐥𝐝.

A story doesn't exist unless it's Told.

Free Palestine.

When you finally meet someone who tries their hardest to be with you regardless of how difficult you are, stay with them.

Stay with them because finding someone who is willing to be with you at all costs doesn’t happen every day.

"Secret&Seductions"

How far can you go down the wrong path before you can’t get back on the right one?

What happens when you don’t find that right person? Do you just spend the rest of your life in a relationship where the conversation isn’t great, everything isn’t perfect, but it’s nice and sweet?