–Tairn For The Entirety Of Iron Flame, Probably

obligatory gnomeo and juliet crossover

Tolkien: shut up *throws book*

J. R. R. Tolkien: no, my books aren't about the war I experienced. It's just a story

J. R. R. Tolkien's works: you cannot go home, war ends entire bloodlines, you are mourning the death of your brother alone, you dug into the earth and permanently scored the land, you cannot explain what you have been through, you cannot go home, "that wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life", leaving the women behind does not save them, the young die first, you cannot go home, the parent will bury their child, you have lost the wives and you will never connect with them again, "how shall any tower withstand such numbers and such reckless hate?", you are not the same, you cannot go home, you can never go home, your father will only side with those he sees as worthy bloodlines and you cannot change his mind, it is more meaningful Not to kill, sometimes your sacrifice accomplishes nothing, you cannot go home

BAFTA 2024

Last one from the archives

"Wanda, why do you want me 'slow'ed?"

"BECAUSE I WANNA SEE YOU FUCKING DEAD. I WANNA SEE YOU DIE FUCKING SLOWLY. I'M FUCKING FIGUEROTH FAETH AND YOU WASTED MY FUCKING SEASON! YOU WERE A WASTE OF TIME! YOU SUCK. YOU DON'T DESERVE A 9TH LEVEL SPELL. YOUR MUSIC SUCKS NOW, IT SUCKED THEN. THERE'S NO GENRE IN WHICH YOU CAN TAKE REFUGE. YOUR NATURAL SHITTINESS WILL LEAK INTO EVERY CHORD YOU PLAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHICH IS GONNA BE FUCKING SHORT."

Imagine being roasted by fig like that, ruben should have died right then tbh

Watching Return of the King right now instead of the election

broke: watching the election coverage

woke: watching lord of the rings

Aguefort is my favorite character

This is just on repeat in my head

like to charge, reblog to cast <3

can we take a sec to talk about the Bad Kids digital footprint. because like

fig: was a popular cheerleader in middle school, then a rebellious teenager who probably had at least one viral twitter thread, then became a world famous rockstar, and was revealed to be the daughter of a very high ranking devil

kristen: literally the chosen prophet of a very well known and worshipped god, died and renounced helio, created her own god, then later renounced that god as well

adaine: the child of very prestigious and important high elves, then the literal oracle, and killed the lunch lady on the very first day of school

gorgug: at first a nobody, but then becomes the drummer for a world famous rock band, as well as a star athlete on the owlbears bloodrush team, and then an expert artificer, not to mention the fact that he consistently kicks ass

fabian: the son of bill fucking seacaster, conventionally attractive and very very rich, another star athlete on the owlbears bloodrush team, killed toxic masculinity, and dances now

riz: notoriously weird, one of very few (if not the only) goblin in aguefort (if not in all of elmville), the youngest licensed private investigator probably in all of solace, not to mention the fact that he actually ate kalvaxus, and now works with angel fbi agents

and then they post a viral video with a tabaxi that only some people could see, then a viral livestream of all of these children absolutely wasted and having a crustacean-themed rager, and then another viral livestream of them in the fucking forest of the nightmare king battling the nightmare king himself and the previously mentioned tabaxi where some of those actual children literally fucking. DIE.

like what the fuck that’s so wild what

Violet: HI HONEY IM HOME

Xaden:

Ridoc, impersonating Xaden: but Violence I told you not to look for me?! I need to protect you from myself! - OH THE DRAMA!

Imogen: before you start she nearly died last week

Sawyer: and the day before yesterday

Garrick: and two days before that

Violet: and right now can someone help me get this knife out my thigh?