I Hate Myself So Much

“Do you ever miss someone so bad, you break down and bawl your eyes out, because you are having a really hard time right now and that person is the only one on this planet who can make you feel better but you don’t want to bother them. So all you can do is break down and cry.”

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I’m nothing special. I’m fat; I’m ugly; I don’t have any talents; I have a bad character; I don’t have any friends, I’m nothing.

sorrythisisallicanbe

i don’t deserve anyone’s love and affection I don’t deserve it I don’t

I ask myself this all the time.

I needed a hug. I needed to cry on someone else’s lap. I needed someone to shrug off all this hate and pain consuming me. But I only had myself. And I was never enough.

It’s sad to think I’ve grown so used to this by now..I’m used to waking up wishing I was dead..I’m used to hating food.. I’m so used to hating every inch of myself.. I’m used to hating this family.. I’m used to being used like a lap dog..I’m used to crying alone at night.. I’m used to being left alone and abandoned.. I’m used to being worn down until I’m completely burnt out.. I’m used to being the ugly one. The fat one. The retarded one.the annoying one.the worthless good for nothing fuck up no one wants...I’m used to thinking of ways to kill myself..I’m used to wishing a I was dead... I’m so used to it all..that there are weeks I won’t cry while wanting to slice myself apart..that I don’t think I could exist any other way...it’s sad to think I’m so used to this disgusting existence...