Relatable.

You don’t understand, I don’t want any of it anymore. I don’t want happiness or love or success or anything. I need to stop living because that’s the only thing that can make my pain go away. So no, you telling me to wait for good things doesn’t work. Don’t you get it, no matter what happens, it’s always going to hurt.

“You suffer because you got too attached. How could I be so dumb. It’s my fault for making my happiness dependent on someone elses attention”

—

I’m toxic

I’m poison

I’m a disease

I’m a disorder

I’m a freak

I’m a burden

I’m a monster.

So how could anyone ever love this.

People need to understand that for those who have gone through trauma experience things differently.

If you went through an abandonment as a child, a breakup others would get over with in months can take years to overcome.

If you went through domestic abuse, even small changes in a loved one's tone can make you anxious.

If you were belittled your whole childhood, being professionally critized at work can feel like the end of the world.

Trauma effects us for a long time after it occurs.

I literally have no fucking clue who I am, sometimes I think I’m a super nice person who has been unfairly treated in life and that everyone should love me but other times I’m convinced I’m the most horrible person in the world who can’t possibly have any real friends and that I deserve all the suffering I’ve gone through as punishment for who I am.

Imagine trying your best everyday

Trying to satisfy everyone

But still be the second choice

Always be the other one

The invisible one

This hurts

This hurts a lot

I hate myself so much