As This New Week Rolls In And It's The Last Week Of April , Remember It’s Okay If You’re Not Feeling

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😭

Today is 26th of May 2025

I just finished House M.D., and it’s got me messed up in the most beautiful way. This show didn’t just entertain me, it gave me something to wake up for, something to stretch the days around. I’d pace myself like it was a slow-burning love affair, knowing I’d mourn the end even before I got there. And now? Yeah. I’m in mourning.

Every episode, every character, I loved all of it. No skips. No fillers. Just layered, painful, brilliant storytelling. And that extra episode Hugh Laurie directed? It cracked open my respect for the whole damn industry. You can tell when an actor bleeds for a role, and baby, he bled for House.

This show wasn’t just a distraction... it was an escape that made me feel more present than real life sometimes. Now that it’s over, I already want to rewatch it. I already miss it. But not in a “rewind the fun” kind of way—more like visiting an old ghost who used to hold your hand while you cried.

And yeah, it hurts knowing I’ll never get that first-time magic back. I envy new fans. I envy not knowing what’s coming. Out of every show I could’ve chosen, I picked this one, and I stuck to it, to the bitter, bittersweet end.

I didn’t think I could love 177 episodes of a limping, sarcastic, drug-addicted genius who pushes everyone away.....but I did. I do. I loved him when he was cruel, when he was right, when he was spiraling, when he tried. Every twitch of those haunted eyes told me he wanted to be saved, even if he didn’t believe in salvation.

And now here I am, broken-hearted and grateful. Because if you're gonna fall for a show, fall for one that ruins you this perfectly.

Mazel Tov.

Thursday Musings - 060225

I was planning on rewatching Lucifer the whole day today but my cousin asked me to accompany her to the dentists office and since I wasn't sure where I'd take a 15hr trip to the other side of the country or not, she advised me to pack a carry on bag incase my aunty calls and tells me that the solo trip is still on while we are still at the dentist's.

Guess what 😃

My aunty called and told me I should pack up and head to the bus station, but good thing I already had the bag with me at the dentist I guess

Well, as you may have guessed by now, I am Not thrilled about this, as I type this my butt cheeks are losing feeling and blood circulation it's not even funny haha 😐

10 more hours to go :D

2/10 day, (told you it would be worse) would've been a zero but I downloaded the entire SZN 1 of lucifer on Netflix and boy is he hot and cocky (just how I like em)

how to embrace being alone⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✍🏽🎀

learning to be alone is such a crucial thing to learn at all times during your life, but especially during your youth. and something to understand is that sometimes, protecting your peace comes at the cost of being alone but being alone is peaceful! and not as bad as you might think that it is.

being alone offers an opportunity for self discovery and growth and rest and relaxation and reflection and the list goes ON. being able to enjoy your own company is a SUPER power bcuz it genuinely nourishes you so much.

ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;

you dont have to be codependent on someone else to make yourself happy or to make yourself feel good. what fulfills you and nourishes you isnt the relationships that u have with others. although that is an amazing and fulfilling thing, the most fulfilling thing is learning yourself. being alone REPLENISHES you, its like, hydration for the soul.

dont wait on someone else to do something that you wanna do!! if u dont have anyone to go with, just go on your own. you dont have to wait on others to be happy…💬🎀

PRACTICE BEING ALONE ;

go on solo dates, practice planning to do something fun and just doing it by yourself. once you start doing things alone and you see how nice it feels, you'll want to do it more bcuz its so easy to enjoy your own company, you just have to get over your fear of judgement or of being alone and learn to enjoy and embrace it.

♡ have a spa day

♡ learn to cook a new dish

♡ read a book

♡ have a journalling session

♡ schedule appointments for urself

♡ go on a long drive

SOME BENEFITS OF ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;

♡ u can be urself without filter

♡ less distractions and u give urself time to ponder and look internally

♡ ur in control of ur space and time

♡ u can be creative and imaginative without reference

♡ its peaceful

BEING UR OWN BESTFRIEND ;

treat yourself how you'd treat someone that you valued a lot. be compassionate and understanding and respectful. dont talk badly about yourself and dont be mean to/punish yourself bcuz u wouldn't do that to someone that u loved and cherished…💬🎀

dont abandon yourself in times where life can become stressful. focus on being present and dont forget your worth. your self worth and value doesn’t come from how useful you are to others, your valuable simply because you are you. a human being who is deserving of love. your worth doesnt come from how productive you are or what you’ve achieved, instead your worth is already done and your valuable because of your existence. 

COPING WITHOUT FRIENDS ;

everything is temporary and meaningful relationships will always find their way to you. just understand that some ppl are here temporarily and some ppl are here for a lifetime but only you are here for all of it which is why its important to be alone and be comfy with that.

not everyone is gonna like you or wanna be your friend and thats okay. it has nothing to do with you and is almost always simply because of different personalities and its not personal

brush off rejections bcuz rejection is just redirection. when you dont take everything personally you'll notice how much happier you'll be overall.

know that the meaningful relationships and connections that u crave will come!! no one is here to be alone forever so you'll meet the people who pour into you and you'll meet ppl that u can pour into and you'll be okay!!

overall, enjoying your own company does wonders for your mental and physical health and its a useful skill to learn in general because it brings so much peace from being able to sit with your thoughts…💬🎀

My friend and I yesterday ><

The perfect time doesn't exist, it's now or never ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

If you're anything like me you've probably spent weeks, months if not years considering but not doing. The perfect time doesn't exist. Do it now or you never will.

I've seen countless videos on YouTube and TikTok titled things like "how to actually start working out from a retired lazy girl" and "how to actually start eating healthy". Just do it. It really is that simple. Find a gym near you and go. Find a fitness channel on YouTube if you don't feel comfortable going to a gym. Buy a cook book. Google recipes. Do it. Stop waiting and do it.

You could watch a thousand videos about it if you wanted to. You still wouldn't have done it. You'd have wasted hours of your life you could have put towards actually doing it though. Stop watching videos, go do it. Get up and do it.

There is no better time than the present because the present is all we really have. Tomorrow is not promised. Make today worth something.

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😛 - substack version

open.substack.com

The Art of Breathing

Breaking the Trance of Creative Stagnation

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OK so I lied... I didn't learn new html magic, I was itching to download substack so I did, and omg why did no one tell me about that app 😃?!!!??!!!

Substack is the app I'd be (I wish 🌚)

I've been listening to all those sick essays and writings and poems and I'm so utterly in love with every one's mind and articulation Urgh.

Anyways it's 9:40 rn, I'm gonna do my doulingo lesson then get on with fixing my website, maybe I'll share the updates soon with yall; I use neocities 😼, but the website I'm working on is for my alter ego but I'll make another for my main so dw)

Here's a cat I met recently, I told her pspsps 😻

9/10 day :p

Cramps are killing meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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I think I'll create soon, I feel it, I know I will because I desire to create.

The only thing that was stopping me was my close-mindedness, my habit of only thinking inside the box, and being too comfortable with the known.

That is why I have been having an art block, because the only art that I know is self-portraiture. It's what I find comfort in; it's what I'm used to, and it is second to breathing for me.

However, my lack of willingness to explore other realms in art or anything else in general makes something so dear to me feel mundane and automated. As a result, I have no desire to look forward to it.

If I tell you that you are breathing, you will, for a moment, recognize that you are, in fact, breathing and maybe even start doing it manually before you go back to normal. It's like you've become aware... And you have!

And that's definitely what I should do with art, just like how I reminded you that you are breathing, I should remind myself that I am an artist, and by doing that, I'll have someone, or rather, a different branch in art remind me who I am.

Making yourself aware that you're breathing is not the same as me doing it out of nowhere, much like how I know I'm a self portraiture artist, then I'll be like OK and? But if I tell myself I do animation or crafts or 3d art then I'll be like 'wait, but I do self portraiture don't I?' And suddenly my appreciation is back...

Does this make sense, or am I trying too hard? Or are my thoughts translating poorly into text? I might have to write a longer version of this musing for Substack.

Angel x.