A Quick Guide To Animal Symbolism:

I hold my loved ones close. I remember the people I’ve wronged and the people who’ve wronged me - I’m fond of their memory now, inexplicably. Outside, a spring storm rages, lightning and thunder crackling across the sky but only a smattering of rain to follow. I turn the lights off in my apartment and watch it with my cat, staring, side by side. A lightning bolt momentarily blinds me, leaving an after image. A white fork in the sky, now tinged a faint purple-grey. I don’t believe I am happy, but I wouldn’t give tonight up for anything.

shoutout to my therapist who, upon me telling her i didn’t like the word alter, started referring to my headmates as “my homies.” like “any updates on your homies? have you heard from your homies at all this week” she’s the only true plural ally

I have a river in my system too! 😗

i want to orginize something on one of our profiles bc thats my job but theres nothing to organize anymore i did it all already -river

Leaf

Mia Hollow

I literally 😂 Jesus thank you for the validation

One of the less noticeable but very annoying signs of DID in us is the Sudden Opinion Change.

In minor instances I can go from loving a video game and then having no interest in it and often no memory of how I felt playing it the next day.

In more common and problematic instances, it's yearning for a person and then absolutely despising them 3 hours later without interacting with them at all.

One of the reasons I believed I couldn’t be autistic for so long was due to a fundamental misunderstanding of my social struggles. This being that I am not by any means incapable of memorizing social rules. Through observation and direction I can construct a broad framework of ‘socially acceptable or not.’ For example, I’m well aware that making physical contact with someone without consent isn’t acceptable. Or that stating blunt facts in a way that implicates someone negatively isn’t allowed. I know to avoid interrupting others if they’re already talking, to not walk away when I’m in the middle of a conversation. Crying, being unusually quiet and frowning indicates sadness. Someone smiling at laughing at what you’re saying means they probably are enjoying their time with you. An increase in speaking volume indicates excitement- either positive or negative. Sarcasm is often indicated by someone saying something absurd that you know they would never say, or you know to be factually wrong.

The fact that I had learned these broad rules made me think autism wasn’t a possibility for me. But being autistic doesn’t stop you from obtaining and applying information. (I mean that’s why so many interventions that ‘treat’ autism do result in the autistic person being able to pass as neurotypical.)

The difference comes from lacking the subconscious nuances and exceptions that come with those broader rules. For example- when is it okay to actually be honest? Some people will not be bothered by physical intimacy- but how would I know this? How can you tell if a group wants you to join in with their conversation? How to tell if this person is smiling and laughing politely or genuinely? How to tell if someone who you know very little about is being sarcastic?

There are not direct, easy to apply ‘rules’ for this, and yet clearly there are ‘right’ options. When the appropriate reaction must be determined by subtle body language or small shifts in tone of voice, ones that are near impossible to teach- I become completely lost.

That’s something I always find lacking with the general social skills advice given. It’s helpful to a point, but the truth is everyone is an individual. People express themselves differently, and react to your same actions differently due to past circumstances or temperaments. There is no one set of rules you can use for everyone, unfortunately. The majority of neurotypicals, while of course having miscommunications and the like, can rely on their subconscious to parse out any subtle changes they might need to make to their demeanor for a particular situation. My brain is much less adept at focusing down broader experience/rules into unique circumstances. (This is actually something that extends past social cues for me and I might make another post talking about it because I think it’s interesting)

Anyway rant over but yeah this was a huge mental barrier to seeking out a diagnosis for a while because at some level I ( ironically enough) took struggling to understand social cues too literally…

reading fanfic abt yourself as a fictive: