More Pizza Tower Doodles Because I Have More Free Time Now Before I Graduate Haha.

how it feels to be online these days

otherwise interesting post ruined by the bold insistence that you can never accidentally abuse someone & that all abusive people are self-aware evil masterminds

HUH

I didn't know Maretu was a queer pick. Uhhhhh

Shoot idk who else I like!!

Oh you're a queer kid? what's your fav music artist? and don't say...

will wood

will wood and the tapeworms

Tally hall

Miracle musical

mitski

jackstuber

joe hawley

that handsome devil

chonny jash

tom leher

ghost and pals

maretu

6arelyhuman

odetari

penelope scott

rio romeo

cuarteto de nos

riki musso

santiago tavella

laufey

taylor swift

radiohead

marina

weezer

the beatles

tv girl

billie ellish

milk in the microwave

bo burnham

fish in a birdcage

toby fox

lemon demon

sarah and the safe word

asteria

artic monkeys

they might be giants

my chemical romance

green day

gorillaz

ado

melanie martinez

the strokes

evanecense

glass animals

soddiken

the scary jokes

whatever Your favorite martian was smoking

tyler, the creator

the crane wives

the living tombstone

cavetown

mindless self indulgance

the orion experience

hamilton (yeah ik its a musical)

heathers (yeah ik its a musical x2)

ride the cyclone (YEAH IK ITS A MUSICAL x3)

steam powered giraffe

kiuko (i dont remember how its spelled)

21 pilots

Sir Chloe

hazbin hotel soundtrack

paparrapa the rapper soundtrack

sonic soundtrack

or the omori soundtrack

edit: just to make clear that i don't know every queer band on existence

Diary Entry #21

This one is very angry and talking about transphobes (and also a brief mention of sui attempts/sh) so... i don't know here's your warning

I don't know why I'm so nice to my grandparents. Even in the letter I'm going to give to them when I move out I can't help but to let myself be a rug for everyone in my life.

I got my grandma a refurbished new phone. I got my grandpa very nice stuff too. I'm constantly being nice to them. Every time I'm nice to them a part of me reminds myself that these people abandoned the real me for being trans, essentially. They shut me down every single fucking time I try to tell them "THIS IS KILLING ME PLEASE GOD HELP."

There's nothing I could ever say to even let me do something simple like cutting my hair. They're too prideful, too concerned with their reputations.

They love deadname, they love her very much, but they despise August and wish that the true me would go away. But it won't, because of course it won't, because it's who I am. They would rather let me mutilate myself and try to kms than maybe, MAYBE listening to me.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just killed myself. I can't die a girl, but I have no idea what else would make them listen. And even then, they can console themselves with the false notion that they tried to save me. But it wouldn't be true, and we would've both known that.

They are nice 95% of the time but the ugliness of their ideologies shine through sometimes and disgusts me, and then I hate myself for being so stupid and thinking that they care. They care, but only in the sense that they care about deadname and not me. They couldn't even handle me when i thought I was a lesbian, what the fuck did I expect?

I keep on deluding myself that if I just say the right thing, if I try hard enough, if I'm agreeable enough, maybe they'd listen. But I know this isn't true, no matter how much I'd like it to be. I wish they were cruel more often, as awful as it sounds, so I had some leg to stand on, to not constantly doubt myself.

Every family member I've ever had has hates trans people, my aunts, uncles, father, grandmother/fathers, my cousins, everyone hates trans people. I don't know what we could've possibly done wrong to garner this horrible hatred.

I'm paranoid to come out to my coworkers because what if there's a transphobe among them and they report me? What then? I need to tell someone but there's no one to tell and it's tearing me apart from the inside.

I look at people on the street, at work, etc. and I know that statistically a lot of them hate me based on who I am. It's a terrible life to live, I don't want it but I have to. There's no one to help.

If they talk about Trump in a positive light one more goddamn time I am going to kill myself :) /hj

They still think that I'm on the Trump Train (what my grandpa calls it,,, *vomits*)

[ID: a crudely drawn person giving a thumbs up while crying. The caption says "Me trying not to scream but instead half-heartedly agree when my grandparents say shitty things /END ID]

Diary entry #13

I'm in a better mood so no cw today! This is mostly just a collection of random thoughts

Sometimes I look at all these people saying trans people are evil or whatever and I don't get it?? Like I don't really understand why people think that. Like grandmother I'm not going to hurt anyone I am literally just some guy.

You ever see some random motherfucker from the most weird series and decide "that man is my new gender envy source and also I want him." That's me, I fall into this trap literally every time I go into a new series/game or whatever. And it is always the weirdest ones too.

I watched a video on pvz lore, and now I'm like "goddammit I GUESS i'll read the comics now." Like they seem interesting and I need more lore so I'll get around to reading them... sometime. There's just so many issues and I procrastinate on even stuff I want to do.

I talked to my grandma about going to college in Illinois and she didn't like shut it down immediately so I'm hoping for the best.

I guess that's it?

(Edit) I have no idea if this post even shows up in people's feeds but uh.,,, no freemartin cows are not FTM? Am i stupid?? They are intersex. I'm glad I've learned a lot and I'm sorry I was dumb,,,

Nobody prompted me to change this or delete it this post has just been haunting me because it was a stupid thing to post. And I keep on thinking that I should delete it but honestly it's an important thing to keep up; I don't want anyone else to fuck up like this. Intersex people exist and are important and need to be listened to.

oof :(

/j

(Blonde guy)

(angry video game nerd voice) two genders? that's it? and you just get given one at random, you don't even get to decide which one you want? what a shitload of fuck

You can bend over backwards trying not to be one of “those” cringey queers who wears pride everywhere and goes by arson and has they/it/fluff/pixel/boo pronouns on a catgender pin they wear everywhere and suppress everything “extra” unlikable about your identity and pass as a “normal” cishet and mock everyone who dyes their hair for pride and wears rainbow nail polish and guess what? Conservatives will still want you dead. There is no appeasing them. Stand by your community. Maybe you’ll find that arson (they/it/fluff/pixel/boo) is going to be the best goddamn person to have in your corner when the republicans you’ve given up your life to placate inevitably turn on you and try to sentence you to death because any amount of queer is too damn queer. Maybe you’ll find that we are a community for a reason. We’re all equally degenerate in the eyes in conservatives and equally worthy of joy and life in the eyes of the “weird” queer community you shun.