How It Feels To Be Online These Days

Spoilers for I Saw The Tv Glow under cut

This movie hit very deep for me, almost in a primal sense. I'm shaking typing this out and after watching it. I don't understand it 100% but I feel like the message hit me in some way that is hard to comprehend. I sketched this out very quickly, so that's why it kind of sucks.

It's hard to describe why I enjoyed it so much, but I throughly enjoyed it.

Diary entry #17

Vent I guess

Ed warning and dysphoria and sh

I wish I could be normal about my weight. I'm overweight. If I looked like a guy then I think I could forgive it but I don't and know my curves are more visible everyday and I want to die!! /hj on that last part

The universe is cruel in the way that I can't lose weight unless I eat like triple digits (calorie wise) every day because I binge so fucking much. So I don't fit in normal or even ed communities online because I'm like that.

Nothing I have ever done has ever fixed my binging problem. I think it's a medicine side effect thing but my grandparents don't want me to change them. I don't know why.

When I was in my active ed phase I wanted to shrink to the point where my chest would become small enough to be male passing. That was the main reason. I know I wouldn't pass as male bc of my voice but I just wanted some control over my stupid life.

I feel like a hamster on a wheel, going nowhere. I can't go on T in my house because i would be quickly caught, so I have to move out but moving out is hard. I just want to be a guy and I don't understand why it's a problem.

I wish that there was a way to make my grandparents understand that this dysphoria will kill me one way or another. But I think they've already made their mind, there's nothing I can say. I could try to cut my breasts off and they would just think I'm more mentally ill and send me to the ward.

I could kill myself and they wouldn't wonder why for a second, they would think "oh she was just mentally ill." They don't listen to me and don't want to. I think me killing myself would be a better ending for them than me being trans and thriving, although they'd never admit it.

They aren't even bad people, they have a lot of flaws and this is one of them. A really, really bad flaw, but they really think being trans is evil.

Just ruminating here I guess

"let's not be ableist!", "every mental illness should be respected" and "using slurs, especially ones that based on illnesses is wrong!" people after they call every abusive and evil person they met "narcissist", "psychopath" and "sociopath":😂👍

Dave and Edgar(Zomboss)

^^^

My family watches fox news bc of course they do and they find the grief of immigrants funny bc fox news tells them to think that. I cannot watch them watch it, it makes me feel fucking sick frankly. I have to put in my earbuds and block it out because it's so awful.

It's like these conservatives find these people to be pests. My brothers in Christ they are literally just trying to live please be normal for fucking once

Because we have to talk in code about this on tiktok, I'm here to help spread some helpful tips to all my American anti-fascists out here who may need it. If you see police car that looks like this, (predominant blue stripe),

This is an ICE car. They are out and about right now hunting down immigrants, legal and illegal.

If you see them- or really, any police car- lurking, scream at the top of your lungs.

"La Migra"

Help save a family.

help a disabled nonbinary teen find safety in the us https://gofund.me/ae5d7122

Rise up trans goth girl admirers

Me when I just wanna grill for gods sake (I want to exist as a gay trans person without having my entire existence whittled down to a political debate where my entire life is spent constantly needing to defend my own right to exist because my life quite literally depends on it)

THIS SPARKS JOY

happy pride !! i love u my trans masc siblings 🫶 ⚧️ 🫶

this is also a redraw of a piece from june 2019 ⬇️