Sketchin On Da Porch

Diary entry #3

Hoooooo boy I am shaking so bad. I generally have a level of "shake" that I usually have, always a little twitchy and I get terribly lightheaded, shaky, and have to sit so I don't fall whenever I stand up (usually if I do it quickly.) But like I'm shaking so hard that it's kinda hard to type. Why? My stomach hurts. Sometimes it's just like that when I get nauseous.

Speaking of things I should probably talk to a doctor about! I think I might have OCD. I get straight up awful thoughts and I sometimes have to do something to fix them. I have a back and forth in my head constantly and it's fucking exhausting!!! But I am afraid that I'll be not allowed to go on T if I get a diagnosis (I'm already autistic so that could be something they could deny me for maybe). (Also don't know if I explained properly, sorry)

Some dude on reddit told me I probably don't have OCD because I'm autistic, idk if he's right. I know you can have both but it's possible I'm mistaking my autistic thoughts for OCD thoughts.

Well that's it I guess

Repost these everywhere! Give if you have it!

me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten

Nah but let’s talk abt how ppl use disability terms/harmful stereotypes/ derogatory words so casually this disabled pride month (tw ableism below)

The new terms are “sch*zoposting” and “delulu” but shit like this has been around for years and it’s so incredibly frustrating.

Another example is those TikTok POVS about “the weird kid in class” but they are all stereotypes of autistic ppl.

Or the misuse of the word triggered, the misuse of the word OCD, the misuse of gaslighting, of cr*pple, “are you deaf?” “Are you blind?” “Hellen Keller isn’t real.” I could go on and on but I will simply say this.

Disabled people are real people with feelings, emotions and lives. We deserve to use the terms that we need to COMFORTABLY. We deserve to exist without people taking the language used in the context of ourselves and putting it in a negative light.

We deserve to exist.

We deserve happiness.

Check in on your disabled friends.

Don’t assume things about people you don’t know.

Apparently you're supposed to have a pinned post so here's mine!

Hi there I'm August. I'm 19 years old, I go by he/him/it, and I am a pansexual trans man.

I'm Autistic and I have ADHD among like a million other things.

My favorite artists are MSI/Mindless Self Indulgence (don't support them), AXIE, Kikuo, The Living Tombstone, Femtanyl, Maretu, Odetari, Will Wood, Lemon Demon, and a bunch of others!!

My hyperfixation fandoms currently are PvZ (Plants vs Zombies), Pizza Tower, FNAF, Gravity Falls, Baldi's Basics, Mario, UTAU/Vocaloid, and more!

My hyperfixations that aren't fandom related change a lot but often are researching trans science, video game glitches especially gen 1 pokemon, zombies in general, animation memes, Prisoner's rights, and cats. Like I said they change a lot and I'll probably talk about and/or reblog stuff I find interesting!

I support Palestine, trans rights, human rights in general, and I try to be as nice as possible.

Use tone tags!

My diary entries are marked #august's diary

Please interact! - if you're interested in anything I'm hyperfixated on, if you're trans and/or nonbinary (I need similar friends lol), if you wanna chat at all I'm free!

DNI- TERFs (duh), Proshippers, any -ist or -phobic, Zionists, basically if my posts piss you off for whatever reason don't interact, that's probably about it.

Adding my favorite stims that I do!! Idk if some of them are technically stims but I figured I’d add them anyway :) also I’m autistic btw

Listening to music, swinging on my web swing (doing both rn!), snapping fingers (this is a new one but it’s pleasing to my brain), walking and dancing at the same time (hard to explain, but I kinda do an interpretive dance while I walk?? It looks strange but it brings me joy), spinning, singing/lip syncing, bouncing leg, fidget toys (slime/putty, infinity cube, magnets), chewing gum/chew necklaces, flexing my stomach, blinking fast, humming, cracking knuckles, sighing, inhaling (with nose), touching soft stuff, pacing, and more I can’t really remember right now. Some are more situational, but I enjoy all of them!

stimming is a self-soothing behavior that can be used to calm down feelings of stress, anxiety, overwhelming emotions, or physical discomfort. stimming is a natural, and healthy behavior, and it is important to allow others to stim when they need to. i am a nonspeaking autistic AAC user, and i stim a lot because it is a helpful way to regulate my emotions, and a way for me to express myself. stimming is a beautiful, and essential part of who i am, and i am proud to call myself a stimmer!

Thank you... assfuckmcgriddle... awesome cat

A dumb idea that I had while at work that is now real thanks to me drawing it: the alphabet mafia!! I think the term alphabet mafia is way too funny for conservatives to use, I kind of like it even if it's supposed to be bad lol

I tried to be creative with the designs but they kinda suck, also fun fact the bisexual person is nonbinary because I wanted to include a nonbinary person as well :)

[ID: a digital drawing with a rainbow pride flag background of the alphabet mafia, a group of queer people who have weapons and color schemes associated with their pride flags /END ID]

Diary Entry #21

This one is very angry and talking about transphobes (and also a brief mention of sui attempts/sh) so... i don't know here's your warning

I don't know why I'm so nice to my grandparents. Even in the letter I'm going to give to them when I move out I can't help but to let myself be a rug for everyone in my life.

I got my grandma a refurbished new phone. I got my grandpa very nice stuff too. I'm constantly being nice to them. Every time I'm nice to them a part of me reminds myself that these people abandoned the real me for being trans, essentially. They shut me down every single fucking time I try to tell them "THIS IS KILLING ME PLEASE GOD HELP."

There's nothing I could ever say to even let me do something simple like cutting my hair. They're too prideful, too concerned with their reputations.

They love deadname, they love her very much, but they despise August and wish that the true me would go away. But it won't, because of course it won't, because it's who I am. They would rather let me mutilate myself and try to kms than maybe, MAYBE listening to me.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just killed myself. I can't die a girl, but I have no idea what else would make them listen. And even then, they can console themselves with the false notion that they tried to save me. But it wouldn't be true, and we would've both known that.

They are nice 95% of the time but the ugliness of their ideologies shine through sometimes and disgusts me, and then I hate myself for being so stupid and thinking that they care. They care, but only in the sense that they care about deadname and not me. They couldn't even handle me when i thought I was a lesbian, what the fuck did I expect?

I keep on deluding myself that if I just say the right thing, if I try hard enough, if I'm agreeable enough, maybe they'd listen. But I know this isn't true, no matter how much I'd like it to be. I wish they were cruel more often, as awful as it sounds, so I had some leg to stand on, to not constantly doubt myself.

Every family member I've ever had has hates trans people, my aunts, uncles, father, grandmother/fathers, my cousins, everyone hates trans people. I don't know what we could've possibly done wrong to garner this horrible hatred.

I'm paranoid to come out to my coworkers because what if there's a transphobe among them and they report me? What then? I need to tell someone but there's no one to tell and it's tearing me apart from the inside.

I look at people on the street, at work, etc. and I know that statistically a lot of them hate me based on who I am. It's a terrible life to live, I don't want it but I have to. There's no one to help.