August-and-sage - Books And Never Sent Messages

do you wish you were seeing somebody

a therapist 

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

— Aesop, The Lion and the Mouse

"When will you be brave?"

- Something Spectacular

“I’m waiting for you to leave my head. I’m waiting for you to say that we finally reach the end. But the truth is, we never really moved. We only stop moving. I never had the closure I needed, even though I was the one who pulled myself away from your grasp. You still sip into the cracks of my thoughts, dancing your way into my daydream. You are the best memory I’m trying to live without, but I can’t see the worth of risking another shot.”

AA | 180606

Did the people became more annoying or I just became grumpier?

Sat, Feb 20, 2021 - Sun, Feb 21, 2021 (Hah. I wrote this at 11 PM and finished at 12 AM.)

Have you ever envied people because they have group of friends? Their bond: the meet ups, group dates, group pictures, tagging on social medias because they somehow reminded them of this thing, and the way they talk to each other—yes, the comfortability.

Because I have. And I dislike it. I dislike feeling this way. It reminds me of how much of a loner I am—which shouldn't seem negative but it feels like it.

I don't have friends, and I say it's my fault. I am so asocial. Searching up my name results to the synonyms cold, dismissive, bitch-faced, nerd. Or may be, looking it up results to nothing at all because I am just no one. I am a nobody.

I want to have friends. But thinking about it now, it's impossible.

The kinds of friends I want? The extroverted ones. And extroverts seem to not like introverts. According to them, us, introverts are plain, boring, awkward, stoic. We are not fun to be with.

That's why it's really impossible to have what I want.

Imagine having a group photo where everyone else is posing so carefree, so chaotic and... there's me, standing straight, posing a peace sign, with an of course, awkward smile. Really not nice, right?

So what I'm saying is... I don't know. Really. Just why can't I have friends like that? Why can't I experience those things?

Maybe, my friends are really just books. Only that, I can't converse to them verbally. I can't share foods with them. Laugh together—because it would be so weird if books really laugh with me.

Hmm-mm. Friends.

...

...

Didn't I just wish earlier to be away with people?

Shit.

“You will never find time for anything. If you want the time, you must make it.” - Charles Buxton