You Cannot Look Me In My Eyeballs And Tell Me "The Series Really Picks Up In The Fifth Book And Then

You cannot look me in my eyeballs and tell me "The series really picks up in the fifth book and then they're all bangers, you should try them." I AM NOT READING FOUR SHITTY BOOKS FIRST. WHO HAS THE TIME.

More Posts from Badweatherbartender and Others

6 months ago

Hearing them get so excited over the whale fall is so fun I love hearing people who are passionate about their work

3 years ago

loving the ac twists recently usually i’m watching shows all “yes we knew that it’s a zombie you aim for the head get with the program already!”

but in ac, characters are like “ah yes we’ve obviously entered the afterlife this makes perfect sense carry on” and i’m behind the screen losing my mind “but what does this MEAN?!?”


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5 months ago

Hmm. Lotta adults buying the Wicked novel for their kids this Christmas. Hope they're ready to field a LOT of questions.

2 weeks ago

need to know for a dnd game, how do I say “stop getting brainwashed, you fucking prick” in any slavic language?


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dnd
6 months ago

"Congratulations on Level 5, [Wizard]! You've officially been upgraded from 'liability' to 'glass cannon'!"

7 months ago

i'm sure this all has been said before but i am utterly besotted with how essek's arc in c2 looks from the m9s perspective.

like, you meet a guy with full authority on whether you friend's husband lives or dies. he's mysterious and powerful and will not take any of your bullshit. he's incredibly hot. you invite him over for dinner and he says no i have work and then knocks at your door fourty minutes later and says i changed my mind would you um uh. have me over for dinner. he infodumps to you about driving his father to his own death and also not having any friends. this makes a lot of sense. he wont let you forget about all those favours you owe him but does teach your wizard some baller spells. you fuck off for a couple months. come back in time to attend a fancy party in honour of the peace agreement you busted your entire ass to make happen. out of curiosity you decide to spy on the convo between ludinus and some slightly suspicious dignitary. its like, super easy to do that unnoticed. the dignitary is that fucking guy. holyshit.jpeg . he's still doing his most recognizable gimmick under his disguise. youre like what the fuck man and he starts crying. you fuck off for another couple months. get back. he's incredibly hyped to hear from you and eager af to help. not a mention of the favours you owe is made. halfway through the conversation he stops to rant about how hes a terrible person and will do anything to atone. his devastating puppy eyes are on par with your wizard who he's obviously pathetically in love with. you bring him with you into the worstest couple days of his elven life. he's visibly trembling but like still trying to be cool in front of your wizard. when its over he gives a speech about friendship and love and repenting. he's crying the entire time.

he floats away to go repent. you check in a year later and he's leading a fulfilling life with your wizard. he has not found a way to soft launch his walking normally again . he's one of your bestest friends.

5 months ago

Old ladies in coffee shop: Wow, you are so studious. It is nice to see a young lady so serious about her studies. Good luck for finals week!

Me who has been building DnD encounters for four hours: …thnx

5 months ago

so was anybody gonna talk about the new ecology paper proposing Ethiopian wolves as potential pollinators of native nectar-rich flower inflorescences positioned on stalks conveniently within wolf enjoying height AND that it includes photos of said wolves doing said unconfirmed alleged pollination (delightful) AND that it has observational evidence suggesting some wolves do like 1 flower and are done and other wolves just get really into it and spend upwards of an hour going between 20 and 30 flowers for up to 4-5 minutes per cluster just utterly going at it, lost in the nectar sauce? because I cannot BELIEVE I haven’t seen something on this webbed site about it yet. it just has everything this site enjoys

4 months ago

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

So I Had A Hysterectomy Today (hooray!) And I Brought Along My Stuffed Orca, Shamu, As A Comfort Object.

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

So I Had A Hysterectomy Today (hooray!) And I Brought Along My Stuffed Orca, Shamu, As A Comfort Object.

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

So I Had A Hysterectomy Today (hooray!) And I Brought Along My Stuffed Orca, Shamu, As A Comfort Object.
So I Had A Hysterectomy Today (hooray!) And I Brought Along My Stuffed Orca, Shamu, As A Comfort Object.

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

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