If You're A Human Adult You Physically Need To Eat Actual Vegetables, Read Real Books, Work, Exercise,

Laid Bare

WinterIron, M, 2k - No-Powers AU, the DUMBEST soulmate AU you’ve ever seen

In theory, the moment you meet your soulmate you’re stripped of all your defenses, laid bare before them in a magical and romantic moment.

In practice… Tony is pissed. He’d really liked that suit.

(AKA the soulmate AU where you lose your clothes when you meet your soulmate. Yes you read that correctly. Don’t think about it too hard lort knows I didn’t)

You ever have an idea that’s so fantastically cracky you just HAVE to do it?

See what happened was…. I said to @saganarojanaolt, AS A JOKE, “Soulmate AU where your clothes vanish.” I’d like to blame her for enabling me but honestly this is mostly all me I just couldn’t stop ahahaha please… enjoy..?

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Tony knows that Happy has been tactfully avoiding him since the latest incident, but he also knows that Happy is going to be in his office all day today. Tony has had Pepper saving up all of Happy’s paperwork all week to dump it on him today for just that reason, because Tony is tired of chasing him all over the place and Pepper has refused to help any more than that.

And JARVIS won’t help either, that traitor, just because Happy plays chess with the AI and never gets tired of being beat.

But now Happy has nowhere to run, he should be done with the interviews Tony saw on his calendar and just diving into the paperwork and Tony is ready to strike.

“Happy Harold Hogan,” Tony is already saying as he bursts into the office and oops, apparently Happy is not quite done with his last interview yet.

That seems the most likely reason for the man with the brand new suit and the broad shoulders standing across the desk from Happy, apparently forgetting that they were in the middle of shaking hands and jumping as he looks up at Tony with wide eyes. It’s too late to stop now though, Tony has been planning this speech for days, he is on a roll, so he just keeps right on going.

And honestly, if the guy is going to work here he deserves to know that his new boss is a lunatic. And yes, Tony does mean Happy and himself.

“I have a very important question for you,” Tony says, fixing his own attention on Happy again because he doesn’t need to add ‘eyes up the employees’ to this interesting first impression he’s making on the new hire here.

Happy is staring back at him with his mouth hanging open and his eyebrows slowly crawling up his forehead, which Tony is going to take as a sign that he doesn’t want the talking-to he’s about to get but that’s too bad.

“Why,” Tony demands, “am I still hearing that you’re frisking the delivery people? We talked about this. There’s 'taking security seriously’ and then there’s you and you are a lawsuit waiting to happen, stop-”

That’s about the time Tony notices Happy’s office is a lot cooler than he expected. And breezier. Which isn’t right, Tony is in a three piece suit today and he rushed down here before Happy had a chance to grab his paperwork and flee, so he glances dam at himself and sure enough-

“Oh come on,” Tony says, staring down at his own bare chest in dismay. And his bare legs. And his stupid novelty boxers. The cartoon platypuses smile back up at him from the neon blue fabric.

“Meetin’ your soulmate on laundry day, huh?” Says the other guy in the room, who is apparently Tony’s soulmate, and he sounds way too amused, “I used to have those nightmares.”

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““I’m not a moral backbone, per say. I’m more of a moral appendix. I’m here, but I’m apparently useless and sometimes I explode.””

— -Our lawful good but also insanely anxious cleric’s player.

A while ago, some people asked me to explain D&D and other RPGs… so of course I had to make it into an infographic!

This is by no means a comprehensive guide. The game can be as simple or complex as you want, but there ARE some pre-established basics you should know about - and those are best discovered on your own terms!

Some resources to help you get started: 

Watch/listen:

★ Rusty Quill Gaming Podcast - a ttrpg game in the Pathfinder system. Beginner friendly! Learn how to play along with the players!

★ Critical Role - a D&D game played by voice actors - Incredibly famous! Highly praised! Both videos and podcasts available.

★ The Adventure Zone - a TTRPG podcast by the McElroy brothers

Read/learn the rules:

📚 D&D 5e Player’s Handbook - pdf

📚 Basic Introduction to Character Races - website

📚 Overview of Character Classes - website

How-to and Tutorials:

🎲 Rolling a character - YouTube video

🎲 How combat works - YouTube video

🎲 Being a good player - YouTube video

And last but not least…

How To Play D&D Online! - YouTube Video

***

Of course, there are tons of other resources - endless writeups, dozens of YouTube videos and blogposts, and entire subreddits dedicated to this information. The important thing is to take things one at a time. Or not - just dive right in! Most seasoned D&D players are thrilled when others want to join them on their adventures and will be happy to help a new player find their tabletop legs. 

on casual kink

this is great actually! like we're a great believer in casual kink like kink that just runs as an undercurrent rather than being the focus like it is in scenes.

like when you do the cooking in just an apron, or game in a catsuit, or you're just watching tv but you've been tied up, or you've got like an 'i love you' trigger that does something special when you're just having a cuddle or out and about. it's about just existing in a horny space while the horny isn't the focus. instead of boxing up all the horny and opening up the box when you finally get to scene, it's about living in that box. casual horny is why we have day collars and kink gear that's invisible to vanilla folks. it's being available on a whim, and just living in a kinky/horny space without it being the centre of attention. like it's obvious but also it's not a big deal, it's just expressing a side of yourself openly where society would have you hide it. it's about wearing your kinks on your sleeve, and not feeling the pressure of a scene while still getting to feel kinky and horny. it's about being your true self while doing the stuff that everyone has to do.

it's the point where 'kink is what we do' turns into 'kink is who we are'.

casual kink is just the best. it's low pressure fun. it's just enjoying being kinky without feeling like you have to buy in to a whole big deal. it's about just enjoying yourself without feeling like you have to be 'on'.

it's existing as a kinky person without shame.