Cassandra Cain Reading Guide Part 1: General

What I think would happen if the batfam gets shipwrecked to an abandoned island.

Alfred; is enjoying his vacation.

Bruce; doesn’t know what to do because he hasn’t gone a single day of his life without someone helping him and can’t cook edible food.

Dick; dies from lack of physical affection.

Jason; can’t figure out how to hunt without guns

Tim; dies without coffee or wifi.

Damian; is worried about the animals and dies from starvation because he refuses to kill.

Duke; is okay ish, like he survives but not easily.

Barbra (not paralyzed cause she wouldn’t survive paralyzed in my opinion); is having a little fun with making traps.

Steph; is having the time of her life without her stupid classes and teachers.

Cass; was literally trained for this and is happy she finally has some alone time even if she misses her family.

Meanwhile Oliver is just watching this all and sighing because how did he survive but some of them didn’t?

Ranking the best batman because I'm bored.

Honorary mentions: Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Azrael. May you never go near that cowl again for your own mental health <3 Congrats to Damian for handling it in one au without killing people unlike the other three but most of your family was dead in that universe so yeah. You deserve better.

5. Bruce Wayne. Most iconic sure but also the one with the most questionable acts. If I saw his batman coming towards me I simply wouldn't trust it as much as the others.

4. Dick Grayson. Better than his dad although he'd have a bunch of complex emotions if I ever told him that. He's a good Batman but he thrives more as Nightwing so it never felt like a good end point for him.

3. Helena Wayne. Earth 2 Bruce's daughter as Batman with Dick Grayson in a wheelchair as her Oracle and Dick's son as her Robin? Yeah the entire concept rules. I love legacy stories so much. Plus her Batman outfit is my favourite aesthetic wise.

2. Helena Bertinelli. The best Batman Gotham has seen so far. You didn't deserve Bruce's disrespect when you were fighting every day in no man's land while he was off sulking in his money. Carried the no man's land story on her back before Cass showed up to help.

1. Cassandra Wayne. Come on. Look at my blog. There was never going to be a chance of anyone else being number one. There's like 5 million posts here about why Cass is the best Batman but to sum it up: Everything most interesting and engaging about the previous Batmans rolled into one character.

Bruce and Oliver except they don't have the Sun & Moon dynamic, they have a Sun and it's Shadow one.

The Sun who is always shining, who brings people into it's orbit but always keeps them at a distance. the Sun who, for better or worse, is a burning mass of energy that most will only see as the one to bring light. the Sun that will always cast a shadow for as long as it burns.

And the Shadow of the sun, always behind it no matter what. the Shadows that curl around the stars, and helps paint the night sky. the Shadows that can only be a Shadow so long as the Sun keeps burning, because Shadows without light is just darkness.

cass and jason are an underappreciated duo who deserve more rep. this ain't a debate, it's a fact

just imagine

Cass: *signing sorrowfully* i have been battling my own inner demons, brother. my childhood . . . my past . . . it calls to me, tugs at the scars on my skin and the blood painting my soul. it tells me that I shall never escape, not truly jason: cass: jason: that was poetic as shit, sis, and I think you should definitely write a book, but all I asked was "how was school"

jason: hey! how's everyone doin'? tim: *wathcing a movie* we're good-- cass: *turns movie off and glasres at jason* have you bandaged it yet? jason: *looking away* i don't know what you're talking about . . . cass: THE BULLET HOLE IN YOUR ARM jason: how the fuck did you even see that. my armor covers it cass: I SEE ALL. THERE IS NOWHERE IN THIS EARTHLY PLANE OR THE NEXT THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF HIDING FROM ME, TRY AS YOU MIGHT jason: jason: i'll go get this bandanged jason: *mutters as he walks off* definitely not running from whatever the fuck that was . . .

cass: *tears in her eyes* my ballet recital was cancelled . . . the penguin bombed the street leading to the school . . . jason: *Grabbing his guns* that motherf- cass: jason: -ffffuudger cass: jason: jeezus please put the sad eyes away, i cant take it cass: you can fucking curse, jason. i am not a prim and proper Victorian woman who will tell you to pardon your fucking french. jason: cass: a FLIGHTLESS-fucking-AVIAN in a shitstain of a THREE PIECE SUIT just FUCKING BOMBED MY BALLET RECITAL, if anything the cursing HELPS jason: jason: this is an alternate dimension. that's the only explanation.

Bruce, introducing his kids at a family Interview: This is my eldest Dick, my second eldest Cassandra, then my son Jason, my second youngest Tim, and my youngest Damian

Bruce: That's my daughter-in-law Barbara, and my other daughter-in-law, Stephanie

Tim: ??? Steph and I broke up forever ago?? How is she your daughter-in-Law?

Stephanie: I may not be dating any of you anymore but I'm the State of daughter-in-law. Daughter-in-law is not a family title, it's the friends you make along the way

Jason: I'm not high enough for this shit

Golden boy Dick Grayson: Me fucking neither

Jason: what

Dick: what

Bruce: ??? What do you mean she's not my daughter-in-law anymore?? I was counting on her marrying into the family :C

Steph: Sorry B, unfortunately your son would rather kiss superbitch than me

Dick: TIM IS KISSING WHO NOW

Bruce: >:( We'll talk about that later, right now-

Tim: I don't think that's necess-

Bruce: We'll talk about that later. Right now can't any of you date her?? Jaylad, you're sin-

Steph: HELL NO

Jason, already on his second blunt: You're so funny, old man. I'm literally co parenting my best friends kid. I'm literallyyyy be gay do crime. Haha.

Dick: YOURE WHAT WITH WHO NOW

Bruce: CAN ANY OF YOU JUST DATE HER

Cass, slowly raising her hand like in Hunger Games: I volunteer

Bruce: ...

Tim: ...

Dick: ...

Bruce: This is why you're my favorite daughter 🥹

Cass: Father, I'm your only daughter

Tim: Untrue. I did drag one time, that has to count

Steph: Does this mean I have a girlfriend

Damian: This family is a disgrace

Interviewer: ...

Green Arrow walks up to Batman in a meeting one day and punches him in the face.

Batman; what was that for?

Green Arrow; pushing me off the swing in 3d grade when it was STILL MY FUCKING TURN!

Batman; that’s what you’re upset about?

Green Arrow; yeah.

Batman; I literally called your mom a wh*re cause she got eaten by lions in front of you.

Green Arrow; well… the swing thing sticks with me more so fuck you.

Green Arrow dramatically storms out of the room while the JL looks at Bats in shock meanwhile Canary is glaring at Batman and Flash fell over laughing.

Jason: Go kill them. Problem solved.

Oliver: You can't just go around killing people Jason.

Jason: I know. That's why you should do it.

Oliver: No, no. I can't go around killing people, either. Bruce will be mad with me.

Bruce: *eyes twich*

patrol is fun :DD

I think Oliver Queen would find out Batman's secret identity mostly through vibes...

When he was ten, his parents tried to get him to strike up a friendship with Bruce Wayne because it can’t ever hurt to know the richest man in the country but Bruce is just so fucking weird and morbid. He drags Ollie into his room and starts showing him his anatomy books and taxidermy and has he seen Taxi Driver? Because Travis Bickle inspired a real attempted assassination. But also maybe he had a point? And then Bruce is taking down his books on the Zodiac Killer and explaining how he thinks he’s cracked the cipher. And Ollie is just scared out of his mind. He thinks Bruce is going to vivisect him or something.

At the end of the night, he tells his parents that he spent the whole time with Bruce but he was actually hiding under a table somewhere for like two hours.

Then after that he tries to avoid Bruce at all times. Which isn’t hard because they’re ten and they live on opposite sides of the country. Until Oliver gets an invitation to Bruce Wayne’s 18th birthday party which is supposed to be a very big, very expensive bash. He doesn’t want to go because it might turn out to be weird but all his friends are going so he goes anyway.

… And it turns about to be pretty cool. (It’s a very big, expensive party with a lot of really drunk, really rich teenagers but it’s cool by Oliver’s standards) But no one actually seems to see Bruce there. He doesn’t make a speech, they don’t get him a cake or sing happy birthday, he doesn’t take over for the DJ, nothing. There are no pictures of him anywhere. Nobody gets any pictures of him. No one says they saw him. It’s like he wasn’t even there. 

But everyone insists that Oliver must be wrong. Who would throw a party and then never show up? Creepy Bruce Wayne, that’s who.

For the next several years, Bruce is supposedly out of the country doing an indulgent world tour. Hotels get booked out for him but they can’t say if he actually check in. People claim to have seen him but they don’t have any proof. It’s always so-and-so told so-and-so that they saw him here. He’s kind of like this fun cryptid. The richest man in the world is somewhere in the world. The late night shows do a spoof of Carmen Sandiego about it.

But every year, Bruce supposedly shows up to his birthday bash except Oliver goes every year and never sees him. There’s photos that circulate around but Oliver’s met Bruce and these are just some random other dark haired guys. He puts together that every year the crowd unknowingly selects some random dude to be that year’s Bruce Wayne, sometimes there’s two or three or four.

One year Oliver even dyes his hair and he gets to be Bruce Wayne for the day. 

It’s fun. But the real Bruce? He’s up to something. 

When Oliver comes back from his sojourn on an island and is deciding to clean up his act and maybe start dressing up in green and shooting people with arrows, he finds out that Bruce is back in Gotham. He’s gone from a guy who nobody knew what he looked like to one of the most recognizable faces.

Every week the gossip rags have a new crazy Bruce Wayne headline. 

“Bruce Wayne accidentally schedules two dates with two models at the same time, at the same restaurant. Models proceed to fight over him and wreck the restaurant, forcing Wayne to buy it.” There’s a viral video and everything. Except it’s not hard for Oliver to find out that the “models” are actually amateaur professional wrestlers.

“Bruce Wayne trips and knocks ice sculpture onto newly elected Gotham mayor.” Nobody bothers to mention that getting absolutely clobbered by an ice sculpture is what saved the mayor from being shot by a political rival.

“Bruce Wayne lets child ward drive his car. Kid accidentally puts car in reverse instead of drive and backs into and wrecks Lex Luthor’s custom McLaren.” That one just seems intentional. The kid even looks behind him as he’s backing up.

Sure people change over the course of 18 years, Oliver has certainly changed but he just can’t square this absolute buffoon with the kid who bragged about how he was already studying calculus. And it’s just so calculated. Just like the parties, it’s like a facade of being a rich playboy, not the real thing. Oliver knows the real thing. He’s been the real thing.

Then he walks into a meeting of the new, as yet unnamed, coalition of heroes and meets Batman for the first time. The familiar wave of hibbie-jibbies runs up his spine but he’s not a kid anymore so he just smirks.

“So do you still think Travis Bickle was kind of right?”

@mbirnsings-71