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me vs every other gay man my age

contact lists.

these days, a new cell phone means a new phone book--a new list of names and numbers that you can access easily with the press of a button. many cell phone providers conveniently offer to reprogram the numbers from your old phone into your new one. having little to do while my family was partaking in the chaos of after-christmas sales, i decided to reprogram the numbers into my new phone manually.

as i went through the list, i noticed that there were several numbers that i didn't really need to store in the new phone. of course, there were the numbers of the acquaintances and the partners for school projects that i didn't really talk to after the first time i met them or we had worked together. but there were also the numbers of people who had at one time been my close friends.

i hesitated to let go of those numbers, i think because it meant that i didn't really foresee a time when i would try contact them, or that they would even try to contact me. i thought about things that kept us apart--distance, time, forgetfulness, school, differing social groups. and it was surprisingly disheartening.

but then i looked at what remained after i chiseled away at the old numbers in my digital phone book. i scanned the names, recalling the last time i had seen each person--maybe a couple of months, weeks, days, even minutes. i thought about the next time i would get a new phone and would have to select from this batch of numbers and decide which ones i would keep. i thought about the numbers that i would add in the future.

i guess what i value the most are the numbers that i had kept since my first cell phone: the numbers of my siblings, parents, and best friends. people who have supported me, loved me, taught me, made me laugh, kept me going--and continue to do so to this very day. and i felt pretty glad. i think that with time and change comes the need to let go, to clean out our phone books of the traces of people we've somehow lost touch with (or maybe even lost completely) along the way--but i think what matters is making the most of the time with the people who stay with you throughout it all; those people who are on speed dial, whose numbers you could dial with a keypad without having to check the number under their name. and with things like facebook, twitter, skype, and mobile phones, the connections we have with these people should be stronger than ever, even if we leave them to go to school or to go back home. and of course, there's always the chance that we could find ourselves reprogramming the numbers of the friends we once thought we had lost back into our phone books.

happy holidays, everyone! i wish you all the best in the new year :)

play me on wordswithfriends--username: cabanayan

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Spirited Away (2001) dir. Hayao Miyazaki

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