GREEN EGGS AND HAMLET

(With my deepest apologies to Shakespeare and Dr. Seuss)

Can I kill my Uncle Claude? Yes, I can, I can, by God! I will kill my Uncle Claude!

Should I kill him in the house? Should I kill him while he’s soused? I could kill him here or there I could kill him anywhere Would I, could I, while he prays? Kill him! Kill him! Wherefore stay? I would not, could not, while he prays!

Not in the house, not when he’s soused, Not with his sister, now his spouse! Not while he prays, not while he feasts, O, incestuous, adulterate beast! I do not like my Uncle Claude, I do not like that bloody bawd!

Say! In the dark? Here in the dark! Would I, could I, in the dark?

Should I kill him in his bed? Should I there strike off his head? Kill him with his nightcap on? Kill him when the churchyards yawn? Should I kill him where he lies? I will kill him, by and by! I do not like my Uncle Claude, I’ll kill him, i’ th’ name of God!

The play! The play! The play’s the thing! The thing wherein I’ll catch the king! No more ‘to be or not to be,’ I will kill him, you will see!

Kill him while he wears his crown Kill him while his guard is down Kill him with some poisoned wine Kill him with this sword of mine O, is the point envenomed, too? I’m dead–Horatio, adieu! But tell them, tell them, more or less, Who it was that made this mess!

I did not like my Uncle Claude, I killed him in the name of God! Good friend, report my cause aright– And now, goodnight goodnight goodnight!

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I’m such a lazy knitter.

“Oh man the stich count is off. *m1 randomly in middle of row* EVERYTHING IS BACK TO NORMAL!”

“UGH I was supposed to yo here on the last row. *stretches out a ladder from the previous row* Yeah that works.”

“*reading pattern* Make a swatch to determine your gauge.. lol yeah ok.”

And the two that come with it.

“Oh man this hat is gonna be way too big. Maybe I’ll make a large headed friend one day. *finishes hat* ”

“Oh man this hat is way too small. Maybe I’ll make a baby friend one day. *finishes hat*”

“This scarf is boring. I don’t want to do this anymore. This was a horrible idea. *casts off and joins two ends together* You’re a cowl now.”

“Ugh all of my size 8′s are being used and I don’t want to finish them right now. ….But what if I used a size 9 and just knit really tight. *casts on yet another project*”

“Oh fuck I added an extra repeat and now I’m gonna run out early. Maybe I’ll buy another skein. Man this yarn is more expensive than I remember.*casts off whenever fuck it lol*

“I’ve got so many more hats than I will ever wear I should open a store. *switches to knitting scarves instead* I have too many scarves I should open a store. *switches to knitting shawls instead* “

“Why is my count off? Shit there’s a serious mistake five rows back. God this looks awful. OH MY GOD ITS A DROPPED STITCH. IN A LACE SHAWL. *grabs crochet hook and randomly weaves the dropped stitch in* *counts* Well the stitch count is correct now so… “