What We Do In The Shadows (2014)

I feel like people are thinking that My Immortal was a genuine example of Rose Cristo’s writing when she was 15 yrs old, but the official description for her memoir that just came out confirms what I have always believed, that my immortal was a joke/trollfic, although the reason why she wrote it is something no one would have ever guessed:

A heartbreaking and wryly hopeful memoir of surviving the NYC foster care system―and how one girl’s “masterpiece of literary disaster” (io9.com) connected her to a community that could help her find her lost brother.

In the early 2000s, Rose Christo was separated from her five-year-old brother and shuttled between foster homes in Brooklyn to the Bronx and back again. Desperate to be reunited with her sibling, she traveled the five boroughs, unable to find any trace of him, as New York state’s child care agencies failed to help her time and again.

Then, with the help of one beloved foster sister, Rose created an infamous piece of Harry Potter fanfiction titled My Immortal, posting it online under the pseudonym XXXbloodyrists666XXX. The “forty-four chapters and 22,000 words of hysterical, typo-laden hyperbole” (BuzzFeed.com) went viral as the most notoriously terrible fanfic ever read by the community. For years, fans, writers, and editors researched, debated, and contested the story’s origin and its mysterious author: was this grammatically-challenged rant actually written by a suicidal Goth teenager named Tara Gilesbe living in Dubai, or was this a hoax perpetrated by a group of professional authors making fun of fanfiction?

The truth is a gripping, compelling, and surprisingly funny story of how a young girl infiltrated and used the fan fiction community to search for her brother by baiting their attention with a deliberately badly written tale, creating a ten-year mystery that garnered pop culture media attention and remained unsolved―until now.

https://www.amazon.com/Under-Same-Stars-Rose-Christo/dp/1250147034

Stuart Semple doing his DMV paperwork probably: *checks “yes” for organ donor* Stuart Semple: Stuart Semple: “*These organs may not be used by Anish Kapoor, or be used by anyone who intents to give them to Anish Kapoor, FURTHERMORE–

I’m such a lazy knitter. 

“Oh man the stich count is off. *m1 randomly in middle of row* EVERYTHING IS BACK TO NORMAL!”

“UGH I was supposed to yo here on the last row. *stretches out a ladder from the previous row* Yeah that works.”

“*reading pattern* Make a swatch to determine your gauge.. lol yeah ok.”

And the two that come with it. 

“Oh man this hat is gonna be way too big. Maybe I’ll make a large headed friend one day. *finishes hat* ”

“Oh man this hat is way too small. Maybe I’ll make a baby friend one day. *finishes hat*”

“This scarf is boring. I don’t want to do this anymore. This was a horrible idea. *casts off and joins two ends together* You’re a cowl now.”

“Ugh all of my size 8′s are being used and I don’t want to finish them right now. ….But what if I used a size 9 and just knit really tight. *casts on yet another project*”

“Oh fuck I added an extra repeat and now I’m gonna run out early. Maybe I’ll buy another skein. Man this yarn is more expensive than I remember.*casts off whenever fuck it lol*

“I’ve got so many more hats than I will ever wear I should open a store. *switches to knitting scarves instead* I have too many scarves I should open a store. *switches to knitting shawls instead* “

“Why is my count off? Shit there’s a serious mistake five rows back. God this looks awful. OH MY GOD ITS A DROPPED STITCH. IN A LACE SHAWL. *grabs crochet hook and randomly weaves the dropped stitch in* *counts* Well the stitch count is correct now so… “ 

excuse me while I go cry my eyes out

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

REBLOG IF YOU'RE A FORMULA 1 FAN

1964 Ferrari 158

Kitty paw appreciation post.

James Gurney - Garden of Hope, 1992