Buxtry - Bingo Jones

someone in my target language: hi :)! how are you?

me and Duolingo in haunting unison: the boys have the pears

I used to be happy. Until I came to this place, this Earth, all I knew was peace.

REBLOG IF YOU WERE BORN BEFORE 1991.

LOL WAAAAAAAY BEFORE 1991

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS: Pilot Being a vampire’s familiar is like being a best friend who’s also a slave. Tomorrow night marks the ten year anniversary since I started working for my master. I think he’s planning something pretty special. I think he’s going to make me a vampire.

I KNOW HOW MY FILTHY MUTANT ABILITIES UPSET YOU, SCHMIDT. DON’T WORRY–

–YOU WILL DIE PURE. NO MAGNETISM 

JUST FISTS.

Meet the American Gods

Send me to Mars with party supplies before next august 5th