Latest Posts by chaoticvintagelesbian - Page 3

You’re on a path in the woods. And at the end of that path is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin is a princess.

hey whats up guys @castielrisingabove's tags on this post absolutely obliterated me. so i drew them and now they get to obliterate you too. enjoy

[ID: a Gravity Falls comic of Ford and Stan Pines, with text overlaid. Ford, in Stan's clothes in the Fearamid with a heartbroken frown, is captioned: "something about realizing far too late"

The memory gun reading "Stanley Pines," is captioned: "that you don't have all the time in the world to be angry with him"

Ford in the flashback of A Tale of Two Stans, arguing with Stanley (offscreen), captioned: "you had a decade"

Ford coming out of the portal and throwing a punch, captioned: "you had thirty years"

Ford glaring at Stanley (offscreen) in the Mystery Shack, the same scene he gives Stan his ultimatum. Captioned: "you had so long that you thought you had forever. but you don't. you never did."

Once more in the Fearamid, Ford aiming the memory gun, captioned: "and now you have to look your brother in the eye"

Stan in the flashback of A Tale of Two Stans, in the same argument with (offscreen) Ford, holding Journal 1 and looking devastated, captioned: "the same man who spent a decade"

Stan welcoming Ford back, spreading his arms for a hug he won't receive, captioned: "and thirty years"

Stan in the Mystery Shack, glaring back at his (offscreen) brother, captioned: "and forever wishing he could just be your brother again"

Ford closing his eyes as the memory gun fires, captioned: "and it hits you just how many things you wanted to be with your brother beyond angry — but time's run out."

A black background, captioned: "your brother's gone for good. and you're the one who pulled the trigger." End ID.]

I love how Artemis flings him around in Outlaws

wowie what a nice kid. I hope nothing bad or especially traumatic happens to him

click for quality please 🙏

stop reblogging this

This is so dramatic of me but I hate hate hate the swear jar headcanon for Jason. Like holy shit sit down for two seconds and think of the implications of taking away money from a child that lived below the line of poverty for all their life and was homeless for three years if they do something you don't like. Are you insane

Jayce and his big 5 kilo head.....

FiddEmmaStan AU where Emma May moved to Gravity Falls around the same time Stan took Ford's identity. She divorces Fiddleford & dumps him on Stan's (newly acquired) porch. While Stan is trying to fix the portal and run the mystery shack, and a recovering Fiddleford builds lots of robots for the mystery shack & does upkeep, Emma is raising Tate & having weekly Wine Nights with Stan (she finds out the truth of him not being Ford & they kinda become best friends about it). Fiddleford & Emma May fall for Stanley separately and accidentally fall back in love with each other along the way (Stan is Tate's favourite parent during the like 3 years this takes). Emma ends up moving into the mystery shack & with no prior science knowledge takes up helping fix the portal & gives some of the tours. Stan is having huge amounts of Bi Panic cause omg he's fallen for Emma May & Fiddleford and their son now calls him Dad (Stan balled his eyes put the first time) but they seem to be working stuff out and he shouldn't get in the way of that??? Anyway Fiddleford and Emma co-seduce Stanley. It works. The relationship is surprisingly healthy. They get Poly Married (it's Gravity Falls) but it's Emma & Fidds both being married to Stanley - when Emma May is annoyed with Fiddleford she describes him as her husband-in-law.

Mabel & Dipper visit Gravity Falls for the summer and are greeted by their Grunkle Stan, Grauntie Emma May, Grunkle Fidds & Cousin Tate

Jerk Ford AU: About

[Art by: @tearosepedall]

[Jerk Ford Not a jerk to his brother and only his brother The most hated Ford in the Multiverse]

[Doesn't need as much protecting Teen Jerk Ford: F#ck off Teen Stan: Ford! Don't do that!]

[Stan is a well liked guy Stan never ended up homeless, because Ford believed him]

Ford was the worst type of student because he's really good at everything that he does, just like any other version of himself. Like, the teachers were mad he was their best (academically speaking) student.

They'd prefer it if he was a delinquent who never did his homework and showed up late to class. But no, he not only did all of his assignments, but he also did extra credit that he didn't need, and showed up early to everything. Just like all of the other Fords.

He was the Chess, Spelling Bee, and Debate Team champion all four years he was in high school. He could have skipped several grades and only didn't because ya know, twin. And this continued while he was in college and got his 12 PHDs.

Stanley was his only supporter in all of that because everyone wanted him to fail. Some people (like their parents) even tried to pressure Stan into also hating his brother but one of the Universal Constants is that you can't make Stan hate his brother. People didn’t even bring up the fact that Stanley wasn’t the genius twin, people called him the ‘good twin’ because he wasn’t a jerk.

Stanley is just a regular guy in this AU. He was never a criminal or con artist. He went to Backupsmore University with Stanford and Fiddleford (Fiddleford would sometimes use Stan to pass messages along to Ford, because he did not want to talk to Ford if he didn't have to). He's a Chemistry Teacher who also helps out with Theatre.

[Bill: You tricked me!!! Jerk Ford: Skill Issue]

[Jerk Ford, to all other AU Fords: Wait! You all actually fell for that triangles flattery?! LOL]

He knew Bill Cipher was just f***ing with him with all of that talk of "I'm a muse" and "You're more special than everybody" (he already knew that he doesn't need a triangle to validate that). Ford just wanted to flip the script on him in the end in the most elaborate 1980s version of Jackass you've ever seen.

All of the other Fords hate him so much not just because he's a jerk (that's the majority of the reason though), but because of how weirdly competent and self-actualized he is comparatively speaking.

He didn't fall for Bill tricks. He's so sure of himself that he doesn't have the same hero (or villain, depending on the AU) complex. He doesn't want to take over the universe, or be the savior of it, or even be the one who kills Bill Cipher. He's just a jerk to everybody (except Stan) because he likes being a jerk.

Jerk Ford is one of the few Fords who maxed out his Charisma. He just uses that charisma to make people hate him instead of like him

Because charisma isn't just 'likability', it's your Presence and Force of Personality. His presence is so strong all he has to do is walk into a room, and you know he's an a**hole.

If you were to sum up what Jerk Ford is like around other Fords, it's like this:

"Every Stanford Pines in the multiverse reviles and despises that man."

Jerk Ford: You all want to be me so bad.

"NO WE DON'T YOU A**HOLE"

[Mabel: He's not actually THAT big of a jerk right?" Dipper: *wants to strangle him* Jerk Ford: Stanley who are these twerps?]

[Stan: Oh! They are family poindexter, Shermies grandkids! Jerk Ford: I see *doesn't care*]

If I were to give Jerk Ford a unique design to set him apart from Fords of other AUs, his turtleneck and muddied boots are swapped with these:

The hoodie is the usual red colour, the font is probably the same gold colour as his zodiac symbol. The puffed croc boots are also probably the same colour as canon Fords.

He doesn't have any embarrassing tattoos because the tattoo artists of Gravity Falls would never service Ford. Because he's not just banned from every establishment in Gravity Falls, but if he enters any business you are legally allowed to and encouraged to shoot him.

In fact Bill gave up possessing Ford to ruin his reputation with the townsfolk early on because nothing he did was worse than anything Ford did by himself.

You know how Ford drew himself coming out of the portal with aura in Journal Three?

Most of the other Fords try to look cool, and you just have this dude over here who doesn't give a s*** because he already believed his own hype. He doesn't feel the need to be ✨Extra✨ unless if he's being mean or generally unpleasant to somebody.

every time i start trawling the latest #stanley pines tag on here and see it's full of porn bots, i can't even be mad.

huge tits and ass is pretty much exactly what stan would want to pop up if you looked up his name.

Somewhere out there in the multiverse there exists a Jerk Ford

Not an evil Ford, he's just a massive jerk. To everyone, except (ironically) his own version of Stan.

People didn't exclude him while he was growing up because of his six fingers, but because he was an absolute dick all of the time.

The only reason their high school wanted to send Ford to that fancy college was to send him away and make it way less likely he would ever come back to Jersey.

Stan still breaks his Perpetual Motion Machine, but this version of Ford chooses to believe him when he says it was an accident, and stands up for him when Filbrick tries to kick Stan out.

He still goes to Backupsmore, this time with Stan (who graduated) in tow, and the only reason he and Fiddleford are 'friends' is because Ford still mathematically proved Fiddlefords theory on the Universe being a Hologram, but he rubs it in Fiddlefords face for not proving it on his own.

Backupsmore University only gives Ford the research grant in hope he'll leave and never come back.

The only reason he takes a deal with Bill is because he's going to build that portal, only to never activate it as a 'psych!' on Bill. He doesn't even care he's creating something that would revolutionize science as they know it, he just wants to troll a 'God'.

Stan has to convince (i.e actually beg) Fiddleford to help Ford.

Fiddleford doesn't even accidentally get his head sucked into the portal this time, he leaves because he could only stand Ford for so long before being done (he kept peeling the stickers off the Cubiks Cubes and putting them on different squares so Fiddleford couldn't solve them).

This time Ford goes through the portal, and it breaks, because he accidentally fell asleep in the portal room and got possessed by Bill who tried opening the portal, but Stan had to fight him to stop him, only to accidentally shove Bill!Ford into the portal.

Since Stan and Ford were known to be two separate people the whole time, and Stan just reported Ford as 'Missing' and he never took his identity, the townsfolk assumed he'd actually murdered Ford, but they never question it because they're just so glad that he's gone. They had a celebration and everything. Stan was the only one in town who didn't go.

Jerk Ford goes out into the multiverse and every single other Ford, even the evil ones, absolutely hate this guy because no one can push their buttons better than, well, themself. He's not even a wanted criminal, because none of the dimensions want him there, they want him to be another dimensions problem.

There's a Ford Hate Club that isn't for hating on all Fords, just this one. Most of it is made up of other Fords.

Canon Ford hates him for being a massive jerk, only for Jerk Ford to tell him that biggest difference between them really is that he chooses to not be a jerk to the one person who matters most to them (i.e their twin brother Stan). The one Ford who appreciates his Stan and it's the Biggest Jerk ever.

Jerk Ford is still a jerk to alternate versions of Stanley, too. It's literally just his own that he's not a jerk to.

Thirty years later when Stan fixes the portal and brings him back, everyone else in Gravity Falls is immediately mad at him for bringing him back, including Dipper and Mabel who dislike him as soon as the glamour of a 'cool space Grunkle' wears off. Although, Dipper already disliked Ford before he even met him because his research journals give advice on cryptids that seems helpful, but is actually the opposite. (Like saying people should definitely and exclusively use water on Gremloblins).

The only reason Dipper wanted to find The Author in this dimension is that he wants to punch him in the face for his trolling.

So when Ford comes out of the portal he doesn't try to punch Stan, in fact he goes in for a hug, only for Dipper to punch him instead as soon as he heard 'The Author of the Journals'.

Stan tries to convince Ford to be nice to Mabel and Dipper; Ford isn't necessarily nice to them, but he isn't as big of a jerk as he could have been, which is a lot for him. So he doesn't purposely tangle all of Mabels yarn, or kill off Dippers character in Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons.

Weirdmageddon still happens, but this time it's Dipper who destroys the snowglobe with the rift because he never wanted to be Fords apprentice, so he never knew what the rift was. He ended up breaking it on purpose because he got so sick of Fords shit that he wanted to break something Ford liked.

The reason they couldn't get the zodiac circle together during Weirdmageddon isn't because of Stan and Ford fighting, but because Ford couldn't stop being a jerk for two seconds and Robbie let go of his hand.

Weirdmageddon ends the same as it did in canon, with Stan sacrificing himself because of Fords metal plate, except this time Mabel and Dipper are even more frantic to bring their Grunkle Stan back, because they don't want him to be a blank slate that their Grunkle Ford would influence and possibly turn into another jerk (Which is something Jerk Ford actually wouldn't do, because he loves his brother for who he is).

Old Man McGucket himself personally funds The Stan O'War II expedition (not just the boat itself but stuff like the passports, paperwork, living expenses, ect.) just to keep Ford on the ocean, as far away from other people as possible.

And this is a sane Steve Jobs -esque Old Man McGucket who was never traumatized by the nightmare realm because of Ford. That's how much of a jerk this Ford is.

THE END... Go Home.

i feel like i've attached myself to the two Stan twins in two very... different ways

like with ford-- he's in my mind 24/7. he's rotating in there like a low-poly blender animation in a microwave. i have. SOOO many thoughts about him. he was bullied his entire life hes a jerk his only friend was stan he pushed everyone close to him away hes arrogant he got humbled so badly he cant trust anyone he trusted all the wrong people he projects his issues on dipper + mabel he cares about his family he's the best he's the worst he's just trying. thoughts just bouncing off the walls like a dvd logo. most of my daydreams are just putting him in Various Situations. i love him but i NEED to see him suffer through the five stages of grief all at once while heavily bleeding. it's for my own enrichment. he's great but for the sake of my entertainment i need to him him suffer.

stanley, on the other hand, is the only one allowed in my heart. he's so-- AUGH!!! seeing him makes me physically ill. he's the most tragic character he constantly seeks validation he constantly puts up a facade because it's either that or be left behind he's been told his entire life that he's useless, that he's a cheap copy of his brother and that he'll never amount to anything in life but he just has to keep on trying every day no matter how hard it is and it doesn't matter if he sacrifices all of himself because at the end of the day if he helps his family then he'll finally, finally be good for something. i hate it because i can't consume most stanley-focused media because the MOMENT i click open the fic or look at the art it's like being sucker-punched in The Feels. i'm bawling my eyes out at 3am because someone brought up the fact that only his mom and very few other people came to his 'funeral'. it's awful it's horrible it's the most despicable thing in existence but i love him

tl:dr, i need to see ford an inch from death, bloodied and bruised and coughing up blood and suffering and guilt-ridden and experiencing the Worst Situations Ever (affectionate) but i also need stanley to be bundled up in the coziest blanket ever with a cup of hot chocolate and his favourite stuffed animal and give him a hug and love and comfort for once in his life (derogatory)

Mystery Trio AU where Emma-May takes Tate to go and live with Stan, Ford, and Fidds, and Ford can only watch with horror and confusion as the husband and wife slowly fall in love with his brother and integrate him into their relationship/family

Are you guys hearing me, is this mic on?

I had this idea and had to force myself to finish my work before drawing it out lol

until the special comes out i'm just going to write it myself

happy pride my fellow aces

favorite stan twins characterization is that they're both equally insane. stanley just gets more air time to show it off. loosely inspired by a post i read earlier but here's some absolutely insane things both of them have done

stanley:

drugged a person and turned them into an exhibit in the mystery shack

had a vegas wedding to a prospector-themed novelty dispenser

gave mabel a grappling hook

failed to steal an animatronic badger

chewed his way out of the trunk of a car

punched at least three bald eagles

is multiply divorced, possibly even with the novelty dispenser

committed premeditated murder on a llama

faked a heart attack to get on Wheel of Fortune

took his clothes off in front of a live studio audience on Wheel of Fortune

has a rivalry with a fifth grader, a grandmother, and a man who exclusively dresses like a corn cob

stanford:

pulled a gun on a bus driver when he wouldn't let a pig on board

directly assisted in mind-controlling ronald reagan during his election in 1980

gave mabel a crossbow

got bitten by a vampire bat and subsequently began sampling human blood

owns contraband outlawed in 9000 dimensions; keeps it in an extremely flimsy plastic case

"accidentally" set a hawk on fire

has exes ranging from as normal as his old college buddy to as weird as a triangle and an alien with 7 eyes who put a metal plate in his head

wears turtlenecks because he's hiding multiple tattoos he regrets, including one themed around "all star" by smash mouth

is an Extremely wanted criminal across hundreds of dimensions; was completely kicked out of one for card counting

is, bizarrely, super into the band Eurythmics

can see shrimp colors

twins in time au comic i did a while back. they make me severely ill

250K twins in time AU fic. Full plot start to finish. On my desk by Monday.

one more one more

same au thing as last time

Emma may?

Pretty please?

Ask, and you shall receive 🙌🙂‍↕️

Dang, Fiddleford was THIS 🤏 close to fumbling the baddie of the freaking century

THE SCENARIO IF STANLEY DID HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK FORD FOR HELP THAT TIME BEFORE HE GOES TO GRAVITY FALLS AND FORD IS SOMEHOW CONVINCED TO COME DOWN AND MAKE AMENDS????????????

Ford "Icarus didn't flap hard enough" Pines

dude ive never even watched rick and morty but like. i look at rick. this complete mess. an alcoholic. apparently a kinda shitty dad i think idk again i never watched it. and i go "yeah. stan would probably hit that."

viktor arcane has to be one of the characters ever.

he's gay. he's terminally ill. he's suicidal. he's from league of legends. he's in a toxic relationship with an orb. he also might be the orb(???). he bullshitted his way into the academy by pretending he went there. he rizzed up a guy so he wouldn't kill himself. he then tried to impress said guy by breaking into his boss's lab. then when he got caught he tried to play it off by saying he thought this big intimidating door was his bedroom door and he was just trying to sneak a guy in there. he nearly died because hetero sex was happening like a mile away. kinda. he took illegal drugs. he's also the apprentice of the guy who's making the illegal drugs and never mentions it. he's inspired off of the tale of frankenstein's monster. he got shot by a missle and fucking died. when he came back to life he immediately broke up his messy gay situationship and became jesus fucking christ.

truly one of the characters of all time

pay attention to him NOW

Jason: “They’re children, Bruce! They shouldn’t be soldiers in your crusade!”

Bruce: “The children, Jason. They yearn for the capes.”

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that

I love how when Armand is in love, truly in love, like he is with Daniel, he just becomes manic and feral. Stalking! (lovingly) he stalks him all across the world and is just there in the corner of Daniel's eye. Armand becomes obsessed with kitchen appliances and, because he doesn't feel like he'll be judged, does batshit wild things with them. Cooking rats and roaches and making weird blended concoctions based on color. Armand is like, "Daniel let's call Paris. The phone is fascinating. You are fascinating. Technology is fascinating. I'll pay, don't worry. Call Paris for me, pretty please." Like, is he insane? Yes. But at the same time after seeing his subdued approach to his perfectly manicured life with Louis, it'll be refreshing to see the gremlin completely out to play with Daniel.

IWTV is the perfect tv show because you have a piece of media that is simultaneously beloved and detested by the fandom being remade by people who actually care about the characters and want to create a universe that tells the story both authentically and in their own way with a cast that delivers performances that blow some of the biggest names in Hollywood out of the water and it's like, every piece of content you get from the cast and crew -- both on camera and off -- is the best that you could ask for