Every Time Bruce Pisses One Of His Kids Off, They Dramatically Proclaim Something Along The Lines Of,

Bruce is at a gala, okay, and he’s talking to a woman.

Random woman: “And we found out that we’re having another child!”

Bruce: *absolutely cackling inside, because this is about to be the funniest thing he’s done in weeks*

Brucie: “That’s wonderful! Where are they? Can I meet them? How old are they?”

Now Brucie is standing there, scanning the room for children with a huge grin on his face, while all of the random rich people stand around like ‘who’s going to explain to the adorable, well-meaning idiot that most people know they’re going to have children a few months before the children are born.’

And worse, who’s going to have to break the news to him that he can’t meet the kid today?

Because this man… this man has acquired all of his children with zero premeditation. Yes, he does have a bio kid, but that one showed up on his doorstep as a preteen. He did even less acquiring with that one than with the others.

Bruce has a blast acting out his disappointment, and has to turn some so that he can no longer see Tim and Cass leaning against each other and laughing, because otherwise he’s going to start laughing.

So goddamn sweet, I want my boyfriend to be like this!!!

Your Missus coming home after another night out with the boys.

Kyle and Johnny had taken Simon out again. Good lot, those two. He needed it, desperately so in your opinion.

So when he came home in the wee hours of the morning, pissed beyond belief, so much so that Kyle and Johnny were practically holding him up, well...

You figured Simon didn't know where he was. He'd taken one good look at you, or rather through you if his blurry gaze was any indication, and slurred out, "...'m sorry, luv, but I'm a taken missus."

Yes. Yes, you are, Simon.

You helped the boys get him situated. Simon refused to leave the couch, though. You made Johnny and Kyle crash in the spare bedroom and busied yourself helping your husband out of his clothes. His back would be an outright bitch in the morning. You can't say you didn't warn him. "Yer a good one, mate," Simon slurred as he sluggishly helped you take his shoes off, "Jus' like muh missus."

"That so? What's your missus like?" If you can't beat him, join him.

"Bes' fuckin' thing," he started, burping before laying down on his back. Simon looked at the ceiling, eyes half-lidded, fighting sleep yet two seconds from passing out, "Made o'good stuff, lovin' a bastard like me..." Your heart swelled with love, pride, and a little sorrow. You'll make sure to triple the amount of kisses you give him. After his hangover, that is.

"Yer made o'good stuff, too, mate," he trailed off sleepily, "Gonna get a'good missus like mine..."

"And what if I already have him?" You asked as you draped a blanket over Simon. "...Lucky bloke, then. Kick his ass if he doesn't see it..."

Will do, Simon. Will do.

And when your husband woke up the next day, his back an outright bitch, head throbbing, and cursing Kyle and Johnny to high heaven, you recounted every single word he said.

He hasn't lived it down since.

Ok uh-

Here’s the image thing I told you about as an anon.

So we all know Cass was homeless for 9 years so she doesn’t have any baby pictures from then. And even before she ran away from the shit stain that is David Cain, the only visual records of her as a child are those horrible recordings of her training.

And in your AU Tim is the holder of all baby pictures, but, again, Cass has no baby pictures. So I thought about it, and here’s my solution to that:

Cass was like in the woods or whatever cause she has canonically fought a wolf pack while she’s homeless. Anyway, someone saw her and thought she was a ghost cause of her inhuman capabilities, so he snapped a pic and posted it in some sorta subreddit. And after hours of searching, Tim found the only known childhood pic of the mystery that is Cass.

Batfam def framed this in the manor cause it’s the only baby pic they have

The reason she’s in such horrendous clothes is that I headcanon that when she was homeless she just stole whatever clothes fit and were warm. Also I gave her the glowing eyes deer have in pics cause I thought it would be funny.

Idk how Gotham would react to this image being just publicly posted on twitter tho, I mean, there HAS to be whole entire conspiracy boards on Cassandra Cain cause she is covered in a shit ton of scars and is also almost mute when she was adopted.

Ignore the fact she doesn’t have a shadow

!!!!!!EVERYBODY STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!

This is fantastic! Can I pretty please add this into my Au 🥺 if not, that's totally cool too I understand!!! But like, look at the brilliance of you creation, a masterpiece woven now into he threads of the universe! With every stroke, your art has gifted my eyes not just an image, but a piece of your brilliant mind. I am forever grateful for this treasure you have bestowed upon my eyes.

You've graced my eyes with your creation and generosity. May the muses guide you, and ensure your artistic mind never fails you.

I just got a “Jesus loves you” ad on ur blog

tumblr saw the type of shit I write and figured you all needed to know that

I CANNOT😭😭

Au where Bruce doesn't adopt Jason (because it never crosses his mind) but, after getting away with stealing Batman's tires and hitting him with a tire iron, Jason comes to the conclusion that B ain't shit and he can absolutely do more petty theft and mild inconveniences.

Batmobile is left unattended? The tires are gone. Batman drops a batarang/grapple gun? That's Jason's now. Batman tries to talk Jason into giving his stuff back? He clearly doesn't have them, you're crazy Bruce (the collection is visibly right behind him, he is literally holding a batarang as he says this).

Bruce tried to complain about it to Dick but he laughed so hard, he gave up. Dick thinks Jason is hilarious and after making sure he isn't dangerous helps him get into the manor. (Alfred won't say it out loud but he also clearly finds the kid funny so he let it happen)

Bruce eventually has a thought of "oh He's just looking for a family! I should adopt him!" And asks Jason if he wants to be officially adopted. Jay laughs in his face and throws a pillow at him. Bruce realises he was wrong.

He doesn't die, just goes out of town for a month or two to visit a friend and B immediately goes "all of my stuff is here wtf where'd Jay go?" and after looking around gotham he comes to the conclusion that he's dead. He tells Dick and Alfred that Jason died in an 'I'm absolutely certain' way so they assumed he double checked and didn't just overreact to a few weeks of absence.

Everyone was shocked next time he came to the manor (including Jason because he didn't think they'd care that much and didn't realize that B would assume he was dead) and it's just

"Jason?!? I thought you died!?"

"I was literally just at Roy's house?? Did you not think to check before assuming I died???"

Everyone is incredibly happy, Jason is just confused (and kind of flattered)

The other kids still show up, Tim came over to be B's fill in for Jason like a week before he came back and became a hero a few months after Jay came back. (They don't fight in this au because Jay didn't consider himself Bruce's son and neither of them were robin)

Damian is very concerned about the random dude that drops in and out of the manor (stealing random shit every time, from mugs and snacks to an entire TV) but B and Dick just go "nah he's basically family dw" like no that's our random theif.

Do you see my vision? I've been thinking about it for like an hour and finally decided to just post it. If this is a thing or if someone writes a fanfic or smth pls show me

tim: i’m a seventeen year old CEO of course i do drugs sometimes

bruce: tim i cannot describe how disappointed—

alfred: very hypocritical of you, master bruce. considering at 17 you and that harvey dent were running lines at that boarding school when you thought i wouldn’t find out

bruce: … carry on then…

This is something I want for my children (if I were to have any in the future) I knew nothing about the wonderful, extraordinary, intelligent women that have done so much for this world, when I was growing up. Hell I hardly know now. I love that you have done this to try and make the change that should be happening. Thank you, you are so brilliant @humblefryingpan and I appreciate you.

(I made a speech and rlly messed it up so I'm putting it on here. It's basically about cool women being left out in history/school curriculums)

Historical Acknowledgement of Women

By @humblefryingpan

Good [morning/afternoon] and thank you for coming to listen. I have brought you here to talk about the absence of female lives, achievements and inventions from the school curriculum.

Over the course of history, women have been valued less than men. Even now, while we’re much closer to equality than ever before, women continue to be forgotten and undervalued. This is a huge problem for multiple reasons.

Firstly, we are receiving a tainted version of the past that changes key information. A common example of this would be Rosalind Franklin’s discovery of the double-helix DNA structure being credited to Watson and Crick. Instead of teaching us about Franklin, exam boards focus on the people who stole her work. While this fact is becoming more recognised lately, it is still not on school curriculums. Plus, in standardised tests, she will not be mentioned in any question about her discovery.

And secondly, the presence of women in history is important because children and teenagers often look to historical figures for inspiration. This can shape lives and change how kids see the world and for women there is an extremely limited choice of role models.

When I was a child, I idolised Marie Curie because she was one of the only women I had heard of that invented something. I don’t want to be a scientist, but there weren’t many female achievements that would be known to children. I knew of a few artists, because of my family. I knew some authors, because I liked to read. But most of these women were women I had found outside of school, I hadn’t actually been taught about them.

People try to make science more appealing to young girls. People think that if there is a problem, it’s that women don’t want to do science. People think that because you never hear about female scientists’ discoveries, but this isn’t because women don’t want to be scientists, its because when they are, they might as well be invisible.

Without the internet would you know that without the actress Hedy Lamarr inventing frequency hopping during World War two, we wouldn’t have Wi-Fi, GPS or Bluetooth? Her invention is currently valued at around $30 billion but she didn’t get paid anything for her patent. We never learn about her despite the fact she changed how the world currently runs. Without women we wouldn’t have dishwashers, circular saws, car heaters, lifeboats, windscreen wipers or even home security. And most people don’t know about any of those women.

Women’s work gets credited to men. And when it isn’t, it doesn’t get recognised at all. There are women who have done incredible things, invented things that changed the world, done things that saved thousands of lives. But nobody knows who they are. A study has shown that women in science are 13% less likely than men to receive authorship credit for their work. Additionally, women are 59% less likely to be named on patents, even when they work on the same projects.

During the second world war a woman called Irena Sendler worked in the Warsaw ghetto so that she could sneak children and infants out in burlap sacks. She was able to save over 2500 children before the Nazis caught and severely injured her. She had kept the names of every single child in a jar buried under a tree in her backyard, and after the war she located all the parents that had survived, the other kids being placed in foster homes or getting adopted.

In 2007, Sendler was nominated to win the Nobel Peace Prize but lost to a man named Al Gore who created a slideshow on global warming. Without her risking her life and safety, all those children would have been killed but she still got less recognition than a man’s slideshow.

Women have always been doing things as remarkable as men have, but we only ever learn about the male side of the past. When we learn what women’s roles were, we learn about housewives and mothers and while these are also valued lifestyles, we don’t get the full truth of what women have been doing since.

If we only knew the women we learnt about in school, we’d probably believe they never left the house. That they weren’t as clever, weren’t as brave, weren’t as interesting as men and that isn’t true. Women have always been working as hard as men do and when people say they were working ‘behind the scenes’ it is simply because historians pointed the cameras away from them.

Women deserve to learn about other women. Everyone deserves to see somebody like them that is presented the way men got presented. More female achievements need to appear on the school curriculum. Thank you for listening.

Been on motorcycle tiktok… thinking about these two f-ing around on their motorcycles…

—

Duke: There’s a cop

Jason: Just drive away it’s fine

Duke: No s*** I’m already on the other side of the city

—

Bruce: We’re on the same side of the police, even if they’re corrupt we’re all for justice

Duke, a Robin during the Robin War, a motorcyclist, and a black teenager: Uh huh. Of course

—

Dick: There’s a motorcyclist going 200 in Crime Alley

Jason: Damn, that’s me

Dick: Sick, do a wheelie