Choppedlambchops - Lamb Chops

So goddamn sweet, I want my boyfriend to be like this!!!

Your Missus coming home after another night out with the boys.

Kyle and Johnny had taken Simon out again. Good lot, those two. He needed it, desperately so in your opinion.

So when he came home in the wee hours of the morning, pissed beyond belief, so much so that Kyle and Johnny were practically holding him up, well...

You figured Simon didn't know where he was. He'd taken one good look at you, or rather through you if his blurry gaze was any indication, and slurred out, "...'m sorry, luv, but I'm a taken missus."

Yes. Yes, you are, Simon.

You helped the boys get him situated. Simon refused to leave the couch, though. You made Johnny and Kyle crash in the spare bedroom and busied yourself helping your husband out of his clothes. His back would be an outright bitch in the morning. You can't say you didn't warn him. "Yer a good one, mate," Simon slurred as he sluggishly helped you take his shoes off, "Jus' like muh missus."

"That so? What's your missus like?" If you can't beat him, join him.

"Bes' fuckin' thing," he started, burping before laying down on his back. Simon looked at the ceiling, eyes half-lidded, fighting sleep yet two seconds from passing out, "Made o'good stuff, lovin' a bastard like me..." Your heart swelled with love, pride, and a little sorrow. You'll make sure to triple the amount of kisses you give him. After his hangover, that is.

"Yer made o'good stuff, too, mate," he trailed off sleepily, "Gonna get a'good missus like mine..."

"And what if I already have him?" You asked as you draped a blanket over Simon. "...Lucky bloke, then. Kick his ass if he doesn't see it..."

Will do, Simon. Will do.

And when your husband woke up the next day, his back an outright bitch, head throbbing, and cursing Kyle and Johnny to high heaven, you recounted every single word he said.

He hasn't lived it down since.

My boyfriend makes fun of me because I can't hear without them... IT'S A REAL PROBLEM DAVID OTHERS HAVE TO DEAL WITH TOO, I'M NOT OLD, I SWEAR!

tim: i’m a seventeen year old CEO of course i do drugs sometimes

bruce: tim i cannot describe how disappointed—

alfred: very hypocritical of you, master bruce. considering at 17 you and that harvey dent were running lines at that boarding school when you thought i wouldn’t find out

bruce: … carry on then…

the real reason howl kept his castle moving was tax evasion

See y'all soon I guess (my phone's on 3% and tumblr won't work on my laptop for some reason)

Price is so over it

I want to die in Gaza. I'm not very interested in my life, but please don't let me see my sisters and brothers die in front of me. Please help us evacuate them from Gaza. There isn't much money left to evacuate them. Please donate and share the campaign..

gofundme.com

Donate to Save Maliha family: Urgent Evacuation Fund, organized by Dina Maliha

Hello, I am Nora Maliha from the devastated Gaza Strip. I am 24 years old, stud… Dina Maliha needs your support for Save Maliha family: Urge

I hate when people basically cliff notes the Bible and claim to be Christian. Do I think that you need to read the whole thing back to back to believe? No but damn does it fucking help.

I saw a woman at a Trump rally say that she would welcome Jesus if he came into the country legally.

Jesus. Christ.

The Messiah.

The Son of God.

The Anchor Baby of Bethlehem 💀

Also I do not care if you don’t believe in anything or anyone. But to claim “hey I’m part of this faith” and then be like, “I’m only welcoming my god if he gets a fucking green card” is fucking WILD.